Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Valentine's Cards Part 2

Valentine's Cards Part 2

Baby, you know you couldn't keep me away for so long. You knew you were going to come back to me. Just face the fact, you like it. Sure you have to lie about those black eyes, but it's worth it. Oh wait.. you're just back for your stuff? Guess I over estimated myself. Oh, you just want to see the second part of stupid Valentine's day cards! I'll take what I can get, baby!

The last time it was just Dino's. And let me tell you, people get over those large lizards after the 3rd grade. So let's focus on Pop culture that will actually get you somewhere.

We're starting now, so get your ticket ready.

No time for love, Doctor Jones!


Getting any idea on what film series I like?


Oh how I love this line.Though "So do you!" doesn't follow it so well.

Again, I love the Simpsons.

If you know this Indy game... Well then would YOU be my Valentine?

Forget the Penis Mightier, Umbrela's seem to bet planes for some reason!

The Obi Wan Cafe has never been the same after that one night.

History is great for comedy!

I see ABC has actually taken notice and is offering Valentine's Cards of their creations likeLOST and GREY'S ANATOMY. While Grey's would more than likely get you laid, here's some Lost ones that will only lead to more questions.

Let me get your digits, babe.

But you becareful because of the Locke... HA! Get it.... no? damn

Enough of being LOST, let's go BACK... TO THE FUTURE!

Yeah, and one day America will vote for a black President

Awww, you see. Now this just goes too far and in poor taste.. and yet funny. Oh so funny.

And now we know how Lucas thought it up.

You impact my heart at 88 mph's, baby!

Sure it's no Rick Roll, but it'll do.

Ok, I have to end it with another Indiana Jones one. Simply because I can't close my eyes on this one...

And I'm sure these will help you with your VD. Wait, that sounds odd. Enjoy the Hallmark Holiday.

Valentine’s Cards Part 1

Valentine's Cards Part 1

I'm sure you remember those days back in your early school years. Come February 14th you had your paper bag stapled to the front of your desk and you damn sure hoped that little Carmen two rows next to you was gearing up to give you that oh so sweet paper and card showing you that you're her one true love? The reality is that the constant physical attention you paid her and verbal abuse method of attracting her attention didn't actually help in landing that sweet Valentine's Card. In fact, none of those cards you could buy over the counter were anything near romantic. But you have to admit they were fun. They related to what was hip and happening at the time. All filled with cliches and puns that would make anyone sick these days. The chalky terrible candy hearts with messages on them were something you looked forward to cause shit, it was candy. I was walking the local Valentine's section to see what today's youth were giving out in terms of cards and I was a little surprised.

They didn't go far enough. Besides, if you're going to do Dino's, you might as well go the full distance with it. So I present to you some of the more comical sides of Dino Valentine's day cards that should be showing up. Part 1 cause, you guessed it, there will be a second side to this tomorrow.

We start with a classic play on words!

Dino's, She'll pretty much have to..

Awwww, how cwute

Fuck you, I love the Simpsons and everyone will know it!

Nothing is better than the truth this Valentine's day!

Bringing together the great things in life. Jeff Goldblum and Love.

Cause really, the only thing I think about when I think Dino's is Jurassic Park...

You think I'm kidding? I shit you not. Fuck you Spielberg.

This will get you laid. Even if you're a 5th grader. Trust me fellas.

And thus ends Part 1. If you don't think Lizards are sexy or any method of making your significant other happy this Corporate Holiday, stay tune for Part 2 for some Film related Valentine's Cards

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Rocking The Vote


Like anything else, Voting has become something that had to one up itself every few years. We got the ol' saying Vote early and vote often to mock people voting multiple times and buying votes. Then the MTV generation stepped in and we got Rock the Vote. It was a great way to get young voters. Working the polls a couple of years I could tell you that seeing someone under 25 come in to vote was a rare sight. The next idea was to turn the dial up 11 and bring out the VOTE OR DIE statement. That one scared the shit out of me. Was Diddy going to go door to door with a gun?

Lets face it. The youth wont vote. Unless you make it some hot line number and Sanjaya is on the list. That'll be the best way to make folks vote, make it more like American Idol. I'd rather vote for Sanjaya than for Ron Paul. Ron Paul is just insane and a stupid choice for anyone. Then again, there needed to be a choice for all those fools who tossed away their vote to Nader four years ago. But the Ron Paul movement is just as bad as the Snakes on a Plane viral marketing.

Take for example Push ups for Paul. While it is a nice thought, it's not going to do anything but leave this fella without much excerse. I'm sure that is clearly what won him West Virginia. I can't say the same for It just goes to show you what sort of sexual act are more accepted than others. And since I just figure out a good pun for Obama, won him Georgia. A state that still outlaws anal sex. I mean, how is that enforced? Then again, they had to change it to because BJ's may be to gender specific in a race where Obama is fighting for that female vote. I know what you're thinking, 'Nothing for Hillary?'. Nah, I'd rather not make her cry. She'll win in a landslide if that happened.

One of the best things about election time is that I get to show off my inner nerd (ok, outer nerd) by wearing election buttons for fictitious characters such as:

All of which are just winks and nudges to other nerds. It's like the secret society handshake to all those freaks and geeks and it wont get you beat up like you would walking out of the Audio/Video club. They do leave you open to questions about what views those characters hold and if they all want to run out them job stealing Mexicans from this country.

So where does this leave us? With the options of having no options. I don't know about you, but I like my veterans to physically and mentally disintegrate hidden away beneath highway overpasses. So that crosses McCain off the list of hopefuls. Mitt Romney also received some consideration but then I remembered he was Republican and I'll vote Republican only when the Terminator is on the ballot.

This leaves us with the Democratic candidates for president. Of them, only two remain viable choices. Senator Hillary Clinton, who is a woman and Senator Brack Obama, who is black and name rhymes with Osama. Both were on the platform of Change. Hillary one-upped that platform by adding some words at the end. Being married to Bill, she does appeal to the black voters. Obama actually being black also taps into that field. As you can tell, this head-to-head competition is going to be tough for the both of them. I have no time to deal with the amount of feedback from feminist groups or those that want to play the race card. So just flip a coin and vote one way or another. Now that's a good voting saying "You might as well flip a coin."