Sunday, January 31, 2010

The Case For Lady Gaga

The Case For Lady Gaga

I think it was in November that I last wrote about Lady Gaga and how I thought she was one of the best artist in this current sea of pop star whores. Yes, I do believe that and I'm not being sarcastic. Some of you called me mad. Some of you who actually liked her thought I was foolish in comparing her to David Bowie. HA! I laugh at you some more! To you nay sayers I have another blog to post on the subject of Lady Gaga! Yes. It's Gaga talk 2.0 and you aren't gonna stop me cause this sort of wackiness is perfect for this time of year. Yes, that's right, it's time for the Grammy's.

She's one of the most elusive and complex artist of this generation. Lady Gaga represents not only the hedonistic, existential despair of the modern age, but also a glimmer of hope and a deep-seated, wistful longing for traditional values. Her hit single "Just Dance" is not only a revival of modern pop, but also a stunning narative of an innocent, confused girl thrust into the midst of a world of hedonism. It is the first step toward her inevitable corruption, fall, and ultimately, catharsis and transfiguration. Yup, I'm going deep here.

Still though, Lady Gaga is a true Artist and one of the few truly postmodern, avant-garde figures in music today. But let's face it.. she is not limited to music but over on one of her most important aspects is her fashion. With Lady Gaga, it's not just a matter of aurally-attractive pop'n'lock back broken beats, or lissome-kissed labial lyrics. No, as an artist who embraces the idea of the "total package persona" it's worth noting her more radical embrasure of style not be left aside. Just to make sure that we're all on the same page, here's some of her outfits;

We see this trope continued in her application of the "mirrordress" -a piece which I'm afraid this sallow picture does little justice. Here, the sexualized body, transmogrified from collection of soft and showed curves into stark and geometric edges, is further distorted by collecting and returning the gaze which it demands with its colloquially outlandish form.

I of course am reminded here of one of her seminal inspirations, David Bowie:

The ideogram of the face-graven lightning strike has been overdone, outplayed, one might say ruined, by its repeated and constantly re-appropriated use. However, I believe that in the hands (and highlighted cheeks) of Lady Gaga, the symbol takes on a transformed significance. It's hard to put into the right words, but for me I fel as if her application of the beloved faciocranial sigil of Ziggy Stardust stands not just as a direct visual reference to the "glam" style and vibrantly Brechtian verremdungseffekt that Bowie's ego cultivated..

. .but perhaps, as I would like to posit, a reference towards his self-perpetuated androgyny and ambigenous sexual force? Lady Gaga has gone on record as saying that the sense of transsexualism that she seems to generate in the popular press is welcomed, specifically in regards to Christina Aguilera's now-infamous statement that ". . .this person [Lady Gaga] was just brought to my attention not too long ago. I’m not quite sure who this person is, to be honest. I don’t know if it is a man or a woman." - a state of affairs which Lady Gaga is more than thrilled to perpetuate as long as it continues to raise her public profile.

I'd like to conclude with one of the pieces which, in this vein, has also been raising Lady Gaga's public profile, instituting a new awareness of her art - both musically and sartorially:

I'll allow this to speak mostly for itself, adding only Lady Gaga's own statement that her approach to fashion sense is meant as "a commentary on what it means to be a lady" In conclusion, I would love to take her to the mall and I wont complain about doing some clothing shopping.

It's simple, the symbolism surrounding Lady Gaga is so blatant that one might wonder if it's all a sick joke. Illuminati symbolism is becoming so clear that analysis like this one becomes a simple exercise of pointing out the obvious. Her whole persona (whether it's an act or not) is a tribute to mind control, where being vacuous, incoherent and absent minded becomes a fashionable thing. On top of that, she also does a pretty good rendition of Viva La Vida;

Well, minus the fuck up in the middle there. But still, you try to do karaoke and you'll come up with some drunken mistakes.. Still, I like Lady Gaga because even though she's a pop artist, she at least tries to push people's buttons by being weird. I like weird. I'm not afraid to admit it, you shouldn't be either.

There's several steps to Gaga conversion, also known as "being bitten by the Fame Monster". First, you may be initially repulsed by what you're experiencing. "This is trashy pop music," maybe. Or "Dude, she's totally a man, this is some Crying Game shit right here, you can see her dick right here!"

But she gets your hooks into you. Somehow "LoveGame" slips into your playlist "accidentally," or you watch that Christopher Walken clip or that South Park clip a strange number of times.

"I like Lady Gaga ironically," you start to tell yourself. Or maybe you're a little braver and admit that you do love her -- but you're scared to let anyone else know.

It's only a few steps from there until you're contemplating how much you're willing to spend on a lock of her hair, get a Gagatar, and are having your first gay experience

She's basically a darker Cyndi Lauper and I'm perfectly okay with that.

On The Fame, it's as if Gaga took two parts dance-pop, one part electro-pop, and one part rock with a splash of disco and burlesque and generously poured it into the figurative martini glasses of the world in an effort to get everyone drunk with her fame. "The Fame is about how anyone can feel famous," she explains. "Pop culture is art. It doesn't make you cool to hate pop culture, so I embraced it and you hear it all over The Fame. But, it's a sharable fame. I want to invite you all to the party I want people to feel a part of this lifestyle."

Says Lady Gaga, "I spent a lot of nights in Eastern Europe, and this album is a pop experimentation with industrial/Goth beats, 90's dance melodies, an obsession with the lyrical genius of 80's melancholic pop, and the runaway. I wrote while watching muted fashion shows and I am compelled to say my music was scored for them. I also composed a ballad for the album, 'speechless,' a song for my father, and it's my favorite work of all. I wrote every piece on the road - no songs about money, no songs about fame. I wrote it for my fans, so I wrote everything in between.

This leads us to The Fame Monster

Her latest album and one that she is up for a Grammy tonight for. Not to say that music can really be compared as better or worse than other sounds. I mean, music is, much like any art form, a subject that will vary depending on the observers/listeners. But hey, we find out who are the winners and the losers of tonight's grammys later.. right?

Win or lose, I'm going to still, without any shame, say I liked songs like Bad Romance.

I'm not even going to try to fake it, I like the song. I dig it like no other.
Je veux ton amour
Et je veux ton revanche
Je veux ton amour
I don't wanna be friends

Which is pretty much dead on. Who wants to be friends with their ex's? All or nothing, right? Here's a video a friend linked me to made a lot of sense in this situation;

Ah yes, Art is art. Gotta love it.

Saturday, January 30, 2010

When The Saints Come Marching In... to The Super Bowl!

When The Saints Come Marching In... to The Super Bowl!

Well, I'm not a big football fan. I mean, when the fuck is the super bowl anyway (please don't send me hate mail, I actually know) but it seems that I really don't give a shit. Well, maybe I do. I like the ads. But all that boring shit between the next million dollars flushed down the toilet isn't all that entertaining.

On the other hand, Chocolate City is going to the super bowl fr the first time! Wooooo hoooo. Oh man, go saints.. Go and fucking lose! Please. I mean no disrespect, of course. It's a nice thing since New Orleans has gotten the shaft in every other meaningful indicator of civic success. Even if you don't like football, you should be a little happy that an oppressed southern shit hole is a little happier leading up to the Super Bowl.

Neither team really deserved to win and the Saints literally won that because of a coin toss. It seems that the overtime rules are just dumb as all fuck in the NFL. College needs to borrow NFL playoffs and NFL needs to borrow college OT rules. At least just for one year to see how much better shit works out when you actually play the game in a not so fucked up manner.

And how about that game. I mean, how do you go +5 in turnovers and need overtime to win. Good god, both teams were sucking badly. The game was embarrassing for everyone involved. Brett Favre should just kill himself. He got his decrepit ass owned hard. I'd like to point out that when Farve was QB for Green bay, he also threw an intercept and lost in OT during the championship. History sure does like to repeat itself. Guess it's off to the Sears commercials now. Ha!

It's pretty funny that the saints strategy in the game was obviously to hit favre as much as possible, legal or not. But hey, the Saints actually stripped the ball on most of the fumbles. So that was good on them. But yeah, the Saints won by a coin toss. Then again, the Jets should have thought harder about coin physics in lowland areas.

Maybe the Vikings should fucking learn how to call a coin toss. Here's a hint, you never call heads. Ever. Did you not learn that tails never fails? Well, at least Tails only sometimes fails. At least Favre can win the pro bowl, right? Ha. Yeah, I'm just fucking with you. Fuck that douche. Who actually gives a flying fuck about some dumb shit sport where you get to spend 4 hours watching commercials and waiting for something like Janet Jackson's tit fly out or something. It's really very boring. Have you ever been to a football game in person? Talk about boring shit.

So why do I want the Saints to lose? Because I plan on going to New Orleans this year. Specifically around the time after the super bowl and I know that it's going to be a fucking mad house for months to come if they win the Super Bowl. It'll be tearing the roof off shit and showing your tits without the need of beads. It'll be just that crazy and since this trip is part of my mission statement as well as potentially my first road trip with my potential new car, I want to make sure it's a good one. The New Orleans Saints winning the first Super Bowl they ever go to will make that a bit difficult.

So come on, Colts, I really don't give a flying fuck about you, but I do know I don't plan on visiting your shit town any time soon. So win it all and take it back home to your fuckville.

Friday, January 29, 2010

Conan The Destroyer II: Fuck You Leno

Conan The Destroyer II: Fuck You Leno

Now that Conan is off the air till September, all I have here to watch is old Conan clips. Which are great in themselves. I mean, how could you not like how Conan did the celebrity secrets.. Oh what Harrison Ford has to spill.

But in any event, in a very lite centric mood to write, here's another crack at Conan providing content for the blog. Enjoy a second batch of classic Conan clips till NBC takes them off Youtube..

Conan is a pretty smart fella. I mean, just look at his moment of clarity

New iPhone app with a certain new Office actress

Did you know that he could rock out?

The more you know

Andy even jumped in on this

Shut your trap and do what you're told.

But really, the king of the nbc "more you know" logo was Max

Deal with it!

Hookers are indeed people also.

Conan goes to bartending school

Conan Babies

The interrupter

Conan at FAO for Christmas shopping

Famous Helping People!

Guest who will never be asked on the show again

Then you have some wacky tv stations. I love the Sean Connery channel

It's only a shame that the masturbating bear never got to finish

And what clip show would not include the visits with Martha Stewart.

So what does this mean? Simple. NBC has some trouble

Thursday, January 28, 2010

77 Ways To Turn Down Weed

The 77 Ways To Turn Down Weed

So you might have seen it in the news lately that Choomgang Obama stated that he's pulling back the forces on the war on drugs and those states that have medical marijuana shops wont get hassled by "da man" so much. You may think this is a good thing. I personally, as a non-smoker, don't give a fuck, but I can see how this may be a problem for some people.

Chances are you know someone who scammed their way into getting a medical marijuana ID card and is taking full advantage of that new found KFC+ down the street. Only, you may not want to smoke the devil's herb. So now that the chances increased that you'll be faced with the situation of having to turn it down when offered to you, what ever are you going to do?

Don't sweat it, homie. I got your back. You see I'm captain cool and you're part of my cool squad now. We'll both combine forces and figure out a way to turn down those drugs with the helpful use of this PSA poster that offers us 77 ways to turn down the reefer madness!

If you're too stoned, let me help you out. You simply have to click on that picture and it'll get bigger. Wooooah. I know. Pretty fucking crazy, man. Just chill out now. It's not going to grow to the size and crush you. Just try to focus on the letters and read slowly. In all seriousiness, this poster is all sorts of bullshit. Let's go down some of the suggested methods to turn down drugs:

21. See yah, wouldn't want to be yah!

62. Gee thanks, but I'm High on life.

76. No thanks, I might get kicked off the math team.

42. Poof!

Wait.. what? Poof? Isn't that a term for gay folks? I bet the poor artist tasked with making this slid this one in for a laugh. Can't be real. Maybe there are just not 77 reasons not to smoke weed. In fact, there's not one reason not to smoke weed other than the basic. You just don't want to.

27. No, I only smoke sausage.

Yes, this phrase will allow you to turn down weed while keeping your dignity. No way the person offering weed can turn this against you, no sir. They certainly wont tell you that you're a fagot who would rather put a dudes dick in your mouth than put a fag in there. Oh wait, that's a lot of the same thing.

Or perhaps you could just say "naw not today, i'm looking for a job" and everyone will instantly understand and leave you alone. It's not like someone wants you to smoke some of their weed and not get a job. You realize that while they're smoking pot, they can still make the connection that if you get a job, you can potentially be one of the people who they sell pot to. Or, you know, the ever so difficult "Thanks, but no thanks man".

You know, every weed smoker I know wouldn't bat an eye lash if you turned it down. Do you know why? Because it means MORE FOR THEM. Let's make up a couple to go beyond the 77 reasons..

78. 1968 called; they want their drug of choice back. Pass me the meth!

79. Do you think I want to be a loser like Carl Sagan or Charlie Parker?

80. "My dealer is out."

81. I don't have the money to rent the Matrix right now

82. It's a gateway drug and if my computer is any indication, I hate gateways

83. I already killed a bowl a couple of hours ago

84. Yeah, but can I borrow some of your piss for tomorrow?

85. I only smoke Kush, New York Diesel or Afghani, sorry I ain't touching your weak sauce shit

Now to close this out.. here's a Lemur getting high as fuck

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

State of the Union: Let's Get Real

State of the Union: Let's Get Real

Well today is the day. Obama is going to to tell us the state of our union. Let me give you a little clue on what it's like.. FUCKED. But really, I can't blame Obama here. The dude is dealing with the shittiest hand of all. Yeah, he didn't keep his promise to close Gitmo. He's not only a Politican and I should have known better - But he's also a guy and since I like to consider myself a guy (except on the weekends, you know why, RHPS crew down on Santa Monica Blvd.) and as a guy, I should have remembered that we NEVER keep our promises.

Tell you I'll show up by 2? Pffft! Make that more like 4:30. Am I rite, guys? Yeah, that's what I thought. I suppose if anything I'm less disappointed in Obama and more disappointed in the mess he has to clean up and the political environment in which he is forced to operate - I mean, have you SEEN the statistics on how much the filibuster is being used now compared to the 80s? They're riding that sucker like if it was a Honda Accord. Only stopping to make sure it has enough oil to keep on trucking on.

If you actually expected Obama to be anything else but what he is, you're dumber than hell. You should already know he's opposed or at least doesn't want to touch gay marriage with a ten foot... well, let's not be graphic here. But yeah, this whole Hope and Change thing.. It don't come easy and it sure as hell doesn't come when you have a shit system to begin with. I'm sort of expecting tonight's speech to go a little like this:

I mean.. if this is true, not trying anything just got Haggis from not being banned in America. Not because it's actually good. No, but because we can now safely eat Sheep's throat. And yeah, one in five Americans think he's constitutionally disqualified from being President due to some stupid birth certificate, but they gave him a nobel prize and somebody is making an action figure of him. How cool is that?

Yeah, hindsight is 20/20. It's not like you were shortsighted and fooled by marketing gimmicks at all. That'll happen in 2012 when the special interest of corporations can finally toss their money at whatever campaign they want without any limits. I can't wait to see President Scott brown with V.P. Sarah Palin. Brought to you by Coke, Intel, All the major gas companies, Ford Trucks and the fine folks at G.E. if they could screw up late night television, they can screw up the next election.

Our nation in a nut shell.. But shit, I'd be lying if I would say I didn't want to kick back with them girls. They look like cool peeps.

But I suppose people were just hoping for anything different than the previous eight years worth of leadership, among other things, and it made Obama appear a lot better than he was. Sort of like that old Eddie Murphy bit about a guy not having sex for a while. When he eventually does he acts like it's the best god damn sex ever. We just didn't have very good leadership for a while and the idea of this super awesome president got the best of us.

I mean, we can't even find out the names of the people who signed off for the bail out till 2018, ten years after the bail out.

The SEC, according to an email sent by a New York Fed lawyer on January 13, 2009, agreed to limit the number of SEC employees who would review the document to just two and keep the document locked in a safe while the SEC considered AIG's confidentiality request.

The SEC had also agreed that if it determined the document should not be made public, it would be stored "in a special area where national security related files are kept," the lawyer wrote.
Yeah, I know. By now everyone has just given up caring and by 2018 no one will even remember or be outraged by this shit. Most likely the world would be much different. In the midst of World War III sort of gives you that clarity of not caring about some silly bankers who were first against the wall.

I mean, it's not like corporate America or the media gives a shit anymore anyway. Why hey, I'm the corporate media and I'm just gonna keep on pretending that the Republican party is a real political party with actual sensible opinions and plans and not simply a scam run by corporate interest and insane cult leaders parroting a few market-tested codewords

I like to think that I have a proper balance going on. The key is a careful balance between not giving a fuck to keep your sanity intact and caring to keep yourself from becoming a cynic. I mean, with news stories like this where all the evidence of the the death of the Weapons inspector who blew the whistle and called bullshit on them having WMD's, getting a gag order so that the evidence in solving said case isn't touched for 70 years... How could I not be a little tainted? 70 years... Fuuuuuuuuck. God damn.

Then moving on to the next big issues. I wonder if Obama is going to touch on the economy and job creations. We should be happy right now, right? there's slightly less unemployment going on in the nati- Wait, what's that? Walmart is about to lay off 11,200 jobs? fffffffuuuuuck. Thank god they don't have a union or poor walmart wouldn't be able to stay competitive in these tough times, right?
Jan. 24 (Bloomberg) -- Wal-Mart Stores Inc., the world’s largest retailer, will eliminate about 11,200 jobs at its Sam’s Club membership warehouse clubs as it hires an outside company to demonstrate products.

About 10,000 demonstration employees, most part-time, will lose their jobs when Shopper Events takes over sampling, Sam’s Club Chief Executive Officer Brian Cornell told employees today in a memo. The company also is cutting about 1,200 membership recruiting jobs, or about two in each of the club’s U.S. stores.
And yet Costco still treats their employees better while maintaining a higher profit per square foot? Huh, odd. I simply get a crack up whenever I think about how Walmart puts their employees under a daily song/dance routine. It's like a beautiful cherry on top of a giant shit sundae that is how they treat their employees.
"not only are we going to pay you crap, fire you if you think about organizing and encourage our store managers to get you to do tons of off the clock work but we're also going to make you physically humiliate yourselves every day just because we can toodles"

But really, it doesn't matter if some jobs are being put back in. There simply isn't going to be a big enough demand for jobs in the next few years that will get us off our ass again. We're pretty much fucked for some time now. But then again, this isn't Obama's doing.

What I'm trying to say with this blog post is that our economic and political situation sucks ass, but that doesn't change one important fact of life.. And that is that Henry Belafonte fuck'n rocked the house!

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Conan The Destroyer

Conan The Destroyer...

Of your funny bone. I mean, he was one of those funny entertainers, I mean, just seeing Conan interact with Jon Stewart and Colbert was amazing and this Tuesday, and given that we didn't get new conan on the tonight show last night, it's the first day that I really don't care about Late Night Television. I mean, I look forward to September, but the only thing that has me remotely interested is Craig Ferguson. With Conan gone.. late night just feels a lot emptier.

So here's a little fix for you, these are some of the best Conan sketches that I've seen in the long history of the late night and tonight show. If you know anything about me, you'd know that I love puppets. Especially muppets, which are a mixture of Mop and Puppet.

So muppet faces of death is great

Here's a clip of when he showed up on Andy Rictor controls the Universe as the asshole boss

This one takes me back to my younger days.

Yes, I thought it was funny at the time. I still do.

Who can forget the classic desk driving?

Oh those German game shows

Hey, it's a certain other NBC star as a sketch character

Max and Conan go out for a beer

M.C. Hammer on the loose!

Ahhhh.. Walker Texas Ranger lever

Annnnnd more

9 minutes of wacky channel surfing

Ah... Christmas in New York

Apartment hunting can be hard

Trucker School

You want shoes?

Who doesn't want to see a giant red head learn how to pole dance?

Possibly the best combination in the world. Space Ghost with Conan...

God damn, I love this stuff. Part II

And there you have it. See you in September, Conan!

Monday, January 25, 2010

Haggis: Change I Can Believe In

Haggis: Change I Believe In

You know.. I didn't even realize this, but Haggis was actually banned in America since 1989. Well, not really Haggis in any form, just the more traditional Haggis with Sheep throat in it. I mean, when you have a meal made up of the extra body parts of the animal, not having the sheep's stomach or throat really make the difference. But it seems that Haggis is finally going to be un-outlawed in the United States.
The US government said it is planning to relax the ban on imported meats which prevents the sale of haggis.

The Scottish government said it was greatly encouraged by the move, which was also welcomed by haggis producers.

The ban was introduced in 1989 because of concerns about the safety of British meat during the BSE scare.

On the eve of Burns night, the US Department of Agriculture said new regulations were being drafted, in line with international standards.

'Greatly encouraged'

Imports of Scotland's iconic dish were banned by the US 21 years ago because it contains offal ingredients such as sheep lungs.

In the words of Scotland's bard Robert Burns in his Ode to a haggis, the US could be said to have looked down with "sneering, scornful view" on the "great chieftain o' the puddin'-race".

The dish is traditionally served with neeps and tatties on Burns night (25 January).

Scottish Rural Affairs Secretary Richard Lochhead said: "I am greatly encouraged to hear that the US authorities are planning a review of the unfair ban on haggis imports.

"We are in regular contact with the industry on this issue and believe that reversing the ban would deliver a vote of confidence in Scottish producers, and allow American consumers to sample our world renowned national dish.

"An increasing number of people at home and abroad are recognising the fact that the Saltire is a stamp of quality.

"It's time for the US authorities to deliver a Burns Night boost and recognise that Scottish haggis is outstanding quality produce."

Jo MacSween, co-director of Macsween Haggis, said it would come as good news to expats and tourists.

She said: "I'm very excited by this news.

"In my experience when I have encountered American tourists in Scotland they absolutely loved it.

"So they will be delighted that next time they come to visit they can not only take it back but hopefully manufacturers like us will actually start shipping it there too."

Ms MacSween said sales of haggis were no longer confined to the Burns Night season in January.

The company has also diversified into products such as haggis nachos, she said.
Yay! Haggis! I'm sure America is cheering as a sign of progress appears. Renewed hope thanks to the action for something that should have been done almost 20 years ago. And again, I honestly didn't even know that there was a ban on this shit so I never even knew that Haggis was forbidden fruit. If I did, I may have actually made it a long time ago.

It's just another clear sign of our cultural decline. What kind of nation considers itself FREE when you can't legally buy, by U.S. and many state and local laws purchase or take part in the sale or consumption of sheep stomachs and/or brains? Who declared that sheep lungs are dangerous for humans to eat while still maintaining the fact that McDonalds could legally sell "McRibs" ? Answer me that.

I mean, it was only two years ago that the Sc0ts were requesting that America lifted the ban on this.
The Scottish Government is considering asking the United States to rethink its ban on haggis imports.

Imports of Scotland's iconic dish were banned by the US in 1989 in the wake of the BSE scare because it contains offal ingredients such as sheep lungs.

Only an offal-free version of haggis is available in the US.

The move would be backed by renowned haggis maker Macsween, which believes the American market could be a very lucrative one.

I mean.. it's something even Sean Connary could enjoy.. right? Hmm, Guess not. I don't see the big stink over Haggis. I mean even with their ingredients well know, it's not really that bad. How many of you eat Hot Dogs on a daily basis? Yeah, that's what I thought. You should never talk shit about Haggis again unless you make it a point to never touch another pig's anus and meat by-product filled Hot Dog again.

There's certainly a disconnect between what we eat and our knowledge on how it's made. If we were to really know how most of our food was made, we wouldn't be so carefree about it. Hell, half the shit you see at the market is nothing more than a couple of chemicals piled together to sort of taste like what you expect it to taste like. All thanks to lovely chemicals. So the idea that America has this high moral ladder because they don't allow Sheep's throat to be sold seems really comical in retrospect.

How about we just ban Potato pancakes? I mean, that's sort of what this 1989 mandate really did. You see, it's Burns Night.. er day. Yes, Burns Night. Today is actually a Holiday. So when you called in for work telling them you weren't coming in because of some obscure fake holiday, it was actually true.

What do you do on Burns night? Why you have a Burns supper, of course! It's a celebration of the life and poetry of the poet Robert Burns. He was the author of many Scots poems. So you're suppose to have supper on the poet's birthday. This is a common thing in Scotland and Northern Ireland. Since I have this fetish for red hair and that seems to be the mecca of this sort of hair condition, I suppose I know a little bit of Scottish Culture.

This tradition has gone back since the end of the 18th Century by Robert Burns' friends on the anniversary of his death. This supper is suppose to be a little informal and much like our thanksgiving is full of turkey, the Burns tradition is to have Scotch whisky and Haggis. You're also suppose to recite a lot of Burns' poetry.

So yay! I wonder if my local butcher shop will have sheep stomach and throat up for sale today. I want to celebrate Burns Nicht in style! Is there any more outdated and stupid bans we have going for food? Oh yeah.. Foie Gras. Fuck whomever thinks that it's hurting the animal. It's not.

So regardless if you're Scottish or not, it's going to be fun celebrating Burns Nicht. I mean, he was the national poet of Scotland who wrote such classics as Auld Lang Syne and Comin' Thro' the Rey, which if you want to get into facts was the poem that inspired J.D. Salinger's The Catcher in the Rye. And how can he not be a hero of mine in the method that he was a boozer and a womanizer? So much so that by the time he died of the elderly age of 37, he had fathered a total of 9 kids.

So with that folks, Happy Burns Night everyone!

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Colorful Batman

Colorful Batman

One of my Holiday gifts that I just realized I received was a Batman coloring book. Now, I haven't drawn in a coloring book for many years now but the fact that I had one in the back seat of my old and now dead car that was a Justice League of America one showed that the guy was paying attention to the fact that I like horrible gifts like this.

I finally got around to flipping through it and let me tell you, I was utterly amazed by the thing. Rather than letting this treasure collect dust in the back seat of my future car, I figured that it needs to be shared with everyone.

With a head that back, It's no wonder that he solves crimes with ease.

It's the "Official Movie BOOK to COLOR" the Dark Knight. This has to be awesome!

Now these pictures are for the most part in the order they were in the book

Remember in TDK when Scare Crow scared the shit out of kids at the park? On second thought the kid actually looks kinda constipated.

Things have gotten tough for Mr. Crane. Guess he's back to selling himself on the corner.

Minding your own business in Gotham? NOT ON BATMAN'S WATCH!

I wonder what would happen if this was real life and someone jumped in front of a car like that;

Yup.. Batman's dead.

Batman made that poor guy cry. Jerk.

Heeeello Ladies

Grandma is terrified of the Bats

After a long night fighting crime, Bruce Wayne gets patched up by his... banker?

This is only proof that kids are kinda slow nowadays.

Let me give it a shot

The puzzles were pretty challenging

Who let a lady in a courtroom?

This was my favorite part of the movie

Rachel: "Uhm, Bruce?"
Gordon: "God dammit batman"

His eyes are on the prize

I want that picture on my wall too

So Wayne Manor has a door that goes to the moon?

This has been a real learning experience for the Joker

Looks like the cat is going to put up a fight.

I'm not even sure what can be said about this puzzle. I mean, how could it even be considered a puzzle?

Clearly batman needs to learn more about the Law.. the Gotham L.A.W and Order.

So there you go. I hope you enjoyed this as much as I have. God damn, Batman. What happened to your franchise?

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Well, I Sure Feel Better Gitmo Is Closed Now

Well, I Sure Feel Better Gitmo Is Closed Now

Time sure has a way of flying. Especially when you're having fun. Well, in this case 2009 was part of the naughts.. which was a decade which I'd rather forget a great portion of it. Unfortunately for our President, a lot of that was caught on video tape. Say.. like this little piece

Yeah, that's right. A year ago yesterday Obama promised to close Guantanamo within a year. Hm, I wonder which timezone we're going by. East Coast I guess? Either way the day has come and past and we still have Gitmo sitting there with a lot of people still in there. But hey, they're all terrorist so it doesn't really matter, right?

Hey, what's this letter here?
A year ago today, President Obama ordered the closing of the infamous detention facilities at Guantánamo Bay within the year. This pledge committed America to breaking away from the lawless policies of the Bush era and restoring respect for justice and human rights.

Not only does Guantánamo remain open, but according to news reports today, an administration task force has recommended the detention without trial of nearly 50 of the 198 prisoners held there because "they are too difficult to prosecute but too dangerous to release."

Holding people indefinitely without charge or trial goes against the rule of law and undermines our nation’s Constitutional values.

Tell President Obama you want him to end indefinite detention and close Guantánamo.

Since the attempted Christmas Day airplane bombing, fear-mongering politicians have used the threat of terrorism to justify keeping Guantánamo Bay open. Confronted with these scare tactics and afraid of being branded "soft on terrorism," too few politicians are standing up for American values of justice and due process.

That is why it is absolutely essential for President Obama to hear from all Americans who want to see failed Bush administration policies reversed and these injustices brought to an end.

Tell President Obama you want him to end indefinite detention and close Guantánamo.

We must close the facility at Guantánamo and -- to be true to our values -- we must also end indefinite detention, try detainees in federal court, or release them to countries where they won't be tortured.

If there’s no evidence against a detainee, send him to a country where he won’t be tortured. And if there is evidence, bring a trial in the same federal court system that successfully prosecuted the terrorists behind the 1993 World Trade Center bombing.

President Obama needs to hear from people like you who believe in the Constitution and the rule of law, want to see Guantánamo closed and end the practice of indefinite detention.

Please join us in telling President Obama that you support ending indefinite detention, closing Guantánamo Bay and upholding American values of justice and due process.

Thank you for standing with us.


Anthony D. Romero
Executive Director
American Civil Liberties Union

Whooops!, Guess that it's not normal for a elected official to keep his promises. I guess he must have learned secret information from Bush that explains why it's necessary. I hear that the secret information is "Once you're President you can do whatever the fuck you want"

Maybe he'll do it in the afternoon. It is Saturday, after all. Who doesn't put off their chores as they're enjoying the first day of the weekend. But then, if you put it off till Sunday than you really don't have that much time to relax before going back to work. Oh man, the choices the choices.

I suppose that the real fucked up thing isn't that he didn't close it, but that no one cares that he didn't keep that promise. It's also pretty fucked up that we all believed that he would. Oh well. I guess the real pressing question is, who will play him in the biopic: Will Smith or Denzel? Maybe Mos Def will be tossed into the mix. Just don't make it Cuba Gooding Jr. That guy acted as a retard in one film and well, that just opens the doors for tea baggers to make fun of them. I would take Tiger Woods over Cuba, but on the flip side I'd take Robert Downy Jr. in Black face over most of those choices.

I know, maybe we just need to give him more time. I'm sure in a little while he'll reveal his stealth progressiveness and oppose all the shit policies he has up to this point explicitly endorsed. I'm not trying to sound like a Lefty, but there's some really clear difference on what he said and what he's doing now.

A few days after Obama's order to close gitmo, some voice on NPR said he'd be absolutely eviscerated by democrats if he didn't do it within a year. Guess not. On Wednesday Obama tells us the state of our nation. I can't wait to see him completely ignore the Guantanamo topic. Maybe in order to close Guantanamo he must open the hearts of the Americans.

I guess Obama figured out that once he was elected he gained exactly nothing from releasing 50 poor angry muslim dudes with literal Problems Caused Directly by the US Government but that he loses everything if anything close to 9/11 ever happens again.