I'm Defecting To Canada, eh

Talking Aboot Me Defecting To Canada, eh

What am I talking Aboot? You heard me. This is all true. I'm defecting to Canada. I didn't do it to avoid any sort of draft. No, that time hasn't come yet. And I certainly aren't doing it because George Bush won the election. I mean, that was a while ago... No, I'm going for other reasons. Mainly because I don't really see myself being proud to be an American. In a land where more and more our freedom is being taken away... all in the name of keeping us safe from terrorist, I can't really find all that much to be proud of.

Then of course there's the bigger reason. You see, today is the big day. As much as I don't give a fuck about the Olympics, well beside making fun of the whole Curling shit I blogged about a couple of post ago, I do care about one event. Hockey. I'm sort of a Hockey fan.. I mean, what red blooded human wouldn't be? I once saw a fight that broke out into a Hockey game. It's violent and they're doing in three quarters what basketball takes four quarters to do.



Today is the finals. The gold medal game of Hockey and who is playing who? Well, no other than America vs Canada. The rematch that we were all hoping for. America won against Canada earlier in the Olympics and now the lines have clearly been drawn. Whose side will you be on? America, home of a ton of Hockey teams in markets that typically don't have snow conditions to warrant ice skating? Or Canada, the proud nation who celebrates Hockey as if it is their version of Football.

I think the choice is rather easy. GO CANADA! Don't get me wrong, I love the Los Angeles Kings and I catch the games whenever I can. Even though Baseball is my first love in terms of sports, I still have plenty of room for The Kings. But let's face it, Canada made the sport what it is. It's their players that make our teams look great.



But you see, this sort of comes into conflict with me as I am an American citizen and should, by all accounts, be caring about the medal count that America has going. If I were a good patriotic warm blooded American, I should be cheering for America to get another gold medal to brag about. I'm not. I'm bucking the rules. I'm going for Canada and perhaps that means I should turn in my citizenship.

Yes, that's right. I'm going to give up Dunkin' Donuts, even though I've never even tried them, and instead I'll get Tim Horton's, eh. No, I'm not being nuttier than a Tim Horton's Maple log, I think that being Canadian will be really cool. I get to use a Loonie and Toonie, so you Americans using silly dollar bills, you hoosers should just take off, eh!



What exactly is a Hooser? Well, I'm glad you asked. Now that I'm defecting to Canada I should know these things. It's the losers of a Hockey game that wash the rink so that it freezes again and is as smooth as a whistler's behind, eh.

Speaking of which, Hockey.. yeah, that was the point of this whole blog post. I plan on cheering for the Canadian Hockey team. I wish them the best of luck. They should win. It would be like the American teams losing to Korea or the Dominican Republic in baseball. Oh wait, that happens all the time.



But still, GO CANADA! My new Home and native land! I want to be a Canadian so bad that I'll even go to their malls!


So why not join me in my Super Canadian pose as we all go to the mall. Yes, I'll be sporting a Robin Sparkles shirt some time soon. Booyah!

Canadians are generally good matured. That's what I like about them. Maybe it is because they are slow. I have no idea. All I do know is that they're A-Okay in my book. Maybe it is that slowness after all, the one-eyed man in the land of the blind is king.

I like to believe that I'm part Canadian already. Only a real cannuck would be buying a six'er of Molson at CVS at midnight along with a pack of diapers. Yes, that's right. I did that. Why? That's a story for another day, god damn it. The point is that only a true Canadian would be in that situation, eh!



Besides, how could you turn down their maple syrup? It's so much better than the cheap Ms. Buttersworth crap we get here in America. It's not even Syrup, it's just fucking sugar. Fake sugar at that. I don't want no HFCS on my pancakes, eh! You can get those pancakes and take off!

But wait.. I didn't think this all the way through. I hate Canadian Bacon. That shit is NOT bacon. it's lean pig meat cut to look like bacon. But you know what, I have to take one for the team, eh. This also means that I have to really look into getting a Hockey team that is from Canada. The Vancouver Canucks or the Edmonton Oilers sounds about right



But yeah, eh. So here I go, becoming a Canadian citizen. I better learn the theme song;

O Canada! our home and native land!
True patriot-love in all thy sons command.
With glowing hearts we see thee rise,
The True North strong and free!
And stand on guard, O Canada,
We stand on guard for thee.

O Canada, glorious and free!
O Canada, we stand on guard, we stand on guard for thee.
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.

You're Not The Boss of Me, Wait, Are You?

You're Not The Boss of Me. Wait, Are You?

A couple of weeks ago CBS premiered a show called Undercover Boss. The premise of this new reality show is to take the CEOs of huge companies and have them go undercover as entry level employees to see what really goes on in their businesses. There have been two episodes so far, Waste Management and Hooters. Both can be seen online in their entirety on CBS's video streaming site.

I remember briefly seeing a commercial for the show and I had assumed they went undercover to give their employees shit and fire them. Because, you know, America.

The CEO's see that working in America is complete shit and resolve to do what they can to fix it, give good people promotions, and fire bad people. But at the same time, I get the sneaking suspicion that it's just apologia for the rich. I mean, the show should really be entitled "Random anecdotal evidence for why capitalism isn't bad".



The show is the dumbest shit and I can't believe anyone is actually fooled by it. Do you honestly think that the CEO's didn't already know about these shit conditions and the "goal setting" in order to cut cost? It just comes down to being a pet show of the right because it shows that all CEO's are really kind and loving at heart, and Capitalism works!

In the Waste Management episode the CEO made it so that one of his female employees didn't have to pee in a can to keep up with the pace. Gee, thanks again. I think it would be an improvement if they made them live on the salaries they pay their employees as well. I'd be more interested.



Also in the Waste Management episode they showed a black guy who was on Dialysis and had a sort of sob story that pulled on your heart strings. Want to know the gritty reality? 4 months after they shot the episode last year the guy got laid off.

If I were the president of a company, I would kill to be on this show. Just do a week of shitty jobs, make certain people with good stories very happy and get a shit ton of delicious PR. If you don't follow through or have a life changing experience or hand over the means of production, do you think anyone is going to notice or care? Ha!



In the case of the Hooters episode, the CEO of that company came across an overworked manager who was the mother of two kids and didn't get to see them enough. What was the resolution to that issue? He gave her a long all-expenses-paid vacation to anywhere in the world for her and her family. He's still running a ridiculously sexually demeaning restaurant and the larger problem is that he gave a token gift to a single manager, meanwhile all the other managers are still overworked and struggling to make ends meet. Fuck structural solutions, a week vacation will fix everything.

The most comical aspect of the episode was that they were surprised that people don't want to eat at hooters because they think it's a degrading and embarrassing place. It is. Maybe I should start a bar called The Itty Bitty Titty Committee and wonder why it gets protested or very few customers. Strip clubs on game night function better than hooters.



To play devil's advocate on this though, I find eating at T.G.I.F, Applebees and Cracker Barrel to be equally embarrassing. Those places have management who encourage their wait staff to be just as slutty, be it in the restrains of their own uniform, as possible for the purpose of potentially making extra tips.

In the episode a manager was making women eat beans without their hands and other demeaning shit that makes when I make sarcastic misogynistic comments on this blog look like school yard teasing. That manager should have been fired, or at the very least sent off to sexist re-education camp. The only way to justify not canning him is that the franchise is wholly liable for any lawsuits regarding his behavior, but even that is bad PR.



That vacation thing is just the worse though. It's simply a PR move and nothing else. There were no structural changes made that needed to be changed. Just a bullshit gimmick gift that won't help the woman or anyone else in the long run. Now if they'd change actual company policy and give her more time off to spend with her kids, then I'd be impressed.

The Hooters episode is a great example of how the private sector is in no way superior to the public sector. The president and CEO has his position for no other reason than his dad founded the company. From what I saw he was not assertive enough to hold his own among the kinds of personalities you find in an exec board, and unlike the waste management guy, he didn't have any structural solutions to the problems that he identified. He couldn't even follow his fathers example and make himself seen among the workers.



I also have to point out that five days is not enough to truly understand what a person who works week in week out in a physically and mentally demanding environment goes through. Even when I work on a film production that has 12-14 hour days I'm able to rationalize it by knowing that the production will be over in X weeks and I could have a couple of weeks off of work to recover and know that all that over time and golden time pay will allow me to not worry about money as another film project comes along.

But for these workers, doing those kind of hours for shit pay and realizing that you can't support yourself (or anyone else for that matter) and live a life that's worth living for all these years and if at any point you were forced to stop for any length of time or risk getting completely over taken with a finical burden.. that must be soul-crushing. So no, I don't think a week is long enough for these CEO's to really see the full gravity of their employee's work.



Especially when they are doing the whole wrap-up montage. I realized that the premise was bullshit. Everyone individually got out of the shit, but the only change that actually helped anyone else out was fixing the penalties on a couple extra minutes of break. Middle management may have realized that the president was going to maybe be breathing own his neck and by the time the one woman said "I'm just glad that all my hard work was finally noticed and rewaded" I knew it was bullshit capitalist propaganda. The one woman had an accent that was half Sarah Palin and half Fargo, and if that isn't pandering directly to middle America, I don't know what is.

It's also very strange to see these CEO's witness blatantly illegal acts by their own managers yet never stop to think about firing them. They just let the camera roll and ask for a promise "to improve" and "form a task force". How the fuck are these shit stains not held liable for simply letting this shit happen, participate in a filming of it, and then participate in the filming of an absolute nonsense "resolution"?



All those things combined as well as the rest of the stuff that happens on this show is a great example as to why America is so terrible. The show is basically like "Oh, the plantation owner is a real gentleman, it's that damn slave driver who's the real villain!" I'm sure the average viewer is watching this and thinking that it's all about how CEO's changing the world into a better place. They're jut misunderstood uber-mensch really. Philanthropists at heart. Everyone one of them. Hearts of gold.

I'd like to see a health care CEO have to work one of the boards that denies claims for little old grannies and stuff. Ha, who am I kidding, he'll actually enjoy that job given that he has no heart. This is just apologist bullshit to make CEO's, COO's and other execs who aren't middle management look pretty in front of the camera without changing corporate policies, except for the very few people they show.



Even then, it doesn't mean those people were not dicked with after the cameras were gone. I'm sure stuff like this has happened in the past on that rare instance where the CEO is so disconnected to the average worker below them, but perhaps that's the problem. CEO's being so disconnected from the workers leads to them not thinking of their work staff as human. This show just makes them look like they actually give a shit about the welfare of their workers. It's all for PR here.

The next episodes are going to be focusing on 7-11, White Castle and Churchill Downs. I can't wait to see the CEO of White Castle try to eat one of his own burgers when totally sober. I'm also curious to see if 7-11's owner is actually from India as well. That in itself will lead to an odd situation.

The Late Shift 2: Electric Jay-Fuck You!

The Late Shift 2: Electric Jay-Fuck You!



If you've been living under a rock or simply have a semi-sort of life that causes you to wake up early and get to work, you may not be hip to the current hop of what is going on in the world of late night television. While I'm sure you've heard the shake up about the shift in Television shows and who's hosting what, but hey, maybe this clearly "Old News" blog piece will actually shed some light so you can be an informed television viewer.

In case you're reading this without any prior knowledge of the situation, let this little refresher course catch you up on what has been going on over in the land of NBC;


So Leno was moved to 10pm, which in theory should have worked given that his key demographic seems to be exactly the kind of viewer that will be tired and needing sleep by that time after Matt Lock airs... or in this case, by the time Leno gets to his Headlines or Jaywalking segment.

Let's take a little trip to 2004 when Leno first made the announcement that he was going to step down from the Tonight Show;

Jay's 2004 Announcement - watch more funny videos

It doesn't seem like anyone was twisting his arm on the matter. In fact, it seemed that during that time when Conan's contract was coming up and to keep Conan from going to Fox, who was offering him three times as much to do a late night show for them, the told him that they would give him the Tonight Show soon. Jay Leno agreed to passing the torch in five years (2009). NBC likes Leno, they would have sided with Leno on it if he didn't want to.

But it happened and Leno, instead of bowing out of the late night scene went to 10pm.. effectively destroying five nights of scripted program. As a production crew worker, this annoyed me as it essentially destroyed the jobs needed for five different shows. And while it did save NBC a lot in production cost, it suffered terrible ratings. It just didn't work out and it made Conan's ratings suffer.



To correct one thing though, I love how every single news story out there seems to suggest that Conan wasn't getting it done at the Tonight Show. They forget to mention that Conan's ratings are better than Leno's were when he took over the Tonight Show. And with an added 2-300,000 viewers on Hulu, 1-200,000 on NBC.com, 2-300,000 on YouTube, it is clear that Conan is beating 1993-2009 Leno when you count those online viewers.

Not to mention that they are the youth market. You know, people not on fixed incomes that are dying in their Florida condos. It really starts to make you question what the mindset of NBC was here. By taking away the 10pm Prime Time show, they really killed their late night strong hold for late night allowing David Letterman, another person Leno screwed over, to take advantage and get a ratings bump.



I mean, let's put it this way, if there was two CSI shows on the same night, do you think that people will be all that geared up for another opening murder, one liner, and 45 minutes of 'who-done-it' before a reveal? No, the whole fact that you have TWO late night shows with a news segment between them means that one will suffer.

And to answer to those who think that Leno has the power to draw people in... I have to wonder where exactly was that when his 10pm show was getting terrible ratings. Not only that, but you got rid of five nights of different 10pm shows that would have given the network a lot of ratings. Yes, it cost a lot more to produce, but much like skimping out on the better product, you're going to get what you paid for. In this case you're getting Leno stinking up the airwaves.


Leno's audience.. using binoculars from the seats...

Many, myself included, who are in the Television industry realize that lead-in's are very important. What was happening was that the NBC local news was getting terrible ratings after Leno's 10pm show came on because people wouldn't be sticking around to watch through Leno. This lead to Conan's ratings going down after Leno made his 10pm debut. Correlation?

Oddly enough, Howard Stern was on Conan five years ago and had some prolific and predictions for him. As much as I'm not a fan of Stern, the guy makes a valid point there. Damn you for being right! I mean, who knows if Leno just half assed it as well at 10pm to just coast by. The guy had a two year contract that pretty much allowed him to take a shit on the screen for all that time and if it didn't work out, he got a lot of money.



If NBC wanted to buy Leno out they would have to pay him 150 million. Where as if they wanted to buy out Conan's contract, it would only cost them 40 million. Yup, now you can see why Conan's on the way out the door.. It's a sad reality.

The Peacock Network has agreed in principle to fork over $32.5 million to Conan O’Brien to leave as “The Tonight Show” host and give Jay Leno the chance to reclaim his mantle as the king of late-night talk shows, sources said yester day.

The deal also reportedly provides severance pack ages totaling $7.5 million for the show’s loyal staffers, many of whom packed up with their families and moved across the country to work for O’Brien, whose previous show taped in the Big Apple.

[...]

The decision to let O’Brien walk apparently came down to who was cheaper to let go.

Leno has an ironclad, “brilliantly written” agreement that guarantees his production company a staggering $150 million if NBC Universal axes his flailing primetime show, an insider said.

Conan moving his show back would have negatively impacted his ratings at a time he had to concentrate on building them higher, and would have done the same for Fallon's show (as well as likely forcing Carson Daly's show off the air altogether). While I don't really care for Carson Daly, it does seem that once he stopped being a cookie cutter talk show and hit the road with his show.



Leno could just as easily have gotten out of his contract (with payout from NBC) and gone to another network, bringing his entire crew with him. But he didn't, because he wanted "The Tonight Show". You see, that's what he's latching onto right now, the fact that he wants to save the jobs of his tonight show staff.. As if they didn't have five years to look into the future. Besides, I love how Leno keeps on saying he has a close relationship with his staff. Now, I may just remember this fondly because I was really effected hard by the writers strike, but I remember that Leno was not very helpful to his writing staff on the situation;

LOS ANGELES (Hollywood Reporter) - A couple of days after the Writers Guild of America strike began November 5, the star of "The Tonight Show With Jay Leno" told some 80 of his idled staffers that they need not worry about their finances.

Leno was so adamant about paychecks being safe, many didn't bother looking for new jobs even though NBC was forecasting layoffs.

So it came as quite a shock Friday when the entire staff was told that they were not only out of a job but also that they weren't guaranteed of being rehired once "The Tonight Show" returns.

"Some people were crying. Some people were screaming," said one employee speaking on condition of anonymity.

[.....]

"He even joked that because of the writers strike, he had more time to work on his car collection," a staffer said. "That didn't sit well with us."

Yup.. that right there is Leno being a real class act asshole



I suppose my one regret will be that I never went to the Tonight show. I had gotten tickets to go see the Tonight Show with Conan back when it first debuted but it conflicted with the schedule that I would be out of town up North so I couldn't make it to the taping. Now I'm a bit bummed that I was never able to go. God damn it. But it was a fun trip, so I suppose it was worth it.

Not to mention that the chances are Fox are going to give him that long anticipated late night show that they've been salivating over since 2004, that means that Conan may be coming to the very grounds I spend my days. Hell.. I'm not even going to start thinking about it.. but what if.. what if... I can work my way on that set. Oh yes.. Happy times indeed.



Now the latest news is that an agreement has been reached between Conan and NBC. NBC will have to pay about $45 million, and some of that is severance pay for Conan's staff. Conan can't take his characters with him to a new show if he gets one, which according to the deal can't be until September 1st.

So the last Tonight show with Conan will be on Tomorrow, Friday the 22nd. It should be a great show as Tom Hanks will be there.. Hell, tonight alone will have a surprise guest star in Pee Wee Herman. Who just happens to be one of my favorite characters growing up. But for me, that's it for the Tonight Show. Leno was pretty much a terrible host on that. I don't care what the ratings say, the demographics for the Leno tonight show are spending their days in Florida and will be dead in five years. Way to shoot yourself in the foot for the future of late night.

Long Live Conan!

How A Show Reached 100 Episodes

How A Show Reached 100 Episodes

The year is 2030



Kids, tonight, I'm going to tell you a very special story.

The one where you met mom?

Yeah, the one that's indicated by the title of the story?

Maybe, but this story is important for another reason. Tonight is the 100th story I've told you.

Only 100?

I know, it feels like a thousand.

Yeah, a pretty big milestone, huh kids?

I guess. Are you going to wrap up any time soon?

I don't know, kids, I've got a lot of other great stories to tell you about. Remember there's another slap coming, and the rest of our doppelgangers.

And you have to tell us how you met mom.

Oh right, that. Yeah, I'll get there. But tonight, I'll tell you about which Barney loved more, girls or suits, in a story I'm calling "Girls vs. Suits".

100th Episode of a show that at one point early on in the show's history, Helped light the sound stage. There has been many shows that I've had the pleasure of working on, this one was a neat one. Congrats!

Happy Pappy - The Gift That Keeps On Digging

Happy Pappy - The Gift That Keeps On Digging

There's less than a week before Christmas, do you still not have any idea on what you can get your girlfriend? Yeah, this is no good. Do you want to be sleeping on the sofa for the New Year? You have to think and think fast. But don't you worry, CBS has your back in this instance..



Nothing more thoughtful than picking and choosing a doctor for a pap smear and then putting it on their schedule. It does make you wonder how you're suppose to gift wrap that. Not to mention keeping the receipt. Just in case you have to get a second opinion or something. It can't be much worse than a fruit cake, right?

Even if you're not celebrating the fake birth of our lord and savior and are of the Jewish variety you can still get your last day of Hanukkah gift cause CBS also has you covered..



So this holiday season, why don't you get serious about Jesus and get serious about Pap smears....

Going Off With A Big Bang!

Going Off With A Big Bang!

So I dropped the ball and was too busy catching up with a lot of the Television shows last two weeks to actually write about this show but guess what, It's the fall season already, what the hell are you watching?! I know what I'm tuning into seeing..

First off, The Big Bang Theory. Yes, a nerd show. I know, how original. But the Big Bang Theory returned for another season of Chuck Loure bringing his nerd on to your television screen with not only this season, but they were already pre-renewed for a season 4 as well. So you shouldn't worry about cancellation or anything like that.

So what's the show about? CBS.com says:

Leonard and Sheldon are brilliant physicists, the kind of "beautiful minds" that understand how the universe works. But none of that genius helps them interact with people, especially women. All this begins to change when a free-spirited beauty named Penny moves in next door. Sheldon, Leonard's roommate, is quite content spending his nights playing Klingon Boggle with their socially dysfunctional friends, fellow CalTech scientists Wolowitz and Koothrappali. However, Leonard sees in Penny a whole new universe of possibilities... including love.

What will you need to be caught up? Well, we're three weeks in, but at the end of the last season, Leonard, Sheldon, Raj and Howard had taken a summer position in the the North Pole, and Penny admitted to herself that she did have feelings for Leonard.. just in time for him to leave. Now he's back and they decided to get together and try it out.. only to come up with some sexual incompatibilities that... well, lead to comedy for us, the viewers. Oh, what will happen when an extremely hot girl gets together with a nerd? And no, I'm not talking about my life.

I think the only thing holding CBS's line up from being a really strong powerhouse is that CBS decided to split the show from being paired with How I Met Your Mother leaving an hour of soul-sucking unfunny in between the two funniest shows on Monday. So who's the characters in this show? Well, I'll fill you in to that right now:



Leonard Hofstadler is probably the most "Normal" of the nerds. Leonard is a physicist and out of the four, is the most ready to change his life. Last year, Leonard and Penny went on a date, then Leonard managed to insult Penny and screw things up. Later, they almost got together again, but Leonard put his foot in his mouth again, and screwed things up. Leonard has also had an on-again off again relationship with Leslie Winkle, which is now off again, probably permanently. Leonard is played by Johnny Galecki, who was Darlene's boyfriend David in Roseanne.



Sheldon Cooper is Leonard's roommate, a brilliant physicist and the smartest of the four. He's also the most socially inept, and many episodes revolve around Sheldon's quirks, social fallacies, and learning how to function in normal society. Jim Parsons was nominated for an Emmy for season 2 of The Big Bang Theory and is considered the show's breakout star. Jim Parsons most notable previous role may be a spot in Garden State where he played the Medieval Times employee who slept with Jean Smart's character. He's also the character I constantly get told wears the same t-shirts that I do. I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing... It's just a thing, I suppose.



Penny lives across the hall from Leonard and Sheldon. Penny is an aspiring actress, though she spends most of her days working at the Cheesecake Factory. Penny is of average intelligence, though she's able to hold her own around the four guys. Last season, another hot girl moved into the building, then took advantage of the guys genorisity. Penny showed she's very protective of Leonard, Sheldon, Raj and even Wolowitz, who's clumsy advances she's constantly fending of. She's been known to start catching on to Nerd Culture, getting hooked on Age of Conan and using Star Trek analogies last year. Penny is played by Kaley Cuoco, who was one of John Ritter's daughters on Eight Simple Rules.



Howard Wolowitz is an Engineer and "Only" has a Masters degree, a fact which often gets him razzed on by the other geniuses. Wolowitz lives with his controlling, loud mother, who is never seen but often heard. Wolowitz fancies himself a ladies man, but his advances are always clumsy and awkward. Last season, Wolowitz started a relationship with Leslie Winkle. Wolowitz is played by Simon Helberg, who you may also recognize as Billy's Buddy and Dr. Horrible's sidekick Moist from Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog and he was in A Serious Man as a Junior Rabi, which doesn't seem like a stretch.



Rajesh Koothrapalli is an astrophysicist who has a crippling fear of speaking to women. Raj has his own apartment, as his parents live in India and he often is seen speaking to them over webcam. Raj can, however, speak to women when he drinks heavily. Penny is particularly kind to Raj, trying to help him overcome his phobia. Kunal Nayyar is an excellent physical actor who brings a lot of life to an often silent role.



Leslie Winkle is more of a recurring guest than a cast member, but she shows up often enough to deserve a mention. Leslie is a very pragmatic and logical woman who also is fairly able to function in normal society. Leslie had a mostly off-again relationship with Leonard, and now also Wolowitz. Leslie is also a brilliant scientist who works at the university. Leslie is played by Sara Gilbert, who is most known for playing Darlene in Roseanne.

Galecki has also brought former Roseanne castmate Laurie Metcalf to the show, playing Sheldon's mother in a season 1 episode and in the season 3 premiere. So it really is an extension of Roseanne without Roseanne Bar, that in itself is a win-win! And to those people who think that this show just panders to nerds... well, it does. But it's actually funny if you can get used to Sheldon being annoying.. something that he's suppose to be.

There's a whole thing with creator Chuck Loure, who worked on Roseanne, but that's a blog entry in itself as he does some amazingly funny stuff with his title cards.