Monday, December 7, 2009

A Magic Carpet Ride Making Disney Princesses Face Reality

A Magic Carpet Ride Making Disney Princesses Face Reality

If you're the average parent who dressed their child up as a Disney Princess for Halloween, you may still be having issues trying to get that costume off your little darling even now, a good week and some change after Thanksgiving. Yes, children can get caught up with the childhood dream of being a real life princess. I'm sure the many trips to Disneyland helped out in securing that loving dream of finding prince charming and making them live happily ever after and all that good jazz.

But there's a dirty side to it. And I'm sure this is just me being the same cynical self that I am, but if you really think about it, those Disney Princesses are really a bad example and a bad role model for your children to be emulating. So come with me into this world of Patriarchy

Snow White

We start with the classic. Her burgeoning sexuality is a threat to another woman and so she's killed. Her only asset, physical beauty, is what saves her in the end. Add in that she has seven slaves to do her work for her. Seven old looking men..

Princes Aurora,

Well then, with a name like that, it's at least one step towards humanizing. It's no Snow White, but Aurora is a strange name in itself. She was betrothed at birth to solidify a political position, she is killed by another woman out of spite. Her owner.. um.. fiance, saves her with a kiss. gain, sex is her only salvation.


This princess must get married to satisfy the requirements of the law. Her reluctance to do so causes her powerful father no end of trouble. She is enslaved by a powerful man and is only saved by the wit of a street rat. One that suggest that good teens take off their clothes and plays with his monkey all day.


She is saved from terrible living conditions by a Prince. He does this, not because she's such a hard worker or has a great personality. No, he didn't have time to get to know her much at all. He does this because she is beautiful and has a specific size shoe. Must be some freaky foot fetish going on up in this Disney Classic.


She saves a prince's life. With her only asset. Her sexuality. Mainly she has to see the inner beauty of a man.. Which I suppose isn't too hard as any According to Jim episode shows hot women go for ugly douches all the time.


Hmmm, perhaps I should be careful here with a name like this one.. but what the hell, why not. This one drastically changes her physical appearance so she can be more attractive to her prince. The price is that she can't speak. No problem, she has nothing of value to say anyhow. She is saved by the prince in the end. This is a lot better than the book ending though, as the soulless mermaid gets a soul but dies a painful death.

Over all my favorite of the Princesses. Why? Cause of the red hair, of course. Duh! Clearly she's also a collector and my nerd tendencies would probably be deemed acceptable by her undersea hoarder style.


Societal law demands that her role in serving the Empire is to bred men and be an object of sexuality. She challenges gender roles and masquerades as a man and fights in the Empire's army. Her facade is revealed and would normally be slaughtered for her deception, but is saved by her sexuality. Well, I guess not saved.. she's more or less spared by her direct superior because of her skills in battle. Then spared by the emperor for her skills in saving all of China.

I guess she is a positive role model, if it wasn't for the fact that she's alwasy "chasing the dragon" that sounds like Eddie Murphy. She doesn't need a man and even though is courted once she gets back, Be a Man is maybe not the best message to give young girls if you want them to think about gender equality.

The song was pretty cool though..


When her country is invaded, she saves an English man from a hunting party. In return she is converted to Christianity, married, and sent off to England. She dies on her return voyage of smallpox, pneumonia, or tuberculosis. Her people are wiped out in droves and scattered to the winds. But hey, we just celebrated Thanksgiving. I hope you did something in honor of her. Like eat stuffing.

Then we have the newest in the line of Disney Princesses. The first Black Disney Princess. Now all the collection of hair colors and skin tones are there.. Well, except Mexicans, but who cares about them?


In theaters this week, I haven't actually seen it, so I really don't know the crimes to Feminism that she present. I guess just getting turned into a frog due to a bestiality fetish. Maybe you should go to theaters this week to see it and then report back here to tell me how she's a terrible example for your small children. Christians need not apply.

By the way, what the fuck is wrong with Alice? She's not considered a Disney Princess? She's in the lyrics of this song about the Disney royalty. She was getting a proper education at the beginning before her ADHD kicked in and started chasing a rabbit. Or is that code for her hitting the drugs? What about Megara from Hercules? I guess she could be a Disney Goddess? And Jane from Disney's Tarzan? Clearly they're missing a lot of potentials in exploiting different little girl cartoon idols.

But for the most part, you might be a negligent parent if you are depending on the Disney princesses to raise your children to the idea that they'll have the story book ending. Then again, I guess this whole post is just me flapping my lips and being witty. I mean, Young children don't really pick up on the whole narratives and view these movies as a series of unconnected events. If anything, they pick their favorite Disney Princess according to which hair color they have and what name they are given. So don't throw those DVD and Blu ray disc into a Disney Vault just yet. You can still enjoy them with them and not worry about giving your children issues as they grow up.

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