Your Virginity Back Via Mail Order

Your Virginity Back Via Mail Order

With this being the month of Halloween, you would imagine that getting fake blood packs wouldn't be that difficult. But sure enough, they went ahead and surprised everyone. By "they" I mean Japan. That crafty country sure has a way of making all sorts of useful and cheaply priced products.

So what the hell am I talking about? The Artificial Virginity Hymen, of course!

Artificial Hymen

USD 29.90
Product ID: 2299

No more worry about losing your virginity. With this product, you can have your first night back anytime. Insert this artificial hymen into your vagina carefully. It will expand a little and make you feel tight. When your lover penetrate, it will ooze out a liquid that look like blood not too much but just the right amount. Add in a few moans and groans, you will pass through undetectable. Its easy to use, clinically proven non-toxic to human and has no side effects, no pain to use and no allergic reaction.


This Adult Sex Toy Feature:

• Easy to use
• Place inside vagina 15-20 minutes before intercourse
• Soluble and expandable at body heat
• Clinically proven non-toxic to human
• No side effects, no pain to use, no allergic reaction
• Made in Japan

This item will be shipped from China

Wow, what the fuck. I mean, seriously? Is this really pressing matters? I suppose so as it seems that not everyone is happy by the creation of this invention. As you'll see that Egypt is shitting a brick over it.

A leading Egyptian scholar has demanded that people caught importing a female virginity-faking device into the country should face the death penalty.
Abdul Mouti Bayoumi said supplying the item was akin to spreading vice in society, a crime punishable by death in Islamic Sharia law.
The device is said to release liquid imitating blood, allowing a female to feign virginity on her wedding night.
There is a stigma about pre-marital sex in conservative Arab societies.
The contraption is seen as a cheap and simple alternative to hymen repair surgery, which is carried out in secret by some clinics in the Middle East.
It is produced in China and has already become available in other parts of the Arab world.
The device is reported to be on sale in Syria for $15.
Professor Bayoumi, a scholar at the prestigious al-Azhar University, said it undermined the moral deterrent of fornication, which he described as a crime and one of the cardinal sins in Islam. Members of parliament in Egypt have also called for banning import of the item.

I suppose if the current trends continue, China will surpass America as the world's biggest cultural imperialist by 2030. Not to mention the global target of hate by 2015. I mean, color me surprised that there is a stigma about pre-martial sex in Islamic countries. I would have never had guessed. But really does a busted hymen really mean you're not pure?

Let's take a look at the main causes of hymen tearing or breakage:
* Strenuous exercise (Gymnastics, sports, martial art, horse riding, etc)
* Premarital Sex
* Childhood accident (Hard object)
* Wearing a tampon for the first time



This could give cover to weak-willed progressive men wanting to look the other way on their brides' previous exploits. It's pretty easy to feign belief when props are involved. What is the saying? Let's put on a show. Go with the motion. You just have to role play here and it will all be good.

Though it really doesn't scratch the surface of the real issue here. Why would you really want to fuck a virgin? Anyone who wants to fuck a virgin has never fucked a virgin before. Otherwise they'd never want to fuck one to begin with. It's a conundrum, really. Why would any culture place such a high value on the certainty of terrible sex?

I mean, seriously. It's going to be awkward and strange. You're not going to know which way to move or what to do or even what things are suppose to feel like. Do we really want someone with a lack of experience doing things for us? I certainly wouldn't want a surgeon that is a virgin at the procedure that he's about to do on me. Give me someone that can get the job done right.

To bad they're $30 or you could use them every time and be like that girl in True Blood. Jessica? Jennifer? I dunno. Whatever Hot red head Vampire's name is, that's gotta get old pretty fast. I do wonder why they don't have anything for the guy who needs to pretend it's his first time? Something like a really tight cock ring so he'll blow his load in 20 seconds?

In short, this is stupid and people who go after virgins to be Christopher Columbus are just as awful as Christopher Columbus himself. I mean, who else could rape and pillage cultures and people left and right and be praised? Virgin sex is really stupid and if you're valuing your virginity for the sanctity of marriage, then you're in for some truly awful wedding night adventures.

It Was The Best Of Times, It Was The Worse Of Times

It Was The Best Of Times, It Was The Worse Of Times

Google has done a terrible thing.

Though Google's corporate motto is "Don't be evil" they've released a terrible, sinful evil unto the world this past week. As part of the celebration of the search engine's tenth anniversary Google is making available their earliest index from January 2001, and it has the potential to turn our modern Internet world upside down.

It was a simpler, more optimistic Internet back then, when a search for VRML resulted in "VRML: The next big thing!" not "VRML: What went wrong?" On Internet 2001, searching for "Facebook" results in information about actual facebooks. "MySpace" refers to web hosting companies. "YouTube" returns zero results, the way it should be.

Wow. It's amazing how far logos have come.

When I type in Blogosphere it comes back with no returns. As you can see it was a simple time, it was a better time. 9/11 was nothing more than a reminder to watch Dr. Laura's TV show and Obama comes up with very few results. McCain even comes back as being seen as a maverick and there's not a single mention of Sarah Palin. Miracles of miracles.

Internet 2001 wasn't perfect. But when I discovered that Internet 2001 only returns 6 results for "Ebaum's World" and Internet 2008 returns nearly 4 million, I wanted to bash my head in. In remembering this old Internet I've fallen into an equally old habit. I've started drinking again. Four years of sobriety down the drain. Thanks Google.

God help you if you've ever posted anything embarrassing on the Internet before 2001. Today those results are buried underneath hundreds of millions of links to other nonsense, but not on Internet 2001. They are right on top of the shitheap. Your old Geocities page doesn't exist anymore, but chances are that the Internet Archive is holding a copy for your friends to find. Your Pokemon hentai fanart gallery is about to become very popular again. I know my poor attempts of a website still linger out there waiting to be released when I'm good and famous as a reminder of those early years of Geocities and going into AOLchat rooms acting like a complete fool.

Internet 2001 is a topsy turvy world where a search for porn seems a bit surreal. Sure you don't get the contrast you would if you popped in some 70's porn and got an afro in your face, but there's a bit of innocence to 2001 porn. Back then, 1 girl and 1 cup was the standard. It's clear that we have been desensitized to the point where we can't get off unless something strange and abnormal happens. I weep for the future generations and what they need in order to get their rocks off.

And considering this is what wikipedia was back then, I just have to question how we ever wrote any book reports as a kid. And how could we go about and not make note that it was 7 years ago that Chinese Democracy came out. Oh wait.. that never happened. Then again there's a lot of things that didn't. Duke Nukem forever still gets an eerily similar result in the search. All of which have it pointing as vaporware.

With all this retrospect into the past it's hard not to linger on those yesteryears. Moments past, roads traveled and then looked back on. Situations and choices made. All that jazz that could crush a person if they aren't careful. There's many times in my life where I'm sure I would be a different person if I chose a different path. Often I went down the one less traveled, other times I went down the one everyone seemed to go on.

We shouldn't question ourselves or our choices. The passion that drove us to those choices should be something we respect and admire. It defines you as an individual. As that unique snow flake that you constantly were told you are as a child. To feel contempt or regret for ones motivations should be the thing that people should feel guilt over.



I then run into this article, which just strengthens my thoughts.

Woman celebrates 105th birthday, pure and simple

AS A child growing up in New Zealand, Clara Meadmore had a hunch she would never have sex. Today, as she celebrates her 105th birthday in a nursing home in Cornwall, that belief has been proved right as she makes headlines as the world's oldest virgin.

Daily exercise, moderate drinking and not smoking have all been championed for people living long lives, but Miss Meadmore is adamant her secret is abstaining from sex. "I imagine there is a lot of hassle involved, and I have always been busy doing other things," she said. "I've never had a boyfriend. I've never been bothered about relationships."

Having emigrated to New Zealand with her family when she was 12, Miss Meadmore abstained from sex because it was frowned on unless people were married. She has never owned a television, and says she has filled her time with reading, gardening, cooking and listening to the radio.

I'm left wondering.. Why? Why would you deny yourself life. Why would you not attempt to try everything in life. Yeah, sure you lived a long life. But ask yourself if you've lived a full life. Not to mention that this goes against the whole point of Darwinism. It's not a lack of sex that has kept her living to a ripe old age, it's her genes. Those very same genes that have not been past on to anyone that contain the building blocks for a long life span. Way to be greedy there, old lady.

In looking at my life and the mistakes I've made and the choices I've made, I'm glad. I'm excited that I learned from them and I'm beyond thrilled that I survived this long. I'm constantly learning, always expanding. Much like google, at one point the search results were few and as you can tell from google 2001, vastly different than google in 2008.

Enjoy the here and now. Learn to make the best out of those mistakes you make and learn something from them. It's all part of a life experience that teaches you to be the person you are today. Start living because you already started dying. Best enjoy every minute of every day you have offered to you.