Saturday, June 29, 2013

How Not To Be a Completely Rude Bride

How Not To Be a Completely Rude Bride

I came across this story from the fine folks up North in Canada land about a disgruntled bride who received a wedding gift they really didn't enjoy all that much/ And since in our culture it seems that being a Bridezilla is a common and accepted practice, they decided to let the fella know about it. Take a gander at this little story and I'll interject my own thoughts through out the piece.
On a recent Friday I was invited (plus guest) to the wedding of a girl (I was her boss at a family, corporate style restaurant, I have since left the restaurant). The ceremony was at 2PM with reception to follow at 5:30.
The ceremony was short and sweet, the brides said their "I dos" at a lake side garden in Stoney Creek.
As a gift, my Girlfriend and I gave them a wicker box with a hinged lid, filled with food items, most of them PC Black Label, including: tri-color pasta, salsas, Balsamic vinegar and Olive, Gourmet croutons, Panko Breading, Pesto, some baking ingredients, Biscuits from Godiva and a few 'Fun' items like Marshmallow Fluff, Sour Patch Kids and Butterscotch sauce.
On the card we wrote "Life is delicious....Enjoy" 
 To be honest, that's not all that bad of a gift. It sounds like they weren't all that close to begin with besides having the working relationship some years back and his choice to go celebrate their union was at least met with some thoughtful gifts there. So what happens next?

 The day following the wedding I received this text from the Bride I worked with:
"Heyyy I just wanna say thanks for the gift but unfortunately I can't eat any of it lol I'm gluten intolerant. Do u maybe have a receipt"
To which I replied:
"Ahh shit! Really!? We had a great time. Thank you again for allowing us to be a part of the celebration."
That was a random text and really, rather rude. You may get a bad gift at a wedding, but guess what, you have someone to now bitch to about it, your spouse. This couple should have simply kept it to themselves. At this point the dude's reaction was pretty easy going and it does dodge it a little, which he should be doing. You didn't like the gift, fine. Thanks for the invite and having us.

The next morning (Father's Day) while having Brunch with my daughter, girlfriend and girlfriend's daughter (Which was amazing, at Spencer's on The Water in Burlington) I received this text:
"Hey (writer) it's (Bride 1's) wife Laura. I want to thank you for coming to the wedding Friday. I'm not sure if it's the first wedding you have been to, but for your next wedding... People give envelopes. I lost out on $200 covering you and your dates plate... And got fluffy whip and sour patch kids in return. Just a heads up for the future :) "
At this point I am PISSED OFF to say the least.
I would be as well. That was pretty damn rude of them to say. I'm going to give a lot of bonus points to the basket maker. You see, weddings are fucking tiring. You, as the guest, get to enjoy endless amounts of booze and the food is filling. But for the bride and groom they have to be on their feet taking pictures, doing dances and taking more pictures and being victim to the damn DJ and greeting everyone. Guess what, they don't eat a lot that day. So I think a gift basket with a bunch of snacks and what not to have while you're in the hotel room later - that's actually a pretty thoughtful gift, wouldn't you say?

In fact, the only fault I find with putting marshmallow fluff in the basket is that he didn't say he included a jar of creamy jif and a fresh loaf of wonderbread. Fluffernutters are amazing and giving only one third of that puzzle to a couple is a completely asshole thing to do. But then again, let's see how he responded to that;
 After mulling over it for a few hours I decided to send them both an email via Facebook (I would have sent it to their personal e-mail address, but I don't have either. That is how close we all are) This is the message I sent:
"Hi , I want to tell you how incredibly insulted I am in both of the messages you have sent me over the last two days. (Bride 1), I am sorry that you have intolerance to Gluten, I am sure that makes life difficult at times. However, to ask for a receipt is unfathomable. In fact it was incredibly disrespectful. It was the rudest gesture I have encountered, or even heard of. That is until you, Laura, messaged me today.
Laura, the message you sent to me today was by far the most inconsiderate, immature, greedy, and asinine thing I have ever had the displeasure of seeing.
This is not even close to being the first wedding I have attended, and actually I have done a lot of research on wedding etiquette, a step in the process the two of you clearly skipped over (clearly displayed by Laura chewing gum, like a cow does hay, while walking down the aisle). Here is some help for you..just a heads up for the future.
The Bride's Etiquette Guide: Etiquette Made Easy, Second Edition. Here is the link.
Too bad you didn't read this, or any other etiquette guide prior to your "big day". In respect to this particular topic, I would turn your attention to pages 147-149. I am sure you will not bother to follow this link, so I will fill you in. Not only is it wrong to have an expectation of any sort of gift, it is the ultimate insult to your family and friends to mention a gift of monetary value at all, let alone be so boorish to message someone with your disappointment in said gift. Also, you should never host a party that you cannot afford, or expect your guests to pay for it. On that note, I seriously doubt that you had an expense of $100/plate. If you did, you were taken for a ride.
In retrospect, this is the exact style of behavior I should have expected from the two of you, when you used the gift card donated to your doe and doe for a personal date night, then had the gall to ask your server for the "friends and family discount".
I'm sure that one, or the two of you will mature, and grow into adults who will take a different, more respectful, LOVE based approach when you invite guests to your next wedding."
 I have to give it to the guy, this is fairly spot on. On at least the stance that weddings aren't a method to cash in and nor are they some political fundraiser that you have to pitch in a certain amount per plate. You are, after all, an invited guest to see their wedding. But hey, let's see where Laura takes this thing;

Laura: Again... Out of 210 people at a wedding... The only I gift I got from all was yours... And fluffy whip and sour patch kids. Your Facebook message had nothing to do with the gift. Weddings are to make money for your future.. Not to pay for peoples meals. Do more research. People haven't gave gifts since like 50 years ago! You ate steak, chicken, booze, and a beautiful venue. To be exact the plates were $97 a person... But thanks again for the $30 gift basket my wife can't even eat. If anything you should be embarrassed for being so cheap and embarrassing yourself walking in with a gift basket probably re gifted cheap ass. Again.. Out of 210 people, you were the talk and laugh of the whole wedding!!!! Worst gift ever story Is being passed along to everyone!! How about you tell people what you gave as a 2 person gift to a wedding and see what normal functioning people say about it!! Do a survey with people u know... And tell me what 100% of them tell you!! Wake up dude
Now we're getting into the whole bridzille to the next level. This is all sorts of Mothra action all up in here with the bride fueding back and forth and bitching about what can and can't be used from the wedding gifts. And the whole $97 per plate thing comes up again. Perhaps they should have just had a smaller wedding? Not to mention making a guest feel alienated as well as... well, the butt of a joke. Bitch sounds awful in this. 
Writer: it's obvious you have the etiquette of a twig, I couldn't care less of what you think about the gift you received, "normal" people would welcome anything given, you wanna have a party, you pay for it, DON'T expect me to, I don't care what you or anybody thinks, you should just be happy your sham of a marriage is legal dude!
(Admittedly, throwing the legality of same sex marriage at them was wrong, I strongly believe in same sex couples rights to marry. I was mad, and lost my train of thought for a brief moment )
While some people may point to him being homophbic, I will say that it sounds like he's commenting more on the fact that their marriage and wedding seemed to have the context and priority that they were going to make a lot of money off of it. 

It may be a bit rude to point out that someone's marriage is a sham, but then again, the whole level that this thing escalated at was pretty crazy.  Just look at how it then went on...
 Laura: Lol. Your an idiot. Go research more on life. You should have been cut from the list.. I knew we were gunna get a bag of peanuts.. I was right
Writer: Never argue with an idiot. They will bring you down to their level and beat you with experience. - George Carlon.
You just proved this to be true.
Laura: Thanks for the fluffy whip :). Have a good day

I'm a little taken back by the simple logic that this couple feels that a gift should be compensation for the meal you just had or the open bar that they paid for. Guess what, if you need me to spot you on this voluntary party you decided to throw, then it's not really a celebration of your love, but more of a loan and you probably should have looked into having a cheaper wedding.

This notion that if you're invited to a wedding, that you have to yield a return on your investment is simply unheard of. You are asking for someone to give up their day, evening or whatever to come and see the show of you and someone else get married. You don't invite people simply because you want a gift from them. That really isn't a great gesture that all you see these potential folks who will share in your special day as nothing more than ways to get back the money that you spent putting on this little show.

It also comes out that this couple didn't have a registry. So guess what, if you don't tell folks what you want, then you lose all rights to bitch and complain when they give you whatever the hell kind of gift that they pull out for you.

It wasn't a rude gift. It was a GIFT. A non-obligatory, given-in-good-spirit gift. If you can't graciously accept what people give you, then you have no business accepting gifts at all. What does this say about the wedding in general when it's no longer about sharing a life with a partner, but that the whole point of the wedding was to cash in on the many gifts people were going to give them.

No comments: