Monday, October 26, 2009

Your Virginity Back Via Mail Order

Your Virginity Back Via Mail Order

With this being the month of Halloween, you would imagine that getting fake blood packs wouldn't be that difficult. But sure enough, they went ahead and surprised everyone. By "they" I mean Japan. That crafty country sure has a way of making all sorts of useful and cheaply priced products.

So what the hell am I talking about? The Artificial Virginity Hymen, of course!

Artificial Hymen

USD 29.90
Product ID: 2299

No more worry about losing your virginity. With this product, you can have your first night back anytime. Insert this artificial hymen into your vagina carefully. It will expand a little and make you feel tight. When your lover penetrate, it will ooze out a liquid that look like blood not too much but just the right amount. Add in a few moans and groans, you will pass through undetectable. Its easy to use, clinically proven non-toxic to human and has no side effects, no pain to use and no allergic reaction.

This Adult Sex Toy Feature:

  • Easy to use
  • Place inside vagina 15-20 minutes before intercourse
  • Soluble and expandable at body heat
  • Clinically proven non-toxic to human
  • No side effects, no pain to use, no allergic reaction
  • Made in Japan

This item will be shipped from China

Wow, what the fuck. I mean, seriously? Is this really pressing matters? I suppose so as it seems that not everyone is happy by the creation of this invention. As you'll see that Egypt is shitting a brick over it.
A leading Egyptian scholar has demanded that people caught importing a female virginity-faking device into the country should face the death penalty.
Abdul Mouti Bayoumi said supplying the item was akin to spreading vice in society, a crime punishable by death in Islamic Sharia law.
The device is said to release liquid imitating blood, allowing a female to feign virginity on her wedding night.
There is a stigma about pre-marital sex in conservative Arab societies.
The contraption is seen as a cheap and simple alternative to hymen repair surgery, which is carried out in secret by some clinics in the Middle East.
It is produced in China and has already become available in other parts of the Arab world.
The device is reported to be on sale in Syria for $15.
Professor Bayoumi, a scholar at the prestigious al-Azhar University, said it undermined the moral deterrent of fornication, which he described as a crime and one of the cardinal sins in Islam. Members of parliament in Egypt have also called for banning import of the item.
I suppose if the current trends continue, China will surpass America as the world's biggest cultural imperialist by 2030. Not to mention the global target of hate by 2015. I mean, color me surprised that there is a stigma about pre-martial sex in Islamic countries. I would have never had guessed. But really does a busted hymen really mean you're not pure?

Let's take a look at the main causes of hymen tearing or breakage:
* Strenuous exercise (Gymnastics, sports, martial art, horse riding, etc)
* Premarital Sex
* Childhood accident (Hard object)
* Wearing a tampon for the first time

This could give cover to weak-willed progressive men wanting to look the other way on their brides' previous exploits. It's pretty easy to feign belief when props are involved. What is the saying? Let's put on a show. Go with the motion. You just have to role play here and it will all be good.

Though it really doesn't scratch the surface of the real issue here. Why would you really want to fuck a virgin? Anyone who wants to fuck a virgin has never fucked a virgin before. Otherwise they'd never want to fuck one to begin with. It's a conundrum, really. Why would any culture place such a high value on the certainty of terrible sex?

I mean, seriously. It's going to be awkward and strange. You're not going to know which way to move or what to do or even what things are suppose to feel like. Do we really want someone with a lack of experience doing things for us? I certainly wouldn't want a surgeon that is a virgin at the procedure that he's about to do on me. Give me someone that can get the job done right.

To bad they're $30 or you could use them every time and be like that girl in True Blood. Jessica? Jennifer? I dunno. Whatever Hot red head Vampire's name is, that's gotta get old pretty fast. I do wonder why they don't have anything for the guy who needs to pretend it's his first time? Something like a really tight cock ring so he'll blow his load in 20 seconds?

In short, this is stupid and people who go after virgins to be Christopher Columbus are just as awful as Christopher Columbus himself. I mean, who else could rape and pillage cultures and people left and right and be praised? Virgin sex is really stupid and if you're valuing your virginity for the sanctity of marriage, then you're in for some truly awful wedding night adventures.

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