A Magic Carpet Ride Making Disney Princesses Face Reality

A Magic Carpet Ride Making Disney Princesses Face Reality

If you're the average parent who dressed their child up as a Disney Princess for Halloween, you may still be having issues trying to get that costume off your little darling even now, a good week and some change after Thanksgiving. Yes, children can get caught up with the childhood dream of being a real life princess. I'm sure the many trips to Disneyland helped out in securing that loving dream of finding prince charming and making them live happily ever after and all that good jazz.

But there's a dirty side to it. And I'm sure this is just me being the same cynical self that I am, but if you really think about it, those Disney Princesses are really a bad example and a bad role model for your children to be emulating. So come with me into this world of Patriarchy


Snow White

We start with the classic. Her burgeoning sexuality is a threat to another woman and so she's killed. Her only asset, physical beauty, is what saves her in the end. Add in that she has seven slaves to do her work for her. Seven old looking men..



Princes Aurora,

Well then, with a name like that, it's at least one step towards humanizing. It's no Snow White, but Aurora is a strange name in itself. She was betrothed at birth to solidify a political position, she is killed by another woman out of spite. Her owner.. um.. fiance, saves her with a kiss. gain, sex is her only salvation.



Jasmine

This princess must get married to satisfy the requirements of the law. Her reluctance to do so causes her powerful father no end of trouble. She is enslaved by a powerful man and is only saved by the wit of a street rat. One that suggest that good teens take off their clothes and plays with his monkey all day.



Cinderella

She is saved from terrible living conditions by a Prince. He does this, not because she's such a hard worker or has a great personality. No, he didn't have time to get to know her much at all. He does this because she is beautiful and has a specific size shoe. Must be some freaky foot fetish going on up in this Disney Classic.



Belle

She saves a prince's life. With her only asset. Her sexuality. Mainly she has to see the inner beauty of a man.. Which I suppose isn't too hard as any According to Jim episode shows hot women go for ugly douches all the time.



Ariel

Hmmm, perhaps I should be careful here with a name like this one.. but what the hell, why not. This one drastically changes her physical appearance so she can be more attractive to her prince. The price is that she can't speak. No problem, she has nothing of value to say anyhow. She is saved by the prince in the end. This is a lot better than the book ending though, as the soulless mermaid gets a soul but dies a painful death.

Over all my favorite of the Princesses. Why? Cause of the red hair, of course. Duh! Clearly she's also a collector and my nerd tendencies would probably be deemed acceptable by her undersea hoarder style.



Mulan

Societal law demands that her role in serving the Empire is to bred men and be an object of sexuality. She challenges gender roles and masquerades as a man and fights in the Empire's army. Her facade is revealed and would normally be slaughtered for her deception, but is saved by her sexuality. Well, I guess not saved.. she's more or less spared by her direct superior because of her skills in battle. Then spared by the emperor for her skills in saving all of China.

I guess she is a positive role model, if it wasn't for the fact that she's alwasy "chasing the dragon" that sounds like Eddie Murphy. She doesn't need a man and even though is courted once she gets back, Be a Man is maybe not the best message to give young girls if you want them to think about gender equality.

The song was pretty cool though..



Pocahontas

When her country is invaded, she saves an English man from a hunting party. In return she is converted to Christianity, married, and sent off to England. She dies on her return voyage of smallpox, pneumonia, or tuberculosis. Her people are wiped out in droves and scattered to the winds. But hey, we just celebrated Thanksgiving. I hope you did something in honor of her. Like eat stuffing.

Then we have the newest in the line of Disney Princesses. The first Black Disney Princess. Now all the collection of hair colors and skin tones are there.. Well, except Mexicans, but who cares about them?



Tiana

In theaters this week, I haven't actually seen it, so I really don't know the crimes to Feminism that she present. I guess just getting turned into a frog due to a bestiality fetish. Maybe you should go to theaters this week to see it and then report back here to tell me how she's a terrible example for your small children. Christians need not apply.



By the way, what the fuck is wrong with Alice? She's not considered a Disney Princess? She's in the lyrics of this song about the Disney royalty. She was getting a proper education at the beginning before her ADHD kicked in and started chasing a rabbit. Or is that code for her hitting the drugs? What about Megara from Hercules? I guess she could be a Disney Goddess? And Jane from Disney's Tarzan? Clearly they're missing a lot of potentials in exploiting different little girl cartoon idols.

But for the most part, you might be a negligent parent if you are depending on the Disney princesses to raise your children to the idea that they'll have the story book ending. Then again, I guess this whole post is just me flapping my lips and being witty. I mean, Young children don't really pick up on the whole narratives and view these movies as a series of unconnected events. If anything, they pick their favorite Disney Princess according to which hair color they have and what name they are given. So don't throw those DVD and Blu ray disc into a Disney Vault just yet. You can still enjoy them with them and not worry about giving your children issues as they grow up.

Earth Day 2009

Earth Day 2009

Tomorrow is Earth Day.. congrat-u-fuckin-lations. I bet you fuckers just feel oh so good about how you're living a cleaner life that will allow your children and their children's children to enjoy the air, water and land without the use of a hazmat suit.

It's a nice effort and very kind thought but it's hard for me to think that things are getting better, especially when the sales of Hybrids are on a decline

Sales of hybrid gasoline-electric cars and trucks have fallen along with gasoline prices, but in a market that looks like a train wreck they're holding up relatively well, analysts say.

Mike Omotoso, global powertrain manager for the market research firm J.D. Power and Associates, said sales of hybrid cars and light trucks fell by 29 percent last month from a year earlier. But, he noted, the entire car market was down by more than 40 percent.

So while this time last year when gas prices were going up to the $3 plus mark, they couldn't keep the cars on the lot. Now that both the gas prices and the economy has gone down the shitter, it's pretty clear that there's really no financial reason to get a hybrid.



But it's not to bad. Your efforts to shop at Whole Foods and Trader Joe's with your reusable bag may be helping us after all. You see, Los Angeles is in the top 5 least wasteful cities

Not so oddly San Francisco is on the top of that list but I'm a bit surprised that New York is up there as well. What better than a city that recycles its urine in the streets. Ho ho, I kid. New York... what a city. Back to circle jerking Los Angeles, making it on this list is pretty nice. Especially since the Cities Zero Waste plan kicks into effect.

Maybe we can increase the lack of waste by going along with this new invention of Green Styrofoam.

Pretty good invention if not for the guy's annoying voice. Which I say should be recycled by sending him to the moon. That seems only fitting. That's mean. What can I say, it's not "Be Nice Day", it's Earth day. Big difference there, my friend.

So what other ways should we save the Earth with? Well, if you're half baked still from 4/20, perhaps you should pass the herb and go for some shrooms. Here's 6 ways mushrooms can save the world. It seems Mario loves growing once he eats these, so perhaps there's some truth to all this.

When you're talking about mushrooms, perhaps you're going to have to grow them to really make them your own. How about planting a new garden? It seems like it's the latest craze... That is if you're not the first lady. Then you're going to get a lot of shit for growing an organic garden as Michelle Obama has recieved for growing one at thewhite house.

Pro-Pesticide Group Criticizes First Lady’s Organic Garden

And First Lady Michelle Obama is coming under criticism from a pro-pesticide industry group for deciding to plant an organic garden at the White House. The Mid America CropLife Association recently wrote to the First Lady to urge her to consider using pesticides, or what they call crop protection products. One official with the pro-pesticide group said, “While a garden is a great idea, the thought of it being organic made [us] shudder.” Mid America CropLife represents agribusinesses like Monsanto, Dow AgroSciences and DuPont

Seems pretty stupid to complain about. What are their concerns? That they'll make a compost pile and executive free range chicken area? Maybe they are actually concerned. Without pesticides most gardens get infested with big, green catipillars that come and destroy your crop. The answer, and not many people know this, is that you use ladybugs. They're very effective and not to mention cute.


It's not easy being green.. but for some, I guess it's easy being sexy?

How do I know some of this shit? I've been meaning to plant an herb garden for some time. I have some experience in the field. I am Mexican, after all. We're good with our hands. I hope to some time soon grow my own rosemary, thyme, mint, basil, sage, pineapple sage, catnip, chives, scallions, and a tomato plat for good measure. If you've never had your own tomatoes in the summertime, you don't know what you're missing. They are the best thing possible.

If you u want to learn a bunch about organic farming and farming in general, check out this documentary: The Real Dirt on Farmer John

The epic tale of a maverick Midwestern farmer. Castigated as a pariah in his community, Farmer John bravely transforms his farm amidst a failing economy, vicious rumors, and arson. He succeeds in creating a bastion of free expression and a revolutionary form of agriculture in rural America.

Basically this guy grew up on the family farm and worked tending the land, then left to find himself. Eventually he ended up as the only one willing to take care of the farm, so he came back and started experimenting with all-organic techniques. He found the first year everything was destroyed by pests, but after a couple of seasons the crops and helpful insects gradually balanced out, and now the farm is thriving. It's on Netflix, too. Well worth the rental.



Michelle isn't the only one stealing this idea from me, me ME! It looks like our first lady (of the state) Maria Shriver is growing a garden as well.

Just days after Michelle Obama broke ground for a vegetable garden on the White House lawn, California’s first lady announced that Sacramento is getting a public edible garden too.

Maria Shriver announced Monday that a garden will be planted in May in a flower bed on the east end of Capitol Park in Sacramento.

Again, I can't blame them. It's a good idea and they should encourage more of this sort of action. It does keep you busy tending to something and it does yield results and provides you with some treats to enjoy for dinner. Whenever I go to the farmer's market I'm always giddy that I just bought some fresh fruit/veggies/meats/oysters(?) and I'm very much excited to create some food out of it. I'd imagine that the feeling is ten fold when you actually pick it out of the ground yourself.

Then we come to Disney and their efforts to recycle when they can. Ah, the wonders of animation. To think, I wanted to be apart of that industry. Now that we got the land and air covered, let's talk about the ocean as covered by Disney. They did one thing that puts a huge smile on my face. The Little Mermaid has reason to request you keep the seas clean.

The National Marine Sanctuary Foundation and its partners, launched the second phase of its Public Service Advertisement (PSA) campaign featuring characters from Disney’s film The Little Mermaid: Ariel’s Beginning (debuting on DVD August 2008), to encourage Americans to keep our ocean clean and free of debris. The first phase of the campaign, originally launched in 2006 with Disney’s Little Mermaid characters, proved such a success that the partners decided to continue the campaign in conjunction with Disney’s newest Little Mermaid film.

The campaign’s web site, www.KeepOceansClean.org. is part of a multi-media effort to help Americans understand just how massive the problem of marine debris is. Each year, an estimated 6.4 million tons of debris enters the ocean. Most of the marine debris that ends up in the ocean starts out as trash on land that isn’t properly disposed of, including consumables packaging, fast food packaging, cigarette butts/lighters, and beverage containers.

What can I say, if there's ever a reason to think of the environment it's because of a red headed mermaid. I guess I'll come out and say it, I can't stop thinking of Ariel. You can find the PSA here.



This is a product use of the characters. I once saw a snow white and sleeping beauty PSA for keeping the forest clean. I have to say, maybe you shouldn't rely on someone who has the whole lazy title of being called Sleeping Beauty to change much of anything. Damn lazy princess! Snow white isn't much better as she has seven dwarfs do all her work for her.

You can see that Ariel, someone who can't breath if you keep dumping shit into the ocean may be a stronger proponent to this sort of ecological waste. There you have it. Some pre-earth day advice and hopes that you wont just be ecologically friendly one day out of the year as is often the case with this whole hype behind earth day.