Friday, February 12, 2010

Found On The Internet - How To Suck A Dick

Found On The Internet - How To Suck A Dick

I found this "how to" guide pretty funny. Funny in the sense that it's so absurd that this thing is even in existence. Considering the title of this blog, I would very much classify it as "Odd", and considering we're nearing on Valentines day, perhaps this is of help to some of you ladies. I mean, let's face it, a guy is going to spend 10x the normal amount on flowers, take you on a pre-fixed meal that is going to run at least 3x's as much as taking you out on a normal day and get you chocolate that somehow has a higher mark up this weekend as well as Halloween weekend. Strange how the chocolates market fluctuates like that.

Not to mention how much a Valentines card from Hallmark somehow goes up in price. Same paper, same stupid saying on the card. Maybe it's because it's on RED card stock. Yeah, that may be it. So the least you can do after he foolishly buys you crotchless panties, thinking that you were a hooker in a past life, is to indulge and give him at least a little satisfaction.

Don't know how? Well then, you're in luck. I seem to have stumbled across a handy "How To" guide that will teach you everything you ever wanted to know about blow jobs. I'm sure if you're a modern day high school student, you don't need any of this. You can skip ahead to the next chapter that involves playing that rainbow lipstick game....

For the rest of you, enjoy this really strange guide and I'll be putting in my two cents with text that look like this.

How To Suck A Dick.




Lesson One

Let's talk about the "basic penis." I regard oral sex as the highest form of expression of love that can be exchanged between two people. Hopefully this information will help you to break down any barriers which you might have that would prevent you from expressing your love in this way and from receiving a reciprocation from your male companion.

First things first, LOOK at the cock. I do not mean a cursory glance not a hurried, surreptitious examination. Take enough time that you convince your companion that some kind of treat is in store for him provided he will allow you to do with him, and particularly with his cock, exactly what you want.

Place him flat on his back on your bed, in a well lighted room. Take his cock in your hand and LOOK at it. He probably will not have the will power to stay soft, but then again you are worshiping his very essence. Few men can stay soft under these circumstances, when it is apparent that the person LOOKING at his cock is worshiping

note: This person really gets off on the other person LOOKING at their cock, don't they?

When you first start to touch him his cock will become hard and be in a state where your examination will be meaningful. Wouldn't it be nice if going to the doctor for an examination was as enriching?



The cock must be hard if you are to be able to note the important parts-those parts sensitive to stimulation by your lips and tongue.

The first thing you will note is whether or not he is circumcised. Circumcision is not universally practiced: there are advantages and disadvantages to penises in both conditions from the standpoint of providing oral caresses that bring the highest kind of delight to your man.

Next take a close look at the shaft of the penis itself. There is a bulbous part of the organ near the outer end slightly larger in diameter than the shaft, which is often called the head. Technically this is the glans penis (comes from the Latin glans which means acorn. Look at it closely; does kind of look like an acorn, doesn't it?)

Good to get a Latin lesson in the middle of how to suck down a cock...

The outside perimeter of the glans penis is the corona. This joins the head to the shaft. This is the most sensitive spot on the penis. It is toward this ridge that you will direct most of your attention when you are giving head. Follow this ridge around to the underside of the penis. You know that I like to call it the underbelly. I am particularly fond of the underbelly!

You will notice a point of juncture where the two ends of this irregular circle come together. If your partner is not circumcised, this will also be the point where the foreskin is attached. This tiny area is easily the most sensitive spot on his entire body, and it is possible to bring your partner to climax simply by gently tapping the tip of your tongue directly on it. Spend time caressing the glans and those areas immediately surrounding it.

Beneath the glans is the shaft of the penis. The shaft does not have many nerve endings and does not, therefore, provide a man with any high degree of stimulation when caressed either manually or with your tongue to the exclusion of the glans penis itself. It always amazes me to note the number of confirmed cocksuckers who believe that sucking up and down on the shaft will get the guy off. That's not it folks! If it works it is because the back of your throat is playing tricks on his glans penis. Your throat is giving head to his head!

I'm sorry, but the shaft shouldn't get the shaft. Don't listen to this moron, the shaft can be very fun to play with..

Beneath the shaft are the testicles (balls, jewels, call them what you like, but let's not ignore their significance). The testicles are extremely sensitive to pain and are not usually considered subject to erotic stimulation to any particular degree. Not true! You can add a high degree of pleasure for him by paying the right kind of attention to the balls!

Now lets go back to the shaft of the matter. The opening in the tip of the glans penis is the meatus. Here is where the cum spurts. (I could have said semen is ejaculated but I did not want to sound too professional).

Oh no, cock sucking guru, wouldn't want you to actually sound professional... HA!

There are other parts of a man's body which respond with alacrity to oral stimulation.




Many men are particularly sensitive around the nipples. The first time I kissed my partner's nipples he shot before I had the chance to even get near his cock. While I have not been able to duplicate this in the laboratory setting (he hates to go near the lab with me) my partner still gets extremely turned on by my lingual nipple caresses.

So LOOK at your partner's penis. Study it. Learn its areas of special sensitivity completely and be ready to apply your knowledge to his body with your tongue and with your lips when you bend your loving head over his cock. There is nothing that you can do which more clearly shows your love for him than the worship you can provide his cock!

This is the end of lesson one. There will be a pop quiz... Ok, there's going to be a pop something.

LESSON TWO

The sad fact is that most people, men and women, do not have the slightest idea of how to suck cock. Most seem to think that simply by making a cunt of their mouth, closing it around a man's penis, and bobbing their heads lustily up and down until he climaxes automatically makes them expert cocksuckers. Au contraire!

Sucking cock.. serious business!

Consummate skill is required to suck a man's cock and provide him with the highest degree of pleasure possible. When I first started my quest I really had no one to turn to for advise and counsel. It was all hunt and suck. Hunt and suck. Find that one technique that could and would set him on fire! I had to learn from my experiences and while I would not want to deny you the innate pleasure that these experiences will bring I would hate to see you lose a great companion because of your inexperience and lack of expertise.

Let's assume that you have taken that opportunity to LOOK at his penis. To explore each area of the penis to find the most sensitive parts. That you have gotten beyond "Parts is parts" and recognize that some parts are more equal than others.

I know whenever I have a new lover I go "LOOK AT MY PENIS! LOOOOOOOK AT IT!!!!

In order for you to observe your man's reactions and get the most information possible about his responses try the following:

While his erect penis points toward the ceiling, cup his balls in one hand and gently, using only your tongue, lick softly, but carefully along the entire underside of his erect organ. As you suck along the underbelly you will learn those areas that give him the greatest pleasure when your tongue is touching them. Unless he is made of stone, your partner will provide you with vivid clues as to which areas are most pleasurable.

As you discover these areas of enhanced pleasure concentrate on them. For most men the most sensitive area will be the point where the ring (or corona) of the head and the foreskin are attached. Or were attached prior to his circumcision. By continued licking and tapping along this area with your tongue you are going to bring forth a geyser. If you are not skilled and you want to please him in a hurry I suggest that you get him off in this manner in order to become familiar at first hand with the nature and delight of his climax.

As he is getting ready for climax you will note changes in his penis. These signs will be the same every time he climaxes so that you can prepare for his cum properly. The head of the cock may swell somewhat larger then it is during the normal course of his erection. He may thrust his hips forward as he wants to send his body hurtling out his cock with his cum. And for most men, immediately prior to the cum, there will appear at the tiny, lovely lips at the tip of the cock a clear drop or two of fluid. When you see this or feel the opening at the meateus through his condom you know that the moment of truth is at hand. Launch the torpedoes, full cum ahead!

You know. There was so much in that paragraph alone that I could have had fun with. I mean, thrusting your hips like you want to send them out with your cum? I do think that's a bit hard to swallow. BOOOOYAH!

Where should you be when you are sucking his cock? Between his legs, on top of him, in a sixty nine position? Where? Because of the structure of his penis, as well as the structure of your mouth, lips, tongue, and teeth, you can provide the highest degree of sensation to yourself and your partner by kneeling between his legs and approaching his cock from the bottom rather than from the side or the top. Don't believe me? Try the various positions (I describe in later chapters techniques to be used with each position). See what works best for you and your partner.


LESSON THREE

Place his stiff cock inside your mouth but do not tighten your lips around the shaft. With your head begin a circle motion. The cock will slide to different places in your mouth as you continue the circle motion. Watch your teeth on this one. A kneeling position will suffice but it is also effective when your partner is on his back and your head is directly over his cock. The circle should be executed in both clockwise and counterclockwise motions in a slow purposeful manner. I found many guys in New York who seem to prefer this technique above all others. I met one guy who could circle a cock for hours and I found myself having multiple orgasms while his mouth circled my cock. I didn't lose my hard-on after each cum. When the technique is performed correctly it means many hours of unadulterated pleasure.

ah, if this article didn't have too much info.. this part had it all.

LESSON FOUR

With your man sitting in an elevated position and you on your knees in front of him lift his hard cock to reveal his balls. With your tongue find the underside of his balls. Now, while resting his balls on your wet tongue, lick in an upward motion to the very tip of his cock. It is permissible to use your hands in this technique. It is bettor to do this technique several times in succession-like licking a lollipop or ice cream cone. I grew up down south. One thing about southern boys: we learn early how to get if off quickly when the need is there. And the lollipop lick is the one technique in this book which few men can tolerate for long periods of time without cumming.

LESSON FIVE

Right now lets discuss a technique that is probably the most common cocksucking technique in the world. Take his cock in your mouth but not deeply. We will get to deep throating later on. It's great, not over-rated, but if you want to be an expert at deep throat start with the right techniques and work your way down, so to speak.

Oh, glad to know that we're getting to deep throating later...

Take his cock in your mouth by sliding your moistened tongue lovingly over the head until your lips close around the shaft at the point just behind the corona. Don't just open your mouth and close it around his cock. Slide it in. He will enjoy it much more. Encase the shaft of his penis with your hand. Remember the shaft is relatively insensitive to any kind of stimulation. By enclosing his penis with your hand you give him the sensation of having his penis encased.

Now you have several options. Try twisting your head from side to side making sure your moist lips stay in contact with the coronal ridge. While doing this gently move your hand up and down the shaft. When he climaxes he may want to push your head further down the shaft of his penis. He wants to envelop you with his cock. As you are learning his climax you will miss the fine points if you deep throat at this time. Instead gently suck around the corona as he climaxes so that you can intensify his pleasure and increase the force of his orgasm.

As you gain more experience you will be able to tell exactly when his climax is approaching and you will be ready for that initial spurt out the rubber.

See, practice does make perfect!

LESSON SIX

There is one further refinement to this basic technique which will heighten his orgasm. If you place your thumb at the very base of the penis in such a way as to block the tube through which the cum spurts, the semen cannot escape even though he is spasming and going through the reflex action of ejaculating semen.

If at the same time you suck vigorously on the head of his cock you can delay his cum for several long moments. When you finally allow the cum to spurt it will last much longer and be just as intense as a result. Even though you delay the cum for only a few short moments you will be surprised by the intensity of his cum.

These techniques are the basis of cocksucking. Do not go beyond them until you have become an expert, not only in the techniques themselves, but also in the reading and interpreting of your partner's responses to such a point that you know exactly how he is getting off on what you are doing. When you have reached this point, you are ready for the more subtle, more advanced techniques.

Don't be so slavish that you miss out on the fun of self discovery. Find out what works for you and for your partner and make your cocksucking as individual as your signature. After all, you want your man to pick you out in the dark among hundred slobbering cocksuckers.

LESSON SEVEN

One of the first things you encountered when you first started to suck cock was a gag reflex. Most men seem to want to force their cocks down your throat as far as they can get it. Particularly at the moment when they cum!

Consider for a moment that the average length of your oral cavity is three to three and a half inches while the average Caucasian cock length is five to five and a half inches. The laws of nature would seem to dictate that getting all that cock into your mouth is an impossibility.

See, this is why the whole deep throating is just an urban legend. Unless you want to choke on a cock. Frankly, I can't get off unless I know my partner is inches (HA!) away from death.

It can be done. You probably know someone who can do it and that is why you purchased this book to begin with. It is possible to master the necessary technique. I don't want to be boring, but if you understand your anatomy you will begin to understand the requirements that allow you to take his hard cock into your mouth and down your throat. The biggest obstacle to taking all of his cock down your throat is the fact that there is a bend of almost ninety degrees behind your tongue leading down into your throat. So the first thing to do is get the cock past that angle.

Get past the angle of the dangle!

In order to practice this, get in a position where you can turn your head in such a way that your mouth and throat lie almost in a straight line. The best position to accomplish this is to lie on a bed so that your head is near the edge with your body sprawled across the bed so that your head is tipped sharply back. This position will put your mouth and throat nearly in a line and will allow your partner to approach you in such a way that insertion of his cock can be made so deeply that his pubic hair presses against your lips.

You can practice this by swallowing swords.



LESSON EIGHT

Today we will practice mastering physical reaction that must be alleviated before the art of deep penetration can fully be enjoyed. The natural tendency of the body to gag when a foreign object such as a deeply thrusting cock being forced down your throat. You can overcome this tendency by completely relaxing your throat at moment the insertion is made. It is equally important that you maintain this relaxation during the entire deep throating.

Let him put his cock down your throat and hold it still while you find the most comfortable way to proceed. Because of your position you will not be able to move or to offer him any greater stimulation than simply keeping your mouth tightly closed around his throbbing cock. If you are able try to stimulate his underbelly with your tongue, do it!

Yes, you clearly can't ignore the underbelly of a cock. It needs loving also.

You will only be able to relax and take his cock in this way if you completely thrust your partner. Your partner is in full control. He must initiate and maintain all the motion. This is the only exercise in which you relinquish your control of the situation to your partner. He will relish this for the simple fact that for the first time he can insert his cock as deeply down your throat as he wants to. Now your partner begins an in and out movement that is just like fucking. He should start slowly, especially if this is a completely new experience for the two of you. After all if he hurts you he cuts himself off from one of the great pleasures in life. His only other requirement during this exercise is to keep the motion in the same direction throughout this oral exercise as there is simply no leeway for him to vary the motion from side to side.



One other word of caution.

Don't let your partner get carried away at the moment he starts to cum. At that spectacular moment he will be able for the first time to thrust his cock all the way inside your oral cavity and that is the most important lesson of this exercise! His only other requirement during the exercise is to keep the motion in the same against your lips as he cums. Because of your position in bed you will not be faced with the problem of swallowing his cum. And this is not just because he has a condom on his dick. The reason is because he has gotten his cock BEYOND your gag reflex! Without the rubber his cum would shoot directly into your stomach! If both you and your partner understand what it is that you are trying to do as well as the possible problems that may "cum" up along the way no harm or discomfort will happen to either of you.

It is possible that not everyone will learn the "deep throat" technique but this inability does not make you any less a cocksucker. You must allow your throat to relax completely while your partner is thrusting his cock this deeply down your throat. To do this long enough for your partner to completely get it off is very difficult and may require practice beyond this day. It may be that you will be able to take your partner completely down your throat, but you will not be able to maintain proper relaxation of your throat to until he shoots his load. Hopefully your partner will understand that this is not a rejection of him or of what he is offering you, and it is my sincere desire that you not stop here and think that you will never master the "deep throat" technique.

Is it possible not to learn deep throating? I suppose. But come on, it's not algebra. Get to studying by hitting.. that book? I dunno.

Continue to practice this lesson. I know couples who have devoted ten months to this lesson alone. Continue to practice this technique because your practice will allow you to take his cock deeper into your throat each time and for longer periods of time. Ultimately you will succeed. If you have the desire you will get this one down pat!


Ha! That's utterly awesome. One couple devoted ten months to this lesson. See, they were committed to learning, god damn it! You don't find that sort of deDICKation in everyone now a days! NO PAIN, NO GAIN! Oh man, this is comedy and if you don't think so, then you're just stuck up. But not sucking down. Bazinga!

Hope you enjoyed this re-broadcast of such an absurd online "How To" guide. Maybe you actually took some pointers from this and will apply them to your loving boyfriend this weekend. It can't hurt, can it?

And if need any sort of tutoring, here's this youtube how to guide for it..

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