Osama Sighed As He Drew His Katana...

Osama Sighed As He Drew His Katana...

You take a dash of Jack Bauer and add in a cup of Book of Eli. Whisk and toss in Some Kung Fu: The Legend Continues and you have a taste of what this next story is about. You see, there's no other way to describe the following news piece other than that. For you see, anArmed US 'Bin Laden hunter' is held in Pakistan

An American man who claimed to have been on a mission to hunt down Osama Bin Laden has been arrested in northern Pakistan, police say.

They said that 52-year-old Gary Brooks Faulkner, from California, was detained in the mountains of Chitral district - just north of Peshawar.

He had a pistol, dagger and a sword and was carrying Christian literature.

Police say the man was stopped near the border with Afghanistan's Nuristan province, a known Taliban stronghold.

They say that Mr Faulkner told investigators after his arrest late on Sunday that he was on a solo mission to kill Osama Bin Laden.

"We initially laughed when he told us that he wanted to kill Osama Bin Laden," police spokesman Mumtaz Ahmad Khan told the AP news agency.

But he said that police suspicions grew when officers seized the pistol, the sword and night-vision equipment.

Mr Faulkner is now being questioned by intelligence officials in Peshawar, the main city in north-western Pakistan.

He has told police he visited Pakistan seven times, and this was his third trip to Chitral.

Police say that Mr Faulkner was also carrying a book containing Christian verses and teachings.

When asked if he felt that he had a chance of tracing Bin Laden, Faulkner replied, "God is with me, and I am confident I will be successful in killing him", Mr Khan told AP.

The US embassy in Pakistan confirmed that a US citizen had been arrested and the embassy was seeking access to him.

Correspondents say that the Chitral area is widely seen as having escaped much of the violence that has blighted the rest of north-west Pakistan.

In April a Greek man who worked in one of the few museums in the area was released by the Taliban after being held by them for eight months.

Bin Laden has evaded a huge US effort to capture him since the 9/11 attacks in the US.

Chitral - because of its close proximity to Nuristan - is considered to be one of his possible hiding places.

Look, if hunting someone with a pistol and a Katana is wrong, then I don't want to be right. Bless this white Christian warrior, perhaps if there were more folks like him in the world we wouldn't be living in the shadow of Muslim oppression



This dude is way off target though. Osama is in a secret bunker lounging with his feet up on a foot rest under 1600 Pennsylvania Ave, Washington D.C., USA. Or maybe he's in some nondescript building on the naval observatory grounds. Or, you know.. Osama Bin Laden has been dead for years.

I liked this part of the article

"At first we thought he was mentally deranged".... "Then we found out he was American"

Americans are human cartoons. This should be the final proof that Americans watch too much violent TV and senseless action films. Okay, maybe I'm wrong there. American TV compared to some other countries like Russia isn't so much 'Violent' as much as it is fascist will-to-power nonsense.

But maybe this guy has a good goal. Just think about it, the only guy looking for Bin Laden foiled. They really should have sent him on his way, maybe given him some body armor for his trouble and wished him the best of luck. You know he's going to need it. He's doing more with his life than any of us. He has a quest! By mocking this christian soldier it only proves how hollow my own life is.



The sword is the best thing about this. What kind of fucking idiot believe he can take down Osama with anything less than Hanzo steel? Fucking idiot Americans. How do I know it wasn't a Hanzo steel? He would never have been taken into custody if it had been...

They should release him and let him continue the hunt with the addition of a cameraman and make it into a summer reality TV show. They should also pitch it to Al-Jazeera with a laugh track. It'll do great in all markets. Think of the DVD sales! All this guy needs is a bullwhip and a sidekick and he'd be his own Hollywood blockbuster.

I do hope they'll release him. It will be nice to see some worthless American scum get their head chopped off on Youtube. It's been so long....

Please, PLEASE say it was this guy;


I know, I know. This is all a little mean. Let's all make fun of the mentally ill, why not. But think of it this way - A mentally ill man has resources to pursue his fantasies, is stopped from removing his genes from the pool. It's pretty clear what we have here - Afghani nanny state.

Considering the best intelligence agencies in the world operating with seemingly limitless funding and all the top notch technology there is can't find him, why the hell not just let this guy go make a fool out of himself? I think they were scared he might actually succeed where America has failed. We all know that America needs its dialysis machine boogey man to continue this war, it's not like we found gold in them there hills.. Oh wait.



But this act of courage by the mentally unstable isn't all that strange. American filibusters have been adventuring in the third world since the birth of the nation. I guess I'm just surprised there's any left now to do this. You know, given the general wealth, ability to travel, and access to firearms the modern American has should be infrequent. They just join the Army/XE/Blackwater instead now and get to use better and cooler weapons.

Perhaps we should be reminded that Afghanistan literally offered Osama Bin Laden to us and we refused because we wanted him turned over unconditionally (the condition was we stop bombing their civilians once he was captured)

Oh, don't believe me? Need some evidence? Shut the fuck up.

Speak Nerdy And Carry A Big Sword

Speak Nerdy And Carry A Big Sword

I was going to call this one knifing around, but I like that Space Ghost episode too much to insult it in that way. Today I bring you a good question. One that you will be stumped to attempt to answer. Why do you need a big sword? Why?!? I ask because it seems like these swords are always sold to people....



I.. I just don't know. I can't even picture who the market for this shit is. I guess I can. Pretty much the people demoing the products. But then how do you make your money? It does ask a good question;

"What more do you want in a sword?"

How about concealabity? Maneuverability? A majority of combat situations occur not out in the open, but in the surprise of a slightly confining space like a hallway. Speaking of if you are ever going to be such a bad ass to take down the criminal element in your home after a bad breaking and entering, perhaps a short sword is a much better weapon.

So this huge sword cuts meat and stationary objects. That makes it a meat cutting execution weapon. In my experience things don't stand still when you try to kill them... except chickens. The great sword is, for this reason, obsolete technology because it was designed in its time for decapitating enemies from horseback. Its power is in the weight and speed behind it. Really unfit for anything but to prove your a fucking nerd in this modern day.. That or you really want to sell your Ren Faire costume as over the top.



And even with the shorter blades, those things look very bulky. You do realize that if you have just one really good chefs knife, it would do all that work for you. I mean, Jesus. I don't know how many times I have cut myself just doing mundane cooking techniques with my Global knife. I'm pretty sure that with some added pressure, it could go through a chest cavity with ease.

I had a friend who on his sixteenth birthday party, his parents got him a sword. I recall him saying that he maybe asked for one when he was eight years old or something, so instead of getting his drivers test paid for like he wanted or some sort of computer equipment, etc. they got him a sword.

Which does beg the question on how useful a sword is. I bet he took it up to his room after and pondered "what the fuck am I suppose to do with this?" Perhaps I'm just missing out. The sheer joy on that manchild's face reminds me of a childhood feeling, lost forever, but his stunted nature makes me sad at the things he will never experience. I guess you can never be too old to be a manchild. I mean, even when you're not able to walk much and in need of aid, you can have a sword. Yes, that's right. Just cause you're too brittle to carry a two handed sword doesn't mean you can't have a sword cane!



The cold steel sword cane means you'll never have to worry about depending yourself or your loved ones from a stationary threatening looking pile of raw meat ever again! Again, who buys these things? Who thinks that it would be of any use or finds the need to romance an old weapon style so badly that they need to purchase a sword?

Oh wait, I know. This is the kind of person who wants this..



I think that video sort of proved the theory floating around in the back of my mind. That these sword products are for middle schoolers who got constantly teased as a kid. It's a very warped idea of compensating. At least if you have a small dick you'll be driving a fancy car. In this case, all you have is something that makes you look like an even bigger loser.

I can just imagine what's going on in their mind; "Oh yeah? Would a 'fag' have a hadhafang, sword of the fairest elf maiden arwen? I thous think not!"



Oh man. I bet the pizza boy won't be bitching when you don't tip him once he sees the two handed great sword next to the door, now is he? No way, maybe it'll strike some fear into him so that the next time you get some free cheesy bread as well!

Is there any real practical use for these knives? Well, let's ask this guy who clearly hates cardboard.



I guess I could see how it would be a lot of fun for maybe.. like half an hour or so to just hack shit up with a sword like in those videos. But that seems to be the limit to it. The swords seem as useful as a paper weight more than anything else. Unless of course you have a sudden need to hack up well stacked inanimate trash.

I have to wonder if there's any way to use these things as intended without going to jail for murder or dieing or getting shot.. or even worse, accidentally cutting off your own limbs? I guess the thing that these people seem to latch onto is the fear that people would rather be shot than slashed with a sword. As being slashed with a sword means you may probably die, but if you do live you're going to be potentially without a limb.

While that's very menacing and all, I think I only need to remind you of the scene from Raiders of the Lost Ark to remind you which one comes out on top.

The Penis Mightier Than The Sword

The Penis Mightier Than The Sword

I keep coming across this ad on the internet and it got to the point that I had to say something about it. You know, I can usually ignore stuff like this for so long before my gut reaction to make some stupid comment just seems to be in my face.

Let's take a look at the strangeness of this advertisement.



I know what you're thinking. "WHAT THE FUCK.... That queen is pretty young!" I know I was thinking just that. I mean, look at her. she doesn't even look a day over 20, can she legally drink mead? Well, I guess at that age she would be going through her mid-life crisis. That biological clock would be ticking on how long she has to find a good prince and settle down before she dies at the ripe old age of 24.

Most importantly, what's u with the sword pointing at her breast? I mean, the sword could be a penis. Well, let's be honest, All swords are penises. If we were a female-dominated species through history, we would see that all of our weapons would be shaed like vaginas. It's just a fact, people want to make their junk seem more powerful. I learned, in that one year of college level woman's studies that that was the cause with all pigs.. I mean men.

But the image goes deeper. You see, the queen is also a penis. It is a very complex image. Now, I don't even know what the product is that they're trying to sell to me. Is it some cheap knock off of WoW? If so, no thank you. I don't need swords pointing at tits to realize that I would not be getting any if I was playing WoW, let alone a cheap, Payless version of the game. I mean, where else am I going to find some tail...

I guess I could try the internet..



First off, if I met a christian single that looked like that.. I would be getting on my knees and well... not praying, that's for sure. Then I would just not bother dating her. I mean, it may look good on paper, but like communism, it wouldn't be nice to live through.

First off, she's hot and to not be able to have sex cause she's "christian" would be a crime against man, country and anything else that is right in this world. Not to mention that she looks like she's actually a porn star and this stupid TOGETHER CHRISTIAN company just took her image to attract and convert them desperate to get tail types. It's the classic bait and switch approach.