I Left My Heart In San Francisco. The Foreskin, I Kept With Me.

I Left My Heart In San Francisco. The Foreskin, I Kept With Me.

Tony Curtis once sang that he left his heart in San Francisco. It was a touching song but I have to wonder if it was now when he performed it would he be talking about a different body part being left.. or not left behind in the city of smugness?

Let's face it.. you can leave your heart in San Francisco, but you'll potentially not be able to leave your foreskin there soon...

Self-described "civil rights advocates" say that a ballot proposition to ban circumcision is on track for gathering signatures, meaning that San Franciscans may vote on the measure this November.

The proposed law is being spearheaded by local resident Lloyd Schofield, according to the San Francisco Examiner.

It's part of a national push to end the procedure, which some say is steeped in tradition but poses risks and has little medical benefit. The American Academy of Pediatrics and the American Medical Association do not recommend routine circumcision.

Getting on the ballot is the easy part -- only about 7,000 signatures are required. Once it's there, advocates will have to convince voters that snipping off body parts is a bad idea.

Although some studies indicate that circumcision reduces the risk of STD transmission, others have indicated that the procedure is not worth the associated risks and diminished sexual function.

Several Jewish organizations have weighed in against the ban as well, pointing out that circumcision rituals play an important historical role for many Jews. Schofeld counters that under his proposed law, adults would be free to opt-in to circumcision, but infants would not be allowed to have the procedure until they reach 18.

If it passes, those caught cutting foreskins would face a fine of $1,000 and a year in prison. Only people over the age of 18 would be allowed to have their foreskins removed.

I just have to say, having a strange turtle necked disturbing dog dick is not some sort of universal right. In fact, I have no problem that when I was young, they took mine away. Yeah, a little bit TMI, but guess what, it's topical.

At least I haven't gotten into how my circumcised penis is vajazzled. Now that would be both creatively remarkable as well as fashionable for the time. To be honest, this all feels like Obama is simply forcing kids to have ugly ass snuffalupugus looking dicks.



I really don't care that circumcisions are mainly performed by 1st year OB/Gyn residents who have almost no training or experience in the field. I don't mind that urologists won't do it and more senior residents consider it beneath them. The fact of the matter is that we don't need someone sticking up for all the white babies in San Francisco in their quest to have a dirty dick.

Because that's what it comes down to. Most Americans can't even take care of themselves, let alone their kid's foreskins. How do you expect them to teach them proper methods of cleaning their uncircumcised dicks?

But hey, this proposed law is being spearheaded... hee. I have to admit, my dick would be completely run of the mill if not for the circumcision scars. They really give it a character and I feel that without it, it would just be another face covered in skin..



Hey ladies, I'm less sexually sensitive so you know what that means? I can go 4 minutes instead of 3! Booooyah!

On the heels of this proposal we probably should do away with other controversial and painful medical procedures with permanent long term effects. You know, such as vaccinations given out to infants. Fuck those cultural trends! I say let them decide for themselves on if they want to be vaccinated against childhood diseases when they hit the right legal age of 18.

But hey, at least this whole thing is actually bringing the Muslims and the Jews to put all their differences aside and pull together in order to mutilate children's genitalia with religious immunity!

SAN FRANCISCO: Jewish and Muslim groups are mobilising over an attempt to outlaw male circumcision in San Francisco by putting the issue to a popular vote.

A self-described ''intact-ivist'', Lloyd Schofield, has been collecting signatures for a voter initiative that would criminalise infant circumcision in the Californian city.

After two months of collecting names, he claims to be more than halfway towards obtaining the 7168 signatures he needs by late April to put the matter on a ballot to be held in November.
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Mr Schofield and a growing community of anti-circumcision activists say infants should not be forced to participate in what is essentially culturally accepted genital mutilation.

They claim the procedure can cause health risks and diminished sexual function and compare it to the clitoridectomies performed on girls in parts of Africa.

''This is a human rights issue,'' he said. ''What you're doing is you're taking an infant and removing the most sensitive part of their body.''

Jewish organisations have pledged to fight the measure should it be placed on the ballot. The director of the Anti-Defamation League, Daniel Sandman, called Mr Schofield's effort discriminatory and misguided. ''This is hurtful and offensive to people in the community who consider this a coveted ritual,'' he said.

Abby Porth of the Jewish Community Relations Council charged Mr Schofield with wasting city resources for an inappropriate political stunt that was unlikely to become law.

''This is one of the most fundamental practices to our tradition of over 3000 years,'' she said. ''It's symbolic of our covenant with God.''

Ms Porth said the Jewish community would form a coalition against the initiative with medical professionals and Muslims, who also practise circumcision.

''It's very similar to those of the Jewish faith,'' said Omar Nawaz of Zaytuna College, a Muslim college in the San Francisco Bay area.

''It's a religious tradition and it's important for us.''

If the ban is approved, those caught cutting the foreskins of infants and other minors would face up to a year in jail and a fine of $US1000.

I mean, let's not forget that circumcised men are less likely to get HPV , Sorry about the higher risk of STD's, foreskin folks!

Though I do have to question why god, who it is said to have created us in his own image, would leave something he wanted off of us, on us. I can just image him saying something like:

"Oh shit, Man, I forgot to finish your dicks. Could you cut that last bit off for me? Thanks."
-God

But you have to admit, it is a valid argument. Though let's just take god out of the equation. I think the problem here is that people see the act of cutting as something terrible wrong. Put this situation in its place..
"this would look better in its natural form, as a shapeless slab of cold marble"
-- anti-circumcision idiot, while looking at david, michelangelo's masterpiece

In short, I don't have to ever think about cleaning my hidden dank stinky dick skin because I'm cut. I don't remember feeling any pain when it got done because I was still too early to remember shit. So really, let those who want to slash off a little penis, slash off a little penis.

Let those who do it for religious, sick fun or whatever other reason keep on doing it.

The Crotch Grab Felt Around The World

The Crotch Grab Felt Around The World

So this happened at some awards ceremony...



Does this need some sort of explanation? Sure, why the fuck not...

“He did this vice grip on her breast, and I was like, OK, it was funny for like a second. But then it kept going and going and going. And then the lights went down and the clip started rolling and he was still vice-gripping her! I was sitting there with my fork like, ‘If he doesn’t stop, I’m going to stab him with my fork.’”

Rudd didn’t remove his hand, so Dawson went into action.

“I got up there and I stabbed him with my fork,” she says. “He didn’t stop, so I was like, alright, I’m going to grab his package… I was like, I’m really sorry, Paul, I don’t mean to be offensive. But you’re kind of being offensive.”

Dawson kept a hold on the surprised actor until he let go of Mendes.

“I’m a women’s rights activist and I was getting a little tired that he was grabbing her onstage for half an hour. I was kind of getting over it,” Dawson later explained to “Access Hollywood.” “Why do men always get to cop the feel? Women get to cop a feel too! Just keep it equal opportunity.”

Well, I guess it's worthless without a video, now isn't it?



I'd like to take a moment to give formal consent to Rosario Dawson to grab my junk any day of the week. Well, as long as she doesn't do another Frank Miller scripted film. I mean, what the fuck were you thinking, gal?

You fight for woman's rights and yet you allow yourself to be filmed in a Frank Miller scripted film? I mean.. that just comes off as stupid. You do realize Frank Miller can only write one kind of woman. A whore. Be it with a sword or gun or just the ability to be slapped around by some male protagonist. Regardless of how innovative he is, you're going to be wearing something that looks like it belongs in a fetish shop.

So again.. the total opposite of woman's self respecting levels. But back to this little event..

I mean, who doesn't want to grab Paul Rudd's junk? The guy is a pretty strange person in general:



But I have to admit, he's one hell of a cutie.

You know, for the record, if anyone wants to grab my crotch. I'd probably be okay with it. I mean, it's just a crotch.

Alrighty... Thor!

Alrighty... Thor!

You remember those shitty movies that are made by the whole The Asylum production company? You know the one. They're the people who seem to crank out really shitty versions of the flicks that are hitting theaters. Like they'll release a flick called "Transmorphers" when Transformers went to the movie screens.

Shit like "Snakes on a train" when Snakes on a plane goes to the box office. You get the picture, they like to jump on the bandwagon and cash it. They also do shit like "Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus"

But yeah... It seems like nothing is sacred when they release Almighty Thor



So who does it star? Well, I guesst they have Richard Grieco as Loki



And... I mean, is that the poor poor man's Owen Wilson as Thor?



It looks like Thor didn't have shit to do other than leg presses once he got cast out by Odin and standard on Earth. I mean, what the fuck is he wearing? Great Odin's beard! But speaking of Odin.



Who needs Anthony Hopkins when you've got "Big Sexy" Keavin Nash as the All-Father?

Yeah, this is a complete piece of shit. Fuck you The Asylum. Fuck you hard.

NPR Gets Pranked

NPR Gets Pranked

For this following story all you really have to do is replace the GAO and all the Inspectors General with young Republicans armed with hidden cameras and stupid gimmicks and accents. Because it's pretty clear that they have more sway over Congress than any legitimate oversight body does.

For you see, a high ranking NPR donation organizer was caught having lunch... with a republican posing as Muslim! I know, it's shocking to believe, but it was all captured on tape!



It's really pretty sad. The dude just does his job of sucking corporate donors cock like a pro and gets offered 5 million dollars, of course he's going to take a meeting with whoever it is. No matter how fucking crazy they may be. And from all that he's just going to get fired.

It's actually pretty funny when you think about it. Funny in that I'm fairly certain that everything he said in that meeting is factually correct. Which makes you really wonder how sane these republicans are who are trying to suggest that this is anything but the reality of things.

Oh wait, I totally forgot that he talked to Muslims, who we all know are evil. The shocking news story here is that an NPR worker calls racist xenophobes 'racist xenophobes.' Yeah, news at 11! Another shocking expose from O'Keefe. I wonder what he'll be doing for his next act.

Maybe he'll record Hillary Clinton suggest or praising Al Jazeera... oh wait, nevermind on that one. But everyone should know, especially an NPR worker, that any good Sharia following Muslim would never eat at a table where wine is served. Haven't you listened to All Things Considered? Sheesh man.

I think that I'm confused as to what he actually did or said that is objectionable to anyone? But maybe it's because no one at the table screamed in horror when someone tells you that they're from a legitimate democratic political party.

I mean, they met with someone from a group connected with THE MUSLIM BROTHERHOOD!! You know, to your average American, that sounds like an organization that would be a weekly villain on G.I. Joe or 24.

Why yes, the Brotherhood of Evil Muslims, led by the fanatical-Muslim supremacist Mohammeto from his base on Asteroid Haram. It's just one of those names that your average American is too stupid to think anything but bad thoughts about.

Not a single god damn thing he said was wrong. And yet you have CBS asks the important question: Should NPR lose its federal funding? and the answer to that is 'Of course it will'. Because our nation is a bunch of morons right now.

I'm at constant battle with myself between being shocked that James O'Keefe keeps getting away with this silly bullshit and taking a dump on the world and surprised that it doesn't happen more often. It's pretty clear that the Democratic Party and the entire leftwing of the system is a spineless worthless representative.

And while NPR is meant to represent the views of all Americans and hearing that its senior leadership is so contemptuous of such a broad swathe of its listeners is a bit troubling, regardless of your political persuasion, NPR rarely, if ever, represent the views of white supremacists or furries. So just realize that tea baggers are pretty much equal to any one of those groups.

So what's in store for the future of this one time NPR money scrounger? Well, let's look at other former NPR workers and where they are now for the answer to that. Juan Williams, for example, is fitting in nicely as the Fox News' house negro...



The only thing that tops anything is the line Hannity says " I don't want to bring Obama into this but......."

Fuck this gay world. Death to America.

Told You North Korea Was Going to take Over

Told You North Korea Was Going to take Over

You didn't believe me, but sure enough.. here's some video of Salt Lake City getting bombed by our dear leader..



Oh wait, it's only a shill for the new THQ game HOMEFRONT. A game that is set out to show how we're going to get our asses kicked by North Korea in the year 2027.

I have to say, this game is pretty optimistic in thinking that America won't already be owned by China by then.

But yeah, if you haven't noticed, there has been a lot of adverts around your local town showing off the DPRK flags draped over bus stops, buildings and bridges. Though I'm pretty sure your average American doesn't know what the fuck the DPRK flag looks like, I guess it's there to promote the new game.

In this new game the glorious DPRK reunifies Korea, takes over Japan and invades an economically ruined America, which has gone into survivalist mode in the year 2027. Yeah, doesn't seem like it's happening soon, now does it?

Here's the trailer with all the back story you'll need



Unfortunately you can only play as a capitalist oppressor in the single-player version. But you'll be able to play as a North Korean in multiplayer mode. So there's still some hope for the game, am I right folks?

And oddly enough, Japan has removed all references to it being North Korea in the game. In their version it will simply be "A country to the North". And you shouldn't be surprised to know that South Korea has flat out banned the game.

Apparently the scenario was created by the author of Red Dawn. Because he's tired of getting sued by the Chinese and can't think of any other story line besides "Communist bastard takes over America"

I guess the creator of Red Dawn has an intense faith in the superiority of North Korea's economic model and nothing invested in the capitalism of Japan and the U.S. Though it shouldn't surprise you that this man is an Anarchist.

Someone should also think to mention to him that Call of Duty: Black Ops still exist. So his game is pretty much a been there/done that sort of situation. Not to mention that everyone seems to be saying that this is going to be like Red Dawn, but only Operation Flashpoint: Resistance ever caught that feeling. I guess Half-Life 2 in some aspect, but that was way different.

You basically Fight a revolutionary government with supplies from America and conveniently die in a crossfire with Russians and Americans before liberators leave and the US moves in.

It's A Gas

It's A Gas

Do I even need to mention how bad gas prices are these days? And I know we can blame all those sand people fighting for their revolution for such things, but let's face the facts.. it's our own greedy bastards that are doing this to us.

Options traders are betting more than ever that crude oil is heading to $200 a barrel as some websites call for a “Day of Rage” in Saudi Arabia and anti- government protests spread in the Middle East and North Africa.

The CHART OF THE DAY shows open interest, or the number of outstanding contracts, for “call” options to buy New York crude for June delivery at $200 a barrel. The number has escalated, along with crude futures, to the highest since the options started trading in July 2009 amid worsening civil unrest in Libya and rare demonstrations in Saudi Arabia.

...

Call options grant the holder the right, but not the obligation, to buy a security at an agreed price before a set date. The $200 June New York crude options expire May 17. Oil rose to $106.45 a barrel today, the highest intraday price since Sept. 29, 2008

They want you to think that every time you see an Arab fist pump, that it will cost you at the pump. In reality they're counting on that fear to fill you. They're glad to use that excuse as a reason to increase what you're paying at the pump.

So perhaps let this be a reminder that Wall Street is to blame here and it's not some silly Arab freedom movement that is causing your SUV to literally ass rape you when you're putting gas into it at the pump.

It's their fault that gas is so expensive as they are going to send oil spiking upwards and on a vicious commodities cycle and everyone in the world is going to moan and groan for more drill baby drill. Particularly offshore and such actions will do nothing because the things making it expensive to drive your gas guzzler are the traders betting in the world's worse casino.

But on the plus side, higher oil prices means less global warming as it literally cost way too fucking much to do anything. So perhaps we should be thanking Wall Street for yet another green capitalist solution to the problem. Maybe now we can just hope for another housing collapse to go hand in hand with the gas prices.

I really have to wonder why is options trading and speculation even permitted on commodities anymore. I mean, haven't we learned our lesson by now? Then again, I guess we have to speculate on something. Can't have a speculator market without some speculating.

This really makes me consider riding my bike more often. Though I live in Southern California. There's no way that I can manage to get around on my daily task on a bicycle. How awful would a 30 mile commute be on a bike?

And please, don't suggest that everyone boycott big oil for one day. Why yes, let's make this a mass movement and show them that they can't gouge us.. on one specific date. Because that shit never works. You probably weren't going to put gas in your car on that day anyway.

On the flip side though, when you think about it, $200 for a barrel full of oil doesn't seem all that bad. I mean, do you know how expensive other things that come in barrels is? Just imagine how much a barrel of even the worse Whiskey would cost you. Though I guess that would be a pretty big waste of Whiskey if you pour that into your shitty SUV.

But barrels really do cost a lot. One barrel of Hewlett Packard ink will set you back $3.6 million. But then again, that's because printer ink seems like the easiest scam on the face of the planet.

Back to the oil speculators. I really wish that they would have their oil actually delivered to them so that they can drown in it. That one bond film had the right idea. Only I probably wouldn't cover some hot red head named Strawberry Fields in a bunch of oil. Well, maybe baby oil. But certainly not crude oil.

So yeah.. fuck gas prices. I can imagine it hitting the $4 mark for the cheap shit within the next two weeks. Just wait till summer. I'm sure we'll all be tickled pink when we're paying $5 a gallon.

Some Nazi Gives The Jews A Pass

Some Nazi Gives The Jews A Pass

So maybe you were made aware of this since there was so much talk about how Charlie Sheen said some crazy things. But it is worth noting that another person in a position of power said some pretty stupid shit.

Well, it's not so much stupid as it is good news for all you Jews. You no longer have to feel guilty about killing Jesus.

VATICAN CITY -- Pope Benedict XVI has made a sweeping exoneration of the Jewish people for the death of Jesus Christ, tackling one of the most controversial issues in Christianity in a new book.

In "Jesus of Nazareth-Part II" excerpts released Wednesday, Benedict uses biblical and theological analyses to explain why there was no basis in Scripture that the Jewish people as a whole were responsible for Jesus' death.

Interpretations to the contrary have been used for centuries to justify the persecution of Jews.

While the Vatican has for five decades taught that Jews weren't collectively responsible, Jewish scholars said Wednesday the argument laid out by the German-born pontiff, who has had his share of mishaps with Jews, was significant and would help fight anti-Semitism today.

"There's a natural human tendency to take things for granted, and very often this tends to lead to a lapse in awareness and consciousness" about the risk of anti-Semitism, said Rabbi David Rosen, head of interreligious affairs at the American Jewish Committee and a longtime leader in Vatican-Jewish dialogue.

He noted that the Vatican issued its most authoritative document on the issue in its 1965 Second Vatican Council document "Nostra Aetate," which revolutionized the Catholic Church's relations with Jews by saying Christ's death could not be attributed to Jews as a whole at the time or today.

Benedict comes to the same conclusion, but he explains how with a thorough, Gospel-by-Gospel analysis that leaves little doubt that he deeply and personally believes it to be the case.

Rosen said the pope's words might make a bigger, more lasting mark because the faithful tend to read Scripture and commentary more than church documents, particularly old church documents.

I just have to wonder if anyone cares about Christianity anymore. I mean, it's so passe. Unless you're one of those ironic followers like the folks who follow Hipster Christianity.

Thanks Pope. Thanks for finally clearing all this shit up. Keep on Popin'.



But I mean, seriously, look at this shit.

In the book, Benedict re-enacts Jesus' final hours, then analyzes each Gospel account to explain why Jews as a whole cannot be blamed for having turned him over. Rather, Benedict concludes, it was the Jewish leadership, the "Temple aristocracy" and a few supporters of the figure Barabbas who were responsible, but not Jews as a whole.

So there you have it. Clear proof you Jews have the blood on your hands. When Pilate saw that he was getting nowhere, but that instead an uproar was starting, he took water and washed his hands in front of the crowd. "I am innocent of this man's blood," he said. "It is your responsibility!"

All the people answered, "His blood is on us and on our children!"

And with that, it's pretty clear that you Jews killed Jesus. Though I feel confident that it has been more than one generation since the fake death of Jesus before any of this was ever written. It's not like this is some court reporting or anything like that.

Of all those books, the Gospel of Mark is the only worthwhile one and is also pretty fuckin' metal when you think about it.

I guess these people need something to hold on to though. If you take all the ethnic and religious connotations out of the passion it's simply the story of a socialist killed by an occupational government at the behest of bankers. Now the public can have that be the end story, can they?