Thursday, December 3, 2009

Revenge Of The Gobble Gobble

Revenge Is A Dish Served Best With Left Overs

It's been a week since Thanksgiving. You've probably already swallowed down the last of your left over stuffing and you discarded the remains of the last of the turkey after you've gotten sick of eating turkey sandwiches. You think thanksgiving is completely order, don't you?

You're dead wrong.

You see, nothing comes without a price. Your over indulgence in the flesh of a turkey last week caused you to hold a debt and the only way you can pay this back is in a pound of flesh. Turkey's aren't your regular birds. They're no foster farm chickens. There are many of them... they all look the same... and they have a plan.

Did you think that the turkey's would sit by ideally and allow a fellow fowl get taken down without any sort of a fight?

Hell no, not without a fight...

It may have taken them a week, but they realize that their buddies are gone. This holiday season they have no reason to be thankful.. they were attacked. They were decapitated, packed and then tossed into markets. Now their kin is seeking revenge.

Their attack plan was simple. The humans ate their buddies.. they will now attack the humans and everything they love. Their homes. Their children, Their much beloved Freedoms.. Did you think that the police can save you? Ha! Think again, they don't give a fuck about no 5-O

They are relentless and if you think about the odds, if you had 5 people at your thanksgiving sharing 1 of them, how many turkey's are there out roaming the land? Seeking revenge for the fallen?

What can you do? Hide the turkey baster. The first sign of one of those and you'll get some claw marks from ear to ear, draining your body of all your blood long before you ever hit the ground. Don't even think about getting the stuffing or the gravy, either. Hide the pumpkin pie. They can smell the hints of dead turkey that linger around any pumpkin pie.

You can't call for help from the police. The moment you hear the gobble gobble, you're already as good as dead. But really, it's only fitting. How long did that turkey spend in the oven? How dry was it when it hit your plate? In all truths, it's only fitting that they'll be after us. They'll get us in the end. It's only a matter of time. My only advice for you is....


.. Run!

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