Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Rocking The Vote


Like anything else, Voting has become something that had to one up itself every few years. We got the ol' saying Vote early and vote often to mock people voting multiple times and buying votes. Then the MTV generation stepped in and we got Rock the Vote. It was a great way to get young voters. Working the polls a couple of years I could tell you that seeing someone under 25 come in to vote was a rare sight. The next idea was to turn the dial up 11 and bring out the VOTE OR DIE statement. That one scared the shit out of me. Was Diddy going to go door to door with a gun?

Lets face it. The youth wont vote. Unless you make it some hot line number and Sanjaya is on the list. That'll be the best way to make folks vote, make it more like American Idol. I'd rather vote for Sanjaya than for Ron Paul. Ron Paul is just insane and a stupid choice for anyone. Then again, there needed to be a choice for all those fools who tossed away their vote to Nader four years ago. But the Ron Paul movement is just as bad as the Snakes on a Plane viral marketing.

Take for example Push ups for Paul. While it is a nice thought, it's not going to do anything but leave this fella without much excerse. I'm sure that www.handjobsforhuckabee.com is clearly what won him West Virginia. I can't say the same for www.RimmingForRudy2008.com. It just goes to show you what sort of sexual act are more accepted than others. And since I just figure out a good pun for Obama, www.blowjobsforbarack.com won him Georgia. A state that still outlaws anal sex. I mean, how is that enforced? Then again, they had to change it to www.oralforobama.com because BJ's may be to gender specific in a race where Obama is fighting for that female vote. I know what you're thinking, 'Nothing for Hillary?'. Nah, I'd rather not make her cry. She'll win in a landslide if that happened.

One of the best things about election time is that I get to show off my inner nerd (ok, outer nerd) by wearing election buttons for fictitious characters such as:

All of which are just winks and nudges to other nerds. It's like the secret society handshake to all those freaks and geeks and it wont get you beat up like you would walking out of the Audio/Video club. They do leave you open to questions about what views those characters hold and if they all want to run out them job stealing Mexicans from this country.

So where does this leave us? With the options of having no options. I don't know about you, but I like my veterans to physically and mentally disintegrate hidden away beneath highway overpasses. So that crosses McCain off the list of hopefuls. Mitt Romney also received some consideration but then I remembered he was Republican and I'll vote Republican only when the Terminator is on the ballot.

This leaves us with the Democratic candidates for president. Of them, only two remain viable choices. Senator Hillary Clinton, who is a woman and Senator Brack Obama, who is black and name rhymes with Osama. Both were on the platform of Change. Hillary one-upped that platform by adding some words at the end. Being married to Bill, she does appeal to the black voters. Obama actually being black also taps into that field. As you can tell, this head-to-head competition is going to be tough for the both of them. I have no time to deal with the amount of feedback from feminist groups or those that want to play the race card. So just flip a coin and vote one way or another. Now that's a good voting saying "You might as well flip a coin."

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