Monday, November 16, 2020

HOW I FELL OUT OF LOVE WITH BATMAN

HOW I FELL OUT OF LOVE WITH BATMAN


As a kid I had superman underwear, superman cape, superman pants and felt like the sky was the limit. I then changed my stance and realized I was only a man and thought Batman was the coolest. Why wouldn't he be? He's a detective at his core. And depending on the writer, they would have him with a "made" family with Robin, Nightwing, Batgirl, etc. For being a loner and isolationist, he sure was on a lot of teams like the Outsiders as well as Justice League of America and Justice League international.  The dude had a lot of friends for the trauma he had endured and the whole death of his family.

Then writers started giving him a lot of toys. I mean, a lot of them. A bat-everything for the occasion. The 60's gave him even Bat-shark-repelent in his tool kit. In the event that he ran into sharks fighting crime in the city.  I didn't balk at that. In fact, it was starting to feel like it was just all too perfect. He's not superman, or the flash. or even aquaman, who if we're being honest would have handled that shark situation a whole lot better. At the very least not have to resort to repellent of some kind to pollute the ocean with.

The reality is I can never be Batman. In fact, he's as unattainable as trying to be like Superman.  Batman depends entirely on the super power of being super rich. And yeah, it's not even really self made. He got it when Mom and Dad were iced on the street.  The writing of the story wants to make you feel like he went away and turned down all the luxuries of being rich to become the fighter he is, but without that money, he would have never been afforded the chance to learn or travel. He's not built up on his own. He's entirely owned by special interest. His super power and origin isn't his parent's death, it's the side of his inheritance. Otherwise he'd be some poor orphan who just gets lost in the broken system.  They even tried to answer this by bringing in Dick Grayson. Who was an oprhan because his traveling circus performing parents weren't super rich.  But even that falls short because Batman, with the power of money, just saves him. One kid out of the whole lot is nice, but it's also just one kid.

Let's talk about his rogue's gallery. They're made up of a bunch of mentally unstable people. For a while it seemed like Arkham Asylum is a place that would tackle their illness. But it seems like it's run like any other government institution and rampant escapes and even making the criminals far worse is a common practice. Hell, Joker was able to create more super villain in there by creating Harley.  So it's really not doing its job as an Asylum for rehabilitation.  And having a masked Bat run around the streets under the concept of justice just brings out more of the insane to come out and meet him toe to toe.

Really makes you think how effective or even productive Batman is. But hey, he can show off some really neat and crazy concept toys that he, much like Iron Man, have the situation where they are selling the new inventions to government contracts  - which just creates more villains due to government overreach.  In all, this whole crime fighter thing really doesn't sound like it's helpful to anyone other than the hero complex that Batman is addicted to.

I'm pretty sure that if Batman, as Bruce Wayne, just paid a higher tax rate and still remain filthy fucking rich, would do far more for the city than any of his night time antics. At the very least he wouldn't have to deal with getting so many scars and he'd not cause so much damage to the city.  

Oh well.   Fuck batman


Friday, November 13, 2020

 THE GRIFT KEEPS GOING


Listen, now that the electoral college and the popular vote has gone to President Elect Joe Biden, I feel like I can easily talk shit on Donald Drumpf. Especially because he continues to refuse to concede. Arizona was just officially called for Biden, so really, the fat lady has sung. There is no viable pathway for Drumpf to get to the required 270 to get anything. 

He Lost, Good day!   I say good day!

At least the reality of that should be sinking in. Just recently the law firm representing Donnie's fraud case in Philly has pulled out of representing him once the judge reminded them that filing baseless claims like this come with the backlash that they can and will be held accountable and fined without any proof, which, ultimately is the biggest issue with this whole case. There isn't any proof.  But is there?  Lt. Governor from Texas wants to believe so. So much that they currently have a 1 million dollar reward for any proof of voter fraud.  Which kind of tells you everything you need to know about the situation of not having any proof. 

The reality is that Donald is holding off on conceding because once you concede, you can't be shaking that tin cup for donations for a fund that claims it goes towards your legal defense fund. But in true Trump fashion, the devil is in the detail. And the detail in the fine print pretty much tell you everything you need to know. Specifically that 60% of any given contribution, up to $5,000, will go to Save America, a Trump PAC that will be used towards paying down his campaign debt or whatever the hell he wants. Then 40% will go towards the RNC. Which kind of tells you exactly why there's a list of republican law makers who will go along with this silly issue and allow Trump the ability to voice the biggest sore loser acts this nation has seen.  But unless you donate $8k, then the money is just going into the grifter's pocket.

The bigger implication in all this is that Trump is collecting money so he can still have a major hand in ruling that funding over Republican's success in the 2022 elections. Which, let's be honest, it may seem that trump's rule over the party is far from over despite clearly losing this election.

A side note.  If trump touts that his project Warp Speed helped Pfizer get to the 90% effective vaccine, Pfizer has stated it did not take money for the development of the vaccine. They didn't want to be beholden to the U.S.  Again, Trump is just his typical grifter style.



Tuesday, November 10, 2020

 IT'S OVER! IT'S FUCKING FINALLY OVER

 

Look, I know a lot of you are wondering why I, a comedic current affairs "writer" would have not been on here for a long time. I mean, hey, Trump must have provided a lot of material to make fun of, right?! The truth of the matter is he didn't. He was such an over the top ass fuck of a piece of shit administration that I didn't want to do any writing here.  Mainly because there was no way to top the batshit stuff that was somehow turned in to the daily reality. 

Look, how the fuck could I even come close to dreaming up the absurdity that the last four years was. Sure, every few months I would try to start this up and I got a few months in before just becoming crushingly depressed of trying to think of something far different than what the daily normal news feed was, that it just wasn't fun. 

For example, I wrote the most during the Obama years because, well, I'll be blunt, I actually voted for Hillary during that election because I'm a feminist at heart and wanted a woman to be President so badly to fucking finally break that stupid glass that has been there for so long, and when Obama's hope and change angle really felt like something I could write about, as it was a lot of lip service, as drone strikes were still happening.  Looking back at it now after four years of this cluster fuck of a piece of shit situation, I really should have enjoyed it a lot more than I did.  But hey, I did do a lot of accountability to the whole Obama administration. 

Still, I should have enjoyed all that good ol' days time. But what I'm trying to say here is that if you simply look back at the era of blog post I wrote of that time, I may have been a bit harder on Obama than I really should have. But then again, it wasn't a bad time, it was just a matter of me feeling like the "hope and change" aspect of his time wasn't as hopeful or much of a change from the previous Bush era. 

Anyhow, here we are. I mean, I don't even know what to say. I'm just so thrilled. I was literally dancing in the street on Saturday. Honking like crazy, just virtually COVID high fiving strangers because holy shit, FUCK YEAH! After four years of breathing deeply every morning, wondering what sort of cluster fuck damage report we have to look forward to due to an unstable moronic President. We can finally sleep well, knowing full well that an adult is in the room and will be taking control of the situation. Thank fucking whatever higher power you believe in.  What a goddamn relief. 

 I was so tired of worrying about the hate speech that he was spouting, the basic human rights that the people I care about will be at risk of losing next, the amount of money laundering into the private accounts of these fucking thieves.  Most of all, I am just so thrilled that I can brief with some hope for tomorrow. Sure, it showed that despite the past four years, 70 million people still decided to vote for that pile of shit. But just a few more were willing to finally get an adult in the white house and that, in itself, helps me breath a little bit more at ease. 

Thursday, June 18, 2020

NOT GREAT

NOT GREAT

I think that's about how to sum me up right now. I don't know why I have been feeling off. Like, all week so far and even last week it has been me completely out of sync with anything going on. Like when you go to catch something and you know you are in place for whatever it is that is falling. And then it falls past you slightly to the left a few inches.

Yeah, that has been me for about a week and a half now and I couldn't really tell why.  Like, for example, over the weekend I started hearing a noise in my car's front left tire. Like a small metal grinding. And I was worried. What now. Like the week couldn't get worse. In any event, I went to my very conspiracy theory mechanic to get it checked out on Monday and it wasn't a big deal. The metal plate that covers the brakes from rain got loose and was slightly grinding. He cut it out and that fixed that. I felt like I dodged a bullet...... Annnnnnd then the next morning I go to my car to see that very same side front tire completely flat.

FUCK!

But hey, small struggles. I put the donut on and proceeded to go get it replaced with a used tire. At the tire place a goddamn police chase literally was 4 feet in front of me. Like, what the fuck, life. I don't know what you're trying to tell me.  The next day when I was suppose to take my mom to the doctors to do a run down on her medication, the morning I woke up far earlier than I have for the last month, I get a call that it's just going to happen over the phone. That's cool, but they can't reach my mom so now I need to go and give her my phone, which is a solid 30 minute drive from me. I mean, I was suppose to go there anyway.  Turns out that doctor is moving to a different hospital and that's that for her medical professional. I'm now stressed about that, on top of being stressed that my sister, who lives in the same household as my mother but does nothing productive there for her is not taking corona virus lock down seriously.

Look, the point is my days have been filled with stress and I don't know when this bullshit is going to get any easier. Then worse, a lot of self doubt has really been coming up and biting me in the ass. Like, seriously in the worse way. June has always been a major hit to me. Last year around this time I had a mass amount of strays and indoor sanctuary cats get sick with who knows what and start dying off in a wave of shit. Then there's always the death of Anthony Bourdain that hits me hard and with Father's day this weekend... yeah, that one hits hard even though I have worked on my issues with my father for more than half a decade now.

To say I'm exhausted is an understatement. Last year I was able to go and do something to escape it all and took a road trip, that had its own levels of drama to it. But at least it felt good and it allowed me to touch on a lot of those Bourdain S.F. connections that I haven't touched on in a long time.

And touching back to the low self worth striking in my head. I don't know, it's just a really strange feeling. I know I'm an awesome guy, but fuck if my self worth right now in my mind is just super low. Like, I don't even see the value in hanging out with me right now because I just see myself as not an A-list headliner. Which really sucks and I don't have a clue how to deal with it. Other than to just tell myself shit like;

You can say all the right things and not get through to someone.  you can make all the right moves and not save a relationship. You can hit all the right spots and nobody gets off. Because life isn't about being right; life is about being real. And, rel might feel fucking wrong.

And that's what is life right now. feeling really fucking wrong. Really off. Like, there's very little to be excited about and we're half way through this year and I don't know what there is to look forward to. I try to plan things but they're just brushed off or even just put to the side. I get it, times are hard, but I'm just at a loss of what I can do to motive both others as well as myself.

I mean, this post isn't getting some great sum up. It is what it is and in the moment is just how I'm feeling. Sometimes you have to be comfortable to sit in that discomfort.

Friday, May 8, 2020

THE PLANTATION IS OVER

THE PLANTATION IS OVER 

Time to say your farewell to that ever controversial plantation. I'm talking about the Souplantation.  How in the ever living fuck they were allowed to have that name after the history that we have in our country, I don't know. Well, at least not in the south. Because no fucking company would be dumb as bricks to call themselves that in any place that is remotely in the south. No, they were called  Sweet Tomatoes outside of southern California, and the chain of all-you-can-eat buffet-style restaurants roamed the vast fields.  The first Souplantation opened in 1978 in San Diego, California, where the company was headquartered. 

But guess what, they're done. How the fuck do you think a buffet style place can survive in a post-covid19 world.  They really can't. In fact, say goodbye to any sort of buffet style place. Hometown Buffet. All the Vegas buffets. They're dead in the water. No one is going to trust them, nor is the company going to run that risk of liability on that shit. I mean, would you?  On top of that, the FDA was all not having that shiiiiiii.

The FDA had previously put out recommendations that included discontinuing self-serve stations, like self-serve beverages in fast food, but they specifically talked about salad bars and buffets,” said John Haywood, CEO of Garden Fresh. “The regulations are understandable, but unfortunately, it makes it very difficult to reopen. And I’m not sure the health departments are ever going to allow it.
“We could’ve overcome any other obstacle, and we’ve worked for eight weeks to overcome these intermittent financial challenges but it doesn’t work if we are not allowed to continue our model.”

So basically, the time of the self serve buffet are over. I mean, there's ways to get around it. Make it actual stations where you hand your plate over and someone at the place responsibly puts food on it, but that seems like it defeats the whole purpose of a buffet. A place were irresponsibility is key! How else am I going to drench my three leaves of a salad with ranch and blue cheese dressing?  These things are a must.  Or how else will I put a ton of one item on my plate far more than I'm even able to reasonably tackle. These things are what defeat you at your core. That attempt to make some sort of huge food record, only to face the grim reality that you aren't hardcore enough to eat this food.

YOU FAIL.

But there's other aspects. Apparently Souplantation was the home for a lot of the youth to go, who didn't have much income, but could survive with so many soup options while hanging out with friends. Where will those LatinX folks go? And yes, I used that sarcastically, because while I respect all sorts of gender nonbinary pronouns, I can't fucking get behind Latinx. That is a dumb fucking title and it's made worse because it's not like you even say the X as exis, you say it in stupid American. It's like the most fucked up "woke" word possible and let's just stop using it.

Back to the youth who grew up going there as their version of Denny's. Only, I have to say, it's better because at least with that it's a buffet and you aren't wasting some waitstaff's time by not ordering anything but coffee. You already paid for your flat fee of lukewarm corn chowder. No one gives a fuck if you're just wasting space at a table.

Souplantation didn't try to go for the PPP loans because, well, they're a chain of 97 locations. An on top of that, it would just be putting a bandaid on a gashing wound.  I kind of admire that about them. They didn't fuck around and grasp at straws. They saw the future and the writing on the wall. That buffet style service is pretty much an after thought. And even though five months ago these owners didn't know that the en was going to come so soon, they faced it with bravery and without fear enough to the point that they faced that execution saying nothing more than "bring it on".

I mean, when you think about it, you going to a buffet style salad and soup place was also staring the firing squad straight in the eyes and risking stomach issues and a long visit to the bathroom later that evening like a fucking man. Seriously, who ate at these places and didn't have a stomach that was made out of fucking iron and steel. Because luke warm soup that who knows how long has been sitting there or who knows what little kid before you put their hands straight into that pitri dish of potential contamination.  I mean, for reals, that's some nerves and fortitidue when you factor everything.

I wonder what Sizzler is going to do now? I mean, without that salad bar, you're just paying for a really crappy made plastic bag cooked steak. The all you can eat salad bar was what made that place. And when I think about it, it's really sad that a whole generation will grow up without the pleasure of putting way too many options on your plate and then immediately regretting all the life choices you just made. I'm serious, this was a lesson in life that needs to happen. Sure, all the items look so tempting on their own, but if you pile them up on a single plate you'll get some dessert options covered with salad dressing and your side salad is going to just be a complete mess..  Look, this is like taking an accounting class in highschool. The life lesson that even though you want everything, you often have to make a solid choice between what you really want and what you just sort of want. And if you don't make that choice and stick to it, then you're going to make a bloody mess of your plate and feel the pain in your stomach later.

It's the hard lessons and one more teacher of said knocks will no longer be around to give your stomach the cold shit talking it needs to see if it's man enough to handle this shit. Sometimes literally.

Anyhow, goodbye Souplantation, fucking seriously, how did you get away with that name for so goddamn long? That just doesn't seem right. 



Tuesday, April 28, 2020

ZIP-O

ZIP-OOOooooooooo


When I think back at my youth in the early 90's, I have to wonder...  why the fuck did I have to have a zippo lighter? It was one of those things that a lot of teens like myself had and I'm starting to wonder how that even happened.  We were in a technological era that they didn't have much of a purpose as fire was easily accessible. Shit, every gas station already had lighters for sale that were very cheap.

That's another thing. I didn't smoke. Ever. The closest thing I came to that was buying my punk friends cigarettes when I turned 18. I didn't have it in me to smoke tobacco or even pot. So again I ask, why the fuck did I have a zippo lighter?

It seemed to be a right of passage to adulthood. Or at least the road to it. If you can be trusted to carry fire making in your pocket, perhaps you can be trusted to do other adult like shit like vote or buy smokes. But not drink yet, that's clearly four years after you can buy cancer sticks.

Not like we were going to be in the woods stranded. Though, the more I think about it, I spent a lot of time in the woods as a teenager and I'm now wondering how I am still alive. The woods is where you would go to do some hoodrat shit. Like drink beer you somehow stole away from the adults or throw rocks at a giant clown-spider like thing.  Look, these things just happened. I can't really explain it.

But with a lighter you can start fire and save yourself. I mean, if you had the money to buy lighter fluid. I don't even know where the fuck I would buy lighter fluid now and I just found two zippo lighters recently. I have no functional use for these things other than to get it confiscated at a security check point. Because, really, after 9/11 everything changed and we can't be trusted with items that could potentially start a small manigable fire that can easily be put out.

Think back to the 80's movies you watched. Not many DON'T have a scene where the teenager starts the fire sprinklers with a zippo lighter just to get out of it.  Maybe that's why I wanted and eventually got one. To get out of classrooms in the most extreme ways.

Look, I don't know where this is going. It was just an observation on my useless ownership of a lighter when I really didn't know why I had one. By the time you get one you are of driving age and all those cars have a lighter. I mean, where else would your USB charging chord go? Oh man, I'm charging my phone right now and can't use the car lighter. If only I had a zippo lighter. 

Friday, April 24, 2020

WHO DESERVES THE BAILOUT

WHO DESERVES THE BAILOUT

Editorial note - i started writing this before the last bailout package was passed, and so a bit of this may be out of date, but don't worry, it's still my expressed opinions on the matter, which I'm sure you're all about reading because you're here on this website and I guess want to read the rantings of a mad man. So anyhow, let's take a step in the way back machine, will we?


It's no surprise, the layoffs are starting and they're starting fast. The economy can not withstand this pandemic situation. First you had bars and restaurants close. Which put out a whole sector of wait staff on the street.  The human dislocation is going to be nuts as we continue in the months to come. We are pretty much fucked for creating jobs for the next few months.

Fun fact. The past 10 years airlines had huge amounts of profits. They used a lot of the profits of those past 10 years on stock buy-backs so they can reap the most from their stocks. So when I read that the Airlines are seeking $50 billion in aid from the government due to the latest events in the world.... well, you have to think like me and wonder if that's a little unfair for them to shake that tin cup for a hand out before your average American gets some sort of stimulus in order to basically survive in this new normal that is modern post Covid19 crisis world.

The reality is that the trickle down economics model means that the average person barely making it by with some gig economy job, the latest in crisis basically cut that remaining thread and we're in recession 2.0. It's 2008 all over again. And if there's one thing that will help the stock market's crash into crazy lows, it's putting cash in the hands of the consumers. It really is the only way to help out the economy as a whole. Because man, we're in a fucked up place now.

So what do we do now? Because it's potentially going to be months of this.  I mean, the talk about giving every adult $1,000. Which, while it seems like it is helpful, seems woefully under the amount a downturn of the economy for months will need to help you get by. I have see and heard of a lot of job layoffs. Which is

We need a great new deal and it seems like what they are giving us is some corporate bail out. At the very least the Democrats were able to put wording in the bill that barred Trump from being able to pillage money from this in for his businesses.

Currently, as I write this, the gig economy is pretty much fucked. Which...  considering the last few years of growth and making up 1/3rd of the economy, just means that those who were barely making ends meet by taking up really rough jobs like Uber, Lyft drivers and what not.

The stimulus package is also based on your taxes from the past year or this one filing in 2019. So hey, if you had a good year last year, you probably wouldn't get much help here. Also, if you don't qualify for filing for taxes, since you make too little, like many people on special needs do, then you don't get anything either, or at the very least it will be a pain in the ass to get anything. Which sort of defeats the point since those who need it the most aren't going to get it.

The unemployed benefits will be super sized, but that was a sticking point for many republicans because they falsely think that if you sweeten the sauce then folks won't go out and find a job, because it's not like having something to do on the daily gives your life any meaning. The stimulus, in whatever shape or form needs to have something to help student loans. Because no matter how much you throw at people, if they can't pay those debts that society has thrown on them, well, then whatever you try to give them will just be taken away again by debt collectors and that's the sad fact on life.


ANYHOW, Hello from the present. So that last bail out passed and even though it had a huge amount for small businesses, the very minor amount of them actually got anything. Instead places like Shake Shack and Ruth Chris and a fucking sushi conveyor belt place in Irvine got a shit ton of money while 90% of the actual small businesses in California didn't get shit.Worse off, those places that did get some had huge advantages than the goddamn bottle neck that any other small businesses had in going to banks to ask for those loans.  Ruth Chris applied for all its locations as did Shake Shack. And while they gave the money back after a slew of bad PR, the problem is that they applied. Something that will happen again now that they are throwing more money into that pot.

I honestly don't see myself ever going to another shake shack, though that's probably because their shakes were pure trash in every possible way, but because they fucked over a lot of other small businesses. And yes, the thing was written with a massive amount of stupid loopholes for them to get it, because again, the whole thing was so badly rushed that it was just a means to inject money in to the actual big businesses and there was no denying that shit.

But now you have half a trillion dollars more going to this pot that hopefully gets to the small businesses. Which I sort of doubt it does. I read a story where a cake/bakery place asked for 1.5 million to give all its shops fully employment and to keep their head above water and they got offered only 15 thousand in terms of a loan. Which means shit.

At the end of the day we're on the 24th of April. Rent and bills and accounts payable are due in another 6 days for these places for another month of forced closure and that shit is something that they need to get put together because small businesses aren't going to survive.  The whole point of a rescue bailout for an economic crisis is that you have to actually throw that safety net out before they hit the floor. And nothing that congress is doing is going to happen fast enough before the free falling company just flat out goes under. Before the unemployed worker just runs out of money and can't buy food or can't pay for rent. 

Currently Florida has only paid 17% of their unemployed claims. They get only a couple hundred bucks for being unemployed. The food lines are beyond crazy long. Lines and lines have formed to get that assistance.  Hawaii has 26% unemployed.  Michigan has a 24% unemployment rate. And really, this is just crazy how we created a country of job loss and no safety net to catch all these who are falling and falling hard.  This is the same reason why those jobs had folks going in every day despite being sick and passing on a sickness to their co-workers. Because if they stayed home, it just puts them behind the 8 ball to paying the bills.

Flat out, the social safety net needs to exist here and it doesn't. So who deserves a bail out?  These people. Because fuck all if I wonder if any of these folks will see a penny of this new stimulus bill within the next two months. By then you have to wonder if any of these folks will just be completely drowned by debt and food insecurity.

The short of it all is that the system is fucked and it's not going to get better and this bailout just doesn't do enough to help anyone survive till tomorrow and this depresses me to an extreme. We aren't all in this together. Some folks have it a lot easier. Some folks have it a lot harder and will not make it to the other side and we can't help that if we don't acknowledge that we are all battling on a different playing field.