Monday, September 26, 2011

Drown The Rich

Drown The Rich

In the travels through the internet I came across something that.. well, is justification for a revolution if I ever seen one. Take a look for yourself.

A toilet that puts its own seat down?! Truly we live in a future world. I bet you're wondering at what cost such a shit throne set you back. The answer, my friends is $6,400.

Yes, that's right. Sixty-four hundred dollars for a toilet with a touchscreen remote. Coming to a Dubai skyscraper near you soon. I mean, I may talk shit but when you think about it, it may very well be a worthwhile investment... if you were rich.

In which case I highly suggest that we drown you.

Maybe not though. Drowning is actually a relaxing way to die, all things considered. Once it hits the last stages it's just all calming and what not. Burning them or letting them get mauled by some wild animal on the other hand sounds all sorts of justified. Unless burning alive makes you go out like a light due to the shock and mauling will sort of be the same once enough blood flows out. The biggest problem with this toilet is that it probably doesn't have the flushing power to drown someone.

Maybe what we should do is tie up rich people to a big steel slab and take them up on a big cargo plane, televise them pleading and begging and asking for forgiveness, then kick the steel slab out of the back of the plane and watch it crash into the white house...

Why hello there, FBI agent who is responsible for monitoring my blog today..

In all truth that's pretty silly. Killing anyone, especially the rich, beyond the necessary levels during the actual insurrection, is a dumb move and is nothing more than revenge fantasy. The rich are in actuality a valuable labor source that should be put to work fixing the ills they have created. Living out their lives devoid of the privilege they used to enjoy would also be much more torturous than any sadistic execution that I or anyone else can dream up.

Anyway, back to the future toilet - Finally! I say, a toilet with a larger carbon footprint than an entire poor family in Africa!

Though, living in a first world I have to face the music that every toilet is a bigger carbon footprint than any family can produce in Africa. Sewage treatment is a marvel of socialism and quite possibly one of mankind's most important accomplishments, but it ain't carbon neutral by a long shot.

Though I wish I had a bidet, cause honestly sometimes the hose chafes and I think my neighbors might call the cops on me. Don't even talk to me about toilet paper, as it rips the shit out of my asshole every time. Though that's really the only way I know I'm alive.

It is nice to think about. How having a super shitter that made every bathroom experience enjoyable would be pretty great, but honestly the touchscreen remote is a bit overkill on the whole thing. I pooped yesterday and I never even noticed that I didn't have a remote control to flush the toilet with when I was done. What a fool I must have been not realizing what I was missing.

How Bourgeois of me. What next, I'm going to be asking for that other bathroom product by Kohlers in that wall jets and 150 gpm shower heads? Maybe I just want a warm seat and bidet to complete my life. How wrong is that?

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