Thursday, June 27, 2013

What You Need To Know Before Proposing

What You Need To Know Before Proposing

Since it is June and it's about that time that all of your friends are getting married and it sure as hell makes your significant other start questioning when you'll pop the question, we should go over some of the very basics when it comes to proposing the question on if someone will put up with your shit for as long as you both shall live... or until you decide to fuck it and file for divorce.

Either way, there's some tactful things that you need to remember in order to keep this tradition sacred and not taint it more so than what your typical republican feels gay marriage is destroying with it.

First off, how about getting off your ass. I know it's cliche, but the down on one knee business is sort of the standard. You have to factor in where you'll be when you do so. This means that you probably shouldn't propose at a fast food restaurant. Even if that is where you met. It's not kosher, man. Wait till you get your combo meal and are out the door at least. Ain't nobody need to be held up on their lunch break as you fucking close off all the lines and orders taken with your signs of devotion to one another.

On another note - stop with this concept of putting the ring in a glass of champagne or other food item. It's not clever and you have to remember that it's going to be on their finger for a long time. Do you really want to start the life of the jewelry off by having it baked or soaked in alcohol? The risk of shit going wrong with this scenario are so huge that you really shouldn't risk it. It can only end in tragedy and the last thing you really want is a ring on her finger that had to be savaged out of her shit. 

You may as well avoid all surprised to begin with. Also don't do it during business hours. The classic situation of a gal getting flowers at work to show off is one thing. To get proposed to at work just seems very unprofessional on all fronts. So it's best to avoid that at all possible. It's pretty embarrassing as well. I mean, let's face it, you'll have to potentially invite those people to the wedding after putting them through such an ordeal.

I did find this online as a guide to how to do it;

Part of it makes sense. I mean, I may not think that you would actually need a parent's permission to get married to someone, they aren't a stupid child after all and it is their own life. But it's a nice gesture to go to the parents and talk about it. It adds vintage standards with a new age feel. And I already covered the whole surprise thing.. Which let's face it, is sort of difficult in the whole grand scheme of things. If you go away for the weekend, then guess what, they'll start thinking about the potential of you popping the question.

Especially if you drop hints that they should get their nails did. I mean, fucking seriously? I can see the appeal since you'll probably take a picture of your hand with the ring and well, who wants to be caught with some nasty ass finger nails on that big moment? But again, hard to keep it a surprise if it's being mentioned like you suddenly giving a shit about her nails getting done up.

I also disagree with the camera shit. You don't need to get it all on camera.Try not to get too much documentation on it. Yes, you want to remember it - but it seems that now a days with the ease and accessibility of a lot of high end tech, that you see most proposals get documented with SLR cameras and enough cell phone camera phones to operate a three camera television show. Try to keep it low key, besides, nothing puts pressure on the potential wife than having your soul get crushed by her saying no in front of so much video and audio documented equipment.

Also, for all that is sacred and holy in the whole act of getting married and becoming a business partner with someone, try the fuck not to use Google Glass. I mean, what the fuck.

Oh, most of all, don't do it during a big sporting event. Those jumbo trons are god awful and I feel bad for anyone who has a significant other who can't step away from the game for enough time to actually propose correctly and not under the eyes of thousands of people waiting for your answer. Now that's some serious pressure and if I was a woman and my significant other did that to me, they would have been dropped like no one's business.

Most of all, you got to make it personal. It is a big moment for them, after all. Go crazy but not too crazy. There's some limits to all these things you know.

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