Tuesday, March 17, 2009

The Irish Are Pathetic, Potato Eating Filth...

The Irish Are Pathetic, Potato Eating Filth...

But I love them anyway. I jest of course. If my morning in court is anything to show for my day, I really do need a drink. Perhaps one that is food colored green may be of help. But at the end of the day I had a rather good day. I split a shamrock shake and I got to work on an Irish themed show... be it in all it's pop singing glory. I also got to eat some corned beef. Can there be any better way to spend this festive day that celebrates


I have a sort of a love/hate relationship with St. Patty's day. On one hand the widespread caricaturing of Irish people as drunkard simpletons with funny accents is racist as all hell. On the other hand everyone dressing up in green and going out to get drunk seems to undermine the notion of st Patrick's day as a day to be proud of being Irish and therefore undermine related retarded nationalism so it could be a good thing.

Then again, the Irish people don't care about the racist caricature because they are by nature of their blood a strong people who aren't whiny pussies. Usually Irish lads and lasses are some of my favorite people. When you go through a devastating famine because you're lacking Fry material, you learn to become an upbeat person.

Aye, just how I like 'em... Red and pasty.

I don't seem to celebrate St. Patrick's day these days because it seems to be an excuse for everyone in the west to get drunk as hell and spend lots of money and I'd rather not be part of that. It really comes out to light how much it sucks when I go to the my regular 5pm happy hour, every bar is packed to the gills with white college students wearing Kelly tophats and boas. I think the real drunks are hurt by this holiday instead of praised.

What are the incentives to going to a bar on St. Patty's day anyway? You get the option of green beer. Which, while it's a nice novelty, a bottle of green food dye would take care of that for you. The bars are extremely packed and there is no happy hour or special deal. Why would their be? They know everyone will be out in full force getting their drink on anyway.

Aye, Irish Lass!

On to the Irish women. I'm a big fan of red hair. It's no damn secret. It's just what I like. Can you blame me? The typical idea of the Irish girl is always one that is hot. Well, let's crush some dreams. Only 10% of irish people have red hair. There are no 'gorgeous redheads' in ireland, only pasty freckly gingers. redheads are only cute when they have 20% "something else". You see, it's the mixture that helps. That's why this melting pot that we call America is so awesome. Full of mutts. God bless America for having some of the hottest women in the world (also some of the ugliest women in the world). go big or go home!

The typical American who has pride in their heritage on days like these are the type that will go around screaming on how they have Italian pride but then when you ask if their ancestors are from Sicily or the mainland of Italy, to which they look at you with a confused look asking what Sicily is. The same kind that can't speak a word of the language and have never visited nor ever plan to visit their land of origin.

I think he nagged at snakes... or something.

Then again, it's very easy to forget the real meaning of St. Patrick's day. What was it again? Some dude who really didn't like snakes and yelled at them till they ran away? Something like that, I believe it is. Perhaps he did so with some Irish spring soap. It's the one that cleanses you of all your snakes.. and sins.

Maybe the holiday is to celebrate such good music like the Dropkick Murphy's, Flogging Molly and some river dancing to round out the mix. I once dated a girl who was causins with someone from Flogging Molly. Can't say that connection ever helped me. At least helped me remember them for that whole thing. Talk about Irish pride.

Guinness for me
Guinness for you
you have a guinness
i'll have one too

When talking about Guinness you'll get a mixed reaction. Some people love it. Some people hate it. I don't think anyone can really say for certain unless they have a pint of it near to the source. American Guinness is a bit like watered down to the original. But no matter what you'll get the reaction that it's like eating a loaf of bread. That sort of alternative eating method happens when you put all your eggs into one basket of potatos.

In honor of St. Patty's day, let's have the good ol' Irish lad Conan O'Brien show us a thing or two about how to prepare for the holiday.

While I'm no Martha Stewart, I can try to make a mean Irish meal.

Watch here and I'll show you how to get some Corned Beef done. It's not just a meal for St. Patty's day. Corned beef is also a traditional meal for Easter. So if you haven't had your fill of it in the next few days of leftovers, get ready for it again on Easter.

Gather corned beef brisket, cabbage, chopped carrots, onions, taters and some Guinness.

Dice up the taters, carrots, spices (thyme) and some garlic cloves and toss it into a slow cooker

layer the cabbage in there

lay down that beautiful brisket..

Pour in three bottles of Guinness, add in water to completely cover the brisket

Ah yes, it should look something like this.. very strange and foamy.

let it cook on low for 8-10 hours. I think this is why it's the best meal for the Irish, you can get shit faced, pass out and then get up and drink again in the time span it takes to make this.

After that time you should have it look like this. The smell will be amazing.

Close up... oh yeah.. beautiful, don'tcah think?

take it out and let it cool slightly.

Cut across the grain and enjoy..

Perhaps in the form of a nice sandwich. To add to this whole thing, may I suggest you make a glaze for the brisket.

1/2 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup water
1 cup Dijon Mustard
1/2 cup Bourbon

Heat the brown sugar, water. Add in the bourbon and the Dijon Mustard and simmer. The end result will be a very delicious treat for your corned beef.


OSTerizer said...

I got touched by an Irish, of the hot politician variety! I win!

Oh and I saw a real life leprechaun.


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