The Irish Are Pathetic, Potato Eating Filth...

The Irish Are Pathetic, Potato Eating Filth...

But I love them anyway. I jest of course. If my morning in court is anything to show for my day, I really do need a drink. Perhaps one that is food colored green may be of help. But at the end of the day I had a rather good day. I split a shamrock shake and I got to work on an Irish themed show... be it in all it's pop singing glory. I also got to eat some corned beef. Can there be any better way to spend this festive day that celebrates


RACIST!

I have a sort of a love/hate relationship with St. Patty's day. On one hand the widespread caricaturing of Irish people as drunkard simpletons with funny accents is racist as all hell. On the other hand everyone dressing up in green and going out to get drunk seems to undermine the notion of st Patrick's day as a day to be proud of being Irish and therefore undermine related retarded nationalism so it could be a good thing.

Then again, the Irish people don't care about the racist caricature because they are by nature of their blood a strong people who aren't whiny pussies. Usually Irish lads and lasses are some of my favorite people. When you go through a devastating famine because you're lacking Fry material, you learn to become an upbeat person.


Aye, just how I like 'em... Red and pasty.

I don't seem to celebrate St. Patrick's day these days because it seems to be an excuse for everyone in the west to get drunk as hell and spend lots of money and I'd rather not be part of that. It really comes out to light how much it sucks when I go to the my regular 5pm happy hour, every bar is packed to the gills with white college students wearing Kelly tophats and boas. I think the real drunks are hurt by this holiday instead of praised.

What are the incentives to going to a bar on St. Patty's day anyway? You get the option of green beer. Which, while it's a nice novelty, a bottle of green food dye would take care of that for you. The bars are extremely packed and there is no happy hour or special deal. Why would their be? They know everyone will be out in full force getting their drink on anyway.


Aye, Irish Lass!

On to the Irish women. I'm a big fan of red hair. It's no damn secret. It's just what I like. Can you blame me? The typical idea of the Irish girl is always one that is hot. Well, let's crush some dreams. Only 10% of irish people have red hair. There are no 'gorgeous redheads' in ireland, only pasty freckly gingers. redheads are only cute when they have 20% "something else". You see, it's the mixture that helps. That's why this melting pot that we call America is so awesome. Full of mutts. God bless America for having some of the hottest women in the world (also some of the ugliest women in the world). go big or go home!

The typical American who has pride in their heritage on days like these are the type that will go around screaming on how they have Italian pride but then when you ask if their ancestors are from Sicily or the mainland of Italy, to which they look at you with a confused look asking what Sicily is. The same kind that can't speak a word of the language and have never visited nor ever plan to visit their land of origin.


I think he nagged at snakes... or something.

Then again, it's very easy to forget the real meaning of St. Patrick's day. What was it again? Some dude who really didn't like snakes and yelled at them till they ran away? Something like that, I believe it is. Perhaps he did so with some Irish spring soap. It's the one that cleanses you of all your snakes.. and sins.

Maybe the holiday is to celebrate such good music like the Dropkick Murphy's, Flogging Molly and some river dancing to round out the mix. I once dated a girl who was causins with someone from Flogging Molly. Can't say that connection ever helped me. At least helped me remember them for that whole thing. Talk about Irish pride.


Guinness for me
Guinness for you
you have a guinness
i'll have one too

When talking about Guinness you'll get a mixed reaction. Some people love it. Some people hate it. I don't think anyone can really say for certain unless they have a pint of it near to the source. American Guinness is a bit like watered down to the original. But no matter what you'll get the reaction that it's like eating a loaf of bread. That sort of alternative eating method happens when you put all your eggs into one basket of potatos.

In honor of St. Patty's day, let's have the good ol' Irish lad Conan O'Brien show us a thing or two about how to prepare for the holiday.

While I'm no Martha Stewart, I can try to make a mean Irish meal.

Watch here and I'll show you how to get some Corned Beef done. It's not just a meal for St. Patty's day. Corned beef is also a traditional meal for Easter. So if you haven't had your fill of it in the next few days of leftovers, get ready for it again on Easter.



Gather corned beef brisket, cabbage, chopped carrots, onions, taters and some Guinness.



Dice up the taters, carrots, spices (thyme) and some garlic cloves and toss it into a slow cooker



layer the cabbage in there



lay down that beautiful brisket..



Pour in three bottles of Guinness, add in water to completely cover the brisket



Ah yes, it should look something like this.. very strange and foamy.



let it cook on low for 8-10 hours. I think this is why it's the best meal for the Irish, you can get shit faced, pass out and then get up and drink again in the time span it takes to make this.



After that time you should have it look like this. The smell will be amazing.



Close up... oh yeah.. beautiful, don'tcah think?



take it out and let it cool slightly.



Cut across the grain and enjoy..



Perhaps in the form of a nice sandwich. To add to this whole thing, may I suggest you make a glaze for the brisket.

1/2 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup water
1 cup Dijon Mustard
1/2 cup Bourbon

Heat the brown sugar, water. Add in the bourbon and the Dijon Mustard and simmer. The end result will be a very delicious treat for your corned beef.

Cum, Again?

Cum, Again?

Who reads these days? I mean, what's the point when all the good books are turned into movies you no longer have to sneak the purchase of twilight out of barnes and noble anymore when you can easily sneak into a theater and watch the full story.

But there's somethings books are good for. Cooking. Cook books are a great way to discover that you can't cook for shit. Try as you may, even the simple recipes will have you utterly failing in replicate the dish on the page. But you try anyway. Like a moth to the flame. Fly, little one.. Fly fly! Wait.. what?

There's an old saying that states the best things are made from scratch. A little elbow grease and some spit and you got yourself some magic in your hands. So when I came across this self published book I did a double take. This was too much to swallow. I was surprised, shocked, confused and then surprised again. Either way, this truly gives new meaning to making things from scratch... or should I say making things by rubbing..

A Collection of Semen Based Recipes



Yup. that's right. You too can provide your own ingredients to the dish and be a connoisseur of fine spirits and semen. The best part of that book was not the fact that you were going to be a cum guzzler -it was the reactions and reviews to the book.

Even though I've not yet read this book, from looking at the preview I can say that I already feel a bit offended.

To treat semen like it's some kind of topping, condiment or simply a flavor enhancer does a disservice to what semen has to offer. It’s sort of analogous to sprinkling a tablespoon of filet mignon shavings on your potatoes and then singing the praises of that meat. To relegate semen to the role of “supporting actor” is like asking Tobey Macguire to play an extra in a film for 3 to 15 seconds. Semen is more than a little residue on my napkin after whipping my chin Photenhauer! - semen should fill! Quantity (great quantity) of semen is paramount on any plate it has a role in! It is the star!

Furthermore, because of that, because of what it has to offer and because of the manpower exhausted in its extraction and processing, semen is hard to afford and should be! Which leads to Photenhauer’s second unseemly literary crime – exploitation of the poor. Not only does this book sadly sell semen short, but it sells semen on the backs of the poor by suggesting that those with low incomes can enjoy semen too. Photenhauer not only brings semen down by suggesting to those not yet acquainted with semen’s goodness that semen can be enjoyed in such scant proportions but justifies this denigration of semen (and thereby his book) by practically suggesting that every tongue, rich and poor, can be laden with semen should the craving for a snack arise at 1 in the morning. Tragic and mean. Why not just give a poor child a thimble-sized ice-cream cone with Hagen-Daaz and pat yourself on the back Photenhauer! See what I mean? You seem mean.

Make your own choice though.

Now that's more than a mouthful.

This book is like a godsend for our family. Two months ago we lost our house to the bank and we are as good as broke. All of us live in a trailer now. That's me, my wife and seven kids... plus my wife's parents. Food is expensive and before I got this book we were eating canned dog food four times a week to cut the cost of living.

BUT... thankfully we began to eat cum! It's been three weeks that all the boys including my father in-law, the old codger, deliver top-notch daily drainings of fresh ball sap. My wife and my mother in-law collect the milky distillate straight from our stiff meat into glass jars and store these in the fridge. Every Sunday they turn the scrumptious gook into lip-smacking cum recipes!

It's good that even with an economic downturn families can still be upbeat about the situation. Pure comedy.

I bought this book the second I heard about it. I had been shooting my scrotal milk into all of my friends dishes without them knowing for years, since I got this all have been requesting my brew in their food.
Still, I don't think I'm ok with my mom eating my gonad glazed goodies but she says it tastes pretty good.
Also makes for easy transition from breast milk to solid food for babies. Plus they're still used to the nipple so they do most of the work.
A++

That's one concoction I don't think I'd try.

When I was in college, my roomate used to jizz inthe ice cube trays. I thought it was the foulest thing I had ever seen --- until he made me a white russian 'on the rocks' on night. All I can say is wow, man-goo is for me! Since that blissful night, I have been back at the well many time for the spunk. I have ordered the book, since I've never cooked with the goo. I do love it in it's natural state, straight from the tap. I have made my own (man)cream-filled doughnuts before - "Time to make the doughnuts" was every time I chubbed up. Filling you

Carl's Jr. went to far in their "if it don't get
all over the place, it don't belong in your face" ad

Talk about a master stroke of a review

These recipes are easy to make, even for cooking "new comers."
The Tossed Salad was a big hit at our Mens' Club Meeting. A slathering of Creamy Cucumber dressing really made the flavors pop.

Thank you reviews, thank you. Content already provided for me!

The Choked Chicken recipe is by far my favorite, hands down.
Some others I've tried and enjoyed are the Creamy Homemade Fudge, Weinerschnitzel, and Creamed Spinach. The Cumin Rub is also good to marinate your meat.

See. This is what Sundays are all about. Little to no work.. ok, not for me. But for the rest of you rubes out there. Little to no work and relaxing. Why not just rub one out and head to the kitchen.

I recently served the Flan to some of my neighbors, they tried and tried but just could not guess what that zest was.

Wrong kind of beef to jerk!

BRAVO... BRAVO! Now I know all these comments have to be from like minded persons. But this just had to be shared. Way to go civilization. You salt of the earth people who use the phrase waste not, want not to all the possibilities imaginable. Either that or you're just trying to convince your girlfriends to swallow cum one way or another. I'm sure she'll spit the food out once you tell her what's in it.

At $24.99, this will make a great Holiday stocking stuffer. It'll be sure to fill you up right... Just be careful. I'm sure it can get all over the place and a little messy.