We're Going Down With This Sinking Ship

We're Going Down With This Sinking Ship

I see you there chucking your In-n-out garbage out the window on the 5 freeway. Not a care in the world on how much of a mess this city, country, world is getting with your pollution. No sir, you don't give no shit about that. You figure that by the time that we get to the point where we're standing in garbage piles we'll just pull a Wall-E and blast off into orbit.

Well, I hate to be that person, but it doesn't look like that's much of an option anymore.



You see, it's gotten to the point that there's so much shit in space now that it's almost impossible to avoid colliding with debris. This means that our satellite communications can potentially be compromised and we severely jeopardize any future manned missions. That's assuming that any are actually planned for that matter. But yeah, we've pretty much trashed space.

It's bad news for all you aspiring space tourists out there. Soon, the only ticket into space may be of the suborbital variety and nothing more ambitious, like actually flying into orbit.

Earth is now surrounded by so much space junk that a leading expert on the issue has declared that we are at a "tipping point" -- it may soon become too dangerous to venture into low-Earth orbit (LEO) through fear of having a manned spaceship punctured or a communications satellite trashed.

Ex-NASA scientist Donald Kessler led a National Research Council study into the orbital situation, and the outlook is grim. In Thursday's announcement on the study's findings, the amount of orbital rubbish "has reached a tipping point, with enough currently in orbit to continually collide and create even more debris, raising the risk of spacecraft failures."

This is the nightmare scenario of the Space Age, and Kessler is all-to familiar with its ramifications.

In 1978, when working in NASA's Environmental Effects Project Office at Johnson Space Center in Houston, The Great Shit Wastes, he developed what became known as the "Kessler Syndrome."

As a space debris expert, Kessler realized that at some point in the future, after mankind has dumped all kinds of refuse, dead satellites, and nuts and bolts in LEO, the condition may be met when collisions between pieces of space junk become commonplace. After each collision, more and more pieces of debris are created, causing further collisions -- a cascade effect would follow. Kessler now has the dubious pleasure of having a space "syndrome" named after him.

"We've lost control of the environment," he said. And he's not wrong -- more junk is being left in orbit than ever and we have no way (yet) of removing the trash.

Although we may not be seeing the Kessler Syndrome in full-swing, there have been two recent incidents that dramatically demonstrate what's going on above our heads.

In 2009, two satellites -- a defunct Soviet-era satellite and a functioning Iridium communications satellite -- smashed into one other at a relative speed of 7.2 miles per second, creating 1,700 pieces of debris large enough to be tracked from Earth. Each of those chunks of shredded satellite became more pieces of space junk to be avoided.

When you consider how big space is (even in LEO) and the vanishingly small likelihood of two spacecraft bumping into one another, you suddenly realize that it must be getting crowded up there.

However, the worst contributor to the space junk problem came two years earlier when the Chinese tested an anti-satellite missile on their Fengyun-1C satellite. The system obviously worked; over 2,700 pieces of the destroyed craft remain in orbit today.

These two incidents doubled the amount of debris buzzing around.

So what can be done?

The study doesn't thoroughly examine the ways we might clean up our orbital neighborhood -- although it does single out some ideas examined by DARPA -- but it does stress that we need to act soon, before it's too late.

Ha ha ha. And thus goes to show you why we can't have nice things.

When I was younger I read an article in Wired that they were working on cleaning up the space trash, so like everything else, I'm going to wait in naive comfort as experts solve the problem. Maybe now with it getting this bad that new satellites are a problem to set up they'll stop wasting money on stupid useless space crap and start fixing things here on earth...... ha! Just kidding, bring on some more F222's!

You're probably wondering why this is such a big deal. Well, take a look at the following picture and take a guess at what hit this shuttle in space:



Small and mighty: A tiny impact crater remains in the front window of shuttle Challenger after its STS-7 mission. It is thought to have been caused by nothing more than a fleck of paint.

Apparently an object larger than 10 cm in length and that's the minimum size object Nasa tracks passed within 1100 meters of the international space station the other month. Just think. One day an astronaut is going to be killed by Neal Armstrong's frozen turd.

I guess the first thing to worry about is the satellites. How are we going to progress to improved communications if we can't get any more satellites up there. How will I ever check my fantasy football roster while watching the Raiders lose and playing angry birds on my phone?! The horror!

Well, it looks lie this is all bad news for all you aspiring space tourist out there. Space exploration has become nothing more than a dumb pipe dream. Which I guess is a bit of a change from being some rich white super fantasy now with all that space garbage up there. Unless we plan on launching a giant chunk of aerogel into orbit. Sponsored by Swiffer, the Swiffer Space Broom. In stores now.

The upside to all this is that at least humans won't be able to leave this planet and ruin other such nice planets. Maybe this was the last dying gambit of a self aware planetary system trying desperately to quarantine the plague that of which is named Man.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not against space travel. It has brought us great leaps and bounds in the progress of technology and scientific studies. Not to mention the general principle is a pretty cool idea, but I'm against it for the sole purpose for humans because we're shit and will utterly destroy anything we touch.

It's just our nature. Yeah, adventurers going through new lands discovered a lot of cool things. Erik the Red, Columbus, etc. But really, they were all pretty terrible people in general.

Do you remember that part in the beginning of Wall-E when the camera zooms down towards our dead world and there's a ton of space shit in the way. Well, that's going to be what happens except there won't actually be cupcakes-in-cups and heartwarming robot genesis re-enactments because we'll all be dead.

Breaking Bad Fillings

Breaking Bad Fillings

With the season finale of breaking bad around the corner, it may be the perfect time to make some breaking bad theme treat for your potential breaking bad party. Soooo, how about some meth?

For multiple flavors and colors, divide candy mixture after cooking; flavor and color each as desired.

Stained Glass Candy

4 cups granulated sugar
1 3/4 cup light corn syrup
1 cup water
1 tablespoon desired flavored extract or 1 teaspoon flavoring oil
Food color, as desired
Boxcutter

1. Line a 15 x 11-inch baking pan with foil and lightly grease or sprinkle evenly with a light coating of powdered sugar. Set aside.
2. In a medium pan combine sugar and corn syrup with water and cook over medium heat. Stir to dissolve sugar. Increase heat and bring to a boil.
3. With a brush dipped in water, wash down any crystals that form on the sides of the pan. Boil rapidly until candy thermometer registers 300°F (150°C), hard-crack stage.
4. Immediately remove from heat and stir in flavor extract and food color.
5. Pour into prepared pan. Let cool completely.
6. When hard, remove from pan. Break into pieces with kitchen mallet.
7. If working with a partner who later becomes identified, use boxcutter to slit open his/her throat, preferably in front of other works, so to instill fear.

Makes 2 1/2 pounds candy.

All In All It's Just Another Brick In The Wall

All In All It's Just Another Brick In The Wall

I'm sure you are aware of the most recent riots that occurred in England. Oh how crazy and chaotic it was. Clearly those Brits need to do something about keeping their kids in line somehow. The answer to how exactly are you going to teach them youngin's to not step out of line is up in the air. Though it looks like Michael Gove is slackening the rules on use of physical force in schools..

Education secretary seeks to stem 'erosion of adult authority' by recruiting former male soldiers to the classroom

Ministers are scrapping a requirement for teachers to record instances when they use physical force, as part of a wider move to "restore adult authority" in the wake of the riots in England.

The education secretary, Michael Gove, said that he wanted greater numbers of men teaching, particularly in primary schools, so as to provide children with male authority figures who could display "both strength and sensitivity".

--

He said: "So let me be crystal clear, if any parent now hears a school say, 'sorry, we can't physically touch the students', then that school is wrong. Plain wrong. The rules of the game have changed."

Gove said men considering teaching were deterred by a fear of rules that made contact between adults and children "a legal minefield".

The government was planning to start a programme this autumn encouraging former members of the armed forces to take up teaching, specifically to ensure more male role models, Gove said.

I knew Pink Floydd wouldn't lie to me on this very subject matter. Why yes indeed, all in all, we're just another brick in the wall. A brick you get to beat the ever living shit out of if you speak out of line.

Why yes, this is clearly the step in the right direction to provide children with male authority figures who could display "both strength and sensitivity"... If I haven't said it enough, I'll say it again. England is a bad country.

When I was a kid I read Roald Dahl's autobiography about his childhood at English boarding schools. I'll never forget the passages where he went into detail about the beatings they used to inflict on 8-12 year old boys.

They do realize that the more you tighten your fingers, the more systems will slip through their fingers. I think Gandhi said that. Fuckin' Gandhi. That guy was alright. Anyway, here's another little snipet that I had to chuckle about.

Brian Lightman, general secretary of the Association of School and College Leaders, welcomed Gove's statement concerning the use of force against pupils.

He said: "ASCL is delighted that the secretary of state has responded to our advice with the wise decision not to proceed with these regulations. The requirement would have imposed yet another bureaucratic burden that did nothing to improve discipline or safeguard children."

I say god damn! You know, when my parents were young and they attended school in the fifties, they got beat the ever living shit out of. I'm not going to say "and that's how he became the man who he is today."

Bullshit. Whenever someone says that I typically want to slap them. Or at the very least beat them. Tit for Tat, right? But the point I'm trying to make is that these kids grew up to be who they are IN SPITE of having to deal with the constant fear of getting an ass whooping from their instructors. There was nothing good about the "good ol' days"



Even America banned beating kids in schools. AMERICA for gods sakes. We're the nation that still has the electric chair and yet we banned the act of hitting kids. I do have to admit that I did go to catholic school during High School and one thing that was a constant in how others viewed my education was that it had to have been filled with constant ruler slapping and getting my ass kicked by nuns.

I'm not sure if these people were just so used to accepting the idea that a teacher can beat the living shit out of a kid for speaking the lords name in vain or something, but that's how they always approached me on the subject.

Putting Politics Into Football

Putting Politics Into Football

Oh man, if you thought I couldn't make football boring for you, then you're in for a surprise. Because I'm going to blow the roof off this mofo and lay down some football boredom on you. Woooooo!

But now that you know a football season is in store for you in a couple of months, perhaps we should take a look at college football and why pay for play could be disastrous

Don't worry, this is just a bit of light reading to start off your week.

There's a dark side to paying student-athletes to play college football.

Collective bargaining.

According to Michael Buckner, an attorney specializing in NCAA enforcement investigations and compliance issues, paying student-athletes could result in the formation of a players union. And that could lead to affiliation with powerful existing unions such as the Teamsters, as well as possible strikes to try to gain a substantial piece of college football's financial pie. That pie is "in the billions of dollars" according to Forbes sports business analyst Kristi Dosh. "Profits for just the schools broke the $1 billion mark in 2009," Dosh said.

With BCS conferences making lucrative deals with networks for broadcasting rights, the pie keeps getting bigger. Since the student-athletes can't legally grab a piece of it, many have turned to street agents, runners and boosters to supplement their income. If the rules-makers can't stop a kid from trading pants for tattoos, how can they expect to prevent an 18-year-old — with maybe $100 in his checking account — from listening to a union rep's lure of riches?

"A strike by college athletes would make the current work stoppages in the NFL and NBA look like child's play, and would impact more people and communities," Buckner said.

"The average number of people at college football games on any given Saturday is five million," Dosh said. That's a significant jump from the NFL's average stadium gameday attendance of 1.1 million. "Aside from the money generated just on game days, there's advertising, television revenues and licensing. The number of towns and enterprises [a work stoppage] touches would have much more of a far-reaching impact [than an NFL lockout]."

Penn State University's surrounding area is an example of the adverse effect a work stoppage could have on a local economy. According to the 2010 census, there are 42,034 residents in State College, Pa., but the Nittany Lions' Beaver Stadium can swell to over 107,000 fans on game days. Jose Felix, an employee at Marriott's Residence Inn State College, said half of the hotel's yearly profit comes from college football season, which is roughly six weekends a year. Penn State football season is to them what December is to retailers. You can get a room right now for $169, but on game days, "it starts at $349 and for bigger games, $399 and up," Felix said. "You have to call at least a year in advance for reservations."

How could paying student-athletes potentially lead to them unionizing?

"If the National Labor Relations Act or Congress defines college athletes as employees and universities are employers (and also rules that other provisions of the National Labor Relations Act apply to the relationship), then student-athletes would enjoy numerous rights, including the right to collectively bargain," Buckner said. "Receiving additional money does not by itself make a student-athlete an employee. Federal labor law must be applied to determine if student-athletes would be considered employees of their respective universities. Previous decisions of the National Labor Relations Board and federal courts have not defined the relationship between universities and college athletes as an employer-employee relationship."

But those decisions didn't reflect student-athletes being paid, other than receiving scholarships.

To unionize, student-athletes would have to file a petition with the NLRB to start organized labor proceedings, and 30 percent of them would have to attest that they were interested in forming a union, according to Nancy Cleeland, Director of Public Affairs for the NLRB.

If the student-athletes' financial-aid contracts were separate from their compensation contracts, becoming designated as employees would be easier to accomplish. And that would open the door to forming a union. Which could then open the door to organized labor making inroads into college football.

Dan Stormer, a top attorney in California specializing in labor and employment issues, when asked whether existing unions would be interested in college football, said "Absolutely. ... It could be a teachers' assistant union, it could be the Teamsters ... it could be anything," he said.

A college football strike would have a snowball effect on the rest of college sports, which rely heavily on football to fund their individual programs. "You take football out of the equation, and the athletic departments of BCS conferences can't function," Dosh said.

There are still some issues that could stop the pay-for-play movement. The biggest hurdle is Title IX, a federal law which states, in part, that no person under an educational umbrella shall be denied benefits on the basis of gender. "Any plan to pay student-athletes would have to adhere to federal law," Buckner said. If football players are paid, then somewhere, student-athletes in a women's sport will also have to be compensated.

The other big issue is the difficulty some smaller schools would face in coming up with the money to pay student-athletes. "The Big Ten Conference discussed a proposal that would pay student-athletes to help cover living expenses on top of their scholarships during the league's 2011 spring meetings," Buckner said. "Unfortunately, not all schools could afford to do so."

The prospect of a college football work stoppage is a fan's worst nightmare. Hearing crickets chirp on fall Saturdays across the country from Eugene, Ore., to Norman, Okla., to South Bend, Ind., to Baton Rouge, La., should give the pay-to-play movement pause.

Be careful what you wish for.

What the fuck, pay the athletes. Pay them all. Pay football players more, who fucking cares. Right? Because really, professional athletes might want decent compensation and working conditions in exchange for their services.

I bet you think that most of these kids shouldn't get this payment because they're just going to end up making a shit load of more money as professional athletes once they graduate. The answer to that is no.

It's only a small percentage of college athletes that are able to go pro, and only a small percentage of pro athletes make enough money to support themselves for the rest of their lives after retirement, when their long list of injuries, including many head injuries for football players come into play, and their spotty, devalued education just adds to the laundry list of things that make it difficult for them to support themselves in traditional employment, you'll probably think twice about the whole notion of abusing your body for a couple of years of glory.

Factor in that there's really no pro league at all for women which pays them anywhere near enough to live off for the rest of their lives. And none for athletes who choose a sport like track and field.

But I guess that's part of the problem. Those don't bring in the big bucks. There's no sport that really is revenue generating except the top men's football and basketball programs. Maybe you'll be lucky to get the women's basketball teams in there as well. But not all of those are really going to break the bank to pay the athletes a nontrivial amount. If you're going to justify athletics at all at Universities, you might as well pay the athletes though because chances are they aren't going to get it anywhere else.

Most pro players only play for a few years with a relatively normal NFL salary and have medical issues that eat up all of that money fairly quickly anyway. It's something like 80% of professional American football players end up going bankrupt within 3 years after they retire. Isn't that some shit. That's why you see them shilling their autograph for $20 at your local sports memorabilia shop.

Superstars make millions but the anonymous line players are probably making just an upper middle class salary for a few years. Then they have to quit and have no skills other than hitting people, a worthless degree, enduring physical injuries probably making it near impossible to get health insurance in this country, and are haunted by the specter of repeated concussions causing chronic traumatic brain injuries leading to a lot of suicide.

Not to long ago a former football player killed himself by shooting himself in the chest so that his brain could be examined for proof of the long term brain damage done by the sport. And you look at nerds foolishly for not wanting to have anything to do with High school sports?

Worse is when you think about the numbers. The mediocre college players are basically a dime a dozen. There's probably a few hundred NCAA schools graduating players every year and only 32 professional teams. You do the math there. I don't even think all of them are even on scholarships. So it ends up being a case where a lot of the second rate players are paying for their own crippling and exploitation.

And exploitation it is. These people produce entertainment spectacle at the expense of their own physical well-being to the tune of millions and millions of dollars for their schools, and they are exploited by them and the media for merchandising companies that partner with them.

College athletes should get all surplus value resulting from their labor. Just like all other workers should. And if you say that you get paid pretty well for your shitty work at the office job you have, but the company generates almost inhuman profits from said work, but you don't benefit from it, then it sounds like you and your co-workers should seize the means of production by any means necessary.

Because fuck, I bet you didn't know that the cheer leading industry was fucked beyond belief and it's wholly owned by the official uniform company that you have to be a slave to in order to display your body in front of a large crowd of gawking men salivating for violence.

You know how bad all this shit is? There's a great article about how the players are exploited and destroyed that had to be written by a baseball writer because the football journalists wouldn't touch it due to not wanting to be black listed by the NFL.

So yeah, that's why college sports are an abomination and American football is pretty barbaric bloodsport that makes its living off the broken bodies of anyone it can grasp on with this ideology that you'll some how be a big time baller who drops bills at 'da' club like it's nothing. At the very least we can pay them for destroying said body.

Women And Games...

Women And Video Games...

So apparently there's a mode in Dead Island that gives you a "Feminist Whore" power up..

Dead Island Maker Gives Leading Lady A "Feminist Whore" Skill

One of the unlockable skills for Dead Island leading lady Purna allows her to deal extra damage against male victims. It's called Gender Wars in the game, but the original skill was named "Feminist Whore." [UPDATED]

The errant bit of renamed text was discovered by a resourceful computer gamer who found the original skill name buried in the code for the non-retail version of the game that was accidentally sent to digital game store stream.

In the code, the game lists some of Purna's skills as "TeamSpirit1Purna", "SharpApprenticePurna" and "FeministWhorePurna".

Reached for comment this morning Techland confirmed that Feminist Whore was indeed the original name for the Gender Wars skill. The inappropriate name was caught by the developers and changed, they said, but remained in one debug, diagnostic file which ended up in the actual game.

Reached for comment this morning, publisher Deep Silver confirmed to Kotaku that the line of code was in an early build of the game.

"It has come to our attention that one of Dead Island's leftover debug files contains a highly inappropriate internal script name of one of the character skills. This has been inexcusably overlooked and released with the game," Blazej Krakowiak, Techland International Brand Manager, said via email. "The line in question was something a programmer considered a private joke. The skill naturally has a completely different in-game name and the script reference was also changed. What is left is a part of an obscure debug function. This is merely an explanation but by no means an excuse. In the end that code was made a part of the product and signed with our company name. We deeply regret that fact and we apologize to all our customers or anyone who might have been offended by that inappropriate expression.

"The person responsible for this unfortunate situation will face professional consequences for violating the professional standards and beliefs Techland stands for."

Why yes, "The line in question was something a programmer considered a private joke". The joke is "I'm misogynist lol". But hey, maybe whore is not an offensive word. why yes, I am a male, why do you ask? Am I not allowed to comment because of my gender?! Maybe the real sexist is... YOU!!!

Perhaps an apology should be issued to whores the world over for being associated with feminist. But really, just look at the character. She's wearing two belts and oversize combat boots. It looks terrible.



I have to wonder if this shit really effects anyone. I mean, does anyone not already see that video games are generally created by guys and have always come off as really insensitive to women. Do I even need to rehash this video of potential future video game developers.



I wouldn't blame you if you stopped that video half way through. It really is awful. And that's why video games have these jaw dropping awful pieces to them.

Like, I picked the black rapper guy in Dead Island and freaked out when I saw that one skilltree of his was called Fury where you build up Rage so you can chimp out but I guess all the characters have a Fury tree. Now I don't want to play the game because it seems aggressively mediocre.

But really, this is not by any means limited only to Dead Island. Look at this little piece I'm just going to drop right here in this blog post.



Gotta say, besides the outrageously racist stereotypes portrayed here, the motion capture on Keanu Reeves in that thing was pretty amazing.

Oh yeah, I can't help but mention this comment left in the article...

Generally speaking, what kind of guys do you think populate the video game programming industry? And how do you think they get treated by girls and women as they're growing up? Do they see many examples of them valuing intelligence or do they see them fawn over the jocks that are bullying them?

For the talk of misogyny among the game industry and gamers, I guess it's pretty easy to forget how guys that aren't macho stereotypes are subject to their own prejudice by the opposite sex. So, a little resentment towards women among "nerdier" men shouldn't be surprising. When men feel they're hated by women (whether it's true or just how they perceive it), it's only natural some of that hate is going to be returned. Does that make it ok? No, I'm not saying that. What I am saying is that writing off this resentment as simply men only viewing women as sexual objects or just men behaving badly is overly simplified and lacks and empathic understanding of the problem. A little lecturing isn't going to fix this issue.

fuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

Again, let's take a look at what sort of writing for the characters can be found in this video game:



Why yes, carrying on the proud tradition of Australian cockney Jamaican accents. I wonder which bullies in the upbringing of that programer can be the fault of that.

Maybe I'm just being harsh. What if the character just happened to enjoy fried chicken and water melons? There's nothing inherently offensive about that, right? I bet you're wondering if the Asian woman who is pictured wielding a Katana speaks with a ridiculous accent? What do you think?



If you weren't downloading this game illegally before, you better be doing so now! Though, is this all that bad? The actual skill gives bonuses to kill men, so it sort of offsets the unusual title of the skill.

This problem will go on forever. I mean, just take a look at the sneak peak of the latest Resident Evil video game. Not only does the female character have stupid hair, but the article points out itself that the character also has a wet suit that has a huge fucking hole just perfectly placed to show off her tits. Lovely. It's pretty clear this shit will never go away.

Now if you excuse me, I gotta go play call of duty on my Xbox on this weekday afternoon while calling 12 year olds I'm playing against some stupid fucking Hadji.

Running For A Cause

Running For A Cause

Cause you want to stay alive is a perfectly reasonable reason to run. In fact, it's built into our systems in the sort of fight or flight instinct. If you don't have it then you are probably dead. Well, maybe not in the modern man. We're such big babies about all of that. But in any event, if you've ever wondered if you could survive a zombie infestation/outbreak, now is the time to put those skills to the test as you go to the Run For Your Life event.



The event is a 5k (3 mile) run from point A to point B with a lot of twist and turns in the middle in terms of paths to go through and zombies to out run. It's all a bit interesting but most of all it'll cost you to run as well as to watch out in the desert area of California. Where it's normally zombie towns the other 364 days out of the year.

Don't get me wrong this whole event sounds like a blast but I have to say I'm on the fence on this one. It sounds like it could be a great time and be lots of fun trying to outrun zombies, but then there's part of me that just wonders about how much fun it can actually be when you have 300-400 people running from a group of zombies.

I bet a lot of people get picked off in the crowds in the first few minutes. Then you have to factor in that the zombies may vary between the classic roamers to the fast moving bastards and you have a situation where it's going to be craaaa-zy.

You die when they take both of the flags that are hanging off your side. Which combines another aspect nerds never had to deal with -Flag football. But the event happens in SoCal on Oct. 20th. Which seems like it's perfect in terms of being right there for Halloween.

Then you have to factor in that the majority of zombie enthusiast are fat lazy nerds who probably couldn't run a mile if a real zombie was actually chasing them. Oh, don't worry, I'm also talking about me in that group. It's those of us who the whole post apocalyptic world of zombies appeals to.



Because really, it seems that the zombie talk isn't spreading as fast as the make believe virus..

The map reveals two important spatial patterns. First, much of the world lacks any content mentioning "zombies" whatsoever. Second, and related, the highest concentrations of zombies in the Geoweb are located in the Anglophone world, especially in large cities.

Oddly enough it also shows how Africa, the place where the word "zombie" originally came from, misses out on any of those criteria and really has no concern about zombies.

The results either provide a rough proxy for the amount of English-language content indexed over our planet, or offer an early warning into the geographies of the impending zombie apocalypse

So as you can see by the fact that there's even a zombie run as well as very little to no concern about zombies in the vast majority of non-first world areas, that this whole zombie scare is really a case of being a first world problem.

Drown The Rich

Drown The Rich

In the travels through the internet I came across something that.. well, is justification for a revolution if I ever seen one. Take a look for yourself.



A toilet that puts its own seat down?! Truly we live in a future world. I bet you're wondering at what cost such a shit throne set you back. The answer, my friends is $6,400.

Yes, that's right. Sixty-four hundred dollars for a toilet with a touchscreen remote. Coming to a Dubai skyscraper near you soon. I mean, I may talk shit but when you think about it, it may very well be a worthwhile investment... if you were rich.

In which case I highly suggest that we drown you.

Maybe not though. Drowning is actually a relaxing way to die, all things considered. Once it hits the last stages it's just all calming and what not. Burning them or letting them get mauled by some wild animal on the other hand sounds all sorts of justified. Unless burning alive makes you go out like a light due to the shock and mauling will sort of be the same once enough blood flows out. The biggest problem with this toilet is that it probably doesn't have the flushing power to drown someone.

Maybe what we should do is tie up rich people to a big steel slab and take them up on a big cargo plane, televise them pleading and begging and asking for forgiveness, then kick the steel slab out of the back of the plane and watch it crash into the white house...

Why hello there, FBI agent who is responsible for monitoring my blog today..

In all truth that's pretty silly. Killing anyone, especially the rich, beyond the necessary levels during the actual insurrection, is a dumb move and is nothing more than revenge fantasy. The rich are in actuality a valuable labor source that should be put to work fixing the ills they have created. Living out their lives devoid of the privilege they used to enjoy would also be much more torturous than any sadistic execution that I or anyone else can dream up.

Anyway, back to the future toilet - Finally! I say, a toilet with a larger carbon footprint than an entire poor family in Africa!




Though, living in a first world I have to face the music that every toilet is a bigger carbon footprint than any family can produce in Africa. Sewage treatment is a marvel of socialism and quite possibly one of mankind's most important accomplishments, but it ain't carbon neutral by a long shot.

Though I wish I had a bidet, cause honestly sometimes the hose chafes and I think my neighbors might call the cops on me. Don't even talk to me about toilet paper, as it rips the shit out of my asshole every time. Though that's really the only way I know I'm alive.

It is nice to think about. How having a super shitter that made every bathroom experience enjoyable would be pretty great, but honestly the touchscreen remote is a bit overkill on the whole thing. I pooped yesterday and I never even noticed that I didn't have a remote control to flush the toilet with when I was done. What a fool I must have been not realizing what I was missing.

How Bourgeois of me. What next, I'm going to be asking for that other bathroom product by Kohlers in that wall jets and 150 gpm shower heads? Maybe I just want a warm seat and bidet to complete my life. How wrong is that?