The Wolf Is Back to Attack Your Questions

Ahhhh-Wooooo. Wolf here, you may remember me as that brah who hooked you up and got you laid, oh yeah! With that loser Javier at some gay comic book convention and your massive pile of e-mails you guys sent me, I have enough questions to write a dozen of these. But since I got me a second grade education, I have to admit I'm reading them slowly. Don't worry, I'm keeping the bag of questions in the attic right next to that stripped down, tied up, and gagged chick I bought PBR for at the bar. I tell you, when I buy you a drink, you best put out! So no worries, brah and please don't contact local authorities, those letters wont be escape..There is no way anything is escaping from my attic, that shit is locked up tiiiiight. Anyway, let's get started. Oh and if you have any questions or if you've seen two Haitian teens, you can email that wuss Javier and he'll pass the info to me.

Ive never done a girl in the butt before cause that kinda thing doesnt interest me, but i am also curious as to why guys like to do girls in the ass? i just dont get it. pls shed some light.
-Rainier

After Poison released their album "Native Tongue," I had to wait like seven years until their next release and in that time I found some other decent shit. I got an LL Cool J cassette that I still jam to every once in awhile. A lot of press during that time talked about a new wave of music called indie. I didn't really like it. It seemed poorly rehearsed like the recording was on accident and the people were always complaining about how much everything hurts. So like, anal sex is the indie of sex. Sure it's new and cool and fun to try, but once Poison reformed, I never looked back.

Mr. Wolf What's the point of getting into a relationship?
-Benjamin

I met a lady-ho named Katsuri while stationed in the Philippines. She was hot and she'd let me brush her hair and stuff and she'd wear the clothes I brought her, which was awesome. We met up a few times a week for a few months and I bought her a little ring for her birthday. Anyway, her pimp tried to give it back to me and we got into what the official investigation called an "unwarranted attack on a local," but I think Katsuri was screaming for me to kick his ass during the whole fight. I'm really not sure though since it wasn't in English. Whatever though. I didn't see Katsuri after that. Long story short, I've never been in a relationship, but if I had a special someone with me that night, they could've used the pliers to get that glass lodged behind my ear. That shit hurt.

What's the best sex position?
-Chris

According to Bret Michaels, all of them

Yo The Wolf Guy,I know this guy who's into guys, but that doesn't make him less of a guy. Got any guy-on-guy advice?Also he's not me.
-Straight

What up Strait. Hey man. It's Wolf, not The Wolf Guy. I wouldn't call you "The Straight Guy." No biggie though. Anyway, yeah I know a lot of dudes who like dudes. We call them bros (slang for brothers.) A lot of dudes call me bro too. Hell if you don't have four of five dudes callen you bro, you aren't a man. Bros before Hoes you know??
As for advice, we bros always follow that line we learned in the army; Go Hard or Go Home. Hell yeah. It's really hot out so we're having a cookout in the sun. You gotta take your shirt off so you get a good tan and designate a beer of the month. This month it's Blue Moon. Then after we get sweaty and a good buzz, we put on Poison's greatest hits and just eat meat together. Hope this helps.

my best friend confessed to me just the other day that hes gay -i dont know, i should have noticed earlier cause hes always talking about really strange things- and i dont know if i should hang out with him any more or not... what is your advise?thanx in advance
-Daniel

Daniel? Are you still hanging out with him? I hope this isn't too late, but you should stay away from this loser. That's what he is. A LOSER. How did you not notice earlier? What is the strange stuff he is talking about? It could be terrorist material. Have you contacted FBI? You should. But don't tell the Feds that I sent you. In fact, don't mention me at all.

Wolf. Out.