Saturday, June 30, 2012

The Empowered Man

The Empowered Man

Look who's back at work makin' art..

This newest piece of political art mixed in with Thomas Kinkade cracks me the fuck up. I mean, look at George Washington looking like Biden. Then I can't get over Obama's hands. He's like "WHOA, HOLD THE PHONE!"

If you go to the link and see the large version of this, you can mouse over each piece of it so that you get the ever so fucking crazy rationalization of why he painted anything. Like, I wonder if you mouse over the money if it explains how this symbolizes that the government is easily bought with a handful of bills? One wonders.

But yes, this is the Empowered Man... He represents every man, woman and child of every color and creed who is an American..... and yet he is a white, blonde, blue-eyed, holding a handful of cash male.

I mean, he's literally holding a stack of dollars! HIS TAX DOLLARS! Which I wonder if he picked them up off the ground, which was "doing his bit to stop the decline of American currency" So I guess that means everyone should start panhandling?

May I just add, I don't care what color his skin is, anyone wearing a bulky jacket getting that close to the president needs to be getting shot without any hesitation.

Friday, June 29, 2012

Obama-care and You

Obama-care and You

Well, it looks like Obamacare, which I figured would stay "a tax", is kept alive and you fuckers can't bitch about it till you actually pay the tax in 2015. Oddly enough, I fall on a strange spot on this issue. I mean, as much as I love trolling the fuck out of republicans, I really can't say I look forward to liberals bragging about the victory of being allowed to continue to pay for the privilege of staying alive.

This is, on the other hand, a major victory for Obama and has probably nailed him down the win in November. If Obama lost this, he would have never been re-elected as he would be seen as a weak and ineffectual president. Romney would have blasted him non stop on this lose. And while I hate the word Obamacare (because he really doesn't), this win is an "accomplishment" no matter how much people on the internet complain about it.

Not to mention that if Romney keeps poking at this and trying to fight with Obama on the issue, Obama can easily go, "But I based the thing on what YOU did in Massachusetts" and shut him up damn quick. It'll make Romney look even more impotent than usual.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm really only enjoying the schadenfreude this is generating, but make no mistake, this is bad stuff regardless. Though I am a bit conflicted. I mean, Obamacare is probably the most liberalism shit of all, but like, from where many people stand with healthcare in our country today, I'm sure there's a lot of people happy with this victory and for good reason.

It means that a lot of people who currently have the "Cross your fingers you don't get into an accident" health insurance now don't have to die because of a pre-existing condition denied them coverage for an insurance company.

Obamacare is without question, a shitty bandaid and on a abysmal, broken system that needs to be fucking thrown out, but it's a bandaid that for the moment will save the lives of thousands of people who have cancer. So I guess there's that.

The ruling also automatically got a reaction from many in looking for someplace to run to. Some were shooting to move to Canada because of it. But to be fair, Canada's universal healthcare is much more sane than Obamacare.

Then again, I guess they think the U.S. is socialist and Canada isn't. So eh. I mean, in reading the ruling, the only things that happened here are;

1. Yes, the healthcare punishment thing is indeed a Tax. Literally nothing changes in it.

2. The feds aren't allowed to strip medicaid funding from states who refuse to join in the medicaid expansion. The medicaid expansion continues to exist as an opt-in thing for extra cash.

And not a whole lot else. It seems that the republicans only response is that "they lied to us! They said it wasn't a tax, but that's what the supreme court used to justify it! America was deceived and now the biggest tax put upon the American people in the past 40 years is a-okay to go on"

Yup, that seems to cover it just fine. And hey, now that this passed, you may as well donate to Obama, especially if you have a friend with a wedding coming up...

Is your wedding, birthday, or anniversary coming up? President Barack Obama has the perfect gift registry for you. Skip Bed Bath & Beyond, he suggests, and have your guests donate straight to his re-election campaign. To make this process easier, the Obama reelection campaign has started an event registry to let supporters request donations from their family and friends instead of gifts on their big day. They make setting up and sharing your registry with everyone you know as easy as can be.

“Got a birthday, anniversary, or wedding coming up? Let your friends know how important this election is to you — register with Obama 2012, and ask for a donation in lieu of a gift,” reads the Obama Event Registry website. ” It’s a great way to support the President on your big day. Plus, it’s a gift that we can all appreciate — and goes a lot further than a gravy bowl.”

Supporters are asked to set a monetary goal for donations. The campaign also supplies them with suggested language when asking guests to make campaign contributions:

“For my big day, I’d like to show my support for a cause I believe in — re-electing President Obama,” the site says. “That’s why I’m asking my friends and family to donate to the Obama campaign. Thanks for chipping in!”
I have a friend who just recently got married and they got seven crockpots from wedding guest. One being from me, and yet here is someone coming up with an even more irritating gift. Thanks Obama. You're something else! I guess it's something you have to do. I mean, if you give a gift to Obama from your wedding, maybe Obama will bless your sacred day by not having drones fly in on it.

So what exactly happens if you don't comply with it? Well, they made the punishment pretty much a slap on the wrist.
"For individuals who choose to not comply with the individual insurance mandate, Congress deliberately chose to make the penalty fairly weak: only $95 for 2014; $325 for 2015; and $695 in 2016. After 2016, that $695 amount is indexed to the consumer price index."
Seems pretty alright to me. Though make no mistake about it, these taxes will not lead to a public option.

Thursday, June 28, 2012

What Is Drugs?

What Is Drugs?

This guy brings up a good point;

I mean, it's a really good question - What exactly is drugs? For that sort of thing we need to go to teenagers. I think they know what are these mystery drugs things that this man, who just got done doing a police chase for nothing more than swagger.

So maybe we should ask teens.. or at least decode their magic secret code;

I wonder what that extra D stands for? Maybe it's for Parents Suck Mad D(elicious Oysters, it makes me so jealous that I don't have the disposable income I would need to afford them!)

Oh wait, I just saw the fine print. Hmmm, a bit rude if you ask me.

MHIO?!? Whoa, kids these days are getting bold. Though I don't think that LKAB is anything new. I mean, who hasn't killed a transient in this day and age for shits and giggles? Exactly! Nothing new under the sun there, my friends. NMH - I mean, who doesn't? But what about the other codes

RTCMITRV - Ready To Cook Meth In The RV (yeah, kids aren't smart enough to know you don't have to put V in there)

RBAC - Robbing Bank After Church

FILGB - Fuck It, Let's Go Bowling

For as much as the youth is on drugs, maybe it's caused by the rock stars they listen to. Just read this letter from a band about their tragic show accident..
Hello everyone,
As you will probably have heard the roof over the stage collapsed at our show in Toronto killing crew member Scott Johnson and injuring three other crew members. The collapse also destroyed the light show – this show was unique and will take many weeks to replace. The collapse also caused serious damage to our backline, some elements of which are decades old and therefore hard to replace.
Whilst we all are dealing with the grief and shock ensuing from this terrible accident there are also many practical considerations to deal with & consequently we have to try and reschedule the following shows...
We will make every effort to offer the fans the very best show possible under the circumstances – thanks for your understanding and support.
I'm just shocked. Yo mang, our totally sick light show got fucked up... and so we're going to need to bump some of our tour dates, please bear with us, will you?

... Oh yeah, also some dude died, I guess.

Drugs man, they're one hell of a drug.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Sorkin Goes for the News

Sorkin Goes for the News

Here I thought HBO was done for a while on my Sunday night cue and then suddenly something that probably would interest me pops up. Newsroom. Though, I have to admit it's for a morbid reason. I mean, let's look at some of the negative reviews for the show;
and it’s time for everyone to acknowledge that, in fact, we’re a nation in decline. And that we only lead the world in incarcerated citizens. And that the Millennials are the “worst—period—generation—period—ever—period.” And that we once “reached for the stars” and were “informed by great men”
In a sense, it's angry baby boomers: The TV show
I knew I was going to hate-watch this when... Emily Mortimer's face appears during Daniel's opening screed. She's sitting in the audience, surrounded by a Halo of light. She then starts holding up signs to Will, so he can answer the "Why is America the greatest country on Earth" question in as inflammatory a manner as possible. Only later do we realize she's not really there, and, indeed, is just a college student who just sorta looks like her. She's an angel! In his head!
In any case, Daniel's character goes on a trite about how we aren't a great nation, nor the greatest nation. I agree with this. The other stuff seemed like a stretch though.

Like, what the fuck, what period of American history was he talking about when he's saying about "cultivating the world's greatest artist and the greatest economy". Is he talking about the 80's or something? I'm just not sure I get it. I'm sure that monologue with the tinkling piano music about the epic past greatness of America when men were men, women were women, and there wasn't no ten commandments and a man could raise a thirst just really turned a lot of people away.

Then he said that the Millenials are the worst generation ever? Let's here Sorkin speaking to a member of the worst generation ever...
“Listen here, Internet girl,” he says, getting up. “It wouldn’t kill you to watch a film or pick up a newspaper once in a while.” I’m not sure how he’s forgotten that I am writing for a newspaper; looking over the publicist’s shoulder, I see that every reporter is from a print publication (do not see: Drew Magary). I remind him. I say also, factually, “I have a New York Times subscription and an HBO subscription. Any other advice?”

He looks surprised, then high-fives me. Being not a person who high-fives or generally makes physical contact with interview subjects, I look more surprised.
“I’m sick of girls who don’t know how to high-five,” he says. He makes me try to do it “properly,” six times. He also makes me laugh; I’m nervous, and it’s so absurd. He loves it. He says, “Let me manhandle you.” Then he ambles off, hoping I’ll write something nice, as though he has never known how the news works, how many stories can be true.
In the show, there's really no meaningful distinction between idealism in action and blatant wish-fulfillment fantasy. And I do realize that it's going to be a one-and-done sort of show just like Studio 60. Because there's no way this is going to be the shining beacon of righteousness for years to come.

Even then, it's only making it through a full season because it's on HBO instead of a network. West Wing only survived because it was on NBC at the tail end of the Clinton administration and all that goodwill is gone now.

So even if it can snag the baby boomer liberals who can afford HBO now, which is exactly the kind of sell-out former radical that Aaron Sorkin is all about, I doubt this is going to live past to see a second season.

I'm sure that Sorkin will interpret this show's imminent failure as some kind of proof that the world is ultraconservative now and not that it was any fault of the show he is completely incapable of seeing how cringe-inducing his storytelling really is.

I think liberal boomers like to think they can watch something and feel informed and smart and tad bit elite towards. Studio 60 was about TV, which nobody knows anything about. Including and especially Aaron Sorkin apparently.

There was a lot of competition for this honor, but I have to say that the dumbest thing on Studio 60 was when Tom, a twenty-three year-old comedy actor/writer, decided to rail against blogs. Not a specific blog, but the whole medium of Blogging in general. Tom did not like blogs. He hated them. Mainly because Aaron Sorkin hates them. Let's be fucking honest here. If Tom was an actual twenty-three year-old comedy actor/writer, he would have a blog. Tom would also have a youtube channel, and a professional facebook page and a personal website. Tom would have a twitter account now. Tom would have a massive online presence because THAT IS HOW BEING A COMIC WORKS IN THE TWENTY-FIRST GODDAMN CENTURY!

But no.. it's lumped to just "These youn people just don't get television!" I mean, seriously, what the fuck kind of writers room doesn't have 20 people doing literally nothing but trolling youtube for hours at a time... like... really. That's what happens in writers rooms.

So it comes to no surprise that in The Newsroom, Sorkin still hates blogs in the year 2012. I just imagine the next episode will have a scene sort of like this;
Two twentysomething interns are whispering to each other standing next to the fax machine outside an office.

"Did you hear about that exciting news item?"
"Exciting news item?"
"Yeah, the exciting news item that's going to be the catalyst for this episode."
"No I haven't heard about that one yet, how'd you find out about it"
"Well I read about it."
"Read about it? Where, we've been checking the wire reports all morning"
"I read about it on a blog, of course."

Jeff Daniels, sitting at his desk, overhears them.

He crumples his papers and narrows his eyes.


And as if the blog shit isn't enough to just show you how high and mighty Sorkin is on himself, the title of the first episode was "We just decided to.." Could this possibly be any more sanctimonious? Which is strange because it has like.. lots of good actors and a few good performances and really great production values, but this writing is just... so amateur hour.

Sorkin's writing really does grate me sometimes. Like, remember the time on the west wing when Ainsley Hayes asked Sam Seaborne how she looked, since she was in a dress for a party or something, and Sam's response was "You'd make a good dog break his leash" and a nearby woman objected but was shot down because "It's all right, we're just work buddies"

It was written so that Ainsley's reasoning for it being okay was she liked being treated like "one of the boys" which makes perfect sense when you consider how often men make sexually suggestive comments to other men at their formal workplaces.

And this one was odd in Newsroom, Dev Patel's character is nicknamed "Punjab" and it's explained that it's from a character in Little Orphan Annie, which apparently Sorkin thinks it's less of a racial slur for some reason? Then the crew are able to figure out all the details of the deepwater horizon spill within a few hours before everyone else because one of the producers just happens to have two inside contacts at BP and Halliburton and another is a science geek who built a papermache volcano in elementary school.

Which seems a little odd, but it's even more odd that I read things like this;
"Sorkins dramatic turns and twists are arbitrary to the dramatic moment he creates and they are unforgiving and obvious and oblivious to the audience."
I'm confused, how can there be any twists and turns in a show about news events that already occurred in reality?

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Old Fashioned

Old Fashioned

In thinking of Mad Men, or at least what I recently said about Mad Men a week or so back, it really was not good for one thing - now I crave an Old Fashioned like no one's business. And yet here I am at work - not able to partake in the fine drink of gentlemen. Part of me feels like it would make me more productive, yet management deems it unfit for me and disagrees with that assessment.

I do want to make one thing clear - enjoying an Old Fashioned made with proper maraschino cherry does not make you a bad person. In fact, it's perfectly fine... to some degree. You have to crush that sucker up and place it on top as fanciful garnish. In my opinion, a cherry should only be a garnish and nothing more.

Then again, drink whatever the fuck you want. However the fuck you want to. Some purist may give you a hard time about it, but why let others control what you actually enjoy? There's nothing you can do to please everyone so why bother. This advice should be followed..... to a point.

You see, there's some people who enjoy an Old Fashioned with other items like Brandy, as found in this Jeffrey Morgenthaler Brandy Old Fashioned recipe and while the classic is made with Burbon (or whiskey), there's some variations that use other spirits. Another example is a Vodka Old Fashioned..

That's were I cross the line and say what the fuck is the point of that? I really don't know, nor do I even want to find out. Vodka is a neutral spirit, as I've explained before, so it being in an Old Fashioned seems pretty pointless.

Let's just talk about traditional and off the wall for a second. Traditionally, they are bourbon and I do recall that Canadian Whisky is often used in a pinch. If you make it with Scotch than it becomes a Scotch Old Fashioned. It's best to just make them with your utility whiskey that is generally something cheap that you're not ruining by throwing sugar and bitters in it. Tennessee whiskey, bottom shelf bourbon or a blended whiskey is good for this purpose.

This is also the ORIGINAL cocktail. The one that started it all. So with that history behind there, what's there not to like about an Old Fashioned? Most of all, they're not really fussy, and the sugar and bitters makes a good drink of an inferior whiskey, and often cheaper than a measure of the high end scotch on the bar. Similarly, drinking at home, they don't require you to keep much on hand as far as other mixers go, and sometimes you really don't want to drink a good single malt. Sometimes you just want a drink, and don't want to break out the good sippin' whisky.

So when the notion of a vodka old fashioned comes up, what's the point when you're trying to mask bad whisky with this drink? Why not just throw coke into cheap vodka and be done with it? Chances are your vodka Old Fashioned is just going to taste primarily of whatever bitters you ended up using.

Monday, June 25, 2012

Random Thoughts AMONday

Random Thoughts AMON-day

Probably the most random thought I had this weekend was "I sure hope in the Avatar's world's future, Amon gets put on a T-shirt for rebellious teens to wear."

Then I realize I'm taking a cartoon too seriously. I mean, I did just write a piece on The Legend of Korra the other day when the episodes came out. But hey, maybe there's something to the political commentary that a Nick cartoon has to instil on our youth today.

Let's face it, Amon is entirely a well-characterized figure in the show. The show made it clear on why he was opposed to benders. He thought bending was the source of all evil and he thought the worst bender ever was his father. Ultimately he saw the hierarchy created by bending to be really really bad and wanted to end it. The fact that he uses blood bending to do this sort of thing is something that brings him immense shame, along with his identity as Yakone's son. So to respond to this he created another identity for himself. He's defined as trying to not belike his father as much as possible, and he saw debending the avatar, the most powerful bender, as the culmination of his quest to end all bending by taking down the main figure of the culture.

In fact, the idea that he uses blood bending to debend is entirely irrelevant, really he never uses blood bending throughout the rest of the series. He's full of shame that he's inadequate to his own task, and that he has to use his father's tools to dismantle his father's house, to butcher the audre lorde. Tarlokk is very similar; he sees a powerful threat that nobody else oculd handle and decided he needed to take decisive action to end it so that someone like his father could not gain control of the city.

Just think, if Amon could have come clean and at the beginning of the thing said "Yo, I'm Yakone's son, no I don't want revenge, in fact I think bending is evil as all hell and want to just get rid of it all using this technique I invented, except you know it really sucks that it involves using the same tool that we are trying to fight." he would have, but he correctly realized that nobody is going to trust yakone's son to get rid of all bending and then be the only bender left, I suppose.

But still, it is nice that they didn't just make him cartoonishly evil and make the whole "I will debend everyone and be the only bender left-a ha ha ha ha!" his motivation or really suggested at all that it was the case. I am still mad that he turned out to be a bender, but I guess this is the least obnoxious way it could have been done.

And while we're on the subject of least obnoxious things, let's jump to one of the most obnoxious things - What the fuck happened to Zuko's mom already? Seriously, just resolve this fucking plot thread already. I need to wait till next season to even get a hint of this shit? BULLSHIT, I say.

Anyhow, back to the whole Equalism movement in itself - Equalism is itself a farce in that it says that utter equality in ability is the means to social justice, when even the very basic analysis shows that complete equality in that sense is not only impossibly, but horrific. Social justice doesn't mean you deafen everyone who happens to have perfect pitch just because that means they can get a job in the symphony more easily.

Benders clearly have no innate improved ability to say, captain a ship. On the other hand, firebenders do have an innate ability to work an existing powerplant. The solution isn't to destroy the energy source of an industrializing society in order to prevent the workers who make it function equal to those who can't. It's to prevent that work from being rewarded unfairly, and to prevent those who CAN'T do such work from being marginalized, when it's clear they can contribute to society in a wide variety of other ways, like say running the damn plant if they're a good administrator.

In short, Equalism is a baby ideology for babies. And with that, I've probably written more words about an imaginary political economy in this post alone than I have on most actual academic subjects in the past 10 years.

Let's just get it thrown out there - We shouldn't conflate the tenets of Equalism with the cult of Amon. Equalism is dumb on its own merits. Just think of what they were doing in the last few episode.
"we were only bombing military targets, sorry about all the civilian casualties. most moral army"

I mean, it's way too much like our own country where we fight terrorist with terrorism.

Either way, this blogger's post about the ending to the season is really spot on with how I sort of feel about it.
Who ever thought we’d see a murder-suicide in a kid’s show? If nothing at all, we can at least appreciate the greater depth this show was at least trying to address (e.g. class warfare) regardless of how poorly it was handled, and that the creators at least have the audacity to push the boundaries and include thematically dark scenes like these—themes running contrary to what are found in Avatar: The Last Airbender, particularly the in regards to the concept of the “second chance”.
I think it sinks in to him that he can never go back to who he was. That’s it’s gone forever, and whatever his motivation actually was for the Revolution is useless to him now. Whatever the purpose he had given himself is now severed by an identity he never wanted. This is probably why he sheds that tear. It dawns on him, too, that he cannot return to who he wanted to be. That the idea that “there’s nothing we can’t do” really isn’t true.

Sometimes, there are no second chances. Sometimes, things happen in life that can’t be undone or mended.

But I can’t help but feel like this entire theme is undermined when Korra (and Lin) get everything back so easily. Neither Korra or Lin are forced to accept that their bending is gone forever, that a part of themselves has been changed—part of their identities lost—and that there’s nothing they can do to go back to the way things were. Neither of them go on a long, fruitless journey to discover the secret of reattaining their bending which would force them to accept the change in themselves and become new individuals. A really solid theme of loss, grief, resilience, and personal growth could have been tied in if only that deus ex machina crap didn’t happen. I would say that the interaction between Noatak and Tarrlok at the end is the most poignantly written part in the show if only it wasn’t rendered pointless by that ending.
So very true.. So very very true.

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Sealing Things.

Sealing Things

Would you take a moment and look at that helpful seal?!

Oh, how cute!

Though seriously, man. When I said I needed a tighter seal on this hose, this is NOT what I meant.

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Avatar - Political Discourse in Cartoon Form

Avatar - Political Discourse in Cartoon Form

You know when you were a kid and your parents watched shows with you, GOOD shows. The way that Pixar does its films and what not where an adult can enjoy the media just as much as the child? If not, slightly more because of the undertones in it that only they can pick up on? Yeah.. The Legend of Korra is pretty much like that.

As the season ends today, I'm sure there's a lot of people complaining that unlike the original Avatar, in which there was an absolute ton of episodes that do nearly nothing to move the plot along, but are entirely devoted to character development, it was really a circumlocutory show which fit with Aang being impulsive and childlike while Korra is more straightforward and she's very to-the-point of a character.

First off, the music to Korra is really top notch. I also like that in Korra, the bending is so ubiquitous and commonplace that it's reduced to a commodifiable skill. Korra can say "Bending is the coolest thing ever!" but it's a really shallow statement. Bending has become boring, and it's a reversal of the much more heroic themes seen in the last airbender where the ability to bend is a gift to be cherished and mastered and not a basic fact of life.

It's great how there's a lot of class statements in this show, a show for children, which is probably the best show on television to deal with class issues in the last ten years. And it's a kid's tv show. I know you're not suppose to sympathize with Amon, but how can you not? He's the manifestation of 20's socialism.

It's really the exact opposite of the way the last show went, where the traveling group was: The Avatar, the son and daughter of the chief of the southern water tribe, a scion of the earth kingdom's upper class, and the prince of the fire nation. But then again, there were the episodes about Ba Sing Se. Which is really one of the best episodes ever.

As ab acetic Aang got to dodge a lot of questions about money but his party always seemed to have enough, or be helped by any people they traveled with. I don't think Korra has quite that level of pull. And then there's Mako + bolin growing up poor but being able to manage partly because they were benders. One of the first scenes was Korra surprised that she needed money for things, and then meeting a homeless man and being harassed by a policeman. Not to mention the guy who was the pro-bending extortion ring.

It goes back to really liking the intense surveillance/revolution/class war themes that are really thick, but really good in this series. What's really making me crack up is that Korra is creating a lot of high schooler's on tumblr to post about it and in a sense become unintentional Stalinists because of it.

It's truly the hitherto greatest achievement of Western Media. Korra fills the role of the gifted but inexperienced and hotheaded new pilot that the current ace has trouble accepting at first. Sure it's cliche, but it's good stuff.

Amon is a radical liberal and is trying to destroy feudal privilege and birthright which has manifested itself in the development of a political and labor aristocracy of blenders over non-benders.

He's an interesting character regardless if you like him or not. He's one of the few representations in any children's media I've seen who actually had brought up the issues of systemic oppression. Even if they make him cartoonishly evil.

It seems that the parallels between Amon and Mao, and the Equalists with the Chinese Communist, then this would be very fitting: This isn't some Nazi-like genocide thing where the only good bender is a dead bender, there's an option for reform and becoming one of the flock, just like how the CCP didn't go out and kill all of the "class enemies" and "capitalist roaders," but through constant waves of criticism in "Struggle sessions" and "re-education through labor," one could be rehabilitated.

Long live the equalists!

Friday, June 22, 2012

Well.. Duh. That's How That Ended

Well.. Duh. That's How That Ended

Today in "Well, duh. I guess that's how that ended" of the day we have a simple image that says so much.

Well, I can't say that I saw that ending coming..

Thursday, June 21, 2012

AMC - Home of Complete Assholes We Cheer For

AMC - Home of Complete Assholes We Cheer For

Perhaps it's time to lay it out there - AMC is full of characters we really shouldn't be looking up to... in fact, we shouldn't even consider them anything more than shit stains of human beings. But man, do we really love ourselves some assholes.

Mad Men just ended two weeks ago and in that we have Don Draper. An alcoholic complete asshole, but hey, he cared enough about Joan to tell her that she didn't have to sleep with someone to get a client. Other than that though, here's his mindset on the hard hitting issues.
hmm let me just dump my caring, stable, mature psychologist girlfriend for a literal child who is also my secretary
If that doesn't show you how Don is a really irresponsible impulsive hedonistic self-destructive person who only looks good when compared to the idle rich when even Mad Men cannot address as anything less than the insidious leeching scum of the earth.

Then you have Walter White. Who, well, he's making high end crystal. If that's not something you should dislike about the dude, even if it's to make money so he could leave to his family when he dies of lung cancer, I just don't know what you can really say to justify his actions.

So we're left with the following;

Don is a really irresponsible impulsive hedonistic self-destructive person
Walter White is a really irresponsible impulsive hedonistic self-destructive person
Tony Soprano is a really irresponsible impulsive hedonistic self-destructive person.
Dexter is a really irresponsible impulsive hedonistic self-destructive person... but he kills "bad" people, so it's all good.

In summary, Don, Walter, Tony and Dexter are all bad people, but we just love to watch them and cheer for them even.

But hey, I guess Mad Men gets a pass on it because it shits on middle class white people and people worship Don Draper because they don't get he is a waste, hates himself and his life for a good reason.

Mad Men would be a great show to watch if you're of the opinion that Don Draper is the villain of it. Sadly, very few people are of this opinion. He's a whirlwind obliterating the lives of everyone close to him. Though this isn't anything new. Anytime a show has a terrible self-serving person as their protagonist, like you can see in The Shield, The Sopranos or Breaking Bad, at least 50% of the people watching it miss the point entirely and start to glamorize these sociopathic brutes.

In actuality it's pretty funny.

You can see this a lot when people idolize characters like Dexter, as if he's some amazing crusader. People will idealize these characters. Like Rorschach from Watchmen, all because he doesn't compromise. Mad Men is essentially about a shape-shifting sociopath that vents his frustration by making stupid people buy useless shit. You can buy a copy of the suit he wears from Brooks Brothers for $1,000 bucks... Need I say more?

One could make the argument that the real protagonist of Mad Men is Peggy Olsen. Though that would be tossed out as she fucking left the company because they overworked here and treated her character like shit.

At best, you should watch Mad Men for the very rare socialist one-liners. For example, characters discuss how making over 80k a year is pointless because then you get taxed at 76%, a client complaining that LBJ's social security and medicare plans were a pit stop on the way to Soviet Russia, and Don Draper complaining that the capital gains tax is 48%.

Sadly though, this theme is mainly glossed over with the idea that is in your mind that "Jesus Christ, America was just as terrible then as it is now" combined with some average drama. The only thing more people know about Mad Men besides Christina Hendrick's really large breast is that people think it's funny how they drink at lunchtime and smoke a lot.

In actuality this whole masturbatory idealization of an era when being white and male was even more of a cheat code for success than it is now is pretty crazy. Advertising is inescapable enough in this country without a TV show providing a shallow excuse for the industry to pat itself on the back for being so vital and interesting. At best it's a criticism of patriarchy, advertising and society combined with a soap opera drama. But it's important to remember and always remember that Mad Men is basically "Don Draper - The Eternal Fuck-up no one should admire: The show"

Even if the intro has an ad man jumping to his death while being surrounded by hollow advertisements. But much like war movies have the effect of normalizing and creating social acceptance of war regardless of their perspective on war, popular culture that attempts to criticize or subvert a phenomenon will inevitably reinforce it through a combination of general low-level osmosis as well as via the subset who only consume the surface level of the program.

I'm pretty sure that many people miss the point altogether.

Worse than anything, the show made ordering an Old Fashion give the impression to the bartender that you're some kind of hipster Mad Men fan. I tell you, I was ordering Old Fashion long before that. But I guess it's pretty nice that people now actually know what the fuck I'm talking about when I do order one up. Before that you sort of had to be in a bourbon bar to get one. Or be really descriptive about what it is that you wanted. "Yo barkeep, give me some bourbon, but dump a bunch of sugar and canned fruit into it first cause I'm a pinkie up type of drinker."

And as long as I'm posting about Mad Men, seriously folks, start drinking old fashioneds. They are great and also don't come off as a fru-fru drink even though they have a cherry in it.

I'm getting besides the point - AMC likes assholes. And I didn't even get to the fuckers on Walking Dead who all deserve everything that is coming to them in way of zombie attacks.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Here Comes The Sun...

Here Comes The Sun...

Happy Summer Solstice! You know what this means - it'll be sunlight for the longest time today. In most places from like 5am to around 8:30 or so. Fuckin'-A! I guess I should do something productive and go outside instead of getting highly intoxicated. Wait, I can get highly intoxicated out in the real world also. Which is all fine and dandy. But seriously, go outside!

Besides today being the official start of summer, it also means that it's okay to take out your shorts and not look like a complete douche.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Fuck Magnets - How Does Gravity Work?

Fuck Magnets - How Does Gravity Work?

This is a simple thing that we take for granted, but not to sound like the Insane Clown Posse, but magnets aren't even the issue. How the fuck does gravity even work?! Can you tell me?

I bet you can't. I don't understand how or why gravity exists. Like, I believe myself to be a well educated man who is better read than most with a really good eye on science, but I don't get gravity. I mean, like, I get how it works, basically, but I don't get WHY it works.

Follow me here for a second. As far as I understand it, gravity is the result of objects' desire to return to their original state imprinted within them at the time of creation: "On the ground".

It's one of the few things I just don't get and for the most part, scientist don't get either and if you're going to tell me "Well duh this is why it works", you'll be a liar. Gravity is still a mysterious force to the science community. Hell, they don't even know if it's a force at all. We know the effects of gravity and how difficult it is to work against, but the how on it is completely up in the air on why it does what it does.

You have Kepler's theory, Newton's gravity laws and even Einstein. But all of theirs broke down somewhere and don't exactly explain the why of it. You have to get into Quantum Gravity to even get close to figuring out what the fuck is happening. And even then it doesn't answer the why of it. In which you get into loop quantum gravity and string theory. And if we're going to go down that road, we may as well answer it with ISCP's answer - Fuckin' Magic.

Monday, June 18, 2012

My Little Pony and Partying Hard

My Little Pony and Partying Hard

This maybe the most important story you've heard all year - did you know that Andrew WK is going to give a motivational speech at the My Little Pony convention?

Ponies are going to party hard!
Party veteran and hedonist extraordinaire Andrew WK is set to make a motivational speech at a My Little Pony convention this September.

The singer – who, in the single 'Party Hard', paid tribute to the benefits of debauchery – will feature on a panel answering the question 'What Would Pinkie Pie Do?' Pinkie Pie is a party-planning pink horse who features in the My Little Pony animated show Friendship Is Magic, of course.

According to Pitchfork, a press statement says that Andrew WK is the "the real life embodiment" of the party pony. He'll give motivational tips on how to "make your job as fun as your party, and your party as important as your job".

The event, entitled Canterlot Gardens, will be held in Strongville, Ohio, September 28-30.

The singer has previously claimed that if he ever stopped partying, he might die. Asked if he thought he could die if he stopped partying, he replied: "Yes. For me, anyway, I don't know if it's true for everybody." He added:

But for me it's like how a shark can't stop swimming. It's not that I will die, but if I stop partying it will lead to extreme complications in my wellbeing. And that will lead to death within potentially two minutes.

The rocker also insisted that time not spent partying was time wasted, adding: "Most people tell you there are certain moments you should celebrate in life. For example, the weekend coming so you should party on a Friday. Or your birthday or New Year's Eve."

Despite his commitment to having non-stop fun, Andrew WK will be doing some work this year. Aside from his speaking commitments, he'll be reissuing his classic debut album 'I Get Wet' in July, and is also planning on starting sessions on the follow-up to his 2009 release '55 Cadillac'.

This is all well and good, but what the fuck does LMFAO have to say about inspector gadget? THIS IS IMPORTANT!

I sort of like the part of the song where he says "HEY YOU LET'S PARTY!" because I always get this image in my head of Andrew W.K. just walking down the street partying by himself and just grabbing random people and partying with them.

But then again, he only has one song... How the fuck is he still famous?! Even more so, I have never actually seen him partying. I think that his party tales might all be a lie after all.

Perhaps it's because I keep forgetting that Andrew WK came around as a wonderful alternative to all the aggressive and whiny and whiny aggressive rock music that was the order of the day around the turn of the century. He was a beacon of positivity and niceness in a mire of shitty white suburban kids screaming about killing their girlfriends and/or their family.

Just think of how Huey Lewis did that in his day and thus, why he's a-okay in my book.

I ain't gonna let no square beat me. If he kicks me out of the house, the party's on. If he disses me in front of my friends, the party's on. I ain't gonna let no square beat me. Period. That's it. You don't stop the party.

The only way to stop the party is to cut the head off and I mean that I'll party till I haven't got a breath left in me. I don't think any of those animals out in that street can out party me, I've been going that way for 18 years of partying and that's the way I'm going to keep on going. You simply DON'T STOP THE PARTY!

Anyhow, I'm pretty sure that this is just leading to next year's convention having a panel that will have Slavoj Zizek talking about the revolutionary implications of Applejack as a farmer, and how it fits into the current postmodern dynamic with regards to metronormativity and the commodifications of identity.

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Happy Father's Day?

Happy Father's Day?

Well, since I get the best gift of all on Father's day - NOT being a father, I guess I should celebrate it. So I'm going to catch me some zzzz's and maybe drink a beer or two. Perhaps even plan out a vacation. Where should I go?

Maybe to beautiful and exciting Progress Island - U.S.A.!

Let your dad eat the big piece of chicken today, he's earned it. Unless, of course, he went out for a pack of smokes 20 years ago and never came back. How many stores do you need to go to, dad?

Saturday, June 16, 2012

From Russia with Love - Vodka and You

From Russia with Love - Vodka and You

Vodka's an interesting thing... but it's something that is often given too much hype for what it is - a neutral spirit. At best, a mixer that goes into some tomato and hot sauce mixture or a white Russian. Hell, you'll toss it in some orange juice. Anything to just get some flavor out of it.

But to be honest, I've never understood the hullabaloo with expensive vodka. There really is no point in buying the grey goose or the kettle one. I once ran some 10 buck vodka through a Brita filter about four times and then refilled up a grey goose bottle with it and nobody noticed the difference. An intentionally flavorless beverage isn't usually something I'm looking to pay a lot of money for. I don't know about you.

But then again, that's what causes the retarded marketing gimmicks like a crystal skull or some stupid fruit in the bottle. To be fair though, I'd be tempted to buy the Crystal Skull vodka once to reuse the bottle for other stuff. But yeah, once you get out of the $11 plastic handle category, I really don't see the point, you're buying an expensive brand just to look flashy and nothing else.

And really, the best bit is that the whole super-premium vodka line started with a business plan of "If we charge a ridiculous amount of money for it people will think it's quality and then they'll think that paying a ridiculous amount of money for it is justified." That's how you differentiate yourself from a bunch of other neutral spirits: charge more money than they do.

At least with scotch or whiskey, you are paying because that neutral spirit has been sitting in a fucking charred barrel for close to 10 to 20 years. You can actually taste the difference between a 12 year old scotch and a 18 year old one.

I guess the only part that is holding me back on this whole thing is that Vodka isn't really a neutral spirit. Vodka is meant to taste neutral. So, well, I guess you can ding me on that, but it's still the same sort of thing. Everclear is a neutral spirit specifically - but still, Vodka is suppose to taste like nothing, so you probably shouldn't put too much cash to something tasting like something when the goal is to taste like nothing.

It starts as a neutral spirit, all that's done to it is dilution from the azeotrope: neutral spirits so distilled, or so treated after distillation with charcoal or other materials, as to be without distinctive character, aroma, taste, or color. My point still stands that not only does it taste like anything, it's not suppose to taste like anything.

If anything, the quality of a vodka is determined by what you take out of it, not what you put in.

This is why Vodka is the one spirit that I literally don't give a fuck about when I buy it. It's just has to be good enough not to have the oily kerosene note that happens when they don't bother to get the fusels out of it before it goes into a bottle. I'll spend money on bourbon, sure, but with vodka it's going into a mixed drink or having something infused in it and all I want it to do is be a neurotoxic solvent.

A little fun fact to all this is that in the former SSR republics of Russia, there was a huge problem with alcoholism because during the Cold War, the USSR's annual defense budget was always equal to net sales of its state run vodka industry. So to encourage the citizens to drink as much as possible, the bottles did not feature replaceable bottle caps. Once you opened the sucker, you had to drink it all.

Friday, June 15, 2012

Welp... Comic's New Low

Welp... Comic's New Low

This is it. We've reached the peak comic book female objectification right here with this issue;

This female character... is so strong.... Ugh!

I mean, look at that cover. How does it even get created? It just looks way more exaggerated than most normal comics could or should or ever would be. I just can't help but die a little inside when I see it.

More than anything, how would you purchase that at a comic book store? Which in itself is already a harrowing experience. But how could you pick that up from the rack and then walk to the counter and hand over money for it without immediately dying of shame?

Then if that wasn't bad enough, check out the dude who drew that in his blog spot. RIGHT HERE. The fucking gall of the guy to do the picture right below the Catwoman cover seems to be proof that density can be insanely thick with some.

The cover just - it's just terrible on all fronts. Apparently Catwoman's main power is not having an abdomen. But hey, she's a strong female feminist fighter, right? Ugh.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Kool-Aid Wars

Kool-Aid Wars

In the long history of strange and often bloody rivalries, there is typically some odd beginning to the feud. This next story, well, let's just say that it could be the start of the most retarded Hatfields & McCoys possible.
Two Detroit teens have been wounded after a gunfight broke out over what eyewitnesses say was an argument over who makes the best Kool-Aid.

The beverage-based battle took place Tuesday night in the city's Brightmoor neighborhood in front of an abandoned school building, according to WJPK-TV

"The initial argument, from my understanding, began over Kool-Aid," a witness told reporter Andrea Isom, who confirmed the story with Detroit officers.

The tongue-lashing increased in intensit until two of the men from the conflicting Kool-Aid crews started shooting each other.

However, neither shooter hit their intended mark, according to, which reported that two innocent bystanders, both 17, were hit by the stray bullets.

One victim was struck in the wrist and the other got a bullet in the rear.
Well.. that sure was something to start a war about. What gets me even more is that these dumb asses were so hyped up on sugar that they couldn't even aim right.

I have to wonder if high fructose corn syrup just causes retardation. I don't have any other way to explain it. Perhaps that it acts like a drug for these dumb fucks. Other than that, I just don't know what to say about this case other than have a really dumbfounded look to my face. Because, really. How the fuck does this even happen? It sounds like an onion article. In fact, it sounds too made up to even sound like an onion article.

I hope that you're all a little dumber because of this article. I know I am.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Mad Men - Season 5

Mad Men - Season 5

I can sum up season 5 of Mad Men with this simple video.

I mean, what else is there to say? On the season finale of Mad Men; Don Draper gets a tooth ache... I mean, fucking seriously now. What the hell was that? I guess we end it off with Don going back to his old ways. He does probably feel complete guilt over Price's hanging... which really does suck as I like him as an actor on the show. On the flip side, shit happens.

But I think that Mad Men falls into the same situation as The Great Gatsby. In that I may have to watch it because it looks really, really prety. Not because it will be good. Mind you.

They should just make a movie out of the great Gatsby, That's a book that movie watchers were clamoring for! Then again, Carey Mulligan needs to be in a lot more things. Where as Tobey Maguire needs to be in a lot less of them. Though, he'd probably be a good Nick. I think he has a lot of what the character... is... I guess.

Back to Mad Men. Yeah, not a shit lot happens, but I guess that's what we've come to expect from Mad Men. The highlight of the season was a fat Betty.. and that's about it. On to a better show...

I ended up watching the first two episodes of Tron: Uprising, which is Disney's animated tron series and it was pretty damn decent. The visuals are a sort of Tron mixed with Aeon Flux and they ercycle the entire Legacy soundtrack to a decent effect. And so far one of the main semi-antagonists is a very capable woman, though of course that means there's sarcastic sexy banter during the fights,

Besides that, it's also about a violent insurrection and has Lance Reddick and Pee Wee in it. So hey, double win!

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

A Sole Alien

A Sole Alien

With Prometheus out, perhaps it's time to look a little more into that film in itself. Take a look at this image;

There's an interesting story behind it. There was an article from a Swedish magazine, where the author tries to find the person that played the alien in the film. It starts off as a sort of "It would be really cool to meet the person that caused me all those scares" but then turns into an obsession and... I think I'm going to try to translate the last part of the article, but it's hugely depressing...

To set it up a little, the author is a huge Alien fan and knows all the trivia but is taken aback by a comment on the Prometheus trailer by someone asking what happened to the guy that played the original alien, and so he starts to do all this research on it but finds very little to no information about it. He's only ever mentioned in passing in the 6 hour long special edition Blu Ray but the person the person that asked what had happened to him also knows his name and thought he had managed to set up a choreography studio in London, so the writer calls it only to get a women's voice that tells him that he's one of many that has called her asking for "the creature", but since the name she shares with the actor, Bolaji Badejo, is a common Nigerian name it would be impossible to find him.

So he's left a little depressed when he gets another email from the commenter with a list of names and numbers for the carpenters and stage hands. With that he sends off emails to them and that's where I'll let the article take over;

When it had been a few weeks and I had just started thinking about other things, including the upcoming Prometheus premiere, the answer arrived. One of the men who built the famous model of the space ship Nostromo has bad news: "Bolaji committed suicide shortly after he returned to Nigeria," he writes in an email. "I read it in Screen International in the early eighties, so I think that is true."

There is a phone number in the email signature, so I call to ask if he is sure that he remember correctly. The man responds in a polite British voice: "I am sure, because the news of Bolajis death took me extra hard because we never got to know him."

"Why?" I ask.

"Well ... it must have been a true and sad experience for him to be alone in that hotel room."

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"Well ... the producers put him in a different hotel than the rest of crew, some distance away from the shooting, so that he would feel extra strange and scary when he showed up. And it worked. He was always very lonely during the shooting. Sat in his swing. "


"Well ... he could not sit on regular chairs because he had that awkward costume on, so someone on the team built a swing for him to sit on when we had a break. There he sat in his loneliness and rocked in silence, with the mask on. "

Stunned, I manage to stutter something about being grateful that he would talk to me. I end the call and stay awake in the dark for long. In the end, I stretch for the phone and watch some YouTube clips from Alien, as I have done so often over the years when I can not sleep.

But something has happened, the movie affects me in a different way than I'm used to. When the camera sweeps across the shadows, I am reminded of how I used to feel about it that darkness before I was ten. Something unknown and dangerous brood in there, and there is nothing attractive in it at all. Just sheer terror.


Monday, June 11, 2012

My Own Personal Jesus

My Own Personal Jesus

I was once asked on the streets during my travels if I believed in Jesus. I replied with a big fat NO. Which then just led them to ask what it would take for me to accept Jesus as my own personal savior. I was extra confused by this, considering if I don't believe in him, how could I accept a non existent idea or person as a personal savior?

While I'm strongly holding on to my atheist lack of beliefs, it did make me wonder, what would "Jesus" or "God" need to do for you, in order for you to accept this silly fairy tale. Maybe a tour of the universe would suddenly set your beliefs in motion?

Then again, if he took me on a sight seeing tour of the universe and answered some pretty important questions, I probably would just assume that I went crazy and/or was high on bath salts. So I'd probably still wouldn't believe, nor would I even feel sane anymore.

I guess what can be said is that atheism, in its own right, is already a religion. It's just not the popular kind - and really that's the important part. Once you become a majority with your religion, you get the bragging rights and people stop thinking you're crazy...

Okay, they still think you're insane, but they just sort of laugh behind your back instead of in front of it. The whole concept of faith is silly for the very reason that you have to have faith in order to be faithful. It's not proof. So the excuse of he wants us to have FAITH, so see, that's the catch, I can't prove it to you, but you just gotta believe. It never struck me as anything but silly bullshit. It makes you wonder why even have faith in the first place.

Besides that, there is no logical reason why a supreme being, a jealous god and all that other shit, would require faith, except that it is absolute fucking rationalized bullshit. What is more likely of a situation, you tell me - no god at all or a trickster god that hides fossils to "test our faith"?

Just because some incredibly powerful extraterrestrial exists, I'm supposed to give it adulation? What a load of horseshit. I do believe in unconditional love, which is something that I think both exists and is pretty horrible.

We could have very easily had some sort of creator. But to assume that they give a shit about us anymore than you give a shit about that fifth grade project you made for biology and just sort of tossed into the corner, is a little far fetched. What is illogical is that if anything was that all powerful to create us, why the fuck would he be hanging around stalking us like so?

In the end, it's all about just making each of us feel like we're not completely purposeless. Cause hey, if you have God looking at you all the time, then you have to put on a show. You have to make something of yourself or feel like you're letting someone else down.

Seems kind of fucked up.

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Christina Hendricks Is Hot

Christina Hendricks Is Hot

Here's a Mad Men game: Try to find an article or interview with Christina Hendricks that DOESN'T mention her body.

Trick question: There's no such thing!

Yes, that's right -- Mad Men's sexy secretary Joan Holloway, played by Christina Hendricks, who, any jelly girl will point out first that she's not naturally a redhead, but does that really matter? Did you know that the highest percentage of natural redheads in the world is in Scotland - about 13%, followed closely by Ireland with 10%. In the US, about 2% of the population are natural redheads. - So let's just get it out of the way, I don't care about shit being a dye job.

Another fun fact is that redheads were considered witches in Germanic culture. From 1483 to 1784, thousands of suspected witches were nearly always stripped and searched for "marks of the devil." Which was freckles and red hair was certainly considered an abnormality.

Anyhow, back to Christina Hendricks.. If you're going to go through withdraws after tonight because you don't have your Joan fix, well now you can have your very own Joan Holloway:
Dolled up: Mad Men stars to be made into Barbies
It is a move that would have the male denizens of Sterling Cooper reaching for their whisky and cigarettes. Don Draper, a symbol of pre-sexual revolution male values from the hit TV show Mad Men, is to be made into a Barbie doll.

The licensing rights to Draper and three other characters from the critically acclaimed series have been acquired by the toy firm Mattel to be part of a line called the Barbie fashion model collection.

The featured dolls – Draper, his wife, Betty, and colleagues John Sterling and Joan Holloway – will cost $74.95 (£50.16) each.

Mattel's senior vice-president, Stephanie Cota, told the New York Times: "The dolls, we feel, do a great job of embodying the series. Certain things are appropriate and certain things aren't."

Given the drinking, infidelity and smoking that marks the show's chronicle of life at a New York advertising agency, the line of dolls will be aimed at the adult collectibles market and not the young girls who comprise Barbie's massive fan base.

The Mad Men dolls will be in shops this summer, just in time for the start of a fourth season of the show.
Then again, that news is pretty damn old. I'm sure that all the creepy folks who want to have Hendricks in their greasy grips already bought them all and you'll have to pay an inflated price on ebay for it.

Barbie better beware that she's going to steal Ken's attention away. I mean, Barbie is pretty much atomically incorrect as it is, while Christina Hendricks, as every magazine likes to point out, is a wonder to human DNA. Though I'm sure the Don Draper doll will get into Barbie's panties without any problems.

It does bring up an interesting subject. Does this Don Draper doll represent the first doll that kids could look to and see that he's a womanizing piece of shit alcoholic? I mean, Barbie was a bad role model in herself, but to kick it up a notch and make it so that your kids are playing with an adultery inspired character. Now that's throwing it into the realm of improper role models. Ironically enough, they don't come with cigs, ashtrays, alcohol glasses or cocktail shakers. So I guess you can't go full tilt in immersing yourself into the doll's world.

Besides, it's not like kids are going to be asking for these or ever play with them anyway. Only spurgin' adults, who have so much expendable income and lack of hobbies that they're willing to buy dolls based off an AMC drama (to be fair, I guess Walking Dead has toys made for it as well) will be getting them. So maybe they should have tossed in a martini glass or two. What else are the fans going to do for the year that it takes to come out with a new season?

So let's go back to the notion that everyone thinks she's hot. Because, really -- she's hot. You know, Christina Hendricks would have loved to play Wonder Woman.
Christina Hendricks: "I'd love to play Wonder Woman"
I have to say this.. but I can't believe I am doing so, but she's too busty for the role. I like Hendricks, but I just don't think she's right for the role. She's more suited for Power Girl. I always thought Joss Whedon had it right when he said Morena Baccarin was born for the role. She may not be as busty as the way Wonder Woman is typically drawn, but she has the "Amazonian" look down.

Do you need further proof? Esquire Magazine did name her the hottest woman of last year.

Mad Men's Christina Hendricks has been named America's most beautiful women in this year’s Esquire contest, reports PopEater. The actress, who received a whopping 30 per cent of the votes, will appear on the cover of the May issue of Esquire magazine looking stunning -- although, oddly, more like a young Julianne Moore than herself.

Although the official interview has yet to been published online, it seems that Hendricks’s wit matches her beauty. She offered some advice to her male fans: "No man should be on Facebook.”

Back to the subject of any interview with her always has to go back to her body... at the very least touch on it (tee hee) Just look at how in this interview she's giving into the Patriarchy and went on a diet..

Is Mad Men's curvy star going on a diet?

Please, Joan, say it ain’t so.

Christina Hendricks, who plays smoking hot office manager Joan Holloway on Mad Men, is reportedly going on a diet to squeeze herself in to Hollywood’s waifish standards.

“Christina has got sick of all the talk of her being the curviest woman in Hollywood. For her it basically meant she was being called fat,” an unnamed source told Britain’s Daily Mail newspaper.

“Now she’s gone against everything she believed in before by going on the first diet of her life. Christina’s cut out carbs, and alcohol, although she’s not a big drinker. She’s eating fish oil to break down fat and pak choi and edamame nearly every meal.”

The source said Hendricks aims to lose about 30 lbs.

Hendricks has yet to confirm the rumour, but it’s already shocked the blogosphere.

“If Christina Hendricks is indeed caving to the pressures of Hollywood to be skinny, I’ll be particularly disappointed,” wrote Wendy Atterberry, a contributor to, adding that Hendricks and her character “have been an inspiration to me.”

Another blog reacted with shocked disbelief. “Is she crazy, men love her curves, and most women would kill to have such a hot bod,” wrote

Hendricks has won plenty of praise over the years for her curvy figure. Earlier this year, for instance, she was voted the best-looking woman in America by Esquire magazine’s female readers in a survey published in April.

But the 35-year-old actress has also had to bear the burden of being a female star with actual curves. This past summer, she lamented that no fashion designers would give her a dress for award shows since they only lend out a size 0 or 2, she said.

While Hendricks should be free to lose (or gain) weight as she wishes, it’s a shame that “curvy” has become a bad word. It’s also disappointing that the demands to be thin in Tinseltown are as pervasive as booze is in the offices of Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce.
Welp, I guess I should just wrap it up now. Another woman succumbs to beauty standards set by an industry filled with vengeful gay men. But don't you love it when people go on fad diets and lose 15 pounds of water weight and maybe half a pound of fat and muscle in 2 weeks. Then they feel more accomplished than if they just went on a normal healthy diet where they would lose 1-2 pounds a week, but all of it would be fat and the long term benefits would be large and wide better than they would with this stupid diet?

But hey, that's more if you want to maintain a healthy weight, like if you just want to make a permanent lifestyle change instead of just yo-yoing between diets forever. I know, a little un-American, but then again, America is a primitive culture that worships big titties, and what does make up breast other than fat? Crushed dreams. That's right.

I guess it's just a matter of simple fact that women's bodies are, will and always will be the subject to the whims and prejudices of society. We're better off killing everyone. Though I guess this blog post showing off many many different attractive pictures of her isn't any help to the patriarchy, now is it?

On the flip side, I bet you that she gets really fat women coming up to her all the time telling her how brave she is that she's comfortable in her own body and embraces the word "curvy", even though that word has been ridden on more than Paris Hilton. That would probably really piss anyone off. People of her physique should probably just get a better word than curvy. Curvy has picked up a lot of connotations at this point and is used as a descriptor for 5'0'' women who weigh 250 pounds...

No, seriously.. I can understand how she is upset by being called 'curvy' because that word has been hijacked by the beached whale community and is usually code for plain old 'fat'. The horror.

But all of this puts me in a tough position in wondering if there is any way I can say that I find Christina Hendricks attractive without it being 'a problem'? Because, let's face it, I think she's the bee's knees. Maybe I have to be attracted to her on the basis of her academic achievements, political viewpoints and/or have personal experience of her delightful personality. Then again, my M.O. for attraction is typically red hair + white + boobs. So let's face it, she's hitting all those marks on my weakness levels.

I leave you with an amazing combination. Christina Hendricks and Broken Bells

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Sodas - New York Aint Got Time For You

Sodas - New York Aint Got Time For You

If you've been out of the loop for a while, you probably missed the aspect where Mayor of New York Bloomie is trying to ban sugary drinks that come in at over 16oz.

New York City plans to enact a far-reaching ban on the sale of large sodas and other sugary drinks at restaurants, movie theaters and street carts, in the most ambitious effort yet by the Bloomberg administration to combat rising obesity.

The proposed ban would affect virtually the entire menu of popular sugary drinks found in delis, fast-food franchises and even sports arenas, from energy drinks to pre-sweetened iced teas. The sale of any cup or bottle of sweetened drink larger than 16 fluid ounces - about the size of a medium coffee, and smaller than a common soda bottle - would be prohibited under the first-in-the-nation plan, which could take effect as soon as next March.

The measure would not apply to diet sodas, fruit juices, dairy-based drinks like milkshakes, or alcoholic beverages; it would not extend to beverages sold in grocery or convenience stores.

"Obesity is a nationwide problem, and all over the United States, public health officials are wringing their hands saying, 'Oh, this is terrible,' " Mr. Bloomberg said in an interview on Wednesday in the Governor's Room at City Hall.

First they came for the big gulps, but I said nothing because I was not a big gulp.
Then they came for the extra fries, but I said nothing because I was not an extra fry.

It makes you wonder at first why everyone is hating on the banning of drinks? I say we should ban the drinks... ALL OF THEM! I agree that the drinks should be banned. But on the other hand, Mayor Blomberg is a complete piece of shit. So now I'm conflicted.

And even though the whole notion seems strange to me. Considering that you can go into any Deli in New York, and let me tell you, they're good deli's -- and get yourself a massive pile of heart attach between two pieces of rye bread with no problem at all. Not even a health warning, but the moment you try to buy a 16 or more ounce of soda, you're limited on who can sell that to you?

How on earth does anyone drink half a liter or more of coffee in one cup, I will never know. Shit, large is 20oz, so your average American does it a fucking lot. If anything, it's all too little, too late. you're better off banning that crap from the schools and youth. Catching it in adults is just not doing anyone any good.

I think they got it all wrong. If anything in NYC was on the chopping block to getting banned, why not start with loud mouthed, obnoxious people?

Friday, June 8, 2012

The Queen's Jubilee - Reminding You That You're Still Serfs

The Queen's Jubilee - Reminding You That You're Still Serfs

So with the circle jerking of the Queen's Jubilee happening, it seems like while times change, they still remain the same somehow;
Prescott urges inquiry into Jubilee work experience claims

Ministers are being urged to look into reports that unemployed people hired as unpaid stewards for the Diamond Jubilee pageant ended up having to sleep outside and change in the rain.

Some volunteers from the government's work programme scheme had to spend the night under London Bridge and had no access to toilets, the Guardian said.
Ex-deputy prime minister Lord Prescott said the reports were "unbelievable".
The firm in charge of stewarding has apologised to those involved.
Close Protection UK said staff arriving from outside London on Sunday morning - ahead of the pageant on the Thames - should not have been dropped in the capital at 0300 BST with nowhere to stay.

The company, one of those awarded a stewarding contract for the Diamond Jubilee events, said this was a misunderstanding on the part of the coach driver who was two hours ahead of schedule.

The Guardian reported that volunteers bussed in from Bristol, Plymouth and Bath had to spend part of the night under London Bridge, one telling the newspaper that conditions were "freezing" and another saying it was impossible to pitch a tent due to the concrete surface.

They also told the newspaper that they had to change into their clothing - which included a plastic poncho for protection against the rain and high-visibility jacket - in public and had no access to toilets during the 14-hour shift.

Lord Prescott has urged the home secretary Theresa May to launch an urgent inquiry into the allegations.

He tweeted: "This is unbelievable. If true, it is appalling."

The firm said it took on 80 people to act as stewards over the three-day event through the government's apprentice and work programme schemes - which aim to help the long-term jobless back into work.

Of these, 50 people under the age of 25 were paid the government's standard rate for apprentices of £2.60 per hour and the other 30 either accepted the same rate or refused payment because it would adversely affect their benefits.
Work experience is a compulsory part of the NVQ2 qualification in stewarding - which is essential for work at major events such as the Olympics.

Close Protection said the unpaid roles were a trial for paid positions at the 2012 Games, which it also has a contract to supervise.

The company, which is based in Wigan, said it paid for meals for all the Jubilee volunteers, accommodation on the night after the event as well as supplying their clothing, equipment and licences to undertake the work.

The charity Tomorrow's People, which set up some of the placements at Close Protection UK under the work programme, said it did not approve of unpaid work but in this case believed that it was valid work experience.

However, it is seeking further clarification from the stewarding company.
The Department for Work and Pensions said the work programme used organisations such as charities to help get the long-term unemployed back into work and while on such schemes individuals continued to receive their Jobseeker's Allowance.

For those who don't have the time to read all that shit, the unemployed people were bussed in to work at the Queen's Jubilee and then they were left to sleep under a bridge, changed clothing outdoors in the rain, and then worked 14 hour shifts without access to facilities. After all this, they were told they'd be paid -- a pittance-- but then they weren't.

I guess seeing that they based all this on a Canaletto painting from the eighteenth century, I guess they just felt they had to make it really authentic. And hey, at least they got some work experienc..... kljflksdjljfdslkjsl fs FUCK!

FUCK THE ROYALS! I really hope they at least got plenty of opportunity to steal from tourist. When you think about it, the peasants living under feudalism probably got a better deal overall than these people. You could at least be punished for treating your serfs badly back then. Nothing will come of any of this.

I just have to wonder at what extent "refusal wouldn't have affected your JSA" is an outright fucking lie? Even if it wasn't just sidestepping the point that refusal would hurt their chances of getting future shitty work -- you know, since the jobs are farmed out via companies like this.

So again, I ask -- why even have Royalty still anyway?

I guess since royalty are fairly annoying pests that you can keep under control through various means, but to get flat out rid of them for good, you have to call the exterminator. The remaining Western monarchs are in an elaborate display box for now, but suppose a freak earthquake knocks it off the shelf and no one notices in the confusion until they're infested the whole place again? That's why we shouldn't keep them around.

And I seem to bring this up every time someone mentions Kim Jong Il and personality cult I like to troll by comparing it to Princess Diana and Steve Jobs. Because, really, they're all the same in the end.

But hey, why should I get mad at any of this. This is just an event for an increasingly irrelevant institution that is held in an increasingly irrelevant country. Nothing to see here, moving right along.

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Did Dinosaurs Eat Pizza?

Did Dinosaurs Eat Pizza?

Hard hitting questions: Did Dinosaurs Eat Pizza??!

Well?! It's a hard hitting question and I just don't think I know the answer. Just look at those Toppingsauruses. They sure don't look happy -- on the flip side, they don't look properly cooked either.

They said SCIENCE hasn't solved this one, I think science needs to step up to the plate on this and get it solved. But at least there's one thing I do know, I like how they're scientifically accurate in that there's no cheese on that pizza. You know, on account of there not being any mammals during that time.

So what do you think? Did they eat pizza? If so, what kind of style - Chicago or New York?

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Game of Booooooring

Game of Booooooring

This is going to be yet another unpopular opinion piece, but since the season is over, it's all going to be considered nothing more than white noise anyway. But I have to say, Game of Thrones has been pretty god damn boring. Even the season finale was a snoozer.

Just look at the Game of Thrones finale. It was really disjointed and strange. People keep talking about how the show is laying pipe down for future events, but that's basically the entire show -- laying pipe for future events that hardly ever come and when they do, they only amount to just more pipe being laid down.

I'm not saying I won't watch season 3, because hey, that pipe is already laid down, but what's even the point anymore? You have lost a loyal customer this day, HBO! Or should I call you HBBLOW!

Just think about it, it's a pretty blatant "Oh shit, I bet you want to see the next season of this show now, right?!" Which, I guess is kind of whatever, but that's basically what they did last season, so it's not like they're coming out of left field with it. But I can still be annoyed with it, can't I -- mainly because it's nothing but more pipe being laid down.

It's an endless journey with minimal payoff, and the writing isn't that good. At least not good enough to make the journey satisfying in itself. I got sick of waiting to see five minutes per episode of characters' stories and just went ahead and read the books... Book 3 has one of my favorite lines so far;
"I took her castle and she took my heart."
It's got to be maybe the best line of everything ever written on earth.. God-fuckin'-damn it. At best, it's great if you want a sprawling, low-magic pot boiler and you have really low empathy for women and/or are a man.

I can tell that season 3 is going to be the worst thing ever, especially because that's when Shae "betrays" Tyrion by testifying against him. Everything about that is just going to piss me off, especially the outrage by the nerds on the internet. But hey, you still have to watch the show because you get to see all the really great costumes involved in it.

Maybe it's just not the shows fault. The first book, after all, was better suited for adaptation. The story was pretty well tied together, you had Ned as a sort-of-main character. After that it becomes a real sprawling ensemble thing. Some books don't even have anything about characters you care about. So you end up getting more episodes where each plot line gets a whole two to five minutes to move forward ever so slowly.

The blackwater battle episode this season was probably the best episode, mainly because it focused entirely on the one plot line and maybe four or five key characters, giving everything room to breathe, as well as having one narrative arc and event from start to finish, instead of jumping around like some backwoods tick.

I have to say, it would be better if they did more episodes like that in the future, but I doubt they will because if anything, the plot gets even more sprawling and the characters get even more disparate and separated from one another.

In short, it's going to get a lot worse before it gets better.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Vote Early, Vote Often

Vote Early, Vote Often

Did you know that today is a day when you should go vote? Yes, that's right - Vote early and vote often! Then again, it's California -- no matter what we do, we're going to be doing something wrong.

I mean, we are the place tha Tax-and-spend socialist democrat Jerry Brown wants to cut more money from colleges and universities, asshole from the howard jarvis illuminati says maybe colleges have only themselves to blame??

prop 14 is going to kill third parties

cops taze someone to death

voting time is next tuesday. and I Have No Time For Your Bourgeois Electoral System and all but i'm still really pissed about prop 14, it's just such an awful way of running an election. anyway here's the two statewide initiatives on the ballot this time around: It seems that prop 28 is one I'm voting NO on. It's a little deceptive and increases the amount of time a legislator can spend in any particular house. They're billing it as thought it decreases term limits, which is technically somewhat true, but the actual effect is that most legislators' terms will be increased, since you won't have to try your luck running for senate once your assembly time is up when you can just hang out in the assembly for an extra six years. I mean, this is all assuming that the term limits are meaningful anyway, which I'm not completely sold on to begin with.

Then you have Prop 29, which I will gladly vote NO on. It's nothing more than a regressive tax. You don't get to pick and choose which addicts we help and which ones we should punish. Besides that, cigarette taxes are just ways of keeping the state afloat without taking anything from the rich.

It's like hmmm, perhaps I could ask my rich pals to chip in so my kids don't starve or suffer from cancer, but I've got all these addicts who can't help themselves if I want to steal the money out of their small paychecks instead.

Sure, let's fund research on the backs of addicts. No mixed incentives or future revenue problems could possibly come out of that, I tell you! And I doubt that this is really going to stop people from puffing in up in public. But shit, places like Midtown Manhattan, all you have to do is yell out something like "Loosies" a few times in a crowd and some dude will show up with individual cigs smuggled tax-free off an India Reservation for you to buy.

Monday, June 4, 2012

Burger Week Has Begun!!!

Burger Week Has Begun!!!

Yo holmes. Yeah you. I hear you be burgin', mang. Wait, what's burgin'? Well, it's the act of wanting a hamburger in yo face! This week The Oinkster's oblige you in this act with Burger Week.

Everyday this week they will be putting their own spin on famous burgers from other locations. Putting that oinkster spin on it and cranking it out. Here's the schedule for the week:

Monday - Red Castle Sliders (White Castle Sliders)
Tuesday - 2 x 4 Piggy Style optional (Double Double)
Wednesday - Northeast Bacon Cheeseburger (Bacon Western Cheeseburger)
Thursday - Grill Em’ All Takeover
Friday - Sourdough Josh (Sourdough Jack)
Saturday Pork Adobo Burger
Sunday The Big Max

Having survived last year's burger week - and having lost the weight soon after, I have to say, I'm fairly excited about it. Last year was more of homage to the local burgers. This time around it seems like Max and his crew are taking on burgers from all across this great land of America - what with their own version of White Castle Burgers.

Much like last year, if you have the stomach to try all the different burgers all week, you unlock the secret of getting a shirt by the end. I think that many would say challenge accepted..

So hey, let's take a look at the offerings from last year..

My favorite from then was their take on the Father's Office burger. Another highlight was when Grill 'em All took over the kitchen. So hey, this year's gonna be off the chain - hopefully not too crazy in terms of crowds.

So hey, are you burgin'?