Wednesday, March 16, 2011

The Deadliest Warrior - Why The Fuck Am I Watching This?

The Deadliest Warrior - Why The Fuck Am I Watching This?

That's really what I ask myself when I flip through anything on SPIKE. I mean, the network is complete shit. But there's one TV show that comes to mind right now. The Deadliest Warrior.

It's a simple concept that your average 5 year old who has asked if Superman can fight Darth Vader and who would win. You have two forces from history, time, space, whatever. And you put them to fight each other and see which one would come out ahead based on some really stupid shit.

Well, they did a really stupid match up between the SS and the Vietcong. Just look at this actual quote from the show.
"these organizations are some of the most evil in history but the SS were probably the worst of the two"
Though interestingly enough, they did actually fight in real life as well when the remains of the SS joined the French Foreign Legion to escape prosecution. But anyhow, back to Deadliest Warrior..

There's a trash talking segment before the showdown where the representative experts explain why the Apache warrior would totally murder the shit out of the spartan, actually no fucking way man. The Spartan would own him like immediately, brah!

Oh yeah, I guess it should be mentioned that the average SS officer was 100 years old. I just don't get how a guy with access to AKs and RPGs lose to a guy with a Luger. I mean.. what do they have? The power of white skin?

The SS won the simulated battle. How? Well, they used a blow torch. You want to see this cluster fuck of a match up?

Yes, that's right. They gave it to the SS. So this, by extension means that the SS could have defeated the US Army. So I guess the true answer is Stalin.

The entire show was basically "Oh the SS are so big and strong and physically perfect but the little rodent people from Vietnam sure have some fight in them". It was a racist bullshit Nazi worshiping if I ever seen such circle jerking.

I love their rational here. The Vietcong are one of the most evil organizations in history... because they are commies. Vietcong = Commies = Communism = Stalin = Gulags. If you support the Vietcong you support Russian Gulags during the 1930's

Vietcong are evil because by successfully waging a guerrilla campaign against the brave Troops of the US Military they forced said brave troops to massacre thousands of civilians. True story.

Next up, Mansweres: Can farting underwater make my girlfriends boobs bigger?!?! Who cares, the real issue is that she better get breast implants because they may save her life by stopping a bullet!

I guess my only hope now is that they repeat the IRA vs the Tailiban for St. Patty's day. I'll be properly drunk.. no wait, I wont. But still when will they show the episode where they pit the Predator Drone vs the Pakistani Wedding?

Still, You have to love that them taking tactics into consideration by wasting the Viet Cong's special weapon slow with a poop-spike that can be used once. Never mind the whole notion that they used tunnels to give Americans a hell of a fight. Let alone the fact that they compared the Vietcong to the worst war criminals in history because they had the gall to defend their country against an invading army. I mean, what the fuck.

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