The Simpsons Do The Hobbit

The Simpsons Do The Hobbit 

It seems that the only thing that the Simpsons can do right now a days is get the couch gag just perfect. Never mind trying to get them to write an episode that doesn't suck donkey dick. But the couch gag, yeah that's the sweet spot.

Just look as they do a take on The Hobbit.



Which by chance, comes out this weekend. Oh man, I can't wait to see where they leave us off and waiting another year for the resolution of this book, which is so much shorter than Lord of the Rings, and yet gets a run time just about equal to it.

How Could Liking Chinese Food Sound So Disturbing?

How Could Liking Chinese Food Sound So Disturbing? 

Alison Gold, the latest pedo target from the creators of Jessica Black's Friday music craze came out with yet another video that makes you wonder why parents leave their children with this music producer. Take a look at what could only raise red flags and amber alerts.



I'm not even sure where to start with that. How about the creepy black Mister Rogers who is creeping around the town looking through little girls' windows?

Then you have the course line of this song that takes the alphabet and just does some really raw and nasty shit to it. Lyrics like...
A - Anything you want to have      - Whoa, even Pedo bear is concerned here.
B - Be Comes when you believe   - I think B comes when you tweak their nipples, to be honest.
C - C will come when you take a chance - I don't even want to touch that one. Too much coming
D - When open up the door - yeeeeah, don't open up the door to strangers, kids.

But I guess this was foreshadowing, since the young little blonde girl decides to answer Black Mister Rogers' door knocking and rolling up in what could only be described as a straight up rape van. I mean, there's no sugar coating it. It may as well have FREE CANDY written on the side of that windowless van.

The video then continues as he takes her to a club. I mean, how old is she anyway? But there's one punch bowl in the party and he keeps on slipping unknown mixtures into it. Holy fuck, that's straight up pouring something into the Kool-aid.

I don't think it's that he put some puppet serum into, but that she's tripping balls with what she had to drink of his strange naughty sauce. He then starts rapping as a puppet. I have no clue why an older Asian fella wants to stick his arrow into the little dude, but I guess that explains itself.

Then ending with what is clearly a drug induced state as she's mad hungry for the munchies that she see's her crush as a plate of Chinese food.
I guess to "get" the ending in that she just chomps down on the Egg roll, you'd have to come into this knowing the singers past hit "I Like Chinese Food"  I do say hit very loosely there.

But what does it all mean? Other than they're slowly trying to make pedophilia sort of legal, I guess? I'm not even sure anymore.

The Hang Over

The Hang Over


Let's be real here - It's the Holiday season and that means that heavy amounts of drinking will be happening very soon. So the problem with that is that you're going to have to deal with the lingering effects the next morning.

To better understand what exactly you're trying to cure, you need to know what exactly is happening to your body other than a marching band is stomping on your head and that decision to take another two rounds of shots.... was probably the wrong one.

IN YOUR HEAD

You're probably wondering why your head feels so fucked up. Well, the real answer is that you're fucking dehydrated. The excess alcohol really fucked over your vasopressin production. It's a hormone that controls fluid balance. Meaning it told your bladder to dump all the water it had. Which does explain why you were going to the bathroom, like, 20 times in an hour after a you started drinking.

What this means is that you got to get a lot of catching up to do in the drinking water department. Or drink some coconut water. It's the latest trend. But anyway you can, you need to get hydrated. What is happening is that your brain lost a lot of water in the great dumping of fluids. It, in many ways has shrunk down like a sponge that has been ringed out.

And if that's not the case, then it's fucking with your immune system's cytokines. It's a chemical messenger system that triggers acute inflammation in your head. Ibuprofen may help, but then again, do you really want to put something in your system that will put strain on your already strained kidney?

Another reason why your head can be hurting is because you were drinking the liquors that come from the barrel. Vodka and other clear spirits are a lot easier on your head. the darker the liquors, the harder they are as they contain more congeners, which are chemicals that exacerbate hangovers.

YOUR LIVER

Let's be frank. Your liver can only handle a certain workload before it's just too beat up. On average it could handle and process one drink per hour. So when you were throwing back those shots last night, you really fucked it over and dumped an extra workload on it. Painkillers could really put more strain on it -- more than it already has.

STOMACH. 

I don't know about you, but for me, I can never ever really handle food the next morning that is anything dense. Menudo.. most def. But anything solid is just going to come right back up. If you're anything like me it's because those mixed drinks and spiked drinks really fucked over your inner stomach lining. Making it super sensitive and irritated. Just take it easy on it in the early parts as it recovers.

On the flip side, all that nausea that you're feeling could actually be a sign that you're going through withdrawals on the sauce. Yeah, it's true. like most drugs, alcohol, when consumed like you did last night and like a person on a mission of self destruction, triggers a "give me more!" sort of symptoms once it's out of your system. This also accounts for feeling shakey, sweating and anxiety.

ENERGY LEVEL 

You're fucking tired. I know that. Alcohol disturbed your brain's normal sleep cycles. So what every sleep you did get, you were probably not getting anything near remotely good amounts of it. You may as well call the day a wash. You're going to be chilling for a while.

You may as well just relax and ride it out, because this may take a couple of hours to about 24 just to bounce back. But hey, you could be one of the lucky few in the 20% range that doesn't suffer from anything hangover related.

Those lucky bastards.

Fly, You Fools - New Zealand: There and Back Again

Fly, You Fools - New Zealand: There and Back Again



One place I would love to travel to is New Zealand. It seems like the one untouched wonder of the world, unless you count being touched by the hand of Mordor to be tainted. Either way, it's such a majestic looking place and has a hobbit hole bar. What could go wrong with that?

In any event, to get there you'll need some Eagles or perhaps some help from Air New Zealand. Who seem to be all about helping you get to Middle-Earth



And once you're on that flight to New Zealand, be sure to pay attention to that in flight safety.

Better Call Kenny Loggins...

Better Call Kenny Loggins... 

Cause you're entering the DANGER ZONE!




This is far better than the entirety that is Top Gun. Holy shit, I can't wait till January to see more Archer.

Living Life A Quarter Mile at a Time

Living Life A Quarter Mile at a Time 

You know, I've made just about every Paul Walker joke I could come up with. It's really tragic what happened to him. I mean, it made for great material. It's not every day that an actor dies at the very hands of what made him... you know, famous. If he died in a plane crash it would be different. But with him dying due to a car crash while his buddy was simply practicing his Tokyo drifting, well then, that's a comedian's wet dream.

But you know what, I have much respect for the actor and for the franchise. As much shit as people talk about it, the whole franchise really did kick off something huge way back when and made street racing, an otherwise underground sort of thing, into a huge deal. Not to mention that it's really impressive that a movie made for that little made that much. 

While I didn't know him at the time, I realize that my half brother was really influenced by the films. At least that's what I recall when I saw a lot of after market race car gear with my pops. And later when I finally met him, the dude really really REALLY reminded me of Paul Walker's character in the film. Especially his looks. Man, that's got to be one of those most influential flicks for him.

In any case, after plowing through the franchise earlier this year, I'm a bit saddened by this whole thing. And, you know, the loss of human life and all that jazz. In any case, here's a little tribute music video

Fires in Arcade

Fires in Arcades 

So this video by Arcade Fire is pretty fucking cool. You should watch it and enjoy it. Yes, you should.



Very cool indeed. It's also probably what you're dealing with in a relationship at this time of the year, what with the crazy amount of "their family" you may be dealing with or the arguments that dealing with their own family causes them. It's times like that in which you may feel like working it out via the screaming and shouting.