Saturday, March 28, 2020

MARCH 28, 2020

MARCH 28, 2020

Today would have been my father's 70th birthday. I'm not sure what that means. Well, I kind of do. Since I was in my late teens and going through, well, when he passed away in 2014, the man would always take some elaborate vacation for about two weeks or so off to lands all over the place. European trips, trips to Mexico. Trips through the American heartland and East Coast. Fishing trips with "friends", which I never really thought he had friends. I mean, I later come to realize that those friends were his other life in terms of a mistress and then a mistress to a mistress.

The man was complicated. The point being, the dude wouldn't show the fuck back up into my world until the second weekend of April. Which was pretty convenient for the sake that my birthday is the first week of April. So growing up there was always a sort of  "Oh, we'll be gone for your birthday" mentality to it all. I mean, if I was a bit smarter I would probably have thrown a party at home. But by the time these stuff was happening, I wasn't really of that age anymore. More to the point, I was a fucking nerd. Who the fuck needs to throw a party?

I think one year I just had a couple of friends come over and have a LAN party. Oh man, some crazy shit happening there playing DOOM and Quake. Yuuup. Don't call the cops!  Anyhow, I got shit from that one because the neighbors said that there was more cars parked on the street.

The point being that my parents were typically gone for that time and the constant, and I mean constant by-line through it all in the years was  "Well, we'll do something when we get back for your birthday"  or  "We'll go out and get something to eat to celebrate your birthday"

Spoiler alert.  That actually never happened. For years my owed birthday outings were just forgotten through time. I really grew numb to it over the years. By the time they got back, they just sort of had to get on with life and it's always been a bit of a sore subject. Mainly because it basically just a constant reminder that I wasn't really top on that priority list.

And I guess I sound like a whiny little bitch right now. I'm not. I learned over the years to do shit on my own for my birthday. I didn't need someone else to praise me for surviving another year around this spinning earth. Some years were bad. Some years were okay. I sure know I fucking carried that sort of nonsense through so many relationships. Then again, that had something to do with the fact that I was told I was difficult to shop for. Which I honestly don't know how that is possible since I really don't ask for anything material more than just experiences and memories of the celebration. And I do have a bit of a downer attitude around the time, but I think it has a huge amount of issues with the whole hurt I have dealt with in the past more than anything.

I'm just vocalizing this. Or writing it out. I'm sure looking back at past post about this in this blog would show similar. I'm not much of a fan of a my birthday. Which, I guess means that this year isn't something I'm set up to properly handle in two weeks, which seems like why I'm writing this.

I'm turning 40. I was a complete piece of shit when I turned 30. I thought I was way over the hill, feeling like my accomplishments weren't all that great and well, not having much of a clue where I was heading in all that sort of direction. Ha. If I could see my 30's self again. I feel like a majority of it was wasted in a relationship where I didn't matter, in hindsight.

Originally I had planned for this birthday to be pretty amazing. I had a full week of fun activities that I had planned and lined up perfectly like a Lunar eclipse. Now my plans have completely been flushed down the drain and much like a lunar eclipse, it's not blocked by bigger things like a pandemic. I was going to go to Vegas for Viva Las Vegas, which is postponed till next year. I had tickets to a Transformers cover band. I had tiki plans and Wonder Con was that very weekend. Suffice to say, the whole week was going to be pretty packed and pretty amazing. Right now it's looking like.... that's not going to be anywhere near that. 

I'll be in isolation socially distancing, so I don't even know if I'll even see anyone. Which just seems rough on its own. I... well,  I'm not dead.  Shit, did I just jinx myself? Well, I'm not dead yet as of this writing, so I guess that's something to go on. But a lot of what I had hoped would be "my year".... yeah, that shit went out the window. I'm sort of laughing right now because otherwise I'd be in tears.

I just generally hate the "we'll do something later" mentality when it comes to my birthday because it's a huge triggering word. I explained above why. I just don't have faith in it anymore and when it's told to me... then, well, it just gives me flash backs and I don't know how to process it. A lot of bad memories and a lot of reinforced negatively with that. Yes, it's a nice thought.... but my day has come and gone plenty of times and I just don't want to hear it. If it's forgotten, then at least it's forgotten. But to be something that... well, is postponed or kicked down the road.  That hurts more than I'd care to express.

And I'll be 40.  This isn't the worse. I've embraced my age for a bit now after my long term relationship has fizzled. I thought this year would be the year that I kicked things off to high gear in terms of traveling. And honestly, I guess that still can very much happen later in the year with the insanely low rates that are happening with the airlines, but man, this pandemic is getting scary and I feel like a bit of a piece of shit selfishly thinking about my potentially forgotten birthday while the death count for COVID-19 is currently in the 1,600's and the risk and invisible killer is out there and I have no clue until 14 days from now if I have caught it in my last trip out buying groceries for myself or my mother. Even more conflicting is that in less than that countdown to see if I'm infected from today's outings, I'll be 40.

Yeah, this year isn't really the best and I'm wondering when the next shoes will drop and our world is far more of a stranger compared to what it should have been.


I guess, Happy Birthday, Pop. 


Tuesday, March 24, 2020

TRUMP CHECK

TRUMP CHECK

Remember how there were idiots who called the Obama phone program Obama phones? I guess we should get ready for them to roll out a new term. the Trump bail out is going to happen. The dollar amount, well, it's around 1k right for each American adult, though they're trying to cater that to those lower income because, yeah, it would be pointless to just give 1k to everyone if those who don't need it just sit on it.

The whole purpose of the money is simple, they give you the money so that you can spend it and generate more movement in the economy. You are basically using the government's money to try to better your situation and in turn, it betters the struggling business.

Which makes me ask one question - if every place is closed, laid off employees already and most of all, you can't go to any bars and restaurants are only to-go and have no wait staff...  Then who the fuck is this money going to go to? Most of all, how are you going to spend it if we're already in the level where things are shutting down because they haven't had the wheels greased.

You can't stimulate an economy if it's currently dead and workers aren't needed. Shit, I have a friend who is a theater manager and he's laid off for the foreseeable future. How is this check going to help him much other than to pay his rent. There's really a fatal flaw in this mythical magic bullet. No point in getting money if you can't spend it on anything.

We are, in the moment, a full on blown financial collapse. We are not even to the 2008 recession. We smoked past that and now we're straight up landing in the great depression.  Also, Payroll tax cuts mean shit if you don't collect a paycheck. So please, that's just Trump trying to dismantle "entitlements" next year with the excuse that there's money to pay for it since that is where your payroll taxes end up.

THE BACK OF THE BUS

THE BACK OF THE BUS 

The world is completely different now. I mean, after this massive COVID-19 Situation, it's a 9/11 all over again and I'm wondering if we can ever go back to the old world of being okay with standing less than six feet apart from one another. And we're certainly not through this situation currently anyway. We still have a lot of things to get through before that, despite what the moron holding pressers is mouthing off about.

I'm still confused on how the President could even think that "the cure isn't worse than the sickness" in terms of getting back to a functioning economy and pushing to roll back on the policies of safer inside/in place or whatever it's called in terms of trying to combat this corona virus situation.

I had thought that Los Angeles was on track to defying any potential of rolling back that, but then I see one crazy thing...  D.A.S.H. buses are still running on time, and more than that, they're running for free.

The Los Angeles Department of Transportation announced Monday that its DASH bus service will provide free rides on all its routes in response to the outbreak of the novel coronavirus.
Riders are asked to board buses from the back in order to maintain social distancing between drivers and themselves. The front door will remain available to people who use wheelchairs and need to access the ramp.


I get that people need to work, and many need them to get around in basic social life, but China beat this by one major factor, shutting everything fucking down. trains and buses are, for all intent and purpose, death traps.  COVID-19 breading grounds. If the folks in charge are chastising people going to the beach or parks with heavy traffic, then why the hell aren't you shutting these petri-dishes down at once?

Those who still need to work are more likely to go in to work regardless of their health status. And that's not their fault. It's the society that you built up. One where folks are so close to the edge and barely making it are forced to work healthy or sick. The complete lack of reform on paid sick leave and the fact that these jobs are often the bottom of the barrel and society has deemed them to be not worthy of decent pay regardless of this notion that they should still be doing it in the face of a global fucking pandemic, just shows that it's the system that failed all of us.

But I would not be caught dead in one of these buses. The amount of turn around by folks and germs should make sure that the bus driver is getting hazard pay. I'm goddamn serious. Why the hell would we keep running the metro subway or buses at all?

And you want to help those who don't have the means to get around?  Then make it so that they call a number and get supplies delivered to them on the city's dime. Do what China did. And I can't believe that I just typed that sentence. But fucking do it.  Deliver those supplies and give them a goddamn test. That's how we beat this. That's the only way we curb the outbreak. You grow a goddamn heart and help those that you, in spite of a fucking global pandemic, expect to go to work.

We crashed the economy for a good reason. To stop and preserve the future.  This concept of "well, we can make the buses free!" just makes me wonder if you want the poor to get sick and die off.

FUCK!

Okay, I'm just really upset by this.  It seems like a nice idea, but it's dirty. And I'm tired of the minorities getting the shit end of the stick. This screams plague blankets to the Native Americans.

There's better ways to help out those who need the help. But as it's clear in Washington, the concern is far more important for the damn CEO's and corporations than it will ever be for those who actually need a bail out and helping hand. With this notion that they just have to pick themselves up by their own bootstraps in a rigged system where they can't ever pray to have a leveled playing field.

Who is it that picks the fruits and veggies that you see still in grocery stores that are picked over. Who is it that helps stock those shelves over night, all night long, just so you can pick them clean in the morning.

So yeah, take that free bus ride filled with the toxic mix of who knows what germs that you have advised to stand 6 feet away from one another and do better.  You know you can.  And considering the way the system has treated them, they damn well deserve to be treated better.

Thursday, March 19, 2020

PAYROLL TAXES AND GLOBAL PANDEMIC

PAYROLL TAXES AND GLOBAL PANDEMIC

In a series of topics about the new recession, here's a lot of my thoughts on the latest situation given the global pandemic. They are pushing to do away with the payroll taxes for the rest of the year. The issue is that Payroll taxes are taxes that

So if they do away with payroll taxes, guess what, Medicare and social programs like social security suddenly will not be funded. Which makes it an easier target to cut "entitlement" programs.  Also, can we move away accepting the term "Entitlement programs". That makes it sound

Republican Sen.  Lamar Alexander blocked the attempt by Senate Democrats to require employers to provide paid 14 day paid sick leave during this situation. Which is a pretty big deal. It's actually the best indication of the class divide. In this gig heavy economy, many can't just take two weeks off to self-quarantine themselves. A lot of them are barely making ends meet in terms of paychecks.

If anything, the sign of the economical status is pretty clear who can and can't just not show up to work for a given amount of time. Which does make a world of a difference to containing the virus. If you're sick, you need to stay home. But because you can't afford it, you are then putting a lot of folks at risk.

What also seems like the case is that if they did move forward with this 14 day paid sick leave then the President's attempt to encourage congress to get rid of the payroll tax would have been a moot one. The issue there is that a 0% Payroll tax does something that fucks everyone over in the long haul.


The bigger issue is that a Payroll tax cut doesn't do anything for those who lose their jobs, have jobs canceled or just flat out can't go in to work because they're doing the right thing in self-quarantine themselves for two weeks. Because 0% of a paycheck you never get because you didn't work it still means you saved $0. Payroll tax cuts don't help those who don't have a job at all.

A whole lot of jobs got laid off in the last week and in the weeks to come, a whole lot more will happen. None of those will jobs and those people who are now unemployed will get any benefit from this whole thing. The only winners is the corporations. So I'd rather we not do that, but it's bound to happen and in another year or two when they argue that that social security  is so vastly under funded, it's because we got rid of the payroll taxes.

Wednesday, March 18, 2020

HALT RENT AT ONCE

HALT RENT AT ONCE

With COVID19 out there wrecking shit left and right, there has been a Change.org petition to hault rent, mortgage and utility bills. Here's the wording;
With the onset of COVID-19 in the United States, many thousands of workers have become temporarily displaced due to closures relating to the now global pandemic. A lot of workers who have been affected are gig workers and workers who rely on tips to earn an income. Nightclubs, theaters, bars, restaurants, and other destination-type venues are being hit the hardest right now, and most of us are wondering how we are going to pay rent, as we see the government passing legislation to bail out industries with our tax dollars. We need some assistance too!

I am proposing that the state of California institutes a hold on all rent and mortgage payments, payments for utilities, and put a moratorium on evictions until the threat of COVID-19 has been eradicated. It is simply unAmerican for us to live in fear of not being able to pay rent and to be evicted during a global pandemic that has been exacerbated by the inaction of our leaders in a country where we need to create gofundmes to subsidize our medical expenses.
Look, while I'm all for helping one another, this seems pretty broad and... well, not really based on reality. 

As both a renter and a landlord, I paid rent the other day to my landlord. I paid that rent in part with the rent that I got from my tenant on the property I own. If there was a solid hold on rent owed to your landlord, then... well, you can see that we're not all corporations and banks. 

Banks, as well, have been hit hard, especially with the lack of confidence in the markets, they need that money from their mortgage owners paying for them. This is the fault of capitalism. We have been pushed to the edge in the working class and the gig economy was basically that last thread holding folks away from the edge of complete poverty.

We knew this. We kept on saying this. A lot of small businesses will go under because of this. And yeah, it sucks you can't make rent because the economy just took a huge fall. The line about the gofundme's for medical help is comical. I mean, comical in the sense that go fund me's have been the go-to answer in our health care system for so many under employeed and those just barely making it.

It just goes to show that universal healthcare is a must and needs to happen. Which is why voting for Biden, in the short term, is the right thing, but not really doing much for progression since it puts us still on the corporate whipping boy status. Not as bad as how much Trump is corporations over people, but ya know, it's still the same sort of shit.

Anyhow, back to not paying rent.... I mean, we need to just take a moment and realize that the economy is fucked right now because commerce is on hold.  This is a key example about "trickle down economy"   Rich people still are hoarding the money, just like your average person is hoarding toilet paper. But they're not spending it. In fact, they're pulling it out of the stock market and putting it under a pillow. Flat out, this is exactly what is happening and because the rich aren't going out paying the wait staff, the parking attendants, the security guards...  so thus, there's no circulation of the currency.

You can't just say "well then, I guess we shouldn't be forced to pay rent."  Because that rent is someone else's life line at surviving in the given situation. Without that money, things don't move for them. Yeah, you can probably have the utilities services not get their bills, but how the fuck do you think they pay their employees? It's easier for the city to cut them some sort of check for the situation, but again, money needs to change hands from the top in order for the bottom to be able to survive. And ultimately that's what the problem with capitalism.

So the next time you talk shit about socialism, realize that there's just the same level of fucking problems when it comes to this consumerism capitalistic society. It is funny that when the chips fall and society is about the crumble, everyone is a fucking fan  of socialism despite 60 years of the U.S. talking shit about it.  This change petition is meaningless. Stop acting for a moratorium on your daily bills being due. The best that can happen is that you don't get your stuff turned off, but that just means that you're now behind the eight ball in the future in terms of your bills Because one way or another, they're going to get their money some how. 

So do you want to just dig that hole deeper? We're all financially insecure and putting your bills on hold doesn't help that. Fucking with the system and creating more class equality is the only way to right this ship because it's clear we're sinking as a whole. Those who are on the edge of poverty are just going to fall in further, those middle class will just be the next low income class.

This is pretty bleak, I know. It's tough times and being negative on this isn't the best, but we need to have some reality slapped into us. This is not the way. Breaking the chains. demanding far more income inequality is the only way. You being pissed some hoarding of toilet paper happens to completely gloss over that 1% is hoarding the majority of the wealth is the only way we change this shit.




Thursday, March 5, 2020

WHERE IS MY MIND?

WHERE IS MY MIND? 

I will fully admit, I was one of those 20 year old pieces of shit that, at the release of the film, I liked Fight Club and found it far more compelling for all the wrong reasons. I mean, I was one of those who would have been hooked line and sinker into the world of being a project mayhem space monkey ready to be shot into fucking space. Completely sold on this anti-Ikea catalog world ready to blow up shit and get Robert Palson killed doing stupid shit like vandalizing billboards with unhelpful advice like putting motor oil on your lawn.

I was that little shit, that was full on willing to accept that men shouldn't be the ideological visual representation of Brad Pitt 20 years ago, let alone full on wanting to be him 20 years later in such films like Once Upon A Time in Hollywood.  Yeah, is that really what a man looks like? Well, shit, of course it isn't. That's what a man looks like when he has nothing but time to train in a gym with four different trainers on a Hollywood film stipend to get him where the picture wants him to be.



I bought into the anti-capitalistic view point completely and well, am I really a better person for it today?  I'd say... yes. You see, I am Jack's sense of raging confusion. I loved that film, even though it had a sort of slap to the face message that really was a sort of mocking of all who ate into it.

Then we get to the ending. Wrapping it all up with the Pixies? Come on. That's some dirty pool. Completely unfair. I asked myself where is my mind once the credits came up so many times. And pushing this destructive anarchist sort of message and tying it off with the bow that is this concept of taking down the credit companies, creating a social collopse of all that keeps civilization sort of running in some sort of order?



Yeah - I fully ate up lines like "I look like you wanna look, I fuck like you wanna fuck, I am smart, capable, and most importantly, I'm free in all the ways that you are not."   And you know what, it's true. In Tyler we trust. I so wanted to be that. I wanted to have the freedom of not giving two shits and saying the shit he was spouting. Tyler spoke for me. And you know what, that's the beauty of that book and film. It really is. That it wanted you to be such a piece of shit toxic thing and fully embrace that part of yourself.

20 years later I can see how I am the person I am because of that film. The soundtrack was amazing by the dust brothers. The film pushed the anti-corporate consumerism bullshit message that I still struggle with today. The message in itself is still very relevant. So much so that USA made Mr. Robot, which the first season seemed like just a televised version of Fight Club.

But Project Mayhem, much like in Mr. Robot, was still there. And it was still just a bunch of fucking idiots trying to stick it to society that rejected them with a "Blow up the civilization so that men can be real men again!" sort of mentality. And ultimately that's not something folks understand in their first viewing of Fight Club or their first reading of the book, though the book has a lot more self help quirks to it.  By the end of the film, Project Mayhem seems like nothing more than literal skinheads doing some social chaos.

And while the whole concept of disaffection with the modern world was something that could be understandable and relatable. Especially to someone in their late teens and early 20's with their sort of anarchist tendencies, the fact is that anyone who went on with cheering for project mayhem, or more so, even going home after the film and running "fight clubs" for themselves would be considered Incel pieces of shit in today's day and age.

But hey, you met me at a really strange time in my life, isn't that the cute line. Look, I know all this about the film... because Tyler knows this.

In any case, I thought this sort of mentality was amazing at that young age, and then ten years later I liked Fight Club for other reasons that were completely different from when I first saw it ten years previously. Not in the project mayhem sort of way, but because I felt like Jack at work. Just going in day in and day out talking about the Corporations naming everything. I embraced the notion that Project Mayhem folks were fools for eating in to it all and just thought that it whole tearing down society was a bit much, but I could feel above it all. Especially flipping through catalogs defining myself through defining my space.

I mean, it didn't help that at that point I wasn't sleeping much. Though, I guess that's a through line to most of my life - not sleeping much at all. Feeling like I need sleep but not sleeping. Hell, as I write this right now it's currently 4am.  This is just the way it is with me. I often get the most creative juices flowing at the odd hours of the night.

Let me tell you about young me.You see I never really liked sleeping. I thought I could survive off little amounts of sleep - And in many ways I did. I still survive off little sleep even though it has a huge amount of negative aspects. I guess I just didn't want to miss what was happening and I could sleep when I'm dead. Which, I guess could be a lot sooner because of this choice to not sleep as much. I could also just fall asleep anywhere. I mean, Any...where. I could knock out really fast. But that was just me and I guess after a while of not really sleeping great, your body decides if you are going to go to sleep, you best not just piss time away NOT actually sleeping.

Another appealing aspect of the film was that I felt like I was Jack. After three pitchers of beer I still couldn't ask. Hell, to some degree I still can't ask. But that aspect of having confidence and being able to ask really appealed to me. Anyhow,

My place was literally Paper Street residence. Run down to hell. Doors not locking, the place looking like it was ready to get torn down. I bought my place from my pops as it was a project he long since gave up on, I guess you could say I felt for the place. Sort of like how he gave up on the project that was being a father to me. In any event, that place is now my building that is about to be done. So, I really can relate to the character just surviving in what is a run down piece of fucking shit. And turning it into something crazy, or at least something special and unique and actually beautiful. Especially from that garbage.


Anyhow, I'm getting off topic. I mean, I still fiddle with the notion that self improvement is masturbation and that self destruction, on the other hand....  Well, I mean, again, the whole concept of Fight Club has been one that I have enjoyed for the last two decades for ever changing reasons. I mean, I'll never look like what they were critical about, but shit, then they turned into that very criticized thing. You can't tell me Brad Pitt wasn't a shredded beast and the exact same thing they were critical about - I mean, that was exactly the point.

Ultimately the commentary that Fight Club does on consumerism and buying into social norms and then saying fuck it to all is in itself buying into a social norm. I have so much respect for the source material and what it does in the grand scheme of things because it does work well on so many different levels. And ultimately, I guess that makes a perfect story.  The ability to touch you on so many different levels and through so many different lenses.

Wednesday, March 4, 2020

NEVER COUNT OUT OL' DIAMOND JOE

NEVER COUNT OUT OL' DIAMOND JOE 

One of the best things about the Obama administration wasn't the hope and change that we quickly figured out wasn't coming. No, it was the Onion articles about Joe Fucking Biden. From pieces where it showed a photoshopped shirtless Joe Biden washing a 1970's Ford Trans am on the White House lawn to getting thrown out of a moving car after a long night of gambling in some basement illegal Chinese card joint.

Yeah, this sarcastic take on the man was what I loved. What I didn't love was how out fucking dated and out of tune Joe actually was. He's that elderly person in your family who still thinks he's in his youth and lets the good times roll. And not to mention how fucking touchy he is. He's that creepy uncle who just comes from behind you and starts giving you the most illness inducing shoulder massage that makes you just freak out. He's the family member who everyone assumes is just going to get arrested for something pervy and often wonder how it is he got himself in to those situations.

Anyhow, a week ago today the man's Presidential hope was pretty slim to none. He wasn't even hitting the meter at polling and the field of democratic potentials was large. That all changed the other night before Super Tuesday when a few of his moderate rivals decided to not only back out but also endorse him. It was pretty clear what was happening - If they stayed in the race then the votes would be spread out and Bernie Sanders would still be pulling ahead. But with the field narrowed, Biden collected the majority of those fallen candidates votes. 

Well Super Tuesday happened and while Bernie Sanders took California and held his own, Biden pulled a huge amount of catch up to now be call the comeback kid. You know, never mind the fact that if those other candidates remained in, Biden would still be way far back in the pack. I guess what I'm trying to say is that it was less of a come back and more of a pity Democratic moderate hail Mary just to cut off Bernie Sanders off at the knees.

Mind you, I'm not a Bernie bro by any means. In fact, most feel the Bern type of people annoy the piss out of me. But I do think fair is fair and there's no reason why anyone should be propping up Biden. He's a very boring Candidate. Perhaps if this was him jumping in during the 2016 election I would have been more excited to continue that Obama Administration meritocracy. But he didn't and Hillary stepped up to the plate and failed in getting us across home plate again.

So to me, Biden is boring as fuck and a bit senile. Which, I mean, given Reagan's history, I don't think that a senile President isn't really THAT much of a new thing. But it doesn't inspire hope and I have to wonder if Biden can even beat Trump, given how much Trump supporters are annoying as fuck. Biden doesn't inspire new hope. He just seems like the same ol' shit that won't provide more health services to those who need them the most. Nor would he actually change the status quo as much as Bernie would attempt to. On the flip side, I don't know if Bernie could beat Trump either.

It seems that everyone is trying to find their perfect candidate instead of just realizing that this isn't dating, nor should you be that picky in dating either. But yeah, it seems like we want the perfect person to vote for when all you need is someone who won't fucking put kids in cages. 

Still, stop trying to spin this shit as if Biden is some sort of golden child and isn't just the DNC's choice for President as they fear more than anything, that a Sander's ticket wouldn't have the same appeal to those and would potentially lose to Trump.  And again, I still don't think a Biden ticket will do much to really compel those, especially those Bernie followers who would be completely disenfranchised and completely fucked over by the democratic party for a second time to come out and vote for a lesser evil than Trump. They have principles and what not.

Which is what I'm wondering about this whole mess. I don't know how this election will go or the viability of either candidate. Because if it's Bernie, then I'm sure the more moderate democrats will not want to vote for Bernie and those stuck in their more moderate views as a democrat will not want a socialist on paper to be in their park, because that's just the way it is in America this day and age. Which, I mean, fuck. That sucks. Bernie is not a communist socialist. He's not Mother Russia in the 80's and socialism isn't just gutting the capitalism and consumerism that is the rock that this whole nation is built upon.

Besides, Bernie is tough. He's a tough stuck in his ways sort of candidate and politician. Most of all, his views are a little extreme for some of those career politicians. But, if you just want to promote a boring candidate in Joe Biden, who seems like just a slightly more progressive old senile white politician who could easily get lumped into the same level of Trump.  I mean, only far less corrupt. But Biden just seems like the same ol' no change from the pre-Trump era. We're just rolling back the clock a little and we shouldn't have been in this position of looking at those no real healthcare option past with rose colored glasses. We should be doing a lot better, goddamn it.

Oh well, I'm still Anyone but Trump in my vote, but I just hate this narrative that Biden is anything but a boring under performing candidate who had to be propped up by the DNC to polish this turd of a candidate.

Thursday, February 27, 2020

THE LOTTO

THE LOTTO 

When ever I see normal people throw a buck away at a lottery system that is pretty impossible to ever win due to the odds, they state that at the very least the money goes to taxes for the schools. Well, not really...
California’s state auditor says the California Lottery owes schools a whopping $36 million. An audit released Tuesday says an assessment of the California State Lottery found the agency has not been increasing its funding for education in proportion to its increases in net revenue, and as a result, did not pay $36 million to California schools for the fiscal year 2017-18.

 Given that the school budget is a mess and the LAUSD went on strike for 30 days last year, costing the district $151 million in attendance revenue, perhaps that school district is a bit hard up for some way to cover that amount. One would think, at the very least. 

This is why I could never get behind the justification that lotto sales go to help fund education. Because by the end of the day, greed always kicks in. ALWAYS.  I stand by the idea that the Lottery is just a tax on the stupid, but that implies that tax is collected and in this case, that amount of money just shows you it doesn't.

I shouldn't be so mean to those who play the lotto. It's really one of those things that we have become socially acceptable vices and a much cleaner form of gambling addiction. But let's call a spade a spade.

A lot of folks feel like that is their means to pull themselves out of poverty. That it's their retirement plan. Once their numbers hit, oh man, everything is going to change. In reality it's just bleeding you dry dollar by dollar. Stuff that annoys me is when an office pool is put together with that sweet sweet mega millions pot. But it's just another way to control the poor.

I know, I turn everything into a social commentary or class warfare, but this one is sort of there, ya know. Having our schools funded with tax dollars that they are owed by an entity that is all about generating a taxation from the poor, is problematic in itself and passing the buck from a lot of higher tax bracket who now have a lot more tax bailouts.  Okay, I'm getting long winded here. The point is that with so much more tax relief given to the folks who are more able to help pay for school taxes, pushing and continuing to entice the poor to play the lotto while the lottery board not kicking the school's end to them is the very definition of injustice and class warfare.

So perhaps stop scratching those scratchers, cause the money isn't going to where your feel good ideas it is going.


Wednesday, February 26, 2020

GIVING THINGS UP

GIVING THINGS UP 

It's Ash Wednesday, or as I like to call it, the day that you accidentally keep telling people that they have a little smudge of dirt on their forehead before you realize it's a religious thang.  I grew up in a catholic house. I went to catholic school for the majority of my up bringing. I was an alter server in my youth - and yes, I'm sure you have many questions about priest. So ash wednesday and the whole act of Lent in itself is not a foreign concept.

I mean, for you non religious types, you know it's lent by one simple indication - the filet o' fish is on sale at all the fast food joints. They sure love playing to the audience on that shit. As if fuckers are even keeping Catholic kosher. You know they're all geared up to get those two tacos de asada and al pastor on friday night with the rest of us. There's a complete looking the other way to the whole thing.

Also, why give up meat, I mean. what the fuck, did Jesus just want to have the fishermen get the hook up since they had low sales or something.  Yo, Jesus, people ain't buying our fish, can you do something like tell them they're not allowed to eat that shit because, like, it's a sin. I mean, everything is a sin, but this one is even more so because of your desert walking.

As for me. I haven't given shit up in a long time. I don't see the point, but if I will give something up, I guess the route I will go is that I'm giving up self doubt. I'm giving up the things that drag me down.

I guess lent was suppose to be some sort of "prove yourself" and I never really got it. Give up something that matters to you to show your faith. But most of the time it's like, fools give up sugar or soda. Then on top of that you don't eat on Friday, which goes back to the fast food craze that they should offer a really bad fish sandwich that was frozen in order to appeal to those religious types.


Anyhow, going 30 days without candy isn't going to get you that front of the line VIP access to the pearly gates. At least that's what I'm guessing, especially since that place doesn't exist. So, like, enjoy your hamburgers. I bet the fish sandwiches aren't all that much better anyway and it's an empty gesture at best. Come on, just remember, it's more for your own mental mind frame....

The true testament of growing up Catholic is if you can endure the amount of pressure put on you to be a goddamn priest by the Church workers when you're age 16-21. It's goddamn worse than army recruitment. But that's a whole other story I'd probably have to get myself in the right mind space to talk about.

Back to giving shit up, I guess it's just an offering, but like I mentioned candy or soda or not eating a steak on Friday seems pretty petty in terms of offerings to this vengeful being in the sky. May I offer that we actually use the ashes of the non-believers for the head mark? It's just a suggestion.






Friday, February 14, 2020

IT'S VALENTINE'S DAY - PLEASE DON'T GO OUT TO EAT

IT'S VALENTINE'S DAY - PLEASE DON'T GO OUT TO EAT


This is my annual attempt to make you realize that the last thing you should ever possibly do on Valentine's day is go out to eat. It's stupid. It's expensive and it doesn't even lead to a good dining experience.

First off, every place is going to hike up their prices because this is the night all the couples come out to show they care. So every spot you think you can get in to will have a long reservation system. Or at the very least a long stand-by wait to get in to. You really don't want to put yourself in the position of that, do you? Waiting 45 to an hour and a half to sit down and eat. Nah, man.

Then when you do sit down and eat, the menu is completely different than any normal night that you would have gone to this establishment. They do this because they want to generate a shit ton more money off you rubes on this day of forced affection. Pre-fixed menus are every where. You can't escape it. A solid three times the cost for a chicken option and two other plates you really didn't want. They also do this because it's far easier to flip a table and have some ease on the chefs in the back.

The staff is also not happy. The amount of table turnover is just too intense. The level of expectation in terms of service is way too high for those who on average do not go out. So their eating out manners are a little rusty. The whole concept of tipping is foreign to those, or at the very least outdated. So those waitstaff through the night just see how low the average person is tipping and just slowly get more annoyed as the night goes on and more annoying customers come in.

To say the least, your service is not going to be great because of a whole slew of factors. It's really not the best time to go out and eat, is what I'm saying. Places offer up the worst in terms of service, food, and experience as a whole. You are better off just skipping the eating out and do what I would highly suggest.

Make it low key. Or shit, even cook for yourself. Something you made, even if you can't cook for shit, is still a whole lot more effort than going out. Your significant other should appreciate that shit at the very least or you're with the wrong person. Make it a mac and cheese and cheesy movie night. Get some tacos. Everyone loves tacos. If you don't love tacos, you should question if you deserve love at all. Not liking tacos is just a strange thing that I can't support. No thank you. Love tacos.

Yeah, I'm sure I could make a crude joke right here, but you best be loving tacos at least today. Come on, man. Don't be that guy who doesn't "eat out". Wait, where is this conversation going? I don't know Eat out... but DON'T eat out on Valentine's day, is what I'm saying. And if you're the piece of shit who doesn't normally eat out other nights of the week, what the fuck. I feel sorry for your girlfriend/wife/whatever she be.

Okay. I have spoken my peace. 


Monday, February 10, 2020

THE GOOD PLACE

THE GOOD PLACE

This NBC show had a lot of stuff that spoke to me. Well, I don't believe in heaven or hell. I'm not religious, so, ya know, this isn't really some sort of fear of damnation. But it spoke to me in a "Hell is other people" sort of way. Most of all, it went into detail that if you boil it down, we all do some unethical shit without ever realizing it.

That salad you are eating because you feel that it is saving some animal's life... well, what cost is it at or how ethical are you when you realize that the lettuce in it comes at the cost of child labor or poor working conditions for farm workers. How much water is going into growing that to make such large amount of produce that is taking clean drinking water away from someone else?  What about the fact that the amount of work to grow it comes at the cost of pesticides or water run off that hurts others.

It really brought to light that the goals of getting to "the good place" really have a scaled tipped against you at all cost. That you can just do your best at being a good person as you can and live in the moment because, well, who the hell knows what an after life could be. It may very well be that the Good Place is straight up the Bad Place tricking you into it.

On top of that, it shared my mentality of soul mates. In which that they don't exist. Or if they do exist, it isn't something that you just flat out have a soul mate out there that you have to stumble upon. To me, that was always the worse possible thing you could ever put out there as a concept.Given how large and vast this world is, the odds of finding said soulmate just seems so...  bleak.

Soulmates aren't found. That's what the biggest take away is. They're made. You basically just have to realize that there's not one soulmate out there for you. Soulmates aren't found at all, they're made. People meet. They get a good feeling. They enjoy the time they spend together and most of all they work at being together. Because ultimately that's what it comes down to. They don't magically stay together because they were meant to be. They stay together and what binds them together is the work building a relationship with one another.

Some times people forget that they love each other because the world around them is so chaotic. Sometimes life just zaps the hell out of you and you can't give what you need. But what it is to be soulmates is doing the work and understanding and working towards that better life together.

And even though you can spend forever with them, eventually you are ready to move on to whatever the next step is. I love that the show didn't tell us what happens when the characters stepped into the portal and became fabric of the universe. You don't get to see the answers to that. You just have to live in the moment that you can and do what little you can to appreciate what you have.

Also, the best lesson to The Good Place was that Froyo is the best way to exemplify the bad place it's taking something great and ruining it just a little so you can have more of it. No one likes froyo. Fuck that shit. Give me ice cream any day. Ice cream is pure heaven. Frozen yogurt is just everything bad in the world when it comes to compromise. 



Thursday, February 6, 2020

NEW YEAR, SAME HATE FOR BOSTON

NEW YEAR , SAME HATE FOR BOSTON

The super bowl aired a couple of days ago and I'm writing this before hand because hey, that's how I roll sometimes. So, like, you know, the typical talking out of my ass for the most part of what happened with the actual game until I write about that 49 vs racist mascot.. oh shit, it's literally miners vs native Americans! I mean, I'll probably post other shit about the game because that's always how it was when I did the topical discussion about the Super Bowl.

Ok, I'm just being jaded right now. I'm sure it was a half way decent game that no Monday morning quarterbacking will be done for... right. But hey, the advertising. That's what people watch this stuff for, right? And part of the ads were for a self parking.... PAHKIN CAWR!



HEY, I'M WALLLLLKIN' HERE!   Yeah, it's not a big secret at all if you've read any of the backlog of posts, that I do not have love for Boston or Bostonians. It was just recently discovered that the Boston Red Sox's win at the World Series against the Dodgers came from deceitful methods and should have a huge astrix.

I guess I don't give the city much of a shot because it constantly has the feeling that everyone wants to beat the shit out of you. I find the stereotype of the average Boston person to really fall in line. And while I have known and gotten along with a lot of Boston natives, it's really something that I have to try to overcome because, man. forget about it!

Okay. This ad. Is this were technology has come to? You can't even parking your own car anymore. More to the point, unless the person next to you has the same technology, you just became the asshole who will get their car's door dented to the fucking hell because if there wasn't enough room for you to fit in the spot, you shouldn't fucking be parking there. How the fuck do you think the guy next to you is going to get in their car?  Yeah, they may have parked like a piece of shit and left you no room to park, but that's the nature of the whole game. Learn to know when to hold them and know when to fold them.

While I think that the technology to better improve parking and driving as a whole is great, this just seems like unless all the boats have risen to the same level, you can't be on that parch and you're going to be dragged down by the eldest car there anyway. Because that's how shit rolls. Learn to roll with it or your fucking jammed in car will just get keyed up to hell. Especially with pieces of shit Boston residents.

Seriously, fuck that place.  Also, in the effort to be partial, fuck new yorkers as well.  I don't just dislike the Boston superiority complex, I also hate that New York, center of the universe and modern day Rome bullshit mentality.

There. I said it. I won't take it back. Get your ass back to Dunkin Donuts for a Crawhla and a cuppa cawffeeeeee. You fuckin' Mooley! 


Tuesday, February 4, 2020

GOOGLE PLAYING DIRTY POOL

GOOGLE PLAYING DIRTY POOL 

The superbowl was filled with ads touching nostalgic corners of your childhood or past things that entertained you. And in years past that was the goal.  You really don't want to go for the big ticket serious topics when your audience is pretty much hammered to fucking hell and stuffed full of guac and wings.

That's the biggest reason why the Nationwide ad a couple of years ago was way too fucking heavy for the time frame of the viewing audience flew over like a led balloon. Don't believe me? Just you watch!


Fuck. that was a record scratching sort of fucking reality check. Did you put down your hard seltzer and check to see that you didn't leave your kid to drown in the tub? I mean, holy fuck. That was dark. Way too dark. So dark that Nationwide had to file an apology later that night after it aired. It was that much of a mind fuck. I guess the general rule after that was perhaps don't make shit that's way too dark for some mass consumption of national football day's ads.

Well, this past weekend you had something pretty hard coming at your feels and well, damn. Man. You see, then Google decided to turn up the amp and tell Nationwide to hold their beer. Because fuck, this one hit hard.


It's like Google hit up Pixar and said, hmmm we stealing that concept of putting a whole life of two loving people into an ad instead of a 10 minute cry fest and fuck you and your emotions, YOU'RE GOING TO TAKE IT!

That was a take no prisoner to your emotions and I don't know how to feel about that other than it's put me in a box of my emotions. Listen, it touched me. I had this whole history of these two people who loved each other very much until one died and then the other is slowly losing their mind to something that is very relatable to most folks and man, you're just like... please google, save me. Even though we already seen that you don't need to tell a fucking computer about your past when you could just write it in a notebook.

GOOGLE, REMIND ME THAT I NEED TO WATCH THE NOTEBOOK AGAIN.

But yeah, that was UP ramped up to a new level of fuck your emotions and I guess that's where the difference stands. The nation wide ad was just a big fuck you with the reveal that the kid wasn't able to do all this and that because he didn't have the chance to... SURPRISE! He's dead.  And this one was telling you through a whole history of these two lovers.

Either way, I'm going to be me and try to make light of it. Because, let's be real, this is the only way I handle emotions - through mocking them to the point where I don't feel them anymore. It's really a classic tool that I have to admit, is pretty much a staple in surviving. 

Think about it. I bet you Loretta would have probably used google reminder to tell him, whomever the character reminding himself of shit, that he should put the fucking toilet seat down. Or maybe that he needs to trim is goddamn ear hair. Because at some point, we all get ear hair and the moment you get it pointed out, you wonder how a fucking piece of hair has grown that much. 

Damn it, stop calling me Loretta, that was the name of your 3rd Ex-wife, Harold. I'm still alive. Why are you talking to the computer like I'm dead?!

Google, remind me that the nurses are beating me and that's where the bruises come from... Okay, maybe that one was a bridge too far. But still, did you expect anything different from me? This is the material here!

Fuck, okay, let's just face the facts. That ad was fucking deep and I don't know what to tell you other than perhaps we deserved that half time show of visual enjoyment to wash away the fact that Loretta is goddamn dead and this guy is slowly losing his memories he shared with this woman and man, that's fucking deep in a way that I can't explain.

I mean, when you think about it, you're not ever really truly gone until the last to remember you finally goes themselves. You can leave little things behind, but it's not going to be the first hand understanding of who you are. So for the guy to be alive and losing his memories and being able to document that stuff is nice. But man, just think of how hard those memories hurt when the computer's robotic voice brings it up - Hey Harold, remember that you had a loving wife that you no longer have.  But hey, perhaps you should take your penicillin to fight that STD you got at the senior center bingo after hours party.

What I'm trying to say is that old people have a lot of fucking sex. A LOT! I mean, goddamn, you don't want to picture it in your mind, but realize that me'ma is slapping skin a lot at the senior center and she's enjoying it. Shit, she's getting it far more than you are and on the regular without any strings or other bullshit to hold her back in that whole playing game.

Wow, did this just turn into a discussion about old people fucking? Man. What the fuck is wrong with me. This was suppose to be a wholesome discussion about a sentimental ad on the super bowl. I guess that dirty DIRTY game really tainted me and the discussion of everything wholesome. Like the ability to tell Google memories of your dead wife in order for them to try to sell you some shit. Like, perhaps when you tell your computer about how you and Loretta would go to Home town buffet for that all you can eat bland chicken fingers, they'll just lump you into another group and sell off your precious memory moments to the highest bidder who wants to know who to sell chicken finger ranch sauce to, because oh man, you may want to spice up your chicken fingers.

Just remember, google wants to sell you shit Loretta would have told you to buy. In fact, that's probably their newest selling tactics.   "Reminder - Loretta would have wanted you to have some jimmy dean sausages. 

Monday, February 3, 2020

THAT SUPER BOOTY HALF TIME SHOW

THAT SUPER BOOTY HALF TIME SHOW

I mean, it's pretty much embraced that the half time show was a bit of a shocker to the average white middle aged American. Who would have thought that so many would take offense to such a great half time show?! Well, don't know of it? Here it is for your viewing pleasure.




I mean, I could see a lot of things that people would be offended by and none of them seem to be any over sexual content. At one point J.Lo wears a double sided flag coat. On one side there's the American flag, on the other side is the Puerto Rico flag. While this can be confused with the Texas flag since it has one star, the point here is that America constantly hates to be reminded that Puerto Rico is, in fact, part of the U.S.  I mean, who really wants to own up to being their big brother? They constantly get hit by natural disasters such as hurricanes, rampant corruption, flooding, power outages and a slew of Earth Quakes.

We can't keep up with admitting how much maintenance it requires and our Leaders like Trump constantly just ignores their needs. Ask the average American and they'd be confused to learn that Puerto Rico is ours. We'll take the good, like Lin-Manuel Miranda and his subject, Alexander Hamilton, but we just flat out don't want to acknowledge that Puerto Rico is part of America and we should embrace them and help them with whatever we can.

Then you have the singers singing in.... well, to put it bluntly, not-English. In a country that was made up of Native American tongues as well as a slew of immigrants who brought their own culture and languages into the mix, we are a melting pot. The average American just hates that fact as well and this unreasonable demand that everyone speak English is such a strange thing.

But to have two singers who change it up from English to Spanish in what is "America's" game of football half time show, well, I'm pretty sure that's what really caused the sort of reaction that these two female - and shit, that's a can of worms in itself I'll get to next, are singing in a language that they've argued with so many people after church that we should all know and speak English and only English. to have the half time entertainment mix up the language a little in what is their own languages, well, that shit will just annoy the average red voting viewer.

And now the biggest thing. Hating on women. The loud talk that is straight up nothing short of slut shaming this performance, even though last year had Maroon 5's lame fest be completely shirtless with a bunch of tattoos and shit like that, just goes to highlight the double standards up in here.

I thought the performance was fierce as all hell. It has been a while since I talked about or enjoyed Shakira's music, but that was one hell of a performance. Add to that, you're in fucking Miami. I mean, if you want people to cover up, let the game happen in a cold winter state. But no, the league likes to host these things in the summer climate sort of situations. Miami is a place that has a lot of languages and a lot less clothing going on.

Just because the singer isn't wearing much or goes through a lot of wardrobe changes - I didn't think any of them were showing too much. Not to mention that these singers aren't the most over flowing. Their assets seem to be more with... um, well, their popular features are their asses. There. I said it. On top of that Shakira's biggest "thing" was that she moved those hips. And while both were pointed out on their age.... and can we just say that WHO FUCKING CARES HOW OLD THEY ARE!??!

Holy shit, I'm going to go off a little, but what the fuck was the point of saying that J.Lo's age of 50 is such a big fucking deal. She is paid millions to work out and work on those moves and keep that brand alive. Of course she's going to be vastly different of a place at age 50 than your average house hold mother of 3 in middle America who is also 50. Let's also just say it, age seems to be brought up mostly for women just to show that unlike others of their gender, that once they reach a certain age, they weren't dismissed for possibly being good at being seen or their worth isn't based on a fictitious expiration date.

That they, even at the age of 43 and 50, can still have something of objectification to offer the viewing public while they drink down their bud and eat chicken wings. Ultimately, I think the fact that it was two female performers in itself was a major issue.

I loved the fact that the performers were 70% women. I mean, the chest showing male dancers and Ali G looking rapper make up the rest of that, but even to have girl dancers of a younger age up there showed that the future is indeed female and even though there's such a backlash to female empowerment, that there was such a large showing of female performers displaying the fact that they have some serious dance moves and can put on a show that was far better than the ones of the previous years easily.

We can also touch on the fact that J.Lo did a lot of political statements without being too in your face with them. The kids starting off in these sort of white cage things to highlight the fact that our country is still leaving children in cages. The political realization that yeah, Puerto Ricans are fucking American citizens and born in the U.S.A. is some straight up stuff we need to get right with in terms of how we treat their post-tragic events with. 

Also, for the most "freedom" loving Americans, we're sure as shit stuck up when it comes to the human body. That's a whole discussion for another day, I guess, but let's just accept that gyrating hips, unconventional tops and bottoms and a more Florida/South tropical attire is far different than what the average fly over state resident will wear. Just get over it. No nipples popped out. Nothing under the belt was shown. Even in a pole dance, it was a lot of class all around.

In fact, let's talk about that. Pole dancing in itself is a tough as fuck sport, and while yes, women in strip clubs use the pole, it does not mean that pole dancing is something only for women who choose to make their living in that field. Shakira's belly dancing moves, again, another thing middle America just associate with sexuality, is something she has always done in her career and while folks attach it to some sort of sexualized aspect, it is a heritage thing and cultural awareness should be shown on it.

But more to the point, and I'll just be blunt here, the fact that these two showed that women past the age of 30, who don't have an abundance of cleavage as the first thing your attention isn't drawn to aren't something tossed away by society because, holy fuck, these two women did a huge amount of work on stage and brought it in ways not even most people half their age or more could have possibly done.

Besides, It's just a little butt shaking. Deal with it.

Thursday, January 30, 2020

WITHOUT A WITNESS

WITHOUT A WITNESS 

So I don't want to talk too much politics this year, but then again, it's a fucking election year so good fucking luck with this bullshit. Now one of the potential swing republican votes to go for witnesses has said he'd vote NO to having any witnesses come into the impeachment trial. In fact, he admitted the Democrats proved Trump is guilty. but he wants to leave it to voters. So, he believes Trump attempted to extort a favor to benefit his own political campaign, and he doesn't care. He wants Trump to be on the ballot and it's okay if he does cheat.

That's what just happened. I can't help but be crushed. Him saying that there is "no need" for witnesses on this and new evidence into the trial and damn. I mean... damn

And of course, now that Lamar Alexander has said he would vote no, Susan Collins can have the courage to the same. Republicans are always watchful for a consensus to do bad things because none have the balls to do the right thing. But Lamar sides with Trump being guilty of avoiding the politics of removing a president... which, what the hell, is the checks in this whole checks and balances. You can't have it any other way besides that.


Which is really the biggest aspect of this.  He flat out said he knows Trump is guilty. He doesn't care. He, just like Susan Collins decided that they don't have the fortitude to remove someone who believes they are above the law. And this just proves that he is. Leaving it to the voters is not the 

Which, I will just have to bring up the biggest question I have still - Why the fuck do we still rely on Susan Collins for key decisions in our country? He goddamn state literally only consists of Stephen King, a dozen lobsters, and possible a bear. She's just as bad as all the other fucking Russi....an...uh, republicans.  There is literally nothing she is useful for and I'm tired of constantly being disappointed by her in attempts to make this country a better place. 

But what this shows is that more than ever, the laws that governor us are written for the poor and common people. The rich and the untouchable will always avoid the repercussions of their own actions and choices. They will continue to get richer and more powerful off the backs of the common folk and it's just sad that we're all a joke to them.

More than ever we need to show up in November and put an end to this falsehood that is the Trump administration's attempt to be for the common people. If our elected officials won't stand up and be the voice for us, then we need to vote them out as well. This isn't a test of an impeachment of the President. This is a test and a sign of what our representatives are. 

I get the poor farmer who economic situations have passed them by being fooled by Trump's words to make America the place they remember in which they had economic prosperity. But it's a fools gambit to believe that he ever had anyone else's interest at heart other than his own. This situation in itself showed that he wanted to enrich himself in a deal, not the American people. And that's what it comes down to. 

So here we are. After two weeks of political theater and repetition of the same message, there's not even an attempt to listen to witnesses or get details from those who were close to him when he decided to hold help hostage for his own benefit. 

All I can say about this situation is.... 


FUCK!
  

Tuesday, January 28, 2020

I GOTTA GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE

I GOTTA GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE 

On the last Tuesday of January lands the national day like most other national days randomly scattered along the calendar year. But today's National Day is National Plan a Vacation day. Honestly, I fucking need it.

The other day I got a letter for the Estate of my ex's mom and it sort of hit me. I mean, it's just a collections attempt and I'm used to seeing this sort of that stuff because I had to deal with it when my own father passed away a little more than six years ago and for the years that followed. It was frustrating and most of all, I was confused more so that they'd send it to me when my ex basically made sure all her mail was sent to her new place. Anyhow, I guess collections will just try to reach out to where ever could potentially be a relative.

Okay, enough of that. Just an example of what sort of shit I have been going through. On top of somehow getting a bit more emotional this year about my father's death anniversary, things have just been a bit heavy lately and I have been thinking about the weekend... or those attempts to escape the daily grind - which, I guess is funny for me since my daily grind isn't the average daily grind, so to speak.

But I need to get out. My father traveled a lot. Sometimes it would be fake business travel to places with a mistress, some times it was with my mother to far off places, especially around the next few months time period. Always traveling around my birthday, skipping it. But I have been thinking about it. I haven't done my fair amount of traveling to my liking. I talked a big game and sure, I went to a lot of places the last few years like Colorado and Florida. Most for official business or on the job sort of thing. I miss the open road. I miss the adventure.

I recently took a trip to San Diego for a day and went to places I hadn't gone to when I used to go there every month or so, back in the day. And it was fun. It was a great experience to discover new sights and to just breath in something new even if it was close by. Got to see Frank Baum's house and the Hotel Del Coronado. Which, fun fact, was the inspiration for the Emerald City. Seeing it in person, I can tell you that it did not disappoint. The fixtures, the entire building filled with wood carved everything. It was a beautiful sight to behold.

Anyhow, National Plan for a vacation is more than just some window dressing. Think about it. If you were to die tomorrow would your work give two shits about it? Do you even think that it would have a moment of silence for you? More than likely not. Shit will just move on like another day. Replace your ass in a couple of days as it takes to get background checks and applications submitted. So why give them your hard work, your time and commitment without taking care of your needs first? If you have sick days, use them. If you have time off. Use it. We are too stuck in this rat race to be seen as useful and half the time you're so not appreciated for the person who you are or the work you do. So you really shouldn't give them more than they require.

Take that day of. Schedule some time off and use it for yourself. You only live once and it's only one life to live. You may as well fill it with as many adventures and memories that you can possibly fill in your mind because you don't know what will happen tomorrow.

I'm writing this... after a long time of not writing, because I need to remind myself that the responsibilities that I take, that I'm still here for me and the life I live with be what I owe to myself. So yeah, this year will have a lot more adventures. Will have a lot more follow through to what I will do. I need to hold myself to account and I need to live for me.

So this year I will make it to New York for spring or summer. Shoot to go before it gets too hot and I will goddamn make it a trip filled with delis and Broadway shows and just experiencing things. Because hey, why the fuck not. 

I have a choice to make on making it to this trip to Cuba, but man, I'm heavily leaning towards doing it. Because when else will I do it? When else will I have the chance?  I also want to do Florida and perhaps, even maybe... do Paris. I need to check that off my list. Who knows what the rest of the year has in store for me, but that's some thing I look forward to. I need to go back up to S.F. this year because I owe it to myself to see what I haven't in a long time. And Vegas is a spot, which I don't think it's too crazy, nor is it a big trip. but I need to make it to see the Tim Burton exhibit and I need to go since the last time I went was with my ex and that wasn't the most fun experience and has some bad memories behind it since she had just lost her job and even though I didn't know it, it was the start of her decline into basically moving away from the relationship. Oh well, I still love Vegas. I want to do it right and I'm long over due for a trip that is about having fun and not about putting the needs of others before my own.

basically, that's what this is. Me holding myself to the mark and doing things for myself. For doing trips for myself. Anthony Bourdain, another man I admired and who's death hit me hard, he didn't start his life traveling till he was 43. So now that I'm in this golden years where I'm basically retired of basically doing much other than finding my own passion, It's time for me to fulfill that whole aspect where folks would tell me that I reminded them of Bourdain. I need to travel. To see the world and what it has to offer, what other cultures have to show me about themselves and show me about myself.

I'm looking forward to the rest of the year. I'll make it the best goddamn time and travel that I can possible handle.