NO SMOKING IN THE MAGIC KINGDOM

NO SMOKING IN THE MAGIC KINGDOM 

As of May 1st, your dumb ass can't smoke in any of the Disney Parks anymore. So yeah, we get it bro, you vape. We know it because of the amount of car wars scented smelling smoke that comes out of your face hole every now and then in the most smug way ever ten minutes. But we also just assume that you can live your life without that hit from the pipe. I mean, otherwise you're just as addicted to the e-cig alternative as you would have on the cancer sticks.

Anyhow, the whole concept of smoking at Disney is a bit moronic. I guess I'm saying this as a non-smoker. I would ride on Big Thunder and, well, that shit has gotten bad lately because of that smoking area that is in the back area. On some of the rides there has been times when I would just get taken through a big puff of god awful smoke that would make me feel like I just took a couple of hits from someone's vape machine or cigars.

Add to that, once Star Wars land opens, that whole area will be a bottle neck area to get into the whole Star Wars area anyway. So if they were to keep that area being a smoking area, that would be some pretty shitty thing to do for all those who were walking into the land of Star Wars' Galaxy Edge.... end... I honestly don't know the name truthfully as I assume no one knows it, but they all know it as the Star Wars area that will be a complete cluster fuck for the first two months.

But yeah, On may 1st, all of the parks, including the magic kingdom, epcot, animal kingdom, DCA, Hollywood Studios and the water parks will be completely smoke free and I couldn't be any happier about that fact. Am I being mean towards smokers? Look, that's your problem. I am a crushing alcoholic and at least I have a few options, but for the longest time I wouldn't be able to drink in the Disney parks, at least not all of them and I survived. You will find ways to survive as well.

I DON'T NEED NO FRIENDS

I DON'T NEED NO FRIENDS

I'm not socially isolated and alone. I swear, It's just that I'm to damn cool to need friends and you noobs just can't handle how cool I actually am. I am far too busy doing rad shit all by myself to waste time arranging for friends to join in the fun. Having to take turns and share the awesome would just slow me down anyway.

I don't need a fucking buddy system or someone holding my hand to not get lost on an excursion. I don't need a bunch of dudes cramping my style. I don't to share my kickass thoughts and perfectly healthy emotions. I am the party. I am the night. I am the squad. I am the goals. I am the bros. I am supportive relationship. I am.... all that I need.

I also don't have any siblings either, you know, no one to bring down my style from the same womb. They closed that mofo down after I came out because that just shows that I'm basically all that this world needed. Even if I'm at the club and some chode is eyeballing me with all his bois and looking to step up to me, I don't feel like the 5 vs 1 is going to be any sort of disadvantage.

Look, I'll be the first to say that choosing to relax in the comfort of the metal locker all during Highschool is basically what I just want to live out my day. I feel sorry for all you jocks stuck out there in nowheresville.

It's no wonder why I'm single: the women in this town are terrible. What sort of masochistic wimp would want to be burdened with that? Women be falling apart out here still thinking men are the ones that need to put the work in. These girls have blank resumes but extensive health records (see: mental). The so-called "ladies" here are only not homeless or living with their parents by virtue of always having a man to crash with. Well the rent I'm worth paying is too high for them. This dick ain't free. Broke-ass locals can't afford me.

I am too fucking cool for this relationship shit, but I'm not so shallow that I can jive with casual sex. I'm too deep and thoughtful for hook ups and flings. Deep in a cool way. I'm like a philosopher, but one of the cool ones who speaks deep ass truths but can party equally with monks or rockstars. These basic bitches wouldn't get me and I don't see the value in dumbing it down for such an unworthy audience.

In short, I'm pretty awesome if I do say so myself.  So fuck off with your friendship bullshit. 

THAT DAMN REPORT

THAT DAMN REPORT

Look, are we going to talk about how a couple hundred page report got boiled down to 3-4 page run down by some bias, on the pay sort of fella? I mean yeah. I guess we are. But let's also throw it out, anyone expecting a smoking gun out of all this was expecting too much.  It's hard to hide "collusion" that was in flat out plane sight. You can't really ask a foreign leader to hack your opponent and then it happens that night and not just chalk it up as straight up collusion in your face.

But also, I'm just really tired of hearing about it. We have been down this road for the last two years and it's just boring as all fuck now a days. I'm also just  really tired of the media reporting on this on both sides that act as if this is some sort of winning side that, well, this has been a 2 year build up and you expect this to be over so soon? nah man, this is going far more months or years in appeals and request of documents to be released. It's far too soon for anyone to assume that there's the ability to make a victory lap on all of this.

What insight do I have on all this? Honestly, I have none. I'm tired of it. We all know that Trump is fucking goddamn crooked as a two dollar bill.... wait, those actually exist? Here I thought that the post office was just trying to rip me off. Okay, Three dollar bill. That's what I meant to say.

Anyway, stop assuming that the report was going to take him down. Worry not, his stupidity will be doing the majority of the work on this anyway. He continues to just do whatever the fuck he wants and it will eventually catch up to him. Just... yeah, this week has been rough because it's all been sort of one side won instead of, you know, the continuous slow uncovering of all this nonsense. 

Jussie Smollett The Movie

Jussie Smollett   The Movie

I'm not even sure how to fully grasp what has happened with the life of Jussie Smollett, I don't want to say star ore  tv show because, he's really like, a nobody. But the dud has done some strange shit up in Chicago and now after faking his own hate crime and getting so caught red handed because the whole fucking thing was stupid.  The story thus far could be summed up in this video



But, you know that isn't the end of the story by any means. I mean, now the Chicago police department took on basically a 10k bail bond forfeit and time off on past community service and the fact that he's gay. As the court claims, though Jussie Smollett is doubling down on it all and saying it was cleared and he's got nothing on him, it's  really so strange and I'm wondering when it will have an end to this very very strange roller coaster ride of a media craze

ITS GOING TO BE STRANGE WHEN HOWARD STERN DIES

ITS GOING TO BE STRANGE WHEN HOWARD STERN DIES


Just think about it. I mean, I know you haven't really thought about Howard Stern in a long time. It's been like more than a decade since he went off the air on radio and went to what was suppose to be the next big thing - satellite radio. But just imagine what happens to the pocket universe he created. All those hanger ons who still are obsessed with him and with his employees. Te entirety of Fat lonely Long Island, Westchester and New Jersey fuck faces are going on like this extinction level event of revolting pieces of shit that have made Stern their entire reason for living. Without him, they will just be laid low like the Nazi's at the end of Raiders. Their faces melting, their sweatpants foaming with molecular disintegration.

I wonder about this stuff. And when it happens, and the fucking implosion that it leaves in its wake with this particular subset of human folks. It's going to be some seriously funny shit. I'm a west coaster and don't give a fuck about this asshole. I do wonder that if he really cared about his audience, he'd fake his own death just to cull the herd for all of our entertainment. I also wonder about Robin. He main job is to just to laugh at stupid jokes and agree with everything he says and is probably a millionaire by now. But in the grand scheme of things she's just there so that his nonsense doesn't get to crazy and he can have a token black friend to shield him of his bullshit.

Whatever humor was left in his show died when Artie Lang left. So I mean, there's that. Artie himself, still not dead somehow. Which amazes me since the dude should be dead twenty times over by now. But I'm sure that when Howard dies, there will be a sort of Kurt Cobain like display of bawling rejects, suicides, and autiscally cringe youtube videos ripe for the snickering.

I will say this. Howard is a decent celebrity interviewer. He likes to break down the walls to whomever he talks to and exposes them for who they really are and not the image they try to project. In some ways, that was probably the only treat that his show held. In cutting the image they try to project and getting to the core of the person. 

People treated his show as some sort of confessional or public courtroom to set rumors straight because he would cut the crap and get to the heart of it all. Then again, he'd just ask relatively inncouous question and then immediately casually follow it up with something like "so how many women did you have n the set of this movie? I mean, sexually... come on, like at least five?"
which, I guess is one way to cut the bullshit but at the same time is sort of the stuff that later just made me hate him so much,.

So yeah... when he dies... sure will be interesting. 

ONE SMALL STEP FOR WOMEN, ONE EVEN SMALLER EQUIPMENT

ONE SMALL STEP FOR WOMEN, ONE EVEN SMALLER EQUIPMENT 

In a very strange twist of... well, just random news, an all women first space walk by NASA was postponed because, and get this... a shortage of outerwear.

I don't even know what the hell is that about. But it was an a NASA planned all female spacewalk and it isn't happening because the agency doesn't have enough spacesuits to fit the astronauts. I'm not even sure how the fuck that makes any sort of sense and more than anything, for an agency that has spent hundreds of thousands of dollars to come up with equipment like pens that write upside down, you would think that putting together the funds to get all the astronauts properly equipped for the damn mission.

This is ground control... and we just don't have any fucking clue how to properly dress our space people. It comes about because McClain found that the medium size upper torso shirt fit her best, but the agency said that only one such top can be made by the launch on Friday. So now the trip looks to be postponed until the 8th of April. Which just seems like an overall strange situation that has happened and a really odd reason for a space mission to just not happen.

And here we are with more proof that there is a glass ceiling. Specifically one that is around the whole space program. Go figure.

JOHN OLIVER AND GUN CONTROL

JOHN OLIVER AND GUN CONTROL 

Since there wasn't a new Last Week Tonight yesterday, here's a little John Oliver action from his days on the daily Show which was one of the best segments he ever did.



Followed by this one..


Truly some amazing work.