Sunday, November 23, 2008

Cum, Again?

Cum, Again?

Who reads these days? I mean, what's the point when all the good books are turned into movies you no longer have to sneak the purchase of twilight out of barnes and noble anymore when you can easily sneak into a theater and watch the full story.

But there's somethings books are good for. Cooking. Cook books are a great way to discover that you can't cook for shit. Try as you may, even the simple recipes will have you utterly failing in replicate the dish on the page. But you try anyway. Like a moth to the flame. Fly, little one.. Fly fly! Wait.. what?

There's an old saying that states the best things are made from scratch. A little elbow grease and some spit and you got yourself some magic in your hands. So when I came across this self published book I did a double take. This was too much to swallow. I was surprised, shocked, confused and then surprised again. Either way, this truly gives new meaning to making things from scratch... or should I say making things by rubbing..

A Collection of Semen Based Recipes

Yup. that's right. You too can provide your own ingredients to the dish and be a
connoisseur of fine spirits and semen. The best part of that book was not the fact that you were going to be a cum guzzler -it was the reactions and reviews to the book.

Even though I've not yet read this book, from looking at the preview I can say that I already feel a bit offended.

To treat semen like it's some kind of topping, condiment or simply a flavor enhancer does a disservice to what semen has to offer. It’s sort of analogous to sprinkling a tablespoon of filet mignon shavings on your potatoes and then singing the praises of that meat. To relegate semen to the role of “supporting actor” is like asking Tobey Macguire to play an extra in a film for 3 to 15 seconds. Semen is more than a little residue on my napkin after whipping my chin Photenhauer! - semen should fill! Quantity (great quantity) of semen is paramount on any plate it has a role in! It is the star!

Furthermore, because of that, because of what it has to offer and because of the manpower exhausted in its extraction and processing, semen is hard to afford and should be! Which leads to Photenhauer’s second unseemly literary crime – exploitation of the poor. Not only does this book sadly sell semen short, but it sells semen on the backs of the poor by suggesting that those with low incomes can enjoy semen too. Photenhauer not only brings semen down by suggesting to those not yet acquainted with semen’s goodness that semen can be enjoyed in such scant proportions but justifies this denigration of semen (and thereby his book) by practically suggesting that every tongue, rich and poor, can be laden with semen should the craving for a snack arise at 1 in the morning. Tragic and mean. Why not just give a poor child a thimble-sized ice-cream cone with Hagen-Daaz and pat yourself on the back Photenhauer! See what I mean? You seem mean.

Make your own choice though.
Now that's more than a mouthful.
This book is like a godsend for our family. Two months ago we lost our house to the bank and we are as good as broke. All of us live in a trailer now. That's me, my wife and seven kids... plus my wife's parents. Food is expensive and before I got this book we were eating canned dog food four times a week to cut the cost of living.

BUT... thankfully we began to eat cum! It's been three weeks that all the boys including my father in-law, the old codger, deliver top-notch daily drainings of fresh ball sap. My wife and my mother in-law collect the milky distillate straight from our stiff meat into glass jars and store these in the fridge. Every Sunday they turn the scrumptious gook into lip-smacking cum recipes!

It's good that even with an economic downturn families can still be upbeat about the situation. Pure comedy.

I bought this book the second I heard about it. I had been shooting my scrotal milk into all of my friends dishes without them knowing for years, since I got this all have been requesting my brew in their food.
Still, I don't think I'm ok with my mom eating my gonad glazed goodies but she says it tastes pretty good.
Also makes for easy transition from breast milk to solid food for babies. Plus they're still used to the nipple so they do most of the work.
That's one concoction I don't think I'd try.
When I was in college, my roomate used to jizz inthe ice cube trays. I thought it was the foulest thing I had ever seen --- until he made me a white russian 'on the rocks' on night. All I can say is wow, man-goo is for me! Since that blissful night, I have been back at the well many time for the spunk. I have ordered the book, since I've never cooked with the goo. I do love it in it's natural state, straight from the tap. I have made my own (man)cream-filled doughnuts before - "Time to make the doughnuts" was every time I chubbed up. Filling you

Carl's Jr. went to far in their "if it don't get
all over the place, it don't belong in your face" ad

Talk about a master stroke of a review
These recipes are easy to make, even for cooking "new comers."
The Tossed Salad was a big hit at our Mens' Club Meeting. A slathering of Creamy Cucumber dressing really made the flavors pop.
Thank you reviews, thank you. Content already provided for me!
The Choked Chicken recipe is by far my favorite, hands down.
Some others I've tried and enjoyed are the Creamy Homemade Fudge, Weinerschnitzel, and Creamed Spinach. The Cumin Rub is also good to marinate your meat.
See. This is what Sundays are all about. Little to no work.. ok, not for me. But for the rest of you rubes out there. Little to no work and relaxing. Why not just rub one out and head to the kitchen.
I recently served the Flan to some of my neighbors, they tried and tried but just could not guess what that zest was.

Wrong kind of beef to jerk!

BRAVO... BRAVO! Now I know all these comments have to be from like minded persons. But this just had to be shared. Way to go civilization. You salt of the earth people who use the phrase waste not, want not to all the possibilities imaginable. Either that or you're just trying to convince your girlfriends to swallow cum one way or another. I'm sure she'll spit the food out once you tell her what's in it.

At $24.99, this will make a great Holiday stocking stuffer. It'll be sure to fill you up right... Just be careful. I'm sure it can get all over the place and a little messy.

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