One More St. Paddy's Day Rant

One More St. Paddy's Day Rant

Since I had to deal with two check points this weekend because of how close St Patrick's day/weekend celebration, I'm going to be like a potato famine and hit the Irish with everything I have...

Okay, that's a little unfair. It's not the Irish's fault really. Yeah, they're genetically disposed to be drunks, but it's not their fault that every fucking frat boy has co-oped their holiday as an excuse to get shit faced.

No, you see, I don't go in for that "Excuse to drink" bullshit. I didn't nor would I be drinking any more on any St. Patty's day or the weekend that follows it than I normally do.

On the flip side, I also won't be drinking any less.



Now that I think about it, the saying "Luck o the Irish" seems like a passive-aggressive jab when viewed historically. Fuck, that's pretty messed up, man.

St. Patricks Day would be a much better day if the British Army showed up at some point and gunned down every dumbshit wearing an over-sized, novelty Guinness hat. Then you would cue in another 800 years of Irish crying, whining, and self-pity. Oh yeah, not to mention awful U2 music. God, why is it that you white people love that band so much?

Perhaps I should take another shot at educating you on St. Patty's day history. I mean, it could very well be that St Patrick's Day was indeed a coded story about how Christians exterminated all the practitioners of local religions because they were metaphorically "snakes" that were driven out of Ireland. Or it could very well be a reference to druids with their snake tattoos and what not.

And how about that potato? Let's let a clearly stereotypical Irish lass explain it.



How about knowing your Irish? Here's a list of Irish folk in history, famous and infamous. Feel free to add to it if you recall any micks.

Barack O'Bama
Panch O'Villa
Jackie O'Nassis
O'Nan
O'Henry
Patrick Fitzhenry
Henry Fitzpatrick
Jell O'Biafra
Yoko O'No



Yup. Shaquille is probably the best Irish-American name. Now see, isn't history fun? It's a whole lot better than just making an excuse for Bro's to get together and get drunk and act belligerent. The whole Holiday should be openly mocked.

And yeah, Guinness, I love you, but why the fuck are you selling a stout called "extra foreign"? If people are more than happy enough to drink Green Miller Lite for a quarter at 7am, why make something "extra foreign"?

Most people drink Keystone or PBR that they bought in a 30 pack for $7.99. They aren't doing this ironically, you know. More so because they're probably unemployed in this economy and running out of money.

Well, there we go. I did a final few jabs at the whole St. Patty's Weekend. So how about we kick this away by playing something that isn't Dropkick Murphy's

Gun Nutz

Gun Nutz

Like the title says, we got Gun Nuts all up in here. GUN NUTZ



God, I hate America....

These are just 3 of the colors that we have available, we can also get them in red, blue, purple, white, sky blue, orange, yellow, green, and clear.
We also have them in plated chrome or plated gold for an additional cost.

Write us for the prices on the chrome and gold nutz.

We also have them in several sizes, we have 4”, 8”, and 16” MONSTER NUTZ!

For the ladies, nutz are available in pink. Show the guys at the range “Who's Bad” with a
set of pink nutz on your firearm

Enjoy, and spread the word

Someone should do a massive nasty target practice on that set of balls there. Potentially hitting the troop's balls.. or his spine. Whichever, really.



You have to wonder, don't gun barrels get hot and wouldn't a little stupid piece of rubber attached to one melt and make a mess of the tank you're driving? Man, these are poorly thought out.

Man, nothing shows off how much of a man you are than by hanging replica male genitalia on all your phallus substitutes. You just know that guy has got a tiny dick based on where those balls are.



I just wonder which sort of gun you'll use for the above HOT PINK Gun Nutz?



Nevermind...

What is America's obsession with guns? I mean, you go down to the shooting range and you'll see morons put a giant scope on their rifle so that they can hunt the most dangerous game around.. paper targets.

In short.. Fuck this shit, Death to America! Or at least our stupid cultural need to hang on to weapons and attach fake balls to them.

NPR... Defunded

NPR... Defunded

So yeah.. that happened. Well, one step towards happening...

WASHINGTON, March 17 (Reuters) - The U.S. House of Representatives voted on Thursday to end federal funding for National Public Radio, following recent controversies that entangled some of the organization's senior executives.

Republicans said the move, which passed by a vote of 228-192, was motivated by the need to cut spending in the face of a record federal budget deficit.

NPR, which has about 27 million listeners, was shaken last week when its chief executive, Vivian Schiller, resigned after the organization's chief fund-raiser was secretly videotaped making disparaging remarks about members of the conservative Tea Party movement and questioning whether NPR needed government funding.

Why yes.. it all makes sense. We surly can't have the American government funding an organization that actually reports factual information free and over the public air waves. I'm sure glad that the republicans are finally stepping up to the plate and are removing this organization's taint from ARE great country.

Who needed car talk anyway? Bootstraps, bitches! Fix your own car without two annoying brothers who laugh at their own shit way too much...



Fuck man! Arthur sure has had a lot of left leaning guest stars. We better defund PBS! So is this the beginning of the end for National Public Radio? Whatever will Garrison Keillor do now? Well, I guess the answer to that is "Beg for money more often". Time to get your fill on local college station tote bags!

But let's face it, it's not like this will actually make it through the senate. Oh wait.. it's the Dems we're talking about. Why did I, for even a second, assume that given the voting history for the democratic senators over the past two years, assume that this had any chance of not getting passed?

We all know what will happen. The democrats will pass it in the spirit of compromise hoping the republicans will start to try cutting less - and of course they wont - and despite Obama saying he's against cutting NPR funding, he'll put pen to paper and sign this mother fucker to law. Why? Well, why not. It's Obama we're talking about.

I mean, do you know that Fresh Air is a reasonable alternative to Glenn Beck and of course that means that we have balanced media in this country. But no, that shit has got to go! I guess you should have donated to your local NPR affiliate during their last pledge drive.

I know KPCC just finished theirs. Here's hoping that enough community college kids tossed in their $11 per unit to keep the station alive. But man, isn't this a son of a bitch. It goes to show you that James O'Keefe has more influence over American domestic policy than thousands of protesters in Madison. All by dressing like a pimp to shut down acorn and having fellas dress in Arab stereotypes.

For those of you who are worried about shows like This American Life, you shouldn't be. Those are still being produced and will still be able to be purchased. As the local stations will still be given funding. But they can't use that funding to buy NPR or American Public Radio shows.

What's funny about that is that This American Life needs the money the least. TAL is honestly a show that could be made very cheaply without sacrificing much of the production values. But the news outfits of NPR actually require resources to stay alive.

And while I used to be a big fan of Radiolab, it's really starting to annoy me these days. Especially when they just echo something on and on in the background. Echo something on and on in the background. Echo something on and on in the background. Echo something on and on in the background.

There's seriously a good show trapped under all those layers of pretentiousness. I just wish they wouldn't put too much frosting and sugar-toppings on the program, with less it would be much more listenable.

NPR funding basically supports your local station news, which is really the only valid service public radio provides to begin with. Without funding you can pretty much kiss any print or online news service via their website goodbye.

If they lose federal funding, NPR will have to end up asking for money on the air. I mean, how the hell can that happen in this great nation of ours?

We already have to deal with that twice a year for a week. Ugh!

Why I Hate The Luck Of The Irish

Why I Hate The Irish

It's not even the Irish that I hate, I just really dislike this stupid holiday altogether.

As much of a drunk that I am, you would imagine that I would love St. Patty's day to death. It's nothing more than an excuse to drink and pretend you're some Irish. I mean, I know I love me some red headed fare maidens out there, but in reality, I hate the holiday.

The problem I have with this holiday is that it's everything that is wrong with America.

At best, St. Patty's day is Amateur hour at any bar you happen to go to. If it has an Irish sounding name then it's just going to be so much worse. You can expect to wait in a good 45 minute line outside of the joint just to get in.

And once you do get in, it's elbow bumping shoulder to shoulder all the way. But hey, these are the kind of people you want to be around anyway, right? Wrong. That amateur description really says it all.



These are the people who easily only come to the bar twice a year during Cinco De Mayo and St Patty's day. I can't think of another Holiday that drives them out as 4th of July is clearly a day you drink outside.

So yeah, you have these folks who have no idea how bar etiquette works. Bartenders getting shitty tips for crazy service - which does lead to having to wait ten minutes at the bar to get your shitty Green dyed beer. Makes you wonder what happens to all that Miller-lite that gets dyed for one night.

And of course these folks are the ones who don't see that it's now socially acceptable to drink without having to come up with some silly excuse as "The dude who we don't know the history of celebration day is here!". Well they end up getting really shit faced off of really bad beer. Most of them still have this preconceived notion that Guinness is so heavy and ewww!



But this leads to the classic drunks fighting and puking all over your bar and your persons. I mean, it's bound to happen. The holiday promotes recluse abandonment of being responsible with the simple banner that it's okay since it's St Patty's day. Duh!

Not to mention that D.U.I. check points are vastly increased and highway patrol is on full alert. In fact, this not only is in effect on Thursday, but since it's so close to the weekend, they extend the full on manhunt for anyone combining alcohol in any amount and getting behind the wheel to the entire weekend. So you can expect to see far more police out on the road and D.U.I check points pop up all over L.A.

Then you have those folks who just love to remind you that they're Irish. As if 1/10th of your ancestral background being a Mick is something to be proud of or gives you proper justification to get so shit faced in public you make an ass out of yourself.

Ha ha! Would you look at that, it's a Drunk Irishman. Oh boy does he have a drinking problem, but that's perfectly fine because he's Irish! Continue to laugh at their silly antics as if he was some leprechaun while they slowly drink themselves to an early and painful death.



It's pretty ironic that these part Irish folks are all proud of being it. The Irish were not considered a "True" white race until the late 19th century. You were probably hated more than the blacks. The only difference is they were brought here as slaves. You came on your own free will and still face such hatred.

But me, I don't hate the Irish. I just hate the people who take a holiday and use it as an excuse to fuck up my local watering hole and feel like they don't have a problem in wanting to get so completely wasted simply because it's a Saint's day. And I'm not even catholic.

It's not even just me that hates this day. Most real Irish also hate it. I'm pretty sure that at night they go and piss on the Blarney stone

But hey, do you actually want to know the history of this Holiday you're pissing on? By all means, click the video away...



But hey, you just want yet another excuse to get drunk. Who cares if you're fine with misinterpreting history and exploiting foreign culture for the purpose of some good times, right?

Don't get me wrong, I'm someone who loves pale redheaded women even more than the next guy. And I realize that when it comes to a sub group of people who fit that category, they're most likely going to come from that ethnic background of being Irish... and having that oh so sexy Irish accent... But back to the point, this Holiday has taken a life of its own and it's really pretty sad, all things given, that it's just focused on the drinking aspect.

And yeah, they don't eat Haggis, folks. That's the Scottish. Corned Beef and cabbage is also something that while very tasty, probably doesn't have as much consumption as you would imagine the Irish to eat. Also, why hasn't black pudding become more popular?

But I guess it does come down to the fact that it seems that every American holiday is really about drinking. The only difference is that on St. Patty's day, you don't have to deal with family, buy anyone a card or even sugar coat the drinking aspect of it.

So with that, I guess I'll say HAPPY ST. PADDY'S DAY, YOU MICK BASTARDS!

Your Local News Rack

Your Local News Rack

For some strange reason I still pick up a magazine when I'm at the store. Be it Los Angeles Magazine or Men's Health or sometimes even Maxim. I still find myself going back to those paper and pages of ads from time to time.

It's a hard habit to break even if everything you could possibly ever want to know about anything is blogged or updated online at a much faster rate. In the case of Maxim, I guess you can lump in shit like the Sports Illustrated Swim Suit issue. I mean, who really cares about that one anyway when there's tons of porn on the internet?

Though I guess that's a topic for another day. I just want to get to the point that sometimes magazine covers are a little bit tasteless for the sake of displaying on a check out rack. So they have to cover them up with a family friendly plastic padding.

The following covered up magazine really made me raise an eyebrow.



Oh, I see how it is.

One man and a baby - okay to show
Two men and a baby - block to protect families.
Three men and a baby - box office gold

And yes, this was an incident at one store and the manager got complaints about it and he covered it, I have to wonder about the morons who were actually complaining about this one. It's a good thing that corporate got complaints about the cover and they reviewed it/removed it.

It just really makes you wonder what is actually family friendly?



I do have to wonder though, why isn't Black Rifles not in the porno magazine section? I mean, let's be real here.. that just sounds like a dirty magazine.

More reason to say it... God damn, America!

The Deadliest Warrior - Why The Fuck Am I Watching This?

The Deadliest Warrior - Why The Fuck Am I Watching This?

That's really what I ask myself when I flip through anything on SPIKE. I mean, the network is complete shit. But there's one TV show that comes to mind right now. The Deadliest Warrior.

It's a simple concept that your average 5 year old who has asked if Superman can fight Darth Vader and who would win. You have two forces from history, time, space, whatever. And you put them to fight each other and see which one would come out ahead based on some really stupid shit.

Well, they did a really stupid match up between the SS and the Vietcong. Just look at this actual quote from the show.

"these organizations are some of the most evil in history but the SS were probably the worst of the two"

Though interestingly enough, they did actually fight in real life as well when the remains of the SS joined the French Foreign Legion to escape prosecution. But anyhow, back to Deadliest Warrior..

There's a trash talking segment before the showdown where the representative experts explain why the Apache warrior would totally murder the shit out of the spartan, actually no fucking way man. The Spartan would own him like immediately, brah!



Oh yeah, I guess it should be mentioned that the average SS officer was 100 years old. I just don't get how a guy with access to AKs and RPGs lose to a guy with a Luger. I mean.. what do they have? The power of white skin?

The SS won the simulated battle. How? Well, they used a blow torch. You want to see this cluster fuck of a match up?



Yes, that's right. They gave it to the SS. So this, by extension means that the SS could have defeated the US Army. So I guess the true answer is Stalin.

The entire show was basically "Oh the SS are so big and strong and physically perfect but the little rodent people from Vietnam sure have some fight in them". It was a racist bullshit Nazi worshiping if I ever seen such circle jerking.

I love their rational here. The Vietcong are one of the most evil organizations in history... because they are commies. Vietcong = Commies = Communism = Stalin = Gulags. If you support the Vietcong you support Russian Gulags during the 1930's



Vietcong are evil because by successfully waging a guerrilla campaign against the brave Troops of the US Military they forced said brave troops to massacre thousands of civilians. True story.

Next up, Mansweres: Can farting underwater make my girlfriends boobs bigger?!?! Who cares, the real issue is that she better get breast implants because they may save her life by stopping a bullet!

I guess my only hope now is that they repeat the IRA vs the Tailiban for St. Patty's day. I'll be properly drunk.. no wait, I wont. But still when will they show the episode where they pit the Predator Drone vs the Pakistani Wedding?

Still, You have to love that them taking tactics into consideration by wasting the Viet Cong's special weapon slow with a poop-spike that can be used once. Never mind the whole notion that they used tunnels to give Americans a hell of a fight. Let alone the fact that they compared the Vietcong to the worst war criminals in history because they had the gall to defend their country against an invading army. I mean, what the fuck.

God Damn, America

God Damn, America

Hey, remember that guy that supposedly leaked out all the information to WikiLeaks? No? damn, I guess you're American. But hey, let's look at what he's gone through..

As Obama's crime of the destruction of Bradley Manning continues to unfold before our very eyes, Manning friend David House now tells us that over 8 months in isolation with movement and sleep restrictions placed on him have been having their intended effect. House has told MSNBC that by the end of January Manning appeared "catatonic" and that he had "severe problems communicating," with it having taken House nearly 45 minutes on a recent visit to engage in any meaningful way (video below.) House said Manning's demeanor was as "if he had just woken up and didn't know what was going on around him." Manning was "utterly exhausted physically and mentally...it was difficult to have any kind of social engagement."

Also, a full month after Congressman Dennis Kucinich formally requested a visit, the Army has stalled on the request.

All for the crime of reporting war crimes and criminal behavior even among the highest-ranking military officials in Iraq.

In 2005, General Peter Pace, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, said: "It is absolutely the responsibility of every U.S. service member [in Iraq], if they see inhumane treatment being conducted, to try to stop it."
Chase Mader writes in the Huffington Post that soon after deployment to Iraq, Manning:

"soon found himself helping the Iraqi authorities detain civilians for distributing "anti-Iraqi literature" -- which turned out to be an investigative report into financial corruption in their own government entitled "Where does the money go?" The penalty for this "crime" in Iraq was not a slap on the wrist. Imprisonment and torture, as well as systematic abuse of prisoners, are widespread in the new Iraq. From the military's own Sigacts (Significant Actions) reports, we have a multitude of credible accounts of Iraqi police and soldiers shooting prisoners, beating them to death, pulling out fingernails or teeth, cutting off fingers, burning with acid, torturing with electric shocks or the use of suffocation, and various kinds of sexual abuse including sodomization with gun barrels and forcing prisoners to perform sexual acts on guards and each other...

Like any good soldier, Manning immediately took these concerns up the chain of command. And how did his superiors respond? His commanding officer told him to "shut up" and get back to rounding up more prisoners for the Iraqi Federal Police to treat however they cared to..."

Manning also found a video and an official report on American air strikes on the village of Granai in Afghanistan's Farah Province (also known as "the Granai massacre"). According to the Afghan government, 140 civilians, including women and a large number of children, died in those strikes.

War crimes? What war crimes? This is the point of view of the Pentagon as it destroys Bradley Manning.

Welp, looks like they broke him. Then you have Obama saying some shit that really annoys me.

"I have actually asked the Pentagon whether or not the procedures that have been taking are appropriate and meeting basic standards, they assured me that they are. I can not go into details about their concerns, but they have worries about his safety [from himself]."

Seriously? Seriously? Fuck this fucking country. America deserves anything that happens to it when we have our nation conducting itself in such a manner.

And for those of you who are pointing out that what if we didn't have Obama in the white house, guess what, the other option would have been MacCain. And I would expect that maybe a man who spent years being tortured would be a little bit more reserved about torturing an uncovicted American citizen to the point of insanity. At worse, he probably would have just had him shot in the head.

But then again, that's a better fate than what he's facing. He's already a martyr for the cause. He's nothing more than a body being kept alive so the spinal cord could continue to experience unpleasant sensory input to mirror his crimes against the body of the state.

If I was given a choice between being trapped in that condition or be put to death, you sure as hell know I'd pick being killed. And the scary thing is that the same torture that drove him to the point of insanity is inflicted on thousands of US convicts, often for the entire remainder of their natural lives. Now how many of those men are otherwise innocent or just sucked into the system by chance?

reminder that the same torture that drove him to insanity is inflicted on thousands of us convicts, often for the entire remainder of their lives, many of whom are actually innocent.