Forget His Brain, Where's Hitlers Bloodline?!

Forget His Brain, Where's Hitlers Bloodline?!

It's October, which means that it's time to talk about blood and spooky shit. Shit like Hitler. There was once a movie that worried that we found Hitler's Brain and what would happen with it. Would we put it into a new body and then... well, and then what? I mean, sure he gain popularity with the Germans, but with Germany being neutered after WWII, what would be the worse that could happen? It's not like he could kill the Jews like business as usual or anything.



In any event, it seems that we are no longer after Hitler's brain. No no, we're after the blood line that's attached to it. It appears that we've found his decedents.

THIRTY-NINE living relatives of Adolf Hitler have been discovered by a customs official and a journalist who claim to have decoded the Nazi dictator's DNA.

Analysing forgotten cigarette butts in a small village in lower Austria, a used paper serviette in a New York fast food restaurant and the seals of letters sent over 30 years ago from northern France, Marc Vermeeren and Jean-Paul Mulders said they had traced all known living relatives of the Fuehrer for the first time.

As well as three living in America, whose existence has been reported previously, they claim to have tracked down 36 others who still live in the wooded area of Austria where Hitler was born.

Mr Vermeeren, a Belgian customs official, and Mulders, a journalist for Belgian newspaper Het Laaste Nieuws, said three great-grandchildren of Hitler's father, Alois, lived on Long Island, outside New York, under the false name Stuart-Houston. They are descendants who left Germany to escape the Nazis.

Louis and Brian Stuart-Houston share a little wooden house in East Patchogue, where they work as gardeners, while Alexander is a retired psychologist who helps Vietnam veterans.

The Belgians said they had watched them for seven days and nights, following 60-year-old Alexander to a fast-food restaurant where he disposed of a paper serviette after eating fried chicken that they retrieved and later matched with ''DNA of Hitler that we keep in a sealed, armoured chest'', according to Mulders.

The cigarette butts came from Hitler relatives in Austria, they said.

''The American relatives have agreed not to have children to extinguish the saga of Hitler and stop living in fear, but have promised to publish a book before they die,'' said Mulders.

Well, that's quite an invasion of privacy. I suppose I shouldn't be too surprises that our DNA is all over the place. That rumor on if you've ever touched a penny your DNA is on file, but this takes on a new level of crazy internet detective skills. We should remember that these are relatives and not descendants. Big difference there. You would hope that they would respect the privacy of those people who are related. Well, unless they have some sort of Nazi shrine in their home.

I mean, it has zero relevance to anything when you think about it. Just because you're the second cousin to someone who shares his bloodline doesn't mean you're going to go out and kill you some Jews. Yeah, it may be a little bit of a shameful thing on the family name if you have Hitler as a great great uncle or something, but it doesn't mean you're going to spawn some evil bastard because of it.



It really is pretty sad that they won't have kids. I mean, it's not like genocide is hereditary like diabetes. Now those with high risk of that.. Maybe they shouldn't be breeding and tainting our gene pool. But to not have kids simply to kill off the Hitler genes? Really? Do you know who else believed in limiting certain genetics from propagating and tried to wipe out entire genetic lines or people?!?! Gotta love that thick irony in this story. Ve must exterminate ze Hitlers!

But this has got to be the best excuse for a guy not to get his girl knocked up. "But honey, we can't have kids, honey! I've got Hitler blood in me!". And what would happen if these people wanted to have kids anyway? Would they have been faced with tons of criticism by parents who are letting their children run wild at malls and markets?



I also have to wonder why it's so important to keep Hitler's DNA in a sealed, armored chest. Are they so afraid that someone will steal the DNA and attempt to create a clone of Hitler like they did with that sheep? Maybe they'll come up with some frightening hybrid.

And what the hell are they going to write about in that book? I don't know how much you can write about on the subject as someone who is only related to Hitler but more than likely never even knew about it till some internet detectives came up and guilt you into not procreating.

Chapter 1: Introduction

"What is it like being distantly related to Hitler? Well, it used to be no big deal. These days, though, I get all kinds of people calling me up, and asking what it's like being distantly related to Hitler. I also get people telling me I look vaguely like Hitler, and other people telling me I don't look like Hitler at all. I think that's supposed to be a compliment."

Chapter 2: A day in the life of a man slightly related to Hitler

"I got up today - a bit late, since I like to sleep in when I can. As I put together a late breakfast/early lunch, my telephone rang.

'Hello', I said.

'Are you that Hitler guy?' asked a heavy voice from the other end of the line.

'Is this important?' I queried. 'I'm trying to eat breakfast.'

'I guess not,' came the response. 'Still, it's you, right? Man, that's whack.'"

Yeah, I really can't see that being any more popular than Heidi Montage's book about "How to be famous" from someone who is famous for no reason what so ever. What I'm trying to say is that we should beg Heidi and Spencer to never procreate.

Silly Ads That Will Give You Aids

Silly Ads That Will Give You Aids

I know it's strange for me to talk shit about advertisements given the field that I work in. All that the productions that I work on are simply a reason for the viewer to sit there and watch commercials for products. That's the whole way I get paid. If the show doesn't generate the attention to attract the most eyes towards, then it gets canceled.

Even though you're sleeping on top of a pile of money at the end of the day, you have to wonder is it worth it for your own moral compass? How far is too far in terms of an ad? Are you even getting your message across with what you're trying to advertise for? Take for example this latest wave of AIDS awareness ads.



I know sex sells and believe me, I paused that video at least three times. I mean, did you see that side boobage? Can you blame a guy for that? But then you get to the end and it's Hitler. I did not need to see Hitler have sex. I've already seen him complain about James Cameron's Avatar and Trent Reznor rescheduling his last tours. The last thing I needed was to see him get all freaky and what not.



I'm not exactly sure what the message of the ad is. If you have sex with AIDS, you're having sex with Hitler? Ironically, it's Hitler's status as an intravenous drug-user, not as a mass murderer, that makes him a more likely AIDS carrier. Way to do your research, Aids prevention foundation. Besides that, no woman would find that silly mustache attractive. Not in a million years. Same goes with Stalin. Who is getting busy and down to the dirty work himself in this ad.



Hey, when a dude's gotta purge, a dude's gotta purge. Not to mention that the chick Stalin's nailing has got one really strange tit. What? Oh come on, this whole article has no class. Much like the ad campaign they're trying to run. I can only work with the material I get and this is crazy shit.

Moving on now, the real perplexing question is if the following was the greatest image to use for the person they decided to suggest it would be awful to have sex with. In it, it looks like AIDS is a grizzled old sea captain Hemingway. Is that the best



Hell, he sort of looks like the Dos Equis guy. "I don't always commit mass murder, but when I do, I drink Dos Equis.

These photoshops are just simply awful in every way possible. I decided to toss in another. The job isn't steller, but it's what it is for a quick tossed together photoshop. Gotta say, it's just as good as the rest.



Nah, we all know he's too stupid to ever get any from random girls. Not unless they're hardcore christians (though I'll reserve my taunting of that culture for another blog) But still, you get the point, this campaign really glosses over the point. Yeah, yeah. If you have AIDS you may as well be a mass murderer.

This next ad just makes me wonder why bother trying to break the equality line when it's clear that society isn't going to change. Check this out, Looks and cooking, there's nothing else worth examining or caring about in a woman. This girl has one other asset that makes her valuable - looks. That's how she'll make up for the lack of cooking knowledge or the willingness to learn how to scramble an egg.



This ad is false advertising for a couple of reasons. First off, Wonder Bras are just lies to both the women and her suitors.

Then you have the ad lying to women by showing a woman with an already full bust wearing the product. There's no way that the bra is creating that without there being some amount of boobs there to work with.

Then you have the final nail. There's really no excuse for not knowing how to cook basic stuff. Even if you're a complete screw up in the kitchen, you have to at least know how to bake. Didn't your parents give you an easy bake oven? Or at least a light bulb and some cookie dough to play with?

4/20

4/20

Today is one of those days. You know, that a lot of shit happened on. It's only fitting that it is April since it's an already bloated month with nationally observed days, but it seems like you can't escape it when you're talking about 4/20

You have Hitler's Birthday which also fueled the Columbine shootings. But more than anything, you have a ton of pot heads going on about 4/20 because of the stupid pot smoking shit.



Way to embrace a day and show some energy for a bunch of people who lack that energy in every way possible chance to show effort. Just because it's 4/20 doesn't mean it's open season to pot, you pot heads! Now, don't get me wrong. I'm no TCC hater, I just hate holidays as you can see from my hate of Valentines day and any other that tells you to do something on that day you can normally do any other day.

How hard is it to smoke weed the rest of the year? Oh wait, you people already do that. Well, whatever. Perhaps you'll just keep on truckin' with your pot stuff.


Have you ever read this blog....... OOoooooon WEEEEEEED?

Oh yeah.. what was I going to say? Yeah. So there was this one time when my folks were out of town and I was house sitting and got asked by my pops to get some paper work for him from his den and I noticed a bong laying on the floor with the pretty pugnant bong water spilled over. I was a bit surprised that it was knocked over, but then again I was a bit more surprised that my dad had a bong. In retrospect, the man does love jazz and going to outdoor concerts, so it shouldn't have come as a surprise in any sense.

Where was I? I'm worse than a pot head in my story telling. Yeah, well a couple of weeks later when they're back he pulls me aside and very awkardly ask if I knocked over his vase. I look at him confused because I had no idea what vase he was talking about. "Vase?", I asked very confused. "Yeah, my vase.. for my plants..." he said as if trying to dance around the whole pot issue. Then it clicked like a light bulb went on in my head "OOOOOooh, you mean that bong. No, no I didn't knock over you bong."

Yeah, that's just one of the many awkward moments with dear ol' dad.



Oh Obama, this picture never gets old.

But not every movie has to be related to pot. Look at Kumar from the Harold and Kumar films. He was humping a bag of pot in the movies and now he works for the white house. Oh that place should be called the Choom house now. Awwww yeah.

Speaking of movies and pot, you remember that movie Sex, Lies and Video Tape. Holy fuck, what a giant waste of my childhood puberity life. What a complete let down. I imagine that this following movie is the same to you pot heads.



Too bad you'll be completely left not holding because it's not actually about pot. It's an old school Indian movie about a homeless dude totally ganking the system to get really rich a bunch of different ways, but then gives it all up at the end when him and his crew are about to rip off his old group of indigents that first took him in with a government housing scheme. If I remember right it was long as fuck and had alot of singing too.

Which I can't say I'm opposed to singing because I like way too many musicals for a straight man. I'm like the Seth McFarlane without the whole cartoon and animation shit. Musicals and dance numbers just put a smile on your face.

Ok, I've gone on long enough. 4/20 Yo... light it up.. and all that shit.

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