Facial Treatment

Facial Treatment

I'm not even going to bother with tossing this topic out using "A FRIEND" or the thought that some reader sent me an e-mail about this. Because let's face it.. I have none. Not to mention if I did have any readers, they wouldn't bother sending me hate mail, let alone relationship/sex questions.

If you're anyone who has seen any porn in your life you're probably aware of the concept of a Facial. In case your virgin eyes haven't ever seen a porn or you've been home schooled, here's Wikipedia to give you a good description of the act.

A facial (also facial cumshot or cum facial) is a term for the sexual activity in which a man ejaculates semen onto the face of one or more sexual partners.

A facial is a form of non-penetrative sex, though it is generally performed after some other means of sexual stimulation, such as anal sex, intercourse, masturbation, or oral sex. Facial cumshots are regularly depicted in Western and Japanese pornographic media, often as a way to close a scene.

My thought on this issue is this.. I don't get it. If your partner is down with it, what's my moral standings to say it's not Okay. Besides, this isn't just a feminist concern. Maybe gay men enjoy facials too? I don't know! But do men like it because it is a way of dominating their partner? Would men do it if they didn't have porn to learn it from?

I get it - what goes on between two consenting adults is nobodies business but theirs and trying to stop facials because they are demeaning is like trying to stop gay sex because it makes god mad. It really is just some perspective on the matter.

Besides, if you tell a young woman that her behavior has to conform to feminist principles or else she is a gender traitor you are just seeking to replace patriarchal control over her with feminist control. You are essentially saying 'we don't trust you to make your own decisions'. The whole thing just turns into a giant stamp of approval like a rabbi waving his hands at a warehouse to make diet coke kosher.

Woah, didn't think I could some how link diet coke to cum, now did you? I suppose if a girl wants to take a few thick ropes on the chin, she can take a shower and still go out of the house that day carrying a torch for Women's rights. I won't judge her.. but I will wonder why?

The only reason why it's even considered acceptable now is because our generation grew up with hardcore porn where it's the norm considering porn almost always includes degradation and humiliation of the female.. cause that's what sells. If you considered that then you probably wouldn't want to do it to someone you actually cared about.

Why oh why would you want to emulate something you've seen in a porno in real life? Why no, there's certainly not anything wrong with that right there.. Not anything at all.. I mean, it's all subjective, right. In the bible there's wives who wouldn't let them spill their seed upon open ground or he'd be killed on the spot. Sex is for procreation - not for facial miniaturization.

Then again, ejaculating INSIDE a female partner seems to be more of a patriarchal/egotistical action. You're basically attempting to create more of yourself for the purpose of carrying out your goals in the world.

Just belly bust it on your lady, man. Then go and get the tissues. And that's if you're not using condoms.. which you should be if you're just randomly hooking up and not in a serious relationship now.

The act of ejaculating on the female face is the assertion of a sexual dominion, or geospacial hegemony over the women (or “receptacle”). By isolating the semiotics of the face from the bodily integrity and multiplicity of the subject, it denies the female recipient the context of the biological functions of the reproductive system, emphasizing the unnaturality as perversity of the act. The racial-colonial element of this hegemony is characterized by the creamy white colour of the semen, landing at various territories of the face and spreading slowly along the path of least resistance with the implicit purpose of reproducing the colonial model of the yeoman-settler(1)

1) Noam Chomsky: Hegemony or Survival

I mean, you're hiding a females face under a layer of pure masculinity - Truly the most feminist thing one can ever do... Just think about it. Your girlfriend/boyfriend is okay with it, or willing to deal with it because their thinking is based on an idea of "pleasing your man" that has been warped due to an aggressively misogynistic culture.

As always, feedback is always welcome. That one dude who spams my comments with Japanese porn links gets awfully lonely. Just go ahead and spray the conversation everywhere and see where it lands. Maybe one topic will stick and I'll write more on it.

News To Women - Swallow already!

News To Women - Swallow already!

I like to think that I'm fair and balanced but it's blogs about news pieces like this that undermine my creditability in every possible way, but you know what? Let's roll with it. I'm not going to lie, I like to pick my blog topics for a reason.

Sure, I get on a soap box every now and then and provide a voice for the much talked about and even more ignored issues like Health Care, Wars on foreign soil, Political nonsense and other random stuff. But the news pieces I like to work on the most are the random most whack news articles that pop up out of nowhere and allow people who have crazy ideas run with them.



Now this may be hard to swallow as actual news, but let's just feel it out and take it slow. You might want to sit down to take all this in, but did you know that there's actually medical evidence to support the wild idea that swallowing semen is very healthy? Yes. This sort of article pops up every six to eight months, so let's take a look at let's see this months version of it:

If you're thinking about conceiving, or certainly if you are already pregnant, there is some pretty convincing evidence that instead of just swallowing, say, folic acid, you might want to swallow something else.

Let me be delicate about this, if I can.

As far as I can tell, not only should you be having lots of oral sex with the father of your baby -- even up to a year before conceiving -- you should also make sure to ingest his seminal fluid. Listen to what I'm telling you: the international medical community is giving you an Rx for oral. Sure, they say frequent intercourse is good, too, but oral is better. So, if you care about having a healthy baby and not potentially unleashing what scientists call a "destructive attack on the foreign tissues" of your fetus, if you want to avoid immunological disorders during pregnancy, and I'm sure you do, get to work. Or to pleasure, depending on how you feel about it.

Basically, the research says you need to be able to tolerate your baby's foreign, paternal DNA; in other words, you need to get your body accustomed to the stuff, need to cozy up to some daddy double helix for a while so your body doesn't reject it.

I'm no doctor, just a pregnant lady with Google, so maybe I'm horribly confused, but here is what I found excerpted online, from the Journal of Reproductive Immunology:

"While any exposure to a partner's semen during sexual activity appears to decrease a woman's chances for the various immunological disorders that can occur during pregnancy, immunological tolerance could be most quickly established through oral introduction and gastrointestinal absorption of semen."

I could not make this up. Gastrointestinal absorption of semen. I know. For the man in your life, this news should not be hard to swallow. Sorry.

According to a group of Dutch researchers, "exposure to semen provides protection against developing preeclampsia." That's from a paper with the catchy title, "Immune Maladaptation in the Etiology of Preeclampsia: a Review of Corroborative Epidemiologic Studies." Or you could use the subtitle: "Semen is Your Friend."

I just can't figure out why the whole "blue balls" thing has gotten so much traction with men, but they never got ahold of this medical morsel.

One of my favorite pregnancy hobbies is obsessively researching dangerous pregnancy-related conditions. I know, I know, I could knit, but that would be relaxing, whereas this is more congruent with my other pastimes, which include worrying about the future and raking over the past. That's how I happened to look up preeclampsia, specifically because I interviewed actress Jane Seymour and she said she got it during one of her pregnancies, so I figured I needed a new worry charm for my shiny bracelet of maternal concerns.

First, I found this description on the Mayo Clinic's website:

"Preeclampsia is a condition of pregnancy marked by high blood pressure and excess protein in your urine after 20 weeks of pregnancy."

This merited a trip to Wikipedia, where I found all sorts of links to academic papers on the subject and, buried therein, the dryly worded but unmistakable information about oral.

After I did some digesting about ingesting, I had to stand up from my desk chair and say to no one in particular, "Really?" If I've heard about a new mother eating her own placenta in a panini, if I've scoured sights like this for every possible detail about pregnancy, how have I missed this gem? Some of the studies I read weren't all that new, but you'd think they would have made a bigger and more long-lasting splash.

Maybe penises need a new publicist.

Now, to be fair, the Dutch researchers do warn that with a new partner, condoms should be used to prevent sexually transmitted diseases: "However, a certain period of sperm exposure within a stable relation, when pregnancy is aimed for, is associated with a partial protection against preeclampsia," they insist.

As far as I can tell, there seem to be myriad causes of preeclampsia and similar conditions, and it's too complicated a medical issue for anyone, least of all me, to fully understand. Still, while some of these hypotheses have been challenged, they don't seem to have been debunked. So to conclude, I will fall back on the medical opinion I always have about things that are either Suzanne Somers-y, or reek of placebo-ness, but are obviously benign: It can't hurt, right? At the very least, your baby will have a happy, relaxed father and parents who are intimate.

And suddenly, you wonder if the phrase "going Dutch" might acquire new meaning.

I don't post this animated gif much, but I think that in this instance it is well called for.




A standing O for such a great piece of written work. That whole article was a mouth full.. (Ok, I've gotten it out of my system now [BOOOYAH! high five, anyone?])

I've heard that it's pretty common for the lady to 'close down the southern kitchen' when they're with child, and while I'd assume that's because sex starts physically becoming painful at the later trimesters, what's wrong with doing your husband a favor and swallowing your pride... and his load (I'm sorry, I couldn't resist)

But now that science has come out and taken one for the men in what seems like it is really, really good for you. It does make sense, too. Although I didn't think it would have been as black-and-white as "immunological tolerance can be quickly established through gastrointestinal absorption of semen." but even this author, who isn't a doctor; simply an interested pregnant woman who cites plenty of medical evidence as references though, so I has to be pretty valid enough.


It does make me wonder though, are all pregnant women total ice queens or was this article just ghost written, edited, and published by a long succession of desperate men. Because if not, I'm going to tstart using this doctor recommended "immunological tolerance" argument, but I think it would be best to leave out the reproductive part cause I don't care too much about that.

Then again, a woman who doesn't like to swallow when she ISN'T pregnant is hardly going to do so once she is. No amount of late night-strange craving getting you can do will change that. Best you can hope for is that you convince them that it cures breast cancer too as applied directly to the area. Of course, be prepared to to get accused of being a snake oil salesman. One can only wonder how effective is it if you introduce the semen anally?



Then again, this isn't the first or the last story to be told about this act. It seems that it's a popular request. I can say that it's one of those actions that.. yeah, let's just say all is right in the world. Besides, it's not only a great time for the receiver, the giver is also going to get some benefit out of it as this next story on the subject goes... Seman makes women Happier.

Women exposed to their partner's semen during sex may find themselves feeling happier than those who use a condom, say scientist.

Scientist in the US believe the mood-altering hormones in semen absorbed through the vagina help to boost women's mood.

Semen contains a range of hormones, including testosterone and oestrogen, both of which have been shown to improve mood.

And I think I speak for men everywhere when I say to just swallow it. There's no need to roll it around your mouth like a fine wine. That doesn't let you guys go off the hook so easily. Men, Eat Fish. Lots of Fish! She'll appreciate it very much so. Eating almonds and fruits improve the taste of your semen gentlemen. Some foods, such as asparagus, can detrimentally affect its flavor. If the girls don't like swallowing your product, try eating more fruit for a few days and see how her reaction changes.



This does bring up the age old question, is God a man or a woman?

The woman argues: God must be a man, for if God were a woman, she would have made semen taste like chocolate.

The man argues: God must be a woman, for she deliberately made semen taste as it does to make womankind reluctant to perform blowjobs (to finish perhaps).

My position? I believe God is a hermaphroditic snail like creature who doesn't give a fuck either way, semen is not of its concern. Just swallow the god damn stuff already! No need to put something else in the trash can. It has a lot of protein!

On that same note - men, do we not know the golden rule of if you want it done to you, then you'll have to do it first? So put on that miner's hat and get to mining, mister! What? you don't like the smell? Don't worry, there's a new mint that can help you out! It's a Vagina Mint


Vagina mints; They keep your down south nice and minty.. even on humid days.

Linger Internal Feminine Flavoring was create to flavor the woman in such a manner that is safe and effective... You know, opposed to those unsafe and lacking methods. It also decreases self consciousness - and I have to say, if your girl is self conscious of getting oral pleasure.. what's wrong with you? Oh yeah, this also increases excitement. as there's nothing more exciting than putting a mint in someone's vagina.

It's a small, naturally sweetened flavoring, free of artificial dyes, which was created to flavor the secretions of a woman when she is sexually aroused. Linger is shaped for comfort during insertion and use and is formulated to dissolve slowly, so the effects last and last.... For some reason that pitch isn't selling me all that well.




But it's all part of paying the cost of admission, right guys? I mean... it's not like you can stare at boobs all day.... Or can you? (this is the fake news piece)

"Just 10 minutes of looking at the charms of a well-endowed females is equivalent to a 30-minute aerobics work-out," said author Dr. Karen Weatherby, a gerontologist.

The team led by Weatherby was made up of researchers at three hospitals in Frankfurt, Germany, and found this results after monitoring for 5 years the health of 200 male subjects, half of whom were asked to look at busty females daily, while the other half had to abstain from doing so.

For five years, the breasts oglers presented a lower blood pressure, slower resting pulse rates and decreased risk of coronary artery disease.......

I'm just going to stop it right there because this is the one bunk article of the group that is always popping up. I guess guys just want justification for looking at a body part. Maybe it's just that I haven't been objectified... or for that matter most any guy has been objectified, and thus we don't know how to be sexy any more.

I have to admit though, this line is really convincing.

"Sexual excitement gets the heart pumping and improves blood circulation. There's no question: Gazing at large breasts makes men healthier. Our study indicates that engaging in this activity a few minutes daily cuts the risk of stroke and heart attack in half." said Weatherby, who even recommends that men aged over 40 should spend at least 10 minutes daily admiring breasts sized "D-cup" or larger.

Oh yeah, nothing like calming the blood pressure by showing a hot D-cup size boob in your face. Yup, I think the only thing that happens to me when I see cleavage of a D-cup size boob is that the blood goes to one place and then runs a circular pattern around that... not much of a circulation booster there.

So I hope you learned a lot about this entry. But if there's one thing you can take away from all this is that while Christmas may only come but once a year, your changes of finding better health cums very often...

Cum, Again?

Cum, Again?

Who reads these days? I mean, what's the point when all the good books are turned into movies you no longer have to sneak the purchase of twilight out of barnes and noble anymore when you can easily sneak into a theater and watch the full story.

But there's somethings books are good for. Cooking. Cook books are a great way to discover that you can't cook for shit. Try as you may, even the simple recipes will have you utterly failing in replicate the dish on the page. But you try anyway. Like a moth to the flame. Fly, little one.. Fly fly! Wait.. what?

There's an old saying that states the best things are made from scratch. A little elbow grease and some spit and you got yourself some magic in your hands. So when I came across this self published book I did a double take. This was too much to swallow. I was surprised, shocked, confused and then surprised again. Either way, this truly gives new meaning to making things from scratch... or should I say making things by rubbing..

A Collection of Semen Based Recipes



Yup. that's right. You too can provide your own ingredients to the dish and be a connoisseur of fine spirits and semen. The best part of that book was not the fact that you were going to be a cum guzzler -it was the reactions and reviews to the book.

Even though I've not yet read this book, from looking at the preview I can say that I already feel a bit offended.

To treat semen like it's some kind of topping, condiment or simply a flavor enhancer does a disservice to what semen has to offer. It’s sort of analogous to sprinkling a tablespoon of filet mignon shavings on your potatoes and then singing the praises of that meat. To relegate semen to the role of “supporting actor” is like asking Tobey Macguire to play an extra in a film for 3 to 15 seconds. Semen is more than a little residue on my napkin after whipping my chin Photenhauer! - semen should fill! Quantity (great quantity) of semen is paramount on any plate it has a role in! It is the star!

Furthermore, because of that, because of what it has to offer and because of the manpower exhausted in its extraction and processing, semen is hard to afford and should be! Which leads to Photenhauer’s second unseemly literary crime – exploitation of the poor. Not only does this book sadly sell semen short, but it sells semen on the backs of the poor by suggesting that those with low incomes can enjoy semen too. Photenhauer not only brings semen down by suggesting to those not yet acquainted with semen’s goodness that semen can be enjoyed in such scant proportions but justifies this denigration of semen (and thereby his book) by practically suggesting that every tongue, rich and poor, can be laden with semen should the craving for a snack arise at 1 in the morning. Tragic and mean. Why not just give a poor child a thimble-sized ice-cream cone with Hagen-Daaz and pat yourself on the back Photenhauer! See what I mean? You seem mean.

Make your own choice though.

Now that's more than a mouthful.

This book is like a godsend for our family. Two months ago we lost our house to the bank and we are as good as broke. All of us live in a trailer now. That's me, my wife and seven kids... plus my wife's parents. Food is expensive and before I got this book we were eating canned dog food four times a week to cut the cost of living.

BUT... thankfully we began to eat cum! It's been three weeks that all the boys including my father in-law, the old codger, deliver top-notch daily drainings of fresh ball sap. My wife and my mother in-law collect the milky distillate straight from our stiff meat into glass jars and store these in the fridge. Every Sunday they turn the scrumptious gook into lip-smacking cum recipes!

It's good that even with an economic downturn families can still be upbeat about the situation. Pure comedy.

I bought this book the second I heard about it. I had been shooting my scrotal milk into all of my friends dishes without them knowing for years, since I got this all have been requesting my brew in their food.
Still, I don't think I'm ok with my mom eating my gonad glazed goodies but she says it tastes pretty good.
Also makes for easy transition from breast milk to solid food for babies. Plus they're still used to the nipple so they do most of the work.
A++

That's one concoction I don't think I'd try.

When I was in college, my roomate used to jizz inthe ice cube trays. I thought it was the foulest thing I had ever seen --- until he made me a white russian 'on the rocks' on night. All I can say is wow, man-goo is for me! Since that blissful night, I have been back at the well many time for the spunk. I have ordered the book, since I've never cooked with the goo. I do love it in it's natural state, straight from the tap. I have made my own (man)cream-filled doughnuts before - "Time to make the doughnuts" was every time I chubbed up. Filling you

Carl's Jr. went to far in their "if it don't get
all over the place, it don't belong in your face" ad

Talk about a master stroke of a review

These recipes are easy to make, even for cooking "new comers."
The Tossed Salad was a big hit at our Mens' Club Meeting. A slathering of Creamy Cucumber dressing really made the flavors pop.

Thank you reviews, thank you. Content already provided for me!

The Choked Chicken recipe is by far my favorite, hands down.
Some others I've tried and enjoyed are the Creamy Homemade Fudge, Weinerschnitzel, and Creamed Spinach. The Cumin Rub is also good to marinate your meat.

See. This is what Sundays are all about. Little to no work.. ok, not for me. But for the rest of you rubes out there. Little to no work and relaxing. Why not just rub one out and head to the kitchen.

I recently served the Flan to some of my neighbors, they tried and tried but just could not guess what that zest was.

Wrong kind of beef to jerk!

BRAVO... BRAVO! Now I know all these comments have to be from like minded persons. But this just had to be shared. Way to go civilization. You salt of the earth people who use the phrase waste not, want not to all the possibilities imaginable. Either that or you're just trying to convince your girlfriends to swallow cum one way or another. I'm sure she'll spit the food out once you tell her what's in it.

At $24.99, this will make a great Holiday stocking stuffer. It'll be sure to fill you up right... Just be careful. I'm sure it can get all over the place and a little messy.