Merry Boobmas...

Merry Boobmas...

Well, I guess in order to really get you in the Christmas mood, here's this really creepy sexual thing which regulates women



that creates nameless half-naked women, defined only by their bodies and identified by the size of their breasts, lying supine and nearly motionless, occasionally shifting positions and jerking to punctuate a single noise...

Welcome to the wonderful world of post-feminsim, people. We're through the looking glass. I think I now realize what the feminist were talking about when they referenced "advertisements for rape" back in the day.

But hey, at least you can seize the means of production and you can make your own songs. How about that. Merry X-rated Christmas!

Some people with very little imagination just recreated it in the create-your-own-machine.



Which seems like sort of a waste. I mean, if you're going to play along, you might as well play something like Chopsticks or that song from Big. Now that would be entertaining to watch as well as very nostalgic.

But I have to say, finally the self-referential spiral of ironically-but-unironically-back-to ironically has collapsed in on itself, forming a singing tit-xylophone going "oo". At the very least it didn't hurt itself as it toppled over on its own weight. Well, everyone except the A-cup. No support there.

Then again, for those you can just get yourself a double wonder bra...

Christmas Time Means More Muppets!

Christmas Time Means More Muppets!

When it comes to Christmas you should really figure out that the best thing you can possibly watch is The Muppets Christmas Carol. It was probably the peak of the Muppet era. I mean, have you've even seen the other Muppet Christmas themed movies/films? I'm a huge muppets fan and even I don't like to think about them. But here's something that the Muppets have done lately that I do care about.. A Queen cover!



But that brings to attention the Muppets in general. Maybe it's because of the over load of muppets that I watched growing up, How could you not love the political imprinting it caused on the youth. Oh the voice of good ol' Hippie Jim.



But then again, there was the dark times. Like the time John Denver crossed the line in the Muppets world.

LONDON- Popular singer/songwriter John Denver’s career is in serious jeopardy following his arrest Sunday in connection with alleged sexual relations with a female Muppet.

Denver, who as in London to tape a guest-host appearance on The Muppet Show, was arrested after an anonymous tip led authorities to his hotel suite at the Sheraton Park Lane, where, according to a police spokesman, he was caught engaging in "an act of illicit congress" with Janice, a Muppet guitarist with the band Dr. Teeth & The Electric Mayhem.

Jim Henson, creator of The Muppet Show, said he is "deeply saddened by the news, if it is true," but urged the public not to rush to judge Denver. Henson did not say whether next week’s show would be canceled, postponed or retaped with a new guest host.

Speaking to reporters from his jail cell, Denver said, "I have no comment other than that I am innocent of any wrongdoing."

Denver, whose hits include "Rocky Mountain High" and "Sunshine on My Shoulders," will be arraigned Friday. His trial could begin as soon as October.

Janice was not arrested in the incident and is reportedly in seclusion.

Dr. Teeth, the leader of the Muppet band and a close friend of Janice’s, said Janice was feeling "a little down in the skin but basically groovy-woovy."

Teeth also said he is confident that any sexual act which may have occurred between Janice and Denver would have been 100 percent consensual. "Gotta cut out the fuzz, slack," he said. "The man and the Muppet have had the love bug since Miles Davis was Yards Davis, you dig?"

Another band member, identified only as the drummer, responded angrily to news of Denver’s arrest, flailing wildly and screaming incoherently while throwing furniture, props and this week’s guest host, Carol Burnett, around the Muppet Theater.

Ah, comedy! But let's be honest here. If that Why Can't We Be Friends didn't seal it, what about this next little Prop-protestin lobster youtube clip.



Now that's just great. I feel... like they're speaking my language. Then again, I mean that literally. Ah, to hear my culture's plight be told in the form of Lobster Muppets. Now that's something that makes me smile.

And while this next one ISN'T a Muppets thing, it still belongs here as it's a soft and cuddly moment and... well, maybe this sort of thing is something the Jim Henson should work on as it would make a great Muppet story... Besides that, it's pretty heavy on the Christmas side.



For some reason I just assumed that the dog suffered a spinal cord injury from being stomped on by the elephant. I mean, spinal cord injuries don't just happen....

Ah, the Holiday spirit!

Bringing A Gun To a Snow Ball Fight

Bringing A Gun To a Snow Ball Fight

Winter is all about one thing.. fun with snow. HA! Yeah, I forgot, most of you folks reading this are in Southern California and while we're only about 40 minutes drive from snow, who in their right mind goes directly towards it during winter? No one. That's right.. But I have news for you.. I'M IN SNOW!! How the fuck did I end up here in Lake Arrowhead during the winter? I don't ski and my total lack of abilities to drive in the snow should mean that I would very well be dead.

This is just a bad cop....


I mean, even though this seems to be the first time I actually throw a real snowball that I remember, I have to say it's not worth drawing your weapon for. Maybe if one snowman was attacking another snowman with their blood, that would be a different story..



But it's not the case at all. That cop must really have some pressing issues to have to carry a gun into a snowball fight, let alone pull it on anyone. Poor baby must have had some war flash backs. But in all reality, getting hit with a snow ball really does hurt. It's like getting hit with an ice cube tray. Okay, not THAT had, but still relatively hard enough.

But still, this is really a first for me to go up to snow for Christmas... immediately post christmas festivities and I'm pretty excited about it. Not to mention pretty damn nervous about it.. But still, I'll be having a blast. Here's hoping that you're not still stuck in some line at Wal*Mart returning that generic gift you received. I'll toss a snowball for you.

Patton Oswalt's Christmas Shoes

Patton Oswalt's Christmas Shoes

Fuck it, I just love this stand up set by Patton Oswalt. It's also topical. Hope you got your Christmas shopping done already and aren't dealing with the fucking crowds as they get worse and worse.



Just don't buy fucking shoes!

METH! BOOYAH!

METH! BOOYAH!

Over thanksgiving I posted a bunch of PSA's. Some funnier (in a morbid way) than others. Then I suppose in the search for the Meth one I came across the Montana Meth project. I suppose with all that free open space, it's ripe for meth labs and since Breaking Bad doesn't come back till March, maybe this series of clips can fill that Meth entertainment need for the next few months. It's my way of saying Merry Christmas.













Then we come to the ultimate in "Daaaaaaaamn". The one where you sell out your girlfriend for some Meth cash.



So the next time in the few weeks before Xmas that you see a homeless kid with that Meth look in their eye asking for change, maybe you'll give them the pocket change you have and not risk getting stabbed and beaten for a quick hit.

Seasons Greetings From Always Sunny...

Seasons Greetings From Always Sunny...

It's the Christmas season and in this time it's all about spreading cheer. Here the gang of Always sunny send out some Holiday cheer..




Seasons greetings!