Giving Your Finger To The Health Care Crisis

Giving Your Finger To The Health Care Crisis

Well, it has come to this, someone puts a government funded health care plan to the test.

Health reform rally last night where a pro-reform demonstrator bit off the finger of an aggressive 65-year-old anti-reformer.

Earlier, we were a little unclear about who did what to who, but Kuns has helped clarify things.

On one side of a big intersection outside of a shopping mall in Thousand Oaks, CA, were between 150 and 200 pro-reform demonstrators at a well-publicized MoveOn rally. Across the street were no more than a dozen anti-reform protesters who arrived just before the MoveOn rally began. Four were holding hands in silent prayer. Another wore a tea party t-shirt. Some held signs with slogans like "No Obamacare." All but one were relatively restrained.

The exception was a tall 65-year-old man in an orange shirt who Kuns said "was displaying what I would consider to be intimidating behavior." He first picked on a pro-reform woman more than a foot shorter than him, stretching his arms out and shooing her away as he advanced on her and she backpedaled.

"It appeared to me that he was saying, basically, get on your own side of the street now," Kuns said. "He was chasing her."

Next on the anti-reformer's harassment list was a pro-reformer who appeared to be in his late 30s or early 40s, was stocky, and several inches shorter than the 65-year-old. Though Kuns isn't sure how the pro-reformer ended up on the anti side of the street, she saw the two men face to face, exchanging words.

Then the anti-reformer in the orange shirt "punches him straight up in the face, right between the eyes." The smaller pro-reformer's glasses and hat flew off, and he fell into the street.

"I don't know who started it wordwise," Kuns said, "but I can tell you for sure that the guy who threw the first punch was the anti guy. And can he punch hard! He knocked this guy down into the street."

The pro-reformer got up. The anti-reformer tried to block him from standing on the curb. A short scuffle ensued, and it was unclear to Kuns who was doing what to whom. The anti-reformers surrounding the fighting men stayed back. When the fight ended, the pro-reformer crossed the street and announced to the MoveOn rally that he'd bitten the man's finger off.

"He was certainly not swaggering," Kuns said, referencing earlier reports saying he had been. "He was pissed and he was shaking."

"He was angry. His demeanor was what you'd expect from somebody who'd just been hit hard. He was defensive."

Sheriffs deputies soon arrived. Kuns isn't sure where the finger biter took off to, but did see the bitten man walk in the direction of a hospital a couple blocks away. The AP has since reported that a hospital spokeswoman said the anti-reformer lost half his finger, though doctors reattached it and sent him home last night. "She says he had Medicare," the story states.

I could write satirical news stories for the rest of my life and never write satire better than this article. You literally can't write a better punchline than the facts of this situation. If you're not following why if I were the person researching and writing this article, I wouldn't be able to suppress every fiber of my being not to just start mashing the keyboard, let me point you to the highlights of this article with such ironic last sentence.

-Pro health care reform group gathers
-Anti-health care reform group gathers
-Anti-health care reform protester starts shit with Pro group.
-Gets finger bitten off after he throws punches
-Gets it reattached using Medicare...

That's the most important aspect to this story.

"She says he had Medicare,"

This is something I simply don't understand. How could a senior on medicare protest against medicare? I guess they're not really protesting against Medicare. What they're doing is protesting against people that don't have it getting it. It's literally screaming out loud "FUCK YOU, GOT MINE!"



If someone were to start punching me, and I got his finger in my mouth, I'd bit that shit off too. In a Fox news report he claims that they didn't reattach it. Saying that the doctors said it would be infected by the biters mouth germs. So some GOVERNMENT MEDICARE BUREAUCRAT said fuck it! Forget Obama's death panels, clearly they've already started! AM I RIGHT?!?! After the interview they called the hospital again and confirmed it was reattached, so I have one thing to say to that:

SHOW US THE CERTIFICATE OF LIVE REATTACHMENT!



If he's an anti-reformer it means one thing, he wants Government out of his health care and fears that it would be like the DMV and doesn't want any sort of socialism around him. Maybe it was simply because he grew up with all those Cold War threats. But how could you honestly and with a straight face say that you don't trust a Government funded health care plan and then use a government funded health care insurance to save your own digit? There is really nothing left to say after this except DEATH TO AMERICA!

People should start showing up to tea party rallies thrown by those god awful baby boomers protesting a "socialist" health care plan with "ABOLISH MEDICARE" signs and see what kind of reaction they get. Take them off medicare and let them die. All of them. Even on their deathbeds they'll be as fucking clueless and self centered to ever realize what's happening in the world. This country would be a lot better if we simply enacted the policies in Logan's Run.

This health care reform my be a little confusing to those who only get their news in 30 second spurts from Fox news but this is just semantics over how to describe the budget process. They aren't trying to cut medicare in any significant way and to suggest to old people on medicare that they are cutting their benefits or cutting their programs is just fear mongering. But maybe more body parts need to get bitten off so that the real story gets out.



These anti-reformist should make their point with this. I suppose I see their point because of this is what they're talking about. One asshole bites off the finger of another asshole and my tax dollars are expected to pay for it?! Fuck that, let's abolish all government health plans!

Yesterday it seemed that everyone on face book was going on about writing and propagating this one message:

No one should die or suffer because they cannot afford health care, and no one should go broke because they get sick. If you agree, post this as your status for the rest of he day.

Much like a certain cook on foodnetwork, I thought I would kick it up a notch by rewriting it like this:

I thinks that no one should die because they cannot afford health care, but thinks fuckers who have medicare shouldn't protest a government option or they deserve to get their fingers bitten off. Protesting against people that don't have it getting it is literally saying "FUCK YOU, GOT MINE". If you agree, please bite off some anti-reformist finger today.I think it's an

improvement.