Revenge Is A Dish Served Best With Left Overs
It's been a week since Thanksgiving. You've probably already swallowed down the last of your left over stuffing and you discarded the remains of the last of the turkey after you've gotten sick of eating turkey sandwiches. You think thanksgiving is completely order, don't you?
You're dead wrong.
You see, nothing comes without a price. Your over indulgence in the flesh of a turkey last week caused you to hold a debt and the only way you can pay this back is in a pound of flesh. Turkey's aren't your regular birds. They're no foster farm chickens. There are many of them... they all look the same... and they have a plan.
Did you think that the turkey's would sit by ideally and allow a fellow fowl get taken down without any sort of a fight?
Hell no, not without a fight...
It may have taken them a week, but they realize that their buddies are gone. This holiday season they have no reason to be thankful.. they were attacked. They were decapitated, packed and then tossed into markets. Now their kin is seeking revenge.
Their attack plan was simple. The humans ate their buddies.. they will now attack the humans and everything they love. Their homes. Their children, Their much beloved Freedoms.. Did you think that the police can save you? Ha! Think again, they don't give a fuck about no 5-O
They are relentless and if you think about the odds, if you had 5 people at your thanksgiving sharing 1 of them, how many turkey's are there out roaming the land? Seeking revenge for the fallen?
What can you do? Hide the turkey baster. The first sign of one of those and you'll get some claw marks from ear to ear, draining your body of all your blood long before you ever hit the ground. Don't even think about getting the stuffing or the gravy, either. Hide the pumpkin pie. They can smell the hints of dead turkey that linger around any pumpkin pie.
You can't call for help from the police. The moment you hear the gobble gobble, you're already as good as dead. But really, it's only fitting. How long did that turkey spend in the oven? How dry was it when it hit your plate? In all truths, it's only fitting that they'll be after us. They'll get us in the end. It's only a matter of time. My only advice for you is....
..
.. Run!
Showing posts with label Turkey. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Turkey. Show all posts
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
The Dog That Stole Thanksgiving
The Dog That Stole Thanksgiving
I came across this little news piece today and I just didn't know what to make of it. I mean, it's just so odd. Now that you're coming back to work and to your daily life from the Thanksgiving weekend, perhaps it's best that you look back at the terrors of dealing with bad flights, awkward family situations and dry turkey and be thankful yet again at the story you're about to read:
Click on the picture to see the article...
The thing that makes me laugh the most about it is that someone got paid to write that. Someone had to come in on Thanksgiving and was told by their editor who also had to come in on Thanksgiving to write that. Then someone got paid to photoshop a golden retriever as the unabomber.
I'm not all that surprised. I worked in the news field before. You get called in on any day possible. Nights/weekends aren't free to you. But still, it is very funny. But the lack of work in this case is the most comical. I've worked editing jobs where you can get away with sitting around all day and then doing the work you need in 5 minutes and getting paid for a full day's work. It's like stealing candy from a baby.. or in this case, stealing turkey from a family.
I suppose some sympathy is needed here. The owner of the turkey is a seven and a half months pregnant, and says she and her husband spent their last $25 on the turkey. At least the couple was still able to have a thanksgiving turkey, provided to them by some generous neighbors.
When you break it down, Thanksgiving is a primitive animal sacrifice ritual symbolizing the subjugation and ethnic cleansing of the American native population and glorifying American waste and excess. A dog which defiles such an event, stealing the food of the white oppressor, is giving a symbolic lesson on the theft of food and resources committed by America upon their own people and the rest of the world. This not a bad dog.. this is the best dog.
Dogs in generally seem like they have a straight head when it comes to which side they lean towards. It seems that they are inherently leftist. Then again, unless this dog stole that turkey from the poor family to bring to his rich master, then he's just like any other tool of the bourgeois.
Once my dog ate my birthday cake. I didn't see that story make it on Fox news... Clearly they aren't fair or balanced after all!
I came across this little news piece today and I just didn't know what to make of it. I mean, it's just so odd. Now that you're coming back to work and to your daily life from the Thanksgiving weekend, perhaps it's best that you look back at the terrors of dealing with bad flights, awkward family situations and dry turkey and be thankful yet again at the story you're about to read:
Click on the picture to see the article...
The thing that makes me laugh the most about it is that someone got paid to write that. Someone had to come in on Thanksgiving and was told by their editor who also had to come in on Thanksgiving to write that. Then someone got paid to photoshop a golden retriever as the unabomber.
I'm not all that surprised. I worked in the news field before. You get called in on any day possible. Nights/weekends aren't free to you. But still, it is very funny. But the lack of work in this case is the most comical. I've worked editing jobs where you can get away with sitting around all day and then doing the work you need in 5 minutes and getting paid for a full day's work. It's like stealing candy from a baby.. or in this case, stealing turkey from a family.
I suppose some sympathy is needed here. The owner of the turkey is a seven and a half months pregnant, and says she and her husband spent their last $25 on the turkey. At least the couple was still able to have a thanksgiving turkey, provided to them by some generous neighbors.
When you break it down, Thanksgiving is a primitive animal sacrifice ritual symbolizing the subjugation and ethnic cleansing of the American native population and glorifying American waste and excess. A dog which defiles such an event, stealing the food of the white oppressor, is giving a symbolic lesson on the theft of food and resources committed by America upon their own people and the rest of the world. This not a bad dog.. this is the best dog.
Dogs in generally seem like they have a straight head when it comes to which side they lean towards. It seems that they are inherently leftist. Then again, unless this dog stole that turkey from the poor family to bring to his rich master, then he's just like any other tool of the bourgeois.
Once my dog ate my birthday cake. I didn't see that story make it on Fox news... Clearly they aren't fair or balanced after all!
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Gas Prices Are Back Down, Time To Stop Worrying About The Environment
Gas Prices Are Back Down, Time To Stop Worrying About The Environment.... again
HOLY SHIT! I just filled up for $1.84 a gallon. Then again, just less than a week ago I drove over 700 miles with another couple hundred in the next few days. Perhaps I shouldn't think of the carbonl footprint involved in that. To say the least, I used up a ton of gas in a short time. At least I'm not driving an SUV, now am I? There's places offering 2 for 1 deals on them. How can something so affordable be so wrong?
Why do people like suvs anyway I thought smaller cars were the way of the future but apparently consumers are morons. You really have to ask why bourgeoisie American consumers enjoy driving in a giant ass platform that puts them 10 feet off the ground and smashes through conventionally sized cars.
I realize that some people need them because they live in the middle of nowhere and the roads go to shit. Normal cars and anything without a hemi get stuck and ridiculed because you're not driving a man's man car, but for most people it's just so they can hold a lot of groceries, I guess. SUVs are conspicuous symbols of consumerism and can be justified that (conventional reasoning) they're safer than smaller cars
Backstory on this? Dumbass in a Hummer can't see past their inflated sense of self worth; rear ends a school bus?
I also wonder about all those assholes who bought into dodge's deal where you get gas at a locked price when it just seemed to go up and up. What was it? Around $2.99 a gallon. How stupid must they feel. You know, all 12 of them.
It's certainly not caring about the environment that people stopped buying SUVs. It was because of the price of oil and how much it takes to fill your tank. With the price coming down again I wonder if people are just going to go back to buying those large unruly pieces of shit cars. Hammering home that no one cares about going green as long as they are just going.
Nothing says this more than the act of recycling your cans and bottles. Recycling is such a pain in the ass. I tried it the other day by going down to one of those recycling centers next to the grocery store and I just had to drive away with my car filled with smelly old alcohol containers because the line was so god damn long. This may sound racist, but every time I even attempt to go to recycle my cans there's always about five Asians with a collected amount of cans that could be converted to an Army Tank. Making it so that you have to wait at least an hour before they're done with their recycling.
I get the idea of a CRV. You pay up front and bank on the point that people wont be recycling to get back that 5 cent deposit back. The state makes a mint on those not redeemed. But you're going to have to bump up the price to make me have to wait in any sort of line to recycle. It's me waiting in line to get rid of fake metal. I mean, come on! there should be a fast lane. Anyone who isn't a hobo with collecting cans only. The equivalent of a 10 items or less line.
Here's something else that'll get you to go green... The fine folks at The Inconvenient Bag want to beat it into your head that you should GO GREEN all year round. As if you didn't hear it enough in April during Earth Day, but add in a dash of Thanksgiving charity and you have yourself a way to make Thanksgiving Dinner go completely green.
Over all, those to were a waste of space. Thankfully it's not printed on any sort of piece of paper and placed up at your local trader Joe's or Whole Foods. Because if they were, then the irony will be really thick.
There's always one way to stay perfectly green and in this final piece it goes to show that it's possibly the oldest "going green" possible. Some old ass weed
HOLY SHIT! I just filled up for $1.84 a gallon. Then again, just less than a week ago I drove over 700 miles with another couple hundred in the next few days. Perhaps I shouldn't think of the carbonl footprint involved in that. To say the least, I used up a ton of gas in a short time. At least I'm not driving an SUV, now am I? There's places offering 2 for 1 deals on them. How can something so affordable be so wrong?
Why do people like suvs anyway I thought smaller cars were the way of the future but apparently consumers are morons. You really have to ask why bourgeoisie American consumers enjoy driving in a giant ass platform that puts them 10 feet off the ground and smashes through conventionally sized cars.
I realize that some people need them because they live in the middle of nowhere and the roads go to shit. Normal cars and anything without a hemi get stuck and ridiculed because you're not driving a man's man car, but for most people it's just so they can hold a lot of groceries, I guess. SUVs are conspicuous symbols of consumerism and can be justified that (conventional reasoning) they're safer than smaller cars
Backstory on this? Dumbass in a Hummer can't see past their inflated sense of self worth; rear ends a school bus?
I also wonder about all those assholes who bought into dodge's deal where you get gas at a locked price when it just seemed to go up and up. What was it? Around $2.99 a gallon. How stupid must they feel. You know, all 12 of them.
It's certainly not caring about the environment that people stopped buying SUVs. It was because of the price of oil and how much it takes to fill your tank. With the price coming down again I wonder if people are just going to go back to buying those large unruly pieces of shit cars. Hammering home that no one cares about going green as long as they are just going.
Nothing says this more than the act of recycling your cans and bottles. Recycling is such a pain in the ass. I tried it the other day by going down to one of those recycling centers next to the grocery store and I just had to drive away with my car filled with smelly old alcohol containers because the line was so god damn long. This may sound racist, but every time I even attempt to go to recycle my cans there's always about five Asians with a collected amount of cans that could be converted to an Army Tank. Making it so that you have to wait at least an hour before they're done with their recycling.
I get the idea of a CRV. You pay up front and bank on the point that people wont be recycling to get back that 5 cent deposit back. The state makes a mint on those not redeemed. But you're going to have to bump up the price to make me have to wait in any sort of line to recycle. It's me waiting in line to get rid of fake metal. I mean, come on! there should be a fast lane. Anyone who isn't a hobo with collecting cans only. The equivalent of a 10 items or less line.
Here's something else that'll get you to go green... The fine folks at The Inconvenient Bag want to beat it into your head that you should GO GREEN all year round. As if you didn't hear it enough in April during Earth Day, but add in a dash of Thanksgiving charity and you have yourself a way to make Thanksgiving Dinner go completely green.
1) Instead of paper invitations, people could contact each other via email (or Evite). If invitations are needed there are recycled paper invitations and even paper with seeds embedded in it so when it decomposes, new life is set in motion. Seed paper is usually handmade and decorated just as beautifully as ordinary cards.
Do people really invite each other via letters for Thanksgiving? I would imagine a phone would be better for the environment.
2) Turkey is a staple for Thanksgiving. You don’t have to go as far as my hero, Ed Begley Jr., who will probably be cooking his turkey in his solar oven! However, make sure that many people are over and that one (or each) turkey satisfies as many people as possible. Hence, the energy consumed is for many people (along the same lines, everyone could watch the football games on one energy-star TV instead of their own - watching football is better with others anyway). Side dishes could be organic, if possible, or have organic ingredients. Take your canvas bag and walk to your local farmers’ market to buy the best, freshest and tastiest organic foods and buy locally grown flowers for décor (guys you can shop with a canvas bag also, its not a purse!). Additionally, there are many new tasty organic and eco-friendly drinks and liquors.
So this tip is simply "Invite more folks so you can finish your meal" I mean, will people throw away left overs anyway? I usually have Turkey sandwiches for at least a week after.
3) Use dishes instead of plastic and paper. When finished fill the sink up and wash all the dishes at once. The less waste, the better. As a Japanese-American growing up, my mother taught me “Mottainai!” which in Japanese means “Don’t waste!”. There are now corn-based or post-consumer recycled goods that could be used if disposable products are needed, i.e., utensils, plates, trash liners, etc. Keep all water bottles, cans and glass for recycling. Moreover, try to use the same utensils over and over instead of a new plate, a new fork, etc. I have found that a great way to clean off my dinner fork for desert is to lick it!
F-it, instead of a nice glass of wine in a crystal glass, just drink your 40 straight out of the paper bag... scratch that, out of the canvas bag that you bought it with at your local 5-inch thick bullet proof glass liquor mart.
4) Thanksgiving is family time, so have everyone over. Instead of scattered family celebrations, have one large Thanksgiving party where everyone could be at one location, possibly carpool and pitch in. Invite those people who have family out of the area. This would reduce the use of energy to one location while increasing the festivity! Also, you could get others to help clean up the place! For those of us who refuse to cook, there are many green options. My friend, Allan of Cater Green (www.catergreen.com), has a green solution for every catering need, including cleaning up and an awesome “zero waste” plan.
Again, I can one up that. Just don't cook. Go to your local Chinese joint, may I recommend WON KOK, and enjoy a big meal and stimulate the economy.
5) Green Cleanup: Besides setting up separate bins for recyclable goods, there are other forms of green cleanup. There are a multitude of green cleaning solutions available in your local stores, i.e., Begley’s Best, organic cleaning solutions, chemical free, etc. If a dish washer is to be used, make sure it is full and hopefully energy-star certified (or just have your favorite guest hand wash the dishes! See #3 above.). Furthermore, extra food could be donated to a shelter for others to enjoy - Mottainai! Those of you who go the extra step could compost earth-friendly waste for your own organic gardens.Is this even a tip? Give your left overs to shelters? How about donating your time or some non-half eaten food? I donated a box full of food to shelters this year and I don't think I'm doing anything out of the ordinary. Everyone deserves a Holiday that doesn't suck. This "helpful" tip is all over the place. Yeah, make sure your washer is completely filled.. no shit, sherlock.
Over all, those to were a waste of space. Thankfully it's not printed on any sort of piece of paper and placed up at your local trader Joe's or Whole Foods. Because if they were, then the irony will be really thick.
There's always one way to stay perfectly green and in this final piece it goes to show that it's possibly the oldest "going green" possible. Some old ass weed
Ottawa — Researchers say they have located the world's oldest stash of marijuana, in a tomb in a remote part of China.That's some old stink weed, yo. With that I'll leave you with wishes for a Happy Thanksgiving. We all have something to be thankful about. Perhaps you don't show it as often as you should. Enjoy it folks.
The cache of cannabis is about 2,700 years old and was clearly “cultivated for psychoactive purposes,” rather than as fibre for clothing or as food, says a research paper in the Journal of Experimental Botany.
The 789 grams of dried cannabis was buried alongside a light-haired, blue-eyed Caucasian man, likely a shaman of the Gushi culture, near Turpan in northwestern China.
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