What's The Best Way To Kill Barack Obama?

What's The Best Way To Kill Barack Obama?

Now that I got the FBI's attention, let's talk about this guy and what he said to a classroom of math students.



And for those of you who don't want to click on the youtube link, it went down like this:

The teacher was appar­ently teaching his geometry students about parallel lines and angles, officials said. He used the example of where to stand and aim if shooting Obama.

"He was talking about angles and said, 'If you're in this building, you would need to take this angle to shoot the president,'" said Joseph Brown, a senior in the geometry class.

Another student said: "We were going over a test and getting reviewed for our finals and were going over tangency. A student walked in and said, 'Well, if you shoot the president...' and the teacher picked up on it and said, 'OK, if you shoot off his ear, that is a point of tangency.'"

Malia Drummond, a student in Harrison's class during the lesson, defended him as an conscientious teacher who didn't deserve to be fired. She told Birmingham News: "Yeah, the comment was probably inappropriate, but who in America hasn't make a joke about Obama?

Well now, I guess columbine paranoia has died down a bit, wasn't so long ago that a student even mentioned anything about shooting or bombs would send up alarms and they'll get expelled and questioned by the police. Here I thought the teacher was just trying to educate them on the world of angles.



Math teachers in general are pretty creepy though. I think it's all the time spent with numbers that just drives them off the deep end. As well as figuring out that we're simply insignificant numbers in the grand scheme of things. But come on. The baby who squealed on him needs to be punched into oblivion. Don't they know that snitches get stitches?

I mean, did you know that it was illegal? That suggesting or even saying you will kill the president can get you into some real deep trouble? It's something you should know cause, I mean.. it is one of those things you would think is in your freedom of speech rights but isn't. I mean, ask this guy. He'll give you the skinny.



Ha ha ha ha.. but no. Seriously all joking aside, how do we kill the president? I'm putting the FBI spotlight on you, people. How would you kill the president?

Ice pick to the bilderberg receiver in the back?

Carnivorous teleprompter?

Poisoning his breakfast with 50,000 barrels of crude oil each day

With Kindness?

I hear that he's allergic to coherent policy and keeping campaign promises, so the surest way would probably be making him do something related to those.

Most importantly, Where's the death certificate?

I'm sure someone seriously reported this blog post to the secret service and they're gonna have to investigate all threats to the president no matter how stupid and ridiculous it sounds. Even if it's full of sarcasm and black comedy. And if they're not on the case, perhaps I should expand it out to world leaders on a whole. What's the best way to kill Margaret Thatcher? I imagine jumping out and shouting "BOO" would probably do the trick.



Or I could be like those Ring Wingers who are quoting a bible verse that means "Go kill a black democrat" and expressing this view through bumper stickers. it's just perfect, if you think about it. I mean, what the bible verse is saying is may he die quickly. That surely isn't inciting violence in your prayer, right? I wonder if you can incite god to violence and does it fall under the freedom of/for religion? I guess that's how this teacher should have played it out.

I remember my youth with English teachers making joke about the death of the Pope. Ah yes, my drunk English teacher in catholic school was pretty cool.. and drunk. Perhaps this all could have been avoided if the Math teacher used Hitler as the example as no one cares if we kill him off in our words and imagination. It should be like that in all text books because kids love that sort of shit.

With this blog I am not encouraging or inciting anyone to make any physical and mental harm on our president. Nor am I making any threat to our president or any president of our rich American history. Though Lincoln kind of had it coming.

See you guys in Gitmo!

The Not-So-Manchurian Candidate

The Not-So-Manchurian Candidate

Once Obama was elected I was worried that some racist moron would take a shot at him. So much in fact that I put him on my 2009 dead pool list. Well, I was right. Mostly about the moron part. It seems like only morons are trying to kill the president.

Capitol Police have arrested a man on Tuesday afternoon who said he had a delivery for President Obama and a rifle.

Obama was aboard Air Force One at the time of the incident.

Let's be fair and balanced here and look at other news sources on this piece. It really can't be as open and shut as this report is stating. I mean.. what kind of moron is this guy?

Politico wrote:

Capitol Police spokeswoman Kimberly Schneider says the man did not make an explicit threat against the president. -- (6:35 p.m.)

More details on Capitol Hill arrest: The man walked up to a "birdcage," one of the Capitol Police guard shacks in the driveway. When challenged for identification, the man was "talking funny," according to a CP officer. Police asked whether he had any weapons, he told them that he had a .22 caliber rifle. -- John Bresnahan (5:56 p.m.)

Capitol police have arrested a man on the Hill who said he had a delivery for President Obama and a rifle. -- Josh Gerstein (5:30 p.m.)

AFP wrote:

The man drove up to the barricade at about 4 p.m. EST and "told us he had a delivery for President Obama," said Sergeant Kimberly Schneider.

Under questioning, "he admitted to having a rifle" in his truck, prompting officers to arrest him and take him to capitol police headquarters, where charges against him were pending, Schneider told AFP.

CNN wrote:

Sgt. Kimberly Schneider identified the man as Alfred Brock, 64, of Winnfield, Louisiana. She said Brock was charged with possession of an unregistered firearm and unregistered ammunition.

I think the better way to report this is "Area Man Gets Drunk, Arrested". Well. Let's not jump to conclusions. Elvis did bring Nixon a handgun. Now if only he'd use it on himself... I'm really glad that everyone who wants to kill Obama is terrible and shitty at assassination.

This does strike the same cord as the fundie who tried to blow up an abortion clinic by running a car full of gas cans into the side wall. Only he failed to take into account the fact that contrary to Hollywood stereotypes, gas isn't an explosive.

He did more damage to his car than the building.

I would hope any would-be assassin's are as competent as the current lot. Hell, this guy didn't even have the idea to check if Obama was home. It was all over the news that Obama was in Florida. You'd think these assassins would put some thought into these things.

Its pretty disgusting people actually want to assassinate him though. They could use pretty much any black guy as a body double since the type of person who would assassinate Obama probably can't tell them folks apart.

I have to wonder what he's going to do with a .22 rifle, even if he could get anywhere close to the white house? Shoot some of the squirrels?

How did this guy think he was going to carry out his cunning plan anyway? really wonder how that guy thought this was all going to go down:

"Why hello there constable! got a delivery for our swarthy commander in chief! Why yes my usual means of delivery conveyance is at the mechanics, leaving me with this rusty 1987 Ford F-150 as a backup for my important deliveries! Ho ho now why would a deliveryman like myself carry around 'weapons' that's the silliest thing I've heard all day _{shut up shut up shut up Alfred just stick to the plan it's airtight}"

I guess we're going to have to deal with poorly planned assassinations until the next batch of disgruntled marines come back from deployment. It does make me wonder what happened to the good ol' days when people had some creativity behind it.

Hell, with Clinton someone tried to crash a plane into the White House. But then, back in the heady 90's, people had gumption. Even he did crash into a tree instead of hitting the Clinton's bedroom as planned.

I kinda liked the guy who just straight up stormed the White House with a shotgun under the Clinton Administration and actually got a decent way through the grass area before getting taken down. That was a dude who could get things done; what kind of things I don't think even he was sure, but hey.

Jack Handey Said it best:

I think a good gift for the President would be a chocolate revolver. and since he is so busy, you'd probably have to run up to him real quick and give it to him.

So with that in mind, have a safe (more than likely going to be safe with morons like this being the cream of the crop in assassination attempts) Presidents Day. Now I'm not sure if this is one of those fake Government only holidays or if you're suppose to be out back manning the grill. How about you do a little bit of both. In that you should man the grill while working on your government job.