Thursday, May 9, 2013

I'll Make You Eat Your Beard

I'll Make You Eat Your Beard

Yes, that's what happened. As  Two men force a third to eat his fucking beard at knife point. 
Troy Holt, 47, and James Hill, 51, were each charged with first-degree unlawful imprisonment, third-degree terroristic threatening and two counts each of fourth-degree assault for allegedly holding two brothers at knifepoint May 8 at Holt’s Willisburg Road residence. 
Holt allegedly used a pocketknife to cut shirts worn by Harvey and Joseph Westmoreland, held the knife to their throats and threatened to kill them if they called the police. Hill allegedly wielded a sickle blade at the men. 
It was unclear what started the altercation. One statement on file in Anderson County Circuit Court said an argument ensued over a woman. Another claimed it started over a lawnmower.
Joseph Westmoreland was apparently working at Holt’s residence, cleaning out stalls, when the incident began. 
“Everyone was drinking then all hell broke loose,” he said in a statement to police. 
.... Two witnesses told the officers what happened, though including one who said that the last thing he saw was Holt cutting off Harvey Westmoreland's beard and making him eat it

Asked what it was like to eat his beard, Harvey Westmoreland said, "Well, did you ever chew on a sponge? That'd be about what it would be like."
Westmoreland, who declined to be photographed, now sports a full brown beard tinged with gray on the chin.
"It's all water under the bridge," he said. "I wished it had never happened, to tell you the truth. But I don't wish neither one of them ill will. I don't wish them no harm. I hope they both have a good Thanksgiving and a good Christmas and a Happy New Year."
 I really don't know what to say about this situation other than it is beyond strange. I mean... it's not even the guy eating the beard that's funny to  me. It's that absurdity of having a disagreement with someone and your first thought being "I'll make you eat your fucking beard!"

Like.... um, why?

But, like, why?! Maybe the guy was really proud of being so beardy and stroked it all the time in such a show-boat manner. To the point that the other guy was all like, "You know, motherfucker, I'm going to m ake you eat it one of these days!"

So what does this guy look like?

I have to say, I do enjoy the hat that says "Southern Style". Like, what, did they BBQ the beard? Slather some sauce all over it? Is that what southern style means or something? Why yes. Dude, take a look at that beardy dude's hat! I have just the right idea from this.

I really can't get over this story. It's nagging at me like an infected tooth. Bugging at me all day. I guess if you take any argument from the deep south to the gay community and it becomes both grimmer and more hilarious. Eating beards.. HA!

In any case, I bet eating your own facial hair would be a lot like going down enthusiastically on Robin Williams, but only less hairy. So clearly the gay community must be all up on this.

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