Christmas Time Means More Muppets!

Christmas Time Means More Muppets!

When it comes to Christmas you should really figure out that the best thing you can possibly watch is The Muppets Christmas Carol. It was probably the peak of the Muppet era. I mean, have you've even seen the other Muppet Christmas themed movies/films? I'm a huge muppets fan and even I don't like to think about them. But here's something that the Muppets have done lately that I do care about.. A Queen cover!



But that brings to attention the Muppets in general. Maybe it's because of the over load of muppets that I watched growing up, How could you not love the political imprinting it caused on the youth. Oh the voice of good ol' Hippie Jim.



But then again, there was the dark times. Like the time John Denver crossed the line in the Muppets world.

LONDON- Popular singer/songwriter John Denver’s career is in serious jeopardy following his arrest Sunday in connection with alleged sexual relations with a female Muppet.

Denver, who as in London to tape a guest-host appearance on The Muppet Show, was arrested after an anonymous tip led authorities to his hotel suite at the Sheraton Park Lane, where, according to a police spokesman, he was caught engaging in "an act of illicit congress" with Janice, a Muppet guitarist with the band Dr. Teeth & The Electric Mayhem.

Jim Henson, creator of The Muppet Show, said he is "deeply saddened by the news, if it is true," but urged the public not to rush to judge Denver. Henson did not say whether next week’s show would be canceled, postponed or retaped with a new guest host.

Speaking to reporters from his jail cell, Denver said, "I have no comment other than that I am innocent of any wrongdoing."

Denver, whose hits include "Rocky Mountain High" and "Sunshine on My Shoulders," will be arraigned Friday. His trial could begin as soon as October.

Janice was not arrested in the incident and is reportedly in seclusion.

Dr. Teeth, the leader of the Muppet band and a close friend of Janice’s, said Janice was feeling "a little down in the skin but basically groovy-woovy."

Teeth also said he is confident that any sexual act which may have occurred between Janice and Denver would have been 100 percent consensual. "Gotta cut out the fuzz, slack," he said. "The man and the Muppet have had the love bug since Miles Davis was Yards Davis, you dig?"

Another band member, identified only as the drummer, responded angrily to news of Denver’s arrest, flailing wildly and screaming incoherently while throwing furniture, props and this week’s guest host, Carol Burnett, around the Muppet Theater.

Ah, comedy! But let's be honest here. If that Why Can't We Be Friends didn't seal it, what about this next little Prop-protestin lobster youtube clip.



Now that's just great. I feel... like they're speaking my language. Then again, I mean that literally. Ah, to hear my culture's plight be told in the form of Lobster Muppets. Now that's something that makes me smile.

And while this next one ISN'T a Muppets thing, it still belongs here as it's a soft and cuddly moment and... well, maybe this sort of thing is something the Jim Henson should work on as it would make a great Muppet story... Besides that, it's pretty heavy on the Christmas side.



For some reason I just assumed that the dog suffered a spinal cord injury from being stomped on by the elephant. I mean, spinal cord injuries don't just happen....

Ah, the Holiday spirit!

Lady Gaga Is Totally Awesome

Lady Gaga Is Totally Awesome

I have avoided this subject for a while now because I felt it was too mainstream to talk about but I can't deny talking about it any longer. I must admit that Lady Gaga is totally awesome in every way possible. Though, I guess I'm not one to listen to her(?) music, but I can respect her(?)



Like a ton of pop stars wear lingerie just to expose themselves and be thought of as a sex goddesses, but really internally they're oppressed to shit and it doesn't work. Madonna for instance.. For someone who was all about sex and even wrote a damn book about it, she sure seems like an up tight bitch. Lady Gaga is like Madonna but she is classy and also has talent.



Gaga like knows what she's going on about, she's straight copying glam rock David Bowie/Freddy Mercury shit. It's all very retro-queer chic, but it's on a fricking GIRL! Sure, I should put the question mark there, but let's face it, she's not a dude. No way. All those rumors of her packing a dick are nothing more than her excelling at that whole David Bowie/Ziggy Stardust gimmick.



But even if she was packing a dong, she would be just as awesome and would get my respect, if not more for packing double weapons. Bestowing a penis upon a woman is the best gift a patriarchy can give, after all. Like,you can see it everywhere on the net. When paparazzi pictures get posted there's always an argument and some dudes who are like "Lady Gaga is hot!" and others are like "Eww, she's a MAN! She's hiding a penis in there! What a gross transvestite and not hot at all, you are so gay, no real straight guy would ever think she is hot because she is a man" Those clearly have to be males trying to pump out their chest in an act of male dominance. Silly boys.



Now obviously she's not a man. Just evoking something dangerously close to leather daddy fagmos for average white males. Which is totally sweet, because it's turning the male gaze against the male, which usually ends up with broken noses and bleeding gashes, but since she is just this little 100 pound blonde chick it totally leaves homophobic men with no outlet but to call her names and start flamewars on the internet to attack other males who do think she is hot.



It's really all amusing. That's not to say she isn't sexy. No, she is sexy as hell. But I don't want to have sex with her because if we were ever in that kind of situation that might ruin our friendship and frankly, I wouldn't want to taint such a sacred thing. Frankly, she seems like a really cool person to be friends with because of all the wacky strange shit she will wear and do. Not to mention what will come out of her mouth. Talk about a firecracker, that Lady Gaga. So no, we're just gonna hang out cause she's cool like that.

Lady Gaga, if you're reading this....

Let's just be friends. Ok?



I once read an article that argued that the reason rock bands are usually all-male is so that men have another outlet for success and fame. Which is why pop is less legitimized because pop is more female dominated. I could be hallucinating all this though in some bad acid trip. But if it's somehow true or carries some truth to it, it would make sense of it. See what Lady Gaga does? She breaks through that in a less than PINK annoying way. Not to mention that I'd believe that Pink was packing a dong more than I would believe Lady Gaga would be.



Yeah, you may be thinking "What's up with Lady Gaga dressing up like that Boss from Metal Gear Solid". You sort of half expect her to ask you if you like playing Castlevania. But she's cool like that. See what I mean, her sense of style goes beyond just dressing slutty. She's making a statement. And while we may misinterpret that message as "I'm fucking crazy." Those of us in the know are aware that she's really just ten years ahead of everything. Didn't you think Ziggy Stardust was pretty far out, man? Yes, she's pretty far out.. MAN! What next, will she kiss a frog? Oh wait, here she is doing that. What would Miss Piggy think? Wait, I just figured it out. She's saying SHE'S Miss Piggy. See how far out she is?



I don't know who decided that wearing the decapitated head of a puppet was fashionable, but I suspect that it was the most awesome thing in the world. I mean, I love the muppets. The idea of killing them seems a bit extreme but, this is fashion after all. Sometimes sacrifices need to be made. Besides, I'm not sure who it was that said you shouldn't wear white after labor day but they must not have ever said anything about wearing green after a certain time. While it's not easy being green, it sure is easy wearing it.



Besides if you disagree with using muppets as a wardrobe and fashion statement, Jean-Charles de Castelbajac's Fall 2009 RTW collection would not be up your alley. See that, I'm hip to the chic. I know my fashion. Yes, I may wear jeans and wacky/comic book t-shirts, but when it comes to chic muppet fall lines, I know my shit. Take that Stacy and Clinton!

And lastly, why do I not consider her just another christina aguilera? Lady Gaga is literally more talented than most other corporate pop stars of the last few years. I suppose I have to admit it, I once did think, upon first hearing her name and some generic synthesized sounds that she was a carbon cutout. But then I saw this acoustic version of one of her songs that sounds autotuned like hell. I was impressed.



That in itself was pretty good. So hey, I may not like all of her music but I do respect the gal. Much more than I expected and her message/look and out of her fucking mind mentality when it comes to the way she handles the MTV word is hilarious to watch.

Ads I Do LIke - Jim Henson

Ads I Do Like - Jim Henson

If you've followed this blog, you'd seen that I hate a lot of ads. Being that I'm in the entertainment industry and the whole point of the productions that I'm working on is to simply sell advertising minutes, I think I should be less jaded about it.

Can you blame me? There's a lot of really shitty ads out there. When I first started writing, I would write copy and create stupid and otherwise unmarketable. But I thought they were silly. On a recent trip I discovered that Jim Henson, before going all muppets, did silly advertising in the same fashion. He has become even more my hero with the work that he did.

I present to you some of the best ads I have ever seen. Even if they're all old and outdated, I'd still buy the shit out of the products simply because of the way they took the creative marketing to sell them.

La Choy Dragon

God damn, that's funny shit.

RC Cola

dsadsad

Ideal Toys


Some Sausage


More la Choy Dragon!


Wilson Meats


Linit


C&P Telephone


Munchos ... Notice someone familiar in that?


Tastee Freez


And what a way to end this but with that awesome dragon again

Nice Duck, Lame Duck.

Nice Duck, Lame Duck.

Iraq is a scary place. The locals hate you for bringing down their status quo, dropping bombs on their innocent and generally wrecking shit up. Of course they're going to lash out in the form of shooting our troops. Today the shit got real...

BAGHDAD — His legacy forever linked to an unpopular war, President George W. Bush visited Iraq under intense security Sunday and declared that a long, hard conflict is necessary to protect the United States and give Iraqis hope. "The war is not over," he said.

Bush got a size-10 reminder of the fervent opposition to his policies when a man threw two shoes at him _ one after another _ during a news conference with Iraq Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki. "This is the end!" shouted the man, later identified as Muntadar al-Zeidi, a correspondent for Al-Baghdadia television, an Iraqi-owned station based in Cairo, Egypt.

Before you start with anything about how it was only a shoe remember that this was the president that almost was taken out by a pretzel. So there is reason to definitely be some concerned with what a shoe could do to him.

While "I threw a shoe at him." wont get you out of being raped in prison, it may have some credibility when you say you threw it at Bush's head. What will not get you any street cred though is that you not only missed the toss -but you missed a second attempt!

Bush wasn't the only thing lame duck at the top. How the hell did he get the chance to go down, get his second shoe and make another toss before secret service took him down? One thing for sure, this dude is going to disappear forever. This does explain why they check your shoes at the airport.


Who throws a shoe?

The president comes under attack... be it by shoes being flung at his head, and he is grinning like a schoolboy as he ducks out of the way. Really does show off his lame duck powers. On closer inspection, at least the guy hit the American flag. TAKE THAT, AMERICA! These colors don't duck. I love how the news sites are all like "In arab culture, throwing your shoe is a grave insult!" as if there were any culture anywhere where that wouldn't be taken as some sort of insult. Is there some obscure central-asian country where a boot to the head is a sign of respect?

But what am I doing actually writing a real report here. We know I can't be serious for more than five minutes and really, if you're coming to me for your latest news... well, that's two steps below getting all your actual news from Comedy Central.... and five steps below getting it from FoxNews.

No, no. You know me as the guy who mocks things. It should be common knowledge that I make terrible puns. I do so because I grew up on the Muppets. You know, they weren't exactly puppets and nor were they mops. My favorite Muppets are actually two that many don't even know their name. Statler and Waldorf. They were the two old Muppets in the balcony that always heckled everyone.


In times like this I just wonder what they would say to these sorts of news pieces.

Looks like his trip got off on the wrong foot!

He's a SHOE IN for worst president ever!!!!!

Well no one can ever accuse bush of being a LOAFER!!!!

I think there was a 2nd SHOE-ter on the grassy knoll!!!

That's what he gets for being such a HEEL

He's certainly not IN STEP with the times!

Obviously the guy knew Bush didn't have a sole.

Bush is a bad president, we should give him the BOOT.

They should make a game, Hit the president with a shoe and win a free ringtone.

what's with all the SHOEpid puns

That's what you get for destroying Sole-shoe security!

HA HA HA HA HA HAH A HA HA HA HA

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA... They dropped my blue shield coverage....

My medicine cost so much I can't afford these balcony seats anymore.

Fuck you bush!

Bush really does show that he's out of touch with the American people. He blew a perfect opportunity for an Austin Powers reference. He hasn't been anywhere near a decent president. I mean, his foreign policy hasn't been inspiring in the slightest.

But as bad as Bush has been, do you really want Cheney as the president for the next month?

Yeah... I didn't think so.