Called Baby Names

Called Baby Names

Yesterday was mother's day. Which means that you probably went to the Olive Garden or Red Lobster and sure showed mom a good time with the free amount of bread they give you. Oh man... endless bread sticks!

It also means that at one point or another she had the option to name a person. This responsibility is actually pretty big. Such a burden to carry. Did you know the United States Social Security Administration has a record of names and just recently released its list of the top baby names of 2009. The results and findings of this list is really a bit disturbing.

For girls, it seems that Isabella is top dog. For the boys, Jacob is the number one name. When you look at these two names in and of themselves they seem like normal and reasonable options. It's only until you think about the connection here and realize that the former is the long version of Bella and the latter is the name of that Wolf-Dude from Twilight.

Yes, it seems that America has spoken and apparently they're on Team Jacob. Sorry Team Edward, it's just that red blooded Americans want someone who actually has red blood running through their veins. Interested in the rest of the list? It can be found my clicking on this magic link three times... well, not really. Once is more than enough.



Other low lights of the list is that the 34th most popular girl's name is Nevaeh. Which is Heaven backwards. Khloe, independent of Chloe, is in the top 100 list. Yes, thank you Ms. Kardashian, your contribution of absolutely nothing to society is now no longer true. You've added your stupid name to the list of popular ones.

Brooklyn is 37, London is 121, Paris is 412. Scary enough "Brooklynn" and "Londyn" are in the top 400. I'm a little confused about London as a girls name. I mean, really? I would have said it was more of a boy's name. Attention parents everywhere: When you name your daughter after a city, every boy in high school is going to make an "I'd love to spend a night in _____" joke. And they'll hate you for it.

Also, if you're a parent, perhaps it is not a good idea to name your child after an actress you had the hots for. It's not what I would call a proud parenting moment and will probably crush your little crush when you realize you just associated your daughter with someone you probably beat off to.

Over on the boys side, "Messiah" comes in at 663. Just the fact that at least one person gave that as a name of their kid is horrible enough. Never mind that it's quite a lot to live up to, if it doesn't give a kid a big enough superiority complex, that is.

I once met someone who named his son Optimus and his daughter Magnus... that's just fucking stupid and you shouldn't have children. You would think that with Battlestar Galactica's popularity among nerds and nerd's propensity to name their kids after pop culture figures that Saul would have seen some resurgence, but nope. Maybe there just aren't many nerds having kids these days. Totally naming my hypothetical kid Saul, BTW. And Zoe is NOT spelled with a Y, no matter how cute Ms. Deschanel is, it just shouldn't be spelled that way.

Then again, I wonder how many names I think are spelled "incorrectly" actually predate standardized spellings and thus, may very well be incorrect the way we believe they are correct. I would also suggest naming your kid Jack, but it seems that it may not be a good option due to Jack Skellington and Jack Bauer. Don't worry, the name Jack has been around for centuries and will continue to be around long after people stop remembering 24. It's not like your giving your child Bauer for a middle name.

Names, I guess, just fluctuate back and forth. in 1950, the 1000th most popular name for girls was "Thomas" tied with "Maude". Somehow 1950 produced as many girls named Thomas as girls named Maude. Yes, that's odd in itself. Don't even get me started on twins. It seems that the twins list really is disturbing;

There's 8 sets of twins called Landon and London. 30 Taylor/Tylers.Jada/Jaden and Jayda/Jayden are also popular. Why are people giving their twins almost the same name they are not fucking goldfish. Christian/Christopher on the boys list. Well done.. You have named both of your identical children Chris... YOU FUCKING MORON!

The worse one, I have to say is Hope/Faith at number 2 on the girls list. That is like a horrible horrible sitcom. Why not just name your daughter Xyzzy. It's equally a form of child abuse as much as naming your kids some of these other names.

And yet, Adolf is not in the top 1000 names for any year of birth in the last 10 years.

Makin' Babies

Makin' Babies

With Valentines day weekend gone and over with, Perhaps you should be expecting the check in the mail come 9 months down the line since you just had to go and "do it." didn't you? Way to screw the pooch there... HA! again with another zinger!

Let's talk about getting knocked up for a bit. It seems everyone is doing it... then everyone is having the baby. (Ha, see what I did there?) But what's the backlash to it all? Are folks ready for that baby kick?

I know these two Youngin's with a brand new bundle of joy aren't:

BOY dad Alfie Patten yesterday admitted he does not know how much nappies cost — but said: “I think it’s a lot.”

Baby-faced Alfie, who is 13 but looks more like eight, became a father four days ago when his girlfriend Chantelle Steadman gave birth to 7lb 3oz Maisie Roxanne.

He told how he and Chantelle, 15, decided against an abortion after discovering she was pregnant.

Yes. That's a 13 year old boy and his 15 year old girlfriend and THEIR BABY. That boy was 12 when they had sex.... and they are British....

My only comfort is that at least we don't claim them as citizens. Every time I see that picture it makes me a bit nauseated than that octomom's swollen stomach. Then again, I know I'm not the only one who thought she mothered both at first. And the fact that I think that means we, as a society, have really fallen far.

Look at that boy's soul-less eyes. He already knows his life is over before it even started. Late night nappy changes, gonna have to get a job as soon as he can get hired. More than likely going to be a grandfather by age 26. Ah yes, the wonders of abstinence only sex ed.

“We didn’t think we would need help from our parents. You don’t really think about that when you find out you are pregnant. You just think your parents will kill you.”

Great thinking there, kiddos.


This is typically the cause of baby making. Sharing underwear.

And how could this story get any better? Well... Worse? Ask and you shall receive! Two more boys toss their coins into the ring in thinking they're the father!

Alfie, 13 made headlines around the world last week when The Sun reported that he was the father of 15-year-old Chantelle Steadman’s baby girl Maisie.

But since then, two other boys have publicly claimed to be the father of the child.

Richard Goodsell, 16, a trainee chef, told the news of the world he had sex with Chantelle at her home at least three times at the time she fell pregnant.

“I knowI could be the father,” he said. “Everyone thinks I am. My friends all tell me that baby has my eyes— even my mum thinks so.

“Only a DNA test is going to sort this out properly. If I am the father, I have the right to know.”

Tyler Barker, 14, also fears he may have fathered little Maisie.

“I slept with Chantelle in her bed about nine months ago and I’m really worried I could be the father,” he told the News of the World.

“I hope it’s not me. All my mates have been teasing me about it but this isn’t funny, it’s serious.”

That's right. This is one fucked up situation. Might be able to fuck up 5 or 6 kids' heads instead of just the two now, sweet. I'm just waiting for it to come out that alfie thinks kissing is sex and he never even got past 1st base.

I'm still confused as to why people still use "it has my eyes" as an argument that a baby is theirs. I guess it's cause courts allowed the use of this kind of evidence to help prove paternity into the 1990s. But still, babies look pretty damn generic. Get a blood test before you start claiming anyone.

The youngest documented mother gave birth when she was 5 years old. She never told who the father was, or how she became pregnant. She's still alive and living in Lima, Peru. This is her story.



This image has freaked me out since the first time I saw it since the doctor is wearing hypnosis goggles. On that note, Precocious Puberty sounds like an adorable condition.

Then there's always the chick who had EIGHT babies, Nadya Suleman. But if I get on that topic I'll just be literally ripping my hair out in thinking that our tax dollars go towards paying for some women who is unemployed and continues to have child after child even though she can't afford them nor can even begin to give them the proper attention..

It just floors me that the Octuplets mom is more than likely going to get more implanted eggs because, hey, why not. She's sooooo crazy. Then again, she didn't get knocked up the traditional way, so I'll just save my rantings on that crazy bitch for another blog.

At least Bristol Palin has the right idea when it comes to teen pregnancy according to this interview:

Teen pregnancy? Not really a good idea.

Stopping teen sex? Ain't gonna happen.

So says Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin's 18-year-old daughter, Bristol, who told Fox News' Greta Van Susteren Monday night that the abstinence her mom preaches is "not realistic at all."

Bristol Palin's pregnancy, revealed shortly after Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) chose Sarah Palin to be his running mate, shook up the last presidential campaign.

Bristol Palin, who gave birth in late December, described the rigors of being a teen mom, and while she wouldn't go into detail why it isn't realistic for guys and gals her age not to have sex, she did say it isn't smart to get knocked up.

"Everyone should wait 10 years," Palin said. "I hope people learn from my story.

"It's so much easier if you're married, have a house and career. It's not a situation you want to strive for."

She denied that her mother's anti-abortion views were the reason she went ahead with the pregnancy.

"It was my choice to have the baby," she said. "It doesn't matter what my mom's views are on it. It was my decision."

But telling her mom that she and her hockey hunk boyfriend, Levi Johnston, were to be parents was tough, she admitted.

"Harder than labor," she said.

I'm not going to give her too much credit yet. You don't have to get knocked up to realize it's not a smart idea to have a child when you're not ready for it. But at least it's nice to know that something that came out of Sarah Palin isn't a complete retard. To be fair, being smarter than Sarah Palin is not very difficult.

They seriously need to stop with this abstinence only bullshit though. Kids are having sex. It's the facts on the matter. Most of them are getting knocked up. Oddly enough, if anything, marriage seems to be the biggest inducer of abstinence.