Thursday, June 20, 2019

THAT'S NOT HOW YOU GET SPIDER POWERS, PETER PARKER

THAT'S NOT HOW YOU GET SPIDER POWERS, PETER PARKER  



A 21-year-old Australian tradesman has been bitten by a venomous spider on the penis for a second time.
The man was using a portable toilet on a Sydney building site on Tuesday, when he suffered a repeat of the incident five months ago.
Jordan, who preferred not to reveal his surname, said he was bitten on "pretty much the same spot" by the spider.
"I'm the most unlucky guy in the country at the moment," he told the BBC.
"I was sitting on the toilet doing my business and just felt the sting that I felt the first time.
"I was like 'I can't believe it's happened again.' I looked down and I've seen a few little legs come from around the rim"

He said that being bitten the first time had made him wary of using portable toilets."After the first time it happened I didn't really want to use one again," he said.
"Toilets got cleaned that day and I thought it was my opportunity to go use one. Had a look under both seats and then I sat down did my business. Next thing you know, I'm bent over in pain."


There is just so much to unpack in this news piece - First off, you're in Australia, everything wants to kill you. Going into an outdoor toilet, and I mean, I'm going to let my ignorance and jaded Hollywood view of Australia come out here, isn't every bathroom outdoors in "the outback"? Regardless, just assume when you go outside in Australia, things will want to kill you.

Jordan, who preferred not to reveal his surname, which, let's be honest here, wouldn't have mattered anyway because forever more you will be called 'Jordan, you know, that guy who likes to fuck spiders', yeah, I said it - Spider fucker and it's only justice that his dick got bit here. He had it coming. Stop trying to have unwanted sex with those 8 legged creatures.

So how do we even get to bite number 2? If I were to suffer an accidental bite from a spider, I know where I wouldn't be going back to do my business. But no, you see "He said that being bitten the first time had made him wary of using portable toilets, but since this one got cleaned that day, he thought it was my opportunity to go use one"

First off, no one thinks like that. Just admit it you Spider-fucker, you have a strange goddamn fetish. It would be a bit more normal if your fantasy was to just use clean fucking portable toilets, but it's not. People who just want to deflower an outside shitter don't end up getting bit in their penis two damn times. They have their own set of issues and I'm already writing a lot about a penis spider bite, so let me just finish (is probable a thing he said right before the spider bit him)

One of his colleagues took him from the worksite to the hospital, but there was something different in the whole situation a second time. "This time they were making jokes before I was getting in the car." What did you honestly expect? Even if they don't want to accept the dark reality that you have a fetish for spiders, they're not going to let the chance go to mock you about it go by as you get off the rest of the work day. Maybe you'd wise up from your forcing yourself on spiders ways and not end up leaving work a third time in the near future. Doubtful, because we all know what's going to happen in another two weeks, you're going to try to fuck yet another spider, Jordan. You can lie to us all you want, who you can't lie to is yourself.

The hospital declined to discuss the matter based on patient privacy, but we all know the real reason they didn't want to talk about it, I bet that fucker was trying to lure more spiders in the hospital into his kinky web of desire.

Or maybe there's something far more innocent here that I'm overlooking. It's not that the worksite crew is laughing at your plight of being dick bitten twice, it's the fact that you are getting off the time to go to the hospital. Look, Marcus pouring concrete over there has been biting 4 times by that asshole spider in the toilet, you don't see him fucking running to the doctor. How about you just take it like a champ and realize that bathroom's cost is you're going to get bitten. We could try to kill that spider, but he's part of the fucking Union to and has the same rights as you and me.

Then again, it's more than likely you're just a spider fucker, Jordan.

Wednesday, June 19, 2019

DEFUNCT TV - IT'S THE MUPPETS!

DEFUNCT TV - IT'S THE MUPPETS! 

Here's another segment about the history of Jim Henson and well, it's awesome. View it and get informed on how Jim Henson pulled all the muppets together.




Tuesday, June 18, 2019

GALAXY'S EDGE - LIGHTSABER BUILDING

GALAXY'S EDGE - LIGHTSABER BUILDING

While being to Star Wars Galaxy Edge a couple of times now, I still haven't done the lightsaber building. Mainly because I already have a couple of hilts and the whole glowing saber seems a bit too big for my liking of carrying around. Anyhow, here's the whole thing.



Which seems pretty impressive, but here I am just not caring about *my* own lightsaber and I'd rather just have one of the legacy sabers from the films.

Friday, June 14, 2019

DEFUNCT TV - SESAME STREET

DEFUNCT TV - SESAME STREET

So here's a second part to that Defunct TV Jim Henson special that is really well worth viewing.



 It's honestly a great educational aspect to learning the history and how we got to where we are now.

Thursday, June 13, 2019

DR. JOHN

DR. JOHN 

Dr. John, a New Orleans legend passed away. And man, I miss that place a lot. The last time I was there was in 2014 and I came back to my father passing away while I was mid flight. Honestly, I want to go back in the worst way. Probably won't happen till after Christmas, but I'm going to make it a thing because New Orleans, you are a home away from home that I love oh so much and Dr. John made it just that much more inviting.

Rest in Peace you amazing man.

Monday, June 10, 2019

DEFUNCT TV - THE JIM HENSON DOCUMENTARY

DEFUNCT TV - THE JIM HENSON DOCUMENTARY

I love Jim Henson's work. That's pretty much an understatement as his work made such an impression on me growing up. So hey, here's this first part of this documentary on him by Defunct TV, a youtube channel that seemed to focus on Disney videos, so this is awesome.


Friday, May 24, 2019

DISNEY'S ALADDIN

DISNEY'S ALADDIN 

I'm just going to start this off by saying I generally don't see the point of myself watching any live action Disney movie remake of their animated projects. Why? Because it was never really targeted to me, someone who watched the animated version when it was released.

This is just a way to reintroduce their property to a new generation in theaters and that's fine. What isn't fine is that these live actions feel like I just wasted time watching an inferior version of the film that I remember. Then again, that's mostly due to nostalgia and all that bullshit.

Let's get started with the critiquing. The Genie played by Will Smith is... I mean, it's sometimes alright and then it's sometimes just crosses the line of all human decency and makes you wonder what the fuck were they thinking. I do have history with the man as I was almost run over by him on the studio lot this one time. So clearly he has been trying to kill me in one way or another for a long time coming now.  So from hell's heart I stab at thy.

in mecca saudi arabia born and raised

in the desert is where I spent most of my days

wishing out, lamping, relaxing all cool

and rubbin' on the lamp up inside of the tomb

when a dude named iago was up to no good

started makin trouble in the kingdomhood

I granted one little wish and aladdin got scared

and said "no more wishing on the blue genie we got here"


Now the more that I think about it, this film isn't really bad enough to warrant any hate. It's just a by-the-numbers, overly focus-grouped, unncecessary Disney live-action remake of a better movie. Nothing really offensive happens. Nothing interesting happens as well. It's like going to see folks sing karaoke. Not really seeing the real thing, but you get the idea.  It's ultimately forgettable.

 I'm Javier and I'll see you in the isle!