Beaten By Your Man And Other Ways To Lose Your Insurance Plans

Beaten By Your Man And Other Ways To Lose Your Insurance Plans

You really have to love the insurance companies. It's no wonder that they were featured in SAW VI as the victim that you really couldn't give a fuck about them dying. They are all truly the classiest of the classy bunch, I must say. I have no sympathy for those fuckers. Especially when they can claim that Domestic Violence is now considered a pre-existing condition..

In DC and nine other states, including Arkansas, Idaho, Mississippi, North Carolina, North Dakota, Oklahoma, South Carolina, South Dakota, and Wyoming, insurance companies have gone too far, claiming that "domestic violence victim" is also a pre-existing condition.

Best.Healthcare.In.The.World! I know I'll be labeled a terrorist but it needs to be said "Death To America". I should smack America and then no one will have insurance. Just think about it. One call from your emotionally unstable girlfriend to the cops and your health insurance is gone! You now have to be careful how you handle those domestic disputes.

Just think about how this would undermine the traditional family because spousal abuse could no longer be denied coverage as a pre-existing condition

It turns out that in eight states, plus the District of Columbia, getting beaten up by your spouse is a pre-existing condition.

Under the cold logic of the insurance industry, it makes perfect sense: If you are in a marriage with someone who has beaten you in the past, you're more likely to get beaten again than the average person and are therefore more expensive to insure.

In human terms, it's a second punishment for a victim of domestic violence.

In 1994, then-Rep. Charles Schumer (D-N.Y.), now a member of Senate leadership, had his staff survey 16 insurance companies. He found that eight would not write health, life or disability policies for women who have been abused. In 1995, the Boston Globe found that Nationwide, Allstate, State Farm, Aetna, Metropolitan Life, The Equitable Companies, First Colony Life, The Prudential and the Principal Financial Group had all either canceled or denied coverage to women who'd been beaten.

Read more at: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/09/14/when-getting-beaten-by-yo_n_286029.html

It's really amazing how I can want to really hurt Health Care providers after all these news.. well, it should be said that it's a wonder that any of them can make it to their car each day without getting beaten with bats and other such weapons. I mean, seriously, look at this shit.

Then again, maybe you just lost your job and your spouse has cancer. What will you do then? If you're like the people in this next story, you join the armed forces!

Actually, I'm not going to quote the story. It's way too long to just block quote, but it's the story of a guy who was laid off in March from the chemical plant where he worked, and after 6 months of not being able to find work, he has enlisted in the army so his wife's medical insurance doesn't run out and she can keep getting chemotherapy.

If I were you, I would await the follow up piece in February or so about him being killed by an IED and the army denying health care coverage to his widow.

Though, to be honest, if I was trying to be my evil self, I would say something along the lines of feeling towards this the same way as I would if this was a story about a bank robber having to commit crime to pay for his wife's health care. He is, after all, going out and killing others so his wife could go through chemo and potentially live a couple more years with a deadly disease.

There really has to be another way to go about all this. I mean, if this doesn't show you how fucked up our society is that a man has to go out and kill another culture in order for the government to cover his wife's health care, then I don't know what is.

What do I have to do to get some mother fucking health care in this system? Go out and kill a health care executive? Just remember ladies, if you get beaten up, it's a pre-existing condition. Let's sing altogether now....

So What Are The Chances Of Health Insurance Dropping You

So What Are The Chances Of Health Insurance Dropping You?

Hope you had a good three day weekend. Here's hoping you and your buddies didn't go to the woods or the beach for one last Summer festivities and get too crazy ending in you having to go to the hospital cause you got hurt in your drunken stupor. But if you did, I wonder if while sitting in the waiting room did you ponder on the real important questions. Such as, what are the probability of your health insurance being canceled when you get sick?

The answer, you will sadly come to realize, is that the chances of your insurance being canceled when you're sick is pretty good. At least if you read the material on this website. So you might as well put the shotgun barrel in your mouth and pull the trigger.

It provides a pretty good breakdown, written entertainingly, which I do appreciate as a comedy writer. So when I say Death to America, I'm simply pointing out the problems that will actually happen due to our terrible health care plans.

The sad part is that the website will not change anyone's mind on Healthcare reform because anyone actually taking the time to read and watch the youtube videos linked there is pretty much convinced of the argument that is put forward. These breakdowns, no matter how detailed will not beat the "GOVERNMENT TAKEOVER OF MY MEDICARE!" Canard.

If businesses didn't provide medical insurance, we'd have a nationalized health care system by now. The only reason most people don't want to fuck with it is because their employer carries the real burden of their policy, despite co-pays and such. Remove that screen, and suddenly people realize just how much they're being ripped off. You really get better legal protection (As a consumer) ordering wood from home depot than you do for ordering cancer treatments.

Euthanasia, something that if I was in a stage that I was not living a quality life that I have come to expect, would like to be carried out on me, isn't covered and is mostly illegal. If you try to commit suicide privately and happen to fail, the government will lock you up agianst your will in a mental facility. You're better off just pulling the trigger.

It's really ironic how private insurance companies can drop your coverage after three months if you have a condition that requires long term care. Hey all you suckers paying a private insurance premium, you just got dropped. Sucks to be you. Retroactively canceling your policy makes it sound like you'd get your money back. I bet you don't get shit back.

"Oh I'm sorry but we discovered you had the measles and do you know what, it's VERY unfortunate but we are not the best provider of measles cures. You'd be much better served going to a better provider and that is why your health insurance is canceled and we are keeping every cent you ever paid us."

So in a sense, you're better off in the whole Obama public option where you get to choose who you go to. But at the same time, there needs to be some sort of health care program for anyone who isn't able to afford it. It's not socialism, it's looking out for your fellow human.

If you don't have health insurance then you're in a world of hurt if you get injured. Try catching a cold and going to the ER as you wait for five hours for some one to help you, slowly choking to death on the fluids filling your lungs. The staff will check a box saying they looked in the waiting room, but they haven't. What do they care? In your final moments you'll notice a security camera and attempt to write "help" on the carpet with your finger. The lights are starting to fade out and sounds seem distant. You can't quite finish the E before you fall unconscious, everything turns dark, you wont ever wake up again.. By the way, this actually happened

So as Obama gives his Health care speech to try to sell you on it, I implore you, no matter how boring you think Politics is, please listen up and don't jump to conclusions thinking that it's automatically a bad thing simply because it has hints of items found in socialism. Besides that, the republicans have been a one protest-note wonder since the good ol' days.

Giving Your Finger To The Health Care Crisis

Giving Your Finger To The Health Care Crisis

Well, it has come to this, someone puts a government funded health care plan to the test.

Health reform rally last night where a pro-reform demonstrator bit off the finger of an aggressive 65-year-old anti-reformer.

Earlier, we were a little unclear about who did what to who, but Kuns has helped clarify things.

On one side of a big intersection outside of a shopping mall in Thousand Oaks, CA, were between 150 and 200 pro-reform demonstrators at a well-publicized MoveOn rally. Across the street were no more than a dozen anti-reform protesters who arrived just before the MoveOn rally began. Four were holding hands in silent prayer. Another wore a tea party t-shirt. Some held signs with slogans like "No Obamacare." All but one were relatively restrained.

The exception was a tall 65-year-old man in an orange shirt who Kuns said "was displaying what I would consider to be intimidating behavior." He first picked on a pro-reform woman more than a foot shorter than him, stretching his arms out and shooing her away as he advanced on her and she backpedaled.

"It appeared to me that he was saying, basically, get on your own side of the street now," Kuns said. "He was chasing her."

Next on the anti-reformer's harassment list was a pro-reformer who appeared to be in his late 30s or early 40s, was stocky, and several inches shorter than the 65-year-old. Though Kuns isn't sure how the pro-reformer ended up on the anti side of the street, she saw the two men face to face, exchanging words.

Then the anti-reformer in the orange shirt "punches him straight up in the face, right between the eyes." The smaller pro-reformer's glasses and hat flew off, and he fell into the street.

"I don't know who started it wordwise," Kuns said, "but I can tell you for sure that the guy who threw the first punch was the anti guy. And can he punch hard! He knocked this guy down into the street."

The pro-reformer got up. The anti-reformer tried to block him from standing on the curb. A short scuffle ensued, and it was unclear to Kuns who was doing what to whom. The anti-reformers surrounding the fighting men stayed back. When the fight ended, the pro-reformer crossed the street and announced to the MoveOn rally that he'd bitten the man's finger off.

"He was certainly not swaggering," Kuns said, referencing earlier reports saying he had been. "He was pissed and he was shaking."

"He was angry. His demeanor was what you'd expect from somebody who'd just been hit hard. He was defensive."

Sheriffs deputies soon arrived. Kuns isn't sure where the finger biter took off to, but did see the bitten man walk in the direction of a hospital a couple blocks away. The AP has since reported that a hospital spokeswoman said the anti-reformer lost half his finger, though doctors reattached it and sent him home last night. "She says he had Medicare," the story states.

I could write satirical news stories for the rest of my life and never write satire better than this article. You literally can't write a better punchline than the facts of this situation. If you're not following why if I were the person researching and writing this article, I wouldn't be able to suppress every fiber of my being not to just start mashing the keyboard, let me point you to the highlights of this article with such ironic last sentence.

-Pro health care reform group gathers
-Anti-health care reform group gathers
-Anti-health care reform protester starts shit with Pro group.
-Gets finger bitten off after he throws punches
-Gets it reattached using Medicare...

That's the most important aspect to this story.

"She says he had Medicare,"

This is something I simply don't understand. How could a senior on medicare protest against medicare? I guess they're not really protesting against Medicare. What they're doing is protesting against people that don't have it getting it. It's literally screaming out loud "FUCK YOU, GOT MINE!"



If someone were to start punching me, and I got his finger in my mouth, I'd bit that shit off too. In a Fox news report he claims that they didn't reattach it. Saying that the doctors said it would be infected by the biters mouth germs. So some GOVERNMENT MEDICARE BUREAUCRAT said fuck it! Forget Obama's death panels, clearly they've already started! AM I RIGHT?!?! After the interview they called the hospital again and confirmed it was reattached, so I have one thing to say to that:

SHOW US THE CERTIFICATE OF LIVE REATTACHMENT!



If he's an anti-reformer it means one thing, he wants Government out of his health care and fears that it would be like the DMV and doesn't want any sort of socialism around him. Maybe it was simply because he grew up with all those Cold War threats. But how could you honestly and with a straight face say that you don't trust a Government funded health care plan and then use a government funded health care insurance to save your own digit? There is really nothing left to say after this except DEATH TO AMERICA!

People should start showing up to tea party rallies thrown by those god awful baby boomers protesting a "socialist" health care plan with "ABOLISH MEDICARE" signs and see what kind of reaction they get. Take them off medicare and let them die. All of them. Even on their deathbeds they'll be as fucking clueless and self centered to ever realize what's happening in the world. This country would be a lot better if we simply enacted the policies in Logan's Run.

This health care reform my be a little confusing to those who only get their news in 30 second spurts from Fox news but this is just semantics over how to describe the budget process. They aren't trying to cut medicare in any significant way and to suggest to old people on medicare that they are cutting their benefits or cutting their programs is just fear mongering. But maybe more body parts need to get bitten off so that the real story gets out.



These anti-reformist should make their point with this. I suppose I see their point because of this is what they're talking about. One asshole bites off the finger of another asshole and my tax dollars are expected to pay for it?! Fuck that, let's abolish all government health plans!

Yesterday it seemed that everyone on face book was going on about writing and propagating this one message:

No one should die or suffer because they cannot afford health care, and no one should go broke because they get sick. If you agree, post this as your status for the rest of he day.

Much like a certain cook on foodnetwork, I thought I would kick it up a notch by rewriting it like this:

I thinks that no one should die because they cannot afford health care, but thinks fuckers who have medicare shouldn't protest a government option or they deserve to get their fingers bitten off. Protesting against people that don't have it getting it is literally saying "FUCK YOU, GOT MINE". If you agree, please bite off some anti-reformist finger today.I think it's an

improvement.

He Aint No Barney Fife

He Aint No Barney Fife

Simply put, Barney Frank owns.



Look at him smacking down moron after moron in this town hall meeting.



Check him out on how well he takes care of those fools who don't read the fine print.



Holy shit, this guy is beyond awesome. There are no words for how much Barney Frank owns, I feel like he's the only truly honest politician I've ever seen. If you want to spend two and a half hours watching quality entertainment the likes of which that you will never see on C-Span before or after. But hell, I'd watch this over and over again. Barney Frank smacks down morons in a Health Care town hall

Dying To Get Old

Dying To Get Old

Again Chicago, you show us what's wrong with America... Well, at least what's wrong with Chicago. Sure, you give us deep dish pizza and one of a kind hot dawwwwgs. but you also bring about corruption in politics and for the sake of this blog, piss poor retirement homes.

It seems that retirement homes are now being rated on a scale of 1 to 5. This is where your kids will place you after you're retired from your job at Wendy's when you turn 70 because the economic crisis is still going strong. Chicago's retirement homes are scoring in at a record low 1

The inspectors knew there was trouble as soon as they entered the nursing home.

The lobby smelled of urine. In one room, they found a 97-year-old woman, lying in her own waste. She had severe bruises on her arm, foot and both legs that the staff could not immediately explain. Another resident had a bed sore larger than a golf ball and dripping blood.

This was life in one of Illinois' "one-star" nursing homes.

America, the land of plenty! But surely the government is doing something about it

The federal government is now rating nursing facilities on a 1 to 5 star system. Although conditions at one-star homes are startling, what is perhaps more alarming is their prevalence: About a quarter of U.S. nursing homes, including 81 in the six-county Chicago area, received one star.

But but but that's too bleak for me to accept! At least the staff is hard-working and dedicated to helping the seniors, right?

At the Embassy Care Center in Will County, residents last fall complained of cold food, staff not answering calls for help, loud employees keeping them up at night, and workers not relaying phone messages from family members.

Residents said that when they voiced concerns, staff responded at times by pointing to the cemetery across the street. State investigators cited the nursing home, concluding that residents could not speak up without fear of reprisal.

I hope you understand this is where you're going folks, what with the incoming Greater Depression and all. I'm pretty sure this will be a 3-star in a few years. It just needs a little work. At least it's nice to see how Baby Boomers treat the Greatest Generation, which is just like anything else the Baby Boomers do - They destroy it with selfish neglect.

I guess the only sign of comfort is that those same Baby Boomers are going to be suffering because the piss poor economy just slashed their 401k's in half. Our parents are going to live with us just like their parents did until they are too demented to notice. At which point it's straight out to the nursing home!



I guess it comes full circle. You live, you work, you get old, you die soiled alone and in pain. When the next generation has to pay for our own social security. Oh wait.. the jokes all of us. None of us are going to live that long.

Nursing homes are just a capitalist response to the need to store the geriatric and dying. Why is it so hard for a culture fundamentally married to consumption to realize that we are beaten at every step of the way too? Just goes to show you more of the American broken promises at every step of the way, isn't it?

-Go to school, you can pay off your debt
-Work hard, you'll be able to earn a living
-Put some money in retirement, you'll be living the good life in a few years

you can do the first two with a little hard work, the last is where they get you.


At least you'll get to play Wii when you get old.

Getting old in America is horrific. We've got a serious cultural death-fear but don't really do much to support life in cases where it can't be bought and paid for. The pulse is the important thing, as long as we're prolonging biological life we feel entitled to a pat on the back. One would think that we would be proud of getting old. At least after you get over the hump of turning 30 and realize you still have 50 more to go. One day you wont be able to wipe your own ass. Someone else will have to wipe it for you. Accept it. Embrace it.... Go right ahead and let it all out. I mean the fear, not your bowels.

Also "nursing home staff" is right down there with "telemarketer" for shit jobs anyone can do. More so with nursing home staff, even, because it pays well. And nobody in our society trust the elderly when they try and tell us how bad it is. You just peg them down as telling crazy stories.

One of my first jobs was in a nursing home and they're universally shitty. I was the only 15 year old with retirement savings. I'm willing to bet I may have been the only fifteen-year-old period.



I worked full time at a bankrupt nursing home one summer. Or, I guess I was technically a volunteer, but they had so few staff they could pay that they scheduled me working 60-hour weeks so that people there would die less.

You can often tell how bad a bad nursing home is by the smell in the hallways. Something just isn't quite right in some places. This place, however, was bad enough that sometimes you just had naked, senile women and men wandering the halls, and the smell test was no longer necessary.

Watching women cry that they have lost their house keys, when they have lived in the nursing home for months...or asking where their dead husbands were, or when their kids were coming to visit today when they had already just come and left.

Their beds are by the door, as they stare out all day, hoping their children will visit. They have a phone next to the bed, just in case. Just in case.



I have to say though, the elderly do have a lot to teach us if we just listen and filter through their mindless rantings to find those golden nuggets. I sent my grandma a letter that said "Hey grandma, you're old, give me some advice" more or less. She sent like 10 handwritten pages with a numbered list of advice.
1) was "always wear a condom, never trust girls who say they're on birth control, and don't let them push you into getting married or having children"

Thanks grandma.

I can already see the next generation talking to their elders.
"SHUT THE FUCK UP GRANDMA IM PLAYING XBOX"
To be honest, I guess that's this generation as well. Oh god, old age sucks I can't deal with it I'm just gonna shoot myself and smear my gray matter all over the kitchen wall and my daughter will probably have to scrub that and pay for my funeral cause the life insurance doesn't cover suicide/kitchen cleaning.

Hear me out, just hear me out here.....
We strap bombs to 'em and send 'em to Afghanistan. I'm leaving instructions for my children to trick me into suicide bombing something when I get senile. Not even the fact that pricks like you youngin's are paying for my social security would be enough to make life worth living! All I'm hoping is for better ways to halt Alzheimer's.

Forget Your Heart, Give Me Your Kidney.. In Your Pants

Forget Your Heart, Give Me Your Kidney.. In Your Pants

It's not uncommon to expect someone to give you their heart as we get closer to Valentines Day. But who needs those? I say forget that. I'm a drinker and you can never have enough kidneys in case I need another one after a night on the town. But the whole idea of operation just seems very very scary. If only there was another way to get someone to donate a kidney to you? Oh wait... I think something just happened. Yes, It looks like those crazy doctors are on the case as Doctors went crazy and found out a way to pull out a kidney from a womans vagina!

In what is believed to be a world first, surgeons have removed a healthy kidney via a small incision in the back of the donor's vagina.

The operation, known as a transvaginal donor kidney extraction, was performed on a 48-year-old woman who was donating a kidney to her niece.

The surgery took place on Jan. 29 at Johns Hopkins Medicine in Baltimore, Md., and both patients are reported to be doing well.

For the procedure, surgeons send two wand-like tools through small incisions in the abdomen, while a third flexible tool with a camera is placed in the navel.

Video images from the camera guide the surgeons through the procedure. Once the kidney is cut from the abdominal wall, the surgeons place the kidney in a plastic bag that is inserted through an incision in the vaginal wall. The bag is then pulled through the vaginal opening by an attached string.

The surgery takes about three-and-a-half hours, which is about the same amount of time as a traditional kidney-removal procedure.

The operation has been done before to remove cancerous or non-functioning kidneys, but never for a healthy kidney donation.

The procedure is designed to avoid the 12 to 15 centimetre abdominal scar that kidney removal surgery leaves behind. The new operation left the donor will three pea-sized scars on her abdomen.

"(The large) incision is thought to significantly add to the patient's pain, hospitalization and convalescence," surgery team leader Dr. Robert Montgomery, chief of the transplant division at Johns Hopkins Medicine, said in a statement. "Removing the kidney through a natural opening should hasten the patient's recovery and provide a better cosmetic result."

Transvaginal kidney extraction is part of a new set of surgical procedures known as natural orifice translumenal endoscopic surgeries (NOTES), whereby surgeons use a natural orifice to remove organs and other tissues.

Since 2004, NOTES have included removing diseased gallbladders and appendixes through the mouth, and gallbladders, kidneys and appendixes through the vagina.

In addition to less pain and shorter recovery time, Montgomery said the surgical team hopes that the minimally invasive procedure will make people more willing to become organ donors.

I just hope surgeons don't plan on getting that creative with males. Because I can tell you right now if I'm ever feeling generous enough to donate something and they're like step one is we cut a hole in your sex organs there's going to be a bugs bunny-style Squiggle shaped hole in the nearest wall.

Does this mean doctors world wide are searching for ways to take your liver out your anus? Or any other organs out the anus? That's somehow frightening and fascinating to me all at once. I can hear the Mexican drinking trips gone wrong lines now
"He woke up in the bathtub, surrounded by ice, and his ass hurt like he'd just passed a subway car."



But let's try not to work from the front, Doctors. It would be a pretty tight squeeze trying to pull organs from a dudes urethra. I don't know if women have anywhere near the same attitudes towards their genitals as men, but I can't imagine this being all that helpful in encouraging live kidney donation.

I like to imagine the doctor wearing a top hat and, upon removing the kidney successfully, shouting "Ta DAAAA!!" It has to be a little confusing to pull an organ out of your vagina instead of a kid. "I can see the head! Its... its... a kidney!" I can imagine that someone, somewhere, will turn this into fucked up fetish porn. Who am I kidding? Japan has been doing guro porn for years. Yes, that's pretty disturbing, I know.



Yeah, doctors love thinking up this stuff. They have been doing the vagina thing for a little while, but they also like going through the mouth which scares me. They stick huge endoscopes and whatnot down someone's through... ugh.

I honestly don't know why, but the thought of taking your appendix out through your mouth disturbs me more than the kidney/vagina scenario. No matter what, I won't be impressed until a doctor can pull someone's vagina out through their kidney.