Sonic Screw Driver

Sonic Screw Driver

It should come to no surprise to anyone that I am a nerd. Yes, I'll admit it. I'm a huge nerd. It's not like this is a shocking after all. I've already done a couple of post about Doctor Who with the premiere of the new season last month. And with that came new everything for the doctor... especially toys. Yes, if it was no surprise to see the reboot of the series in a sorts, it's easy to tell from the fact that there's a new Sonic Screw Driver and, well, I now have my own.

What's a sonic screw driver? and who would need one? Well, let's let the 9th Doctor answer that one.



Yes, it's the answer to any problem. A plot device for writers to both abuse and conveniently ignore when they need to. It can do it all. From make space whales throw up to pick a simple door... unless it was dead locked or something.

I was a pretty big fan of the 9th and 10th doctor's sonic screw driver. Enough so that I have my own pen that looks like it. Even writes inferred ink and junk. So what do I think of the new Sonic Screw Driver? I like it! It's neat, but it's a lot bigger than the past one. Yes, I enjoyed how compact the old one was, but there's something to be said with the new one that it actually looks like a prop you'd see on the show.



I've got now and I'm not sure what I will do with it. If the past sonic screw drivers are any indication, I'll just point it at things and make the noise sound effect. It wont do anything but it'll make me feel like I'm 5 years old again or something. Even if it's much bigger than the other screwdriver models, even the Master's Laser screwdriver, which I remember thinking was chunky looking at the time.

I did come up with a pretty good mix drink for Doctor Who. You go down to Sonic's and get an Orange Slush Float - Mix in some Vodka and you got yourself a Sonic Screw Driver. Make sure to put potato Vodka in it for that Scottish companion that is Amy and you got yourself some good times. It'll at least make Sonic's tolerable.. maybe.

Closed


Opened


And before you say it, I will. It does look a little bit too phallic, right? Well, I guess that would be true if your penis has four prongs that spring open at the end... Oh wait, doesn't everyone? Oh, don't act like Doctor Who is innocent. You're telling me you didn't giggle a little when you first heard the Doctor describe the Tardis?

"Oh Doctor, it feels soo much bigger on the inside!"

Though this isn't the first time Doctor Who gets a little sexual. I had a blog post about Amy being too sexy a bit back. But come on, can we take a moment and look back at Love & Monsters? What a terrible terrible episode. I think the basic premise was pretty good. Focusing on a fairly ordinary person/group who encounters the Doctor and tries to find out more about him over time, showing a different perspective on previous events, and eventually stumbling into trouble of their own that ends with them finally getting to meet the Doctor. That could make for a good episode.. but it didn't. And since it's been done already, it never will.

But that wasn't the worse part about it. No, the worst part was the paving-brick blowjobs. That thing I just said, let's call it a distant second place. I can honestly say that I never wanted or even thought about a blow job from a chunk of sidewalk. Just imagine Torchwood got a hold of this story....



Actually don't. Ever

I'm really really liking the 11th Doctor thus far, but I'm finding it absolutely hilarious how quickly Moffat is distancing himself from RTD's run if you over analyze the hell out of it.
- Amy can't remember anything that happened during RTD times
- Moffat run has 'one ship survives' which fucks over EVERYTHING to do with Journey's End wiping them out (Yes yes I know the Daleks will always be about as a nemsis)
- The Dalek spaceship doesn't recognise RTD Daleks as 'pure' Daleks.
- Moffat Daleks disintegrate RTD Daleks.

It may be a bit looking too deep into it, but it's funny if you take a moment and think about it. In fact, the only thing that seems to have stayed the same was the monsters that Moffat created. The Weeping angels are one hell of a scary monster for the Doctor to face. But it's not like we haven't seen them before.. Just look at this Weeping Cat...



This week we finally get the resolution of the Weeping Angels two parter. I'm not even going to touch River Song cause, well.. I'm not sure how I feel about her and the smug satisfaction she has when she says "Spoilers". I'm hoping that eventually she isn't so smug. I mean, their meetings are out of order, so perhaps the more she appears, the less she will know.

But for those looking for those "Spoilers!", just click the following youtube links for a preview of the next episode.







BRING OUT the comfy chairs! and let's get some new Doctor Who playing. Booyah!

January In November

January In November

Yes, it's January in November. At least in the November issue of GQ. While I'm a firm believer that the print media is as dead as the skeletons that everyone hung up yesterday for Halloween, there's still some magazines that I pick up on a regular basis. Men's Health is one of those. GQ, on the other hand. Well, let me just say that I usually wear a comic book T-shirt and jeans. So my fashion sense isn't as good as the next guy who reads GQ for the articles. Remember, I'm here to push the agenda of hot pictures.

So anyhow, January.. in November. Yes, her name is January Jones and with a name like that, I'm sure she grew up with a lot of stupid James Bond level jokes. Hell, I don't think "Christmas Jones" would be a worse name than January Jones. I guess the whole "Christmas comes only once a year" would be annoying. Then again, April is also pretty bad of a name.



But I come to you with this post with news that Madmen will reach the season finale later tonight. For a network that I would have otherwise never watch, because really, what was the last Classic Movie you've seen on AMC? Add in commercials and I'd rather just make it a Blockbuster night.

AMC now has a couple of my favorite shows. I personally can't wait for the remake of The Prisoner and I'm excited as to when Breaking Bad will return and I can't wait for The Walking Dead to get produced. Especially interesting how they can take 2-3 shows and rotate them around for a whole year's worth of shows. Especially to have them be so high in quality.



On to specifically Mad Men. To watch this show is to take a trip in a time machine back to the 60's. It has the feel of the Sopranos. You can consider this to be a megamovie in that it should be watched together. So those of you who will discover this on DVD and have a marathon of a viewing, you should consider yourself the lucky ones. But for those of us who are plowing in episode after episode, we may be on the edge of our seats as this slow paced story fleshes itself out, but we're certainly not minding it.

So far e have about 26 hour long cycles of this intelligent and exquisite portrait of life in the 1960's for ad men and women around them is a bit overwhelming as it protarys the ideology. I would relate it to Revolution Road. In that, it shows how fucked up life was for women in that day and age (again, I'm a pure feminist, yo)



Each story gets stretched out for long periods of time. Especially since this is only a 12-13 episode season, it does mean that a lot of stories being told get some very extended telling. And it's not without its faults. There are times when story development takes place and yet it seems to have never happened by the next episode. I don't mean the little stuff, but major plot developments that are just dead ends. For example.

Pete declaring his love for Peggy/Baby confession- This was two whole seasons of story and yet was wrapped up, never to be spoken of again, in a very brief conversation at the end of season 2. This should be a major development, Pete especially should be kinda fucked up by it but isn't. Yes I know he doesn't want kids and I know he has the one line in season three "your decisions effect me", but the dude has a baby and it's not even worth a slight mention?



Betty's steamy/illegal/awkward relationship with the creepy kid down the road and his wacky mom- I guess these people must have moved away after Betty found the kid living in her backyard. No mention of these interesting characters, no further exploration of what Betty was thinking when dealing with the kid. This was a story line that I actually wanted to see more of because it seemed like it would explain more of Betty, but we get nothing. Another loose end just left flapping in the breeze.



The British are coming! Don didn't get the promotion and now has a new bo---oh wait NEVER MIND, he just got run over by a tractor- Probably the biggest yet hilarious moment I've ever had in a TV show. But this is not the first time that "major changes are coming to SC" has resulted in "really nothing has changed, continue on." By this point in the show I was a prepared for the writers to throw something into the mix to prevent anything from actually moving forward. Another example of a strong character being introduced that could challenge and put Don in a new situation and yet we have a Deus Ex Machina roll in and put Humpty Dumpty back together again. I have low expectations that anything much will change with SC despite all of the talk of SC being sold.

But that's not to say it's not worth viewing. I really like the show, even if they decide that it's so unnecessary to not tie some of the aspects up. Then again, The Sopranos left a lot of stuff open ended that will never have any closure. Hell, we still don't even know if Tony lived or died at the end of that episode. So don't take my harsh criticism as anything more than a little venting.



The characters are key here. And in this little highlight you've seen a lot of Betty, played by the before mentioned January Jones. Seriously, that's her name. Her husband, the show's main focus character Don Draper, isn't the most loving to her. He means well but clearly is not being all that faithful. Her response, and really a well written act of trying to find her own footing as a person, really does have a lot of women empowerment to it. So don't take the whole idea of the show out of context. It may have a lot of boys club feel to it, but there's a lot of female empowerment in the series.

So while we wait for the season to end tonight and hopefully some stories to get wrapped up, enjoy these pictures of January. I'm sure you wont complain about the view. They are.. rather.. yeah.. they're something. Though, I have to say that there was one image of January Jones from an older GQ magazine that I think beats the shit out of all the new ones. It's very simple and yet is very much hot as all hell;

Going Off With A Big Bang!

Going Off With A Big Bang!

So I dropped the ball and was too busy catching up with a lot of the Television shows last two weeks to actually write about this show but guess what, It's the fall season already, what the hell are you watching?! I know what I'm tuning into seeing..

First off, The Big Bang Theory. Yes, a nerd show. I know, how original. But the Big Bang Theory returned for another season of Chuck Loure bringing his nerd on to your television screen with not only this season, but they were already pre-renewed for a season 4 as well. So you shouldn't worry about cancellation or anything like that.

So what's the show about? CBS.com says:

Leonard and Sheldon are brilliant physicists, the kind of "beautiful minds" that understand how the universe works. But none of that genius helps them interact with people, especially women. All this begins to change when a free-spirited beauty named Penny moves in next door. Sheldon, Leonard's roommate, is quite content spending his nights playing Klingon Boggle with their socially dysfunctional friends, fellow CalTech scientists Wolowitz and Koothrappali. However, Leonard sees in Penny a whole new universe of possibilities... including love.

What will you need to be caught up? Well, we're three weeks in, but at the end of the last season, Leonard, Sheldon, Raj and Howard had taken a summer position in the the North Pole, and Penny admitted to herself that she did have feelings for Leonard.. just in time for him to leave. Now he's back and they decided to get together and try it out.. only to come up with some sexual incompatibilities that... well, lead to comedy for us, the viewers. Oh, what will happen when an extremely hot girl gets together with a nerd? And no, I'm not talking about my life.

I think the only thing holding CBS's line up from being a really strong powerhouse is that CBS decided to split the show from being paired with How I Met Your Mother leaving an hour of soul-sucking unfunny in between the two funniest shows on Monday. So who's the characters in this show? Well, I'll fill you in to that right now:



Leonard Hofstadler is probably the most "Normal" of the nerds. Leonard is a physicist and out of the four, is the most ready to change his life. Last year, Leonard and Penny went on a date, then Leonard managed to insult Penny and screw things up. Later, they almost got together again, but Leonard put his foot in his mouth again, and screwed things up. Leonard has also had an on-again off again relationship with Leslie Winkle, which is now off again, probably permanently. Leonard is played by Johnny Galecki, who was Darlene's boyfriend David in Roseanne.



Sheldon Cooper is Leonard's roommate, a brilliant physicist and the smartest of the four. He's also the most socially inept, and many episodes revolve around Sheldon's quirks, social fallacies, and learning how to function in normal society. Jim Parsons was nominated for an Emmy for season 2 of The Big Bang Theory and is considered the show's breakout star. Jim Parsons most notable previous role may be a spot in Garden State where he played the Medieval Times employee who slept with Jean Smart's character. He's also the character I constantly get told wears the same t-shirts that I do. I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing... It's just a thing, I suppose.



Penny lives across the hall from Leonard and Sheldon. Penny is an aspiring actress, though she spends most of her days working at the Cheesecake Factory. Penny is of average intelligence, though she's able to hold her own around the four guys. Last season, another hot girl moved into the building, then took advantage of the guys genorisity. Penny showed she's very protective of Leonard, Sheldon, Raj and even Wolowitz, who's clumsy advances she's constantly fending of. She's been known to start catching on to Nerd Culture, getting hooked on Age of Conan and using Star Trek analogies last year. Penny is played by Kaley Cuoco, who was one of John Ritter's daughters on Eight Simple Rules.



Howard Wolowitz is an Engineer and "Only" has a Masters degree, a fact which often gets him razzed on by the other geniuses. Wolowitz lives with his controlling, loud mother, who is never seen but often heard. Wolowitz fancies himself a ladies man, but his advances are always clumsy and awkward. Last season, Wolowitz started a relationship with Leslie Winkle. Wolowitz is played by Simon Helberg, who you may also recognize as Billy's Buddy and Dr. Horrible's sidekick Moist from Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog and he was in A Serious Man as a Junior Rabi, which doesn't seem like a stretch.



Rajesh Koothrapalli is an astrophysicist who has a crippling fear of speaking to women. Raj has his own apartment, as his parents live in India and he often is seen speaking to them over webcam. Raj can, however, speak to women when he drinks heavily. Penny is particularly kind to Raj, trying to help him overcome his phobia. Kunal Nayyar is an excellent physical actor who brings a lot of life to an often silent role.



Leslie Winkle is more of a recurring guest than a cast member, but she shows up often enough to deserve a mention. Leslie is a very pragmatic and logical woman who also is fairly able to function in normal society. Leslie had a mostly off-again relationship with Leonard, and now also Wolowitz. Leslie is also a brilliant scientist who works at the university. Leslie is played by Sara Gilbert, who is most known for playing Darlene in Roseanne.

Galecki has also brought former Roseanne castmate Laurie Metcalf to the show, playing Sheldon's mother in a season 1 episode and in the season 3 premiere. So it really is an extension of Roseanne without Roseanne Bar, that in itself is a win-win! And to those people who think that this show just panders to nerds... well, it does. But it's actually funny if you can get used to Sheldon being annoying.. something that he's suppose to be.

There's a whole thing with creator Chuck Loure, who worked on Roseanne, but that's a blog entry in itself as he does some amazingly funny stuff with his title cards.

AMC Now Stands for American Moving Corpses

AMC Now Stands for American Moving Corpses

Did I do a Zombie piece for July? I really don't remember. I mean, I seem to always do them once a month but with the rush that was Comic con, I'm not even sure if I did. Well, if I didn't, this one will make up for it and then some. Get ready folks because the Walking Dead are coming to you through your television screen.

When I first heard that AMC was going to produce original television series I was a bit shocked. A little more shocked than I was hearing SciFi changing its name to SyFy and a whole lot more when I realized that Cartoon Network was showing live action stuff. In the time since they started producing their own shows I have eaten crow and loved it.



The original shows they have aired have been amazing. Mad Men is one of the best shows on televisions, even if you don't want to remember a time when women had no rights and you could market cancer sticks to the masses via a doctors recommendation. Breaking Bad has also been one show that, like the meth they have, once you try it, you'd stay hooked.

As well as creating a Prisoner miniseries that will air later this year, AMC has been completely on a roll So when I heard that The Walking Dead is coming to AMC as a television series. I was floored!

AMC is venturing into zombie-drama territory with multi-hyphenate Frank Darabont.

Cabler is close to finalizing one of the richest development deals ever with Darabont to write and direct a series adaptation of the Image Comics graphic novel series "The Walking Dead," penned by Robert Kirkman. Gale Anne Hurd of Valhalla Motion Pictures and David Alpert of Circle of Confusion are also on board to exec produce.

Project is set among a group of zombie survivors of an apocalypse who are led by a police officer, Rick Grimes, in search of a safe place to live. Numerous editions of the "Walking Dead" graphic novels have been published since 2003.

Joel Stillerman, AMC's senior veep of programming, production and original content, said the project appealed to the cabler because of "the quality of the storytelling" in Kirkman's work. The series will stay faithful to the tone of the original novels, he said.

"This is not about zombies popping out of closets," Stillerman said. "This is a story about survival, and the dynamics of what happens when a group is forced to survive under these circumstances. The world (in 'Walking Dead') is portrayed in a smart, sophisticated way."

Darabont and Hurd pitched the project to AMC and several other outlets. There is no studio attached yet. The duo's involvement made the project a must-have for the cabler, Stillerman said.

"These are two world-class filmmakers who are also brilliant storytellers with experience in the fantasy genre," he said.

While this is me posting what some would consider me re-writing an AP piece, I'm going to go above and beyond on this. The Walking Dead is one of the best comic book series I have read and followed monthly. I picked up issue one when it came out on the shelf because it was zombie themed and the last time I checked to see the value of the book, it was ranging in the $150 area for a single issue.



Especially surprising considering the comic book market in terms of value placed on books, the first issue of The Walking Dead was printed in October of 2003. The debut issue sold a little more than 7,000 copies and was right behind the sales numbers for Sonic The Hedgehog and Powerpuff Girls. It wasn't a big seller and at the time, Kirkman didn't have much of a name for himself as Invincible was just starting out as well. In 2008 and 50 issues later, the sales of The Walking Dead are well into their 20,000's and the trade paperbacks are extremely great sellers.

So why is this news especially good to hear? Beyond a good source material getting the television treatment, Darabont and Hurd are big names and with AMC putting out some of the better shows on TV now, how could not see a lot of promise in this. Even if people are going to jump towards a view that "This should be an HBO series" because of the graphic violence that must be involved with a zombie film.



And to those worried that this wont be as good because it's not on HBO, a place were redneck vampires run around and have sex, I can only point you to Breaking Bad. A show about amateur meth cookers that don't know how to do much else, that show does not pull any punches. With the right hands and a proper cast, I can see this turning out amazingly well.

When I read that Frank Darabont was on it, all my concerns floated away. He's the writer of the screenplay to Shawshank Redemption. Darabont will more than likely bring in Rohn Schmidt as his DP because they have a long history together. This should also make you happy as Rohn Schmidt contributed to the photography of The Shield. When Darabont went on to do The Mist, he made a point of hiring Schmidt as his DP and brought in the Shield's camera crew because the idea of a Stephen King horror movie shot like an episode of The Shield gave him something to shoot for. Now that he's doing a TV project, I would not be surprised to see him bring Schmidt along.



But back to the source material. If you aren't a reader, the perhaps you would be interested in reading the first issue, it's online for you to enjoy free of charge.. But be warned, once you read the first one, you might as well be considered infected, you will want to read more and more of this.

The only concern here is that they'll improve on Kirkman's work, because really, Kirkman does a lot of build up for events that he writes completely off in some manner or other. It's great for realism. In life you're not automatically going find out the why of everything, but it can get frustrating in a book. They hinted at Rick's wife sleeping with his best friend and the potential of him being the father was planted early on.. Only to have that story come to a resolution that seemed more like an attempt to wipe that whole issue out the window.



I do like the idea of the show that it's going to take a serious look, in a long version, at what will happen if the "shit goes down". We haven't had many Zombie/Survival stories lately and to be honest, those never get old and are always prime material for long-form treatments to be made of them. It's bad enough that DAY ONE doesn't seem like it will last long on NBC's line up, so a post-apocalyptic survivor stories don't get much love. I mean, look at Jericho.

While a lot of people are going to go crazy about the zombies in this show, the real beef of this book comes from the human interactions and how it all breaks down when such a bleak future is presented to you. Now here we are 64 issues later and the cast has changed and the story arcs have ranged from sometimes being way too wordy without a single zombie for many issues, to having a horde of zombies try attacking them.



This, by all means, is a character driven comic book. Hell, the status quo changes often and while I've, on more than one instance, has cursed Kirkman and said I wouldn't read another issue, I still pick it up monthly. I'm really excited to see how this pans out. Hell, maybe even try to jump in on that if I can. I suppose the best way to describe it to others is that while this is a comic about zombies, the main characters are the ones classified as the Walking Dead.

It's only a matter of time before Kirkman decides to kill them off. Way to have good taste, AMC.

Goodbye Childhood Nickelodeon

Goodbye Childhood Nickelodeon

Looks like my childhood is now dead. Completely dead. You see Nickelodeon began as The Pinwheel Network in 1977, named after its flagship children's show, Pinwheel.


That show, while I was too young to even watch it, being that I was negative three years old, had an addicting theme song I would later find myself humming. So that I say Fuck you! Then after not being an educational programing channel, it went National in 1979 as Nickelodeon, and it feature this logo in a pinball.



Then in 1984, when I was old enough to not piss myself and actually give a shit about it, the logo changed to the now famous orange splat that we've come to know and love.



Now that the network has moved into a tween territory for some time, it's not really a surprise but Nick changed the logo. You see, in June 2009, the year of the network's 30th anniversary, Nickelodeon's DVD packaging and promotional material began featuring this new logo:


They sure did just slightly edit a well known font.



A part of me just died. Yup, my childhood is officially dead. Which is funny since I never understood why it was called Nickelodeon in the first place. I mean, I don't even know what that word meant. Something about me really dislikes re-branding of networks. It always feels like a vain attempt to stay hip and cool. For example, CNN headline news shortened itself to HLN. Why do you really need to shorthand Head Line News? I suppose in this case it's just a matter that there's no more gack.

I respect Coca-Cola for doing the one thing right and sticking with a single, recognizable logo design that has only slightly been refined over the years. It's still the same basic logo because it was so recognizable. Much like the Nickelodeon logo being pretty damn recognizable as well. It was indelibly imprinted in the minds of a lot of people when they were kids. Nostalgia aside, the "orange scribble/splat with the name" is embedded in pop culture pretty well. I can't think of a good reason to change it.

I suppose the times where a changing. Cartoon Network just changed its logo as well. You can just see it as The C.N. I mean, what the fuck does that even mean besides Cartoon Network. I know I haven't watched Nickelodeon in a long time. I suppose I shouldn't care anymore anyway. I don't see a reason why everything needs to be marketed to 12 year-old girls. Even if they have so much money to piss away, I don't see how it could be all that much of a market.

I guess it's a lot better than them shortening it to something crappy like NickReal so they could show crappy reality shows like Cartoon Network started doing. Nor did they go the SciFi method and just put fuckin' Y's in their name and call it NyCKyLyDyyN.

I suppose a network targeted at uneducated and often illiterate people has held on to a mouthful like "Nickelodeon" for this long. I'd have thought for sure it would have been truncated to NK or something stupid like that by now. But again, they must be learning something from Cartoon Network in that changing a great logo isn't beneficial in the slightest.

But then again, I shouldn't say that it killed my childhood. I'm tired of people claiming that something so abstract as a corporation choice "raped their childhood". Your childhood is in the past. You no longer HAVE a childhood to rape if you are not under 12. You just have memories and nostalgia and it is your choice as to whether they get altered. Your childhood does not get worse because the adult you witnesses something so tediously banal happening.

I remember watching Pete and Pete and if I remember enjoying it now I guess that no matter what logo they used, it wouldn't have changed the quality of the show. So I guess I'll just let it go. Let a logo die the death it was suppose to die.

Good bye old Nick Logo. Goodbye you beautiful bastard

Digital Conversion

Digital Conversion

If you can read this, you did not get a digital converter box for your computer monitor. Oh, what? You thought it was only for your tv? I'm sorry buddy, but all you get is this mocking body of text as well as a lot of images of static. It seems that you were not prepared for the digital conversion that all the media outlets have been warning you about for the last year or so.

In fact, I think this digital conversion is long over due. I mean, how long have I've been hearing about this shit? I recall back in about 2001 at NAB that everyone was going on and on about how we were going to be fully converted and the government would mandate the switchover. They would say that there was no way they could get everyone converted in time for 2006. Here we are in 2009 and they finally did it. Way to go technology.



It's funny that the television signals that we broadcast decades ago are still flying through the solar system. passing Pluto right now is some I Love Lucy episodes from back in the day. I guess if any alien life form has a dish they can pick up what we were watching a decade ago. Our analog signals are polluting the sky and will forever be floating around. But not anymore. We're going green. Our carbon footprint will no longer be a huge mass of stupid reality tv shows. Well, I guess it still will be. Just not as intrusive.

So why change over? Well, first of all, the digital signal can handle a lot more message/signals per bandwidth. So that means instead of a single channel 4, you can have about 9 signals in one broadcast signal. So you'll have 4.1, 4.2, 4.3, 4.4, 4.5 and so on all be their own channels providing different content. Pretty snazzy.



More importantly there is only so much bandwidth to go around. So using digital compacts the size of that signal down so that we can free up room for someone else to use it. The old signal that we used to use for broadcast signals are now going to go towards emergency channels and the like of that. So while you wont be able to pick up a television station through them, with the proper use of wires and tools, you'll be able to use them as a form of entertainment.

Now the real question is why aren't you ready for the switch over? This has been in the media for the last year or so in how they've been pimping it. They even pushed it back from the Feb. date because they said 6 million people weren't ready. Now the number is down to about 2-3 million people not being ready.



Did you guys not realize you can get a digital converter box for free at target by simply going to target with a government coupon? You know what. You people don't deserve to get tv. I mean, shit. If you have cable you don't even need one. So this only really effects those people to poor to have cable. And frankly, if you don't have cable, you're not missing much. Well, you're missing The Tonight Show with Conan, which I must say, is god damn funny beyond all belief.

Still, you should be left out in the dark. Way to not think ahead. Hope you enjoy your VHS tapes since you can't get a signal. Yeah, I said it. You more than likely don't even have a DVD player either. Maybe you're stuck on beta max. Then again, if you don't have any of that shit, you're more than likely not computer equiped and how else are you going to be reading this to begin with? You might as well be looking at static.

Don't Try To Upfront It, Yo.

Don't Try To Upfront It, Yo

Well, with a name like WeirdTV, I think perhaps I should touch on strange shit or at the very least shit that happens on TV, right? Yeah. It has been a while since I even focused on that sort of stuff. Generally because I was busy working on some god awful sing-a-long lip singing production that will not be named due to potentials of lawsuits and nondisclosure agreements. But it's good to have a chance to talk about Television news.

Today I touch on the Upfronts. What are the Upfronts? The upfronts are where the Studio brings its new pilots in front of Executives and Advertisers, allowing marketers to buy commercial airtime "up front", or several months before the season begins. Upfronts typically occur during the third week of May, the last full week of that month's sweeps period.

Although a lot of news has dribbled out over the last few weeks, official announcements should be forthcoming for any existing shows left on the bubble, as well as a surprise announcement or two surrounding your favorite pilot. Ah yes, the wonderful world of pilots. I've helped write a failed one and then there's all the ones I did work on that never saw the light of day.

Since you're more than likely wondering what actually made it and what didn't, here's how your tv watching will shape up to be come fall.

CBS Schedule:

MONDAY

8:00-8:30 HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER
8:30-9:00 ACCIDENTALLY ON PURPOSE
9:00-9:30 TWO AND A HALF MEN
9:30-10:00 THE BIG BANG THEORY
10:00-11:00 CSI: MIAMI

TUESDAY

8:00-9:00 NCIS
9:00-10:00 NCIS: LOS ANGELES
10:00-11:00 THE GOOD WIFE

WEDNESDAY

8:00-8:30 THE NEW ADVENTURES OF OLD CHRISTINE
8:30-9:00 GARY UNMARRIED
9:00-10:00 CRIMINAL MINDS
10:00-11:00 CSI: NY

THURSDAY

8:00-9:00 SURVIVOR
9:00-10:00 CSI: CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION
10:00-11:00 THE MENTALIST

FRIDAY

8:00-9:00 GHOST WHISPERER
9:00-10:00 MEDIUM
10:00-11:00 NUMB3RS

SATURDAY

8:00-9:00 CRIMETIME SATURDAY
9:00-10:00 CRIMETIME SATURDAY
10:00-11:00 48 HOURS MYSTERY

SUNDAY

7:00-8:00 60 MINUTES
8:00-9:00 THE AMAZING RACE
9:00-10:00 THREE RIVERS
10:00-11:00 COLD CASE

Thrilling, right? Looks like Big Bang Theory is being nurtured to be Two and a Half's replacement as the comedy anchor of the night. Not much else to say besides this: NCIS:LA? Really? It looks like it's an NCIS night in there. I can't really say I care much about this line up. There's like two shows that I'll watch in there.

NBC Schedule:

MONDAY

8-9 p.m. - “Heroes”
9-10 p.m.–”TRAUMA”
10-11 p.m. - “THE JAY LENO SHOW”

TUESDAY

8-10 p.m. - “The Biggest Loser” (two-hour edition)
10-11 p.m. - “THE JAY LENO SHOW”

WEDNESDAY

8-9 p.m. - “PARENTHOOD”
9-10 p.m. - “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit”
10-11 p.m. - “THE JAY LENO SHOW”

THURSDAY

8- 8:30 p.m. - “SNL WEEKEND UPDATE THURSDAY” (multi-episode run)
8:30-9 p.m. - “Parks and Recreation”
9- 9:30 p.m. - “The Office”
9:30-10 p.m. - “COMMUNITY” (moves to Thursdays 8-8:30 p.m. after multi-episode run “30 Rock” returns)
10-11 p.m. - “THE JAY LENO SHOW”

FRIDAY

8-9 p.m. - “Law & Order”
9-10 p.m. - “Southland”
10-11 p.m. - “THE JAY LENO SHOW”

SATURDAY

8-9 p.m. - “Dateline NBC”
9-10 p.m. - “TRAUMA” (encore broadcast)
10-11 p.m. - “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit” (encore broadcast)

SUNDAY

7- 8:20 p.m. “Football Night in America”
8:20-11 p.m. “NBC Sunday Night Football”

NBC MID-SEASON 2010 SCHEDULE

(2010 WINTER OLYMPICS preempt regularly scheduled programming from February 12-28, 2010)
*New programs in UPPER CASE

MONDAY

8-9 p.m. - “Chuck” (season premiere)
9-10 p.m.–”DAY ONE”
10-11 p.m. - “THE JAY LENO SHOW”

TUESDAY

8-9:30 p.m. - “The Biggest Loser” (90-minute edition)
9:30-10 p.m. - “100 QUESTIONS”
10-11 p.m. - “THE JAY LENO SHOW”

WEDNESDAY

8-9 p.m. - “MERCY”
9-10 p.m. - “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit”
10-11 p.m. - “THE JAY LENO SHOW”

THURSDAY

8- 8:30 p.m. - “COMMUNITY”
8:30-9 p.m. - “Parks and Recreation”
9- 9:30 p.m. - “The Office”
9:30-10 p.m. - “30 Rock”
10-11 p.m. - “THE JAY LENO SHOW”

FRIDAY

8-9 p.m. - “Law & Order”
9-10 p.m. - “Southland”
10-11 p.m. - “THE JAY LENO SHOW”

SATURDAY

8-9 p.m. - “Dateline NBC”
9-10 p.m. - “Southland” (encore broadcast)
10-11 p.m. - “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit” (encore broadcast)

SUNDAY

7-8 p.m. - “Dateline NBC”
8-9 p.m. - THE MARRIAGE REF
9-11 p.m. - “The Celebrity Apprentice” (season premiere; two-hour edition)

My Name Is Earl is shit canned. So is Medium. Medium is getting put on CBS, which is funny since they put it on next to Ghost Whisperer. And while Jennifer Love Hewitt over Patricia Arquette, you kinda have to appreciate the oddness of having the knock off version of one show next to the other.

My Name Is Earl, that's a sad state. I worked on that show. I enjoyed it. Sure, I haven't sat down and watched the last season, but seeing it go out like that because NBC doesn't make bank off the television production of it is sort of a shame. No worries, Fox, who does produce it, is shopping it around.

Also on the list is WAAAAAAAY too much Jay Leno. I'm looking forward to Conan taking over the Tonight Show though.


ABC's fall schedule:

MONDAY:
8:00 p.m. “Dancing with the Stars” (two hours)
10:00 p.m. “Castle”

TUESDAY:
8:00 p.m. “Shark Tank”
9:00 p.m. “Dancing with the Stars the Results Show”
10:00 p.m. “The Forgotten”

WEDNESDAY:
8:00 p.m. “Hank”
8:30 p.m. “The Middle”
9:00 p.m. “Modern Family”
9:30 p.m. “Cougar Town”
10:00 p.m. “Eastwick”

THURSDAY:
8:00 p.m. “Flash Forward”
9:00 p.m. “Grey’s Anatomy”
10:00 p.m. “Private Practice”

FRIDAY:
8:00 p.m. “Supernanny”
9:00 p.m. “Ugly Betty”
10:00 p.m. “20/20”

SATURDAY:
8:00 p.m. “Saturday Night College Football”

SUNDAY:
7:00 p.m. “America’s Funniest Home Videos”
8:00 p.m. “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition”
9:00 p.m. “Desperate Housewives”
10:00 p.m. “Brothers & Sisters”

Quite a bit of new shows, especially on Wednesday night. Castle gets a second season? Nathan finally gets a show into second season status? Well color me surprised. Good job, captain tightpants.

Sadly, ABC decided to pass on the U.S. version of No Heroics. Which is a British original and it was a pretty funny take on the whole heroes stuff. I doubt the U.S. version would ever keep in the gay sex jokes. though. Ohwell.

Then we get to Fox. Thank you for the paycheck, bend over so I can pucker up my lips..

FOX Fall 2009 PRIMETIME SCHEDULE:

MONDAY
8:00-9:00 HOUSE
9:00-10:00 LIE TO ME

TUESDAY
8:00-10:00 SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE Performance Show

WEDNESDAY
8:00-9:00 SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE Results Show
9:00-10:00 GLEE

THURSDAY
8:00-9:00 BONES
9:00-10:00 FRINGE

FRIDAY
8:00-8:30 BROTHERS
8:30-9:00 ‘TIL DEATH
9:00-10:00 DOLLHOUSE

SATURDAY
8:00-8:30 COPS
8:30-9:00 COPS
9:00-10:00 AMERICA’S MOST WANTED
11:00-Midnight THE WANDA SYKES SHOW (working title)
Midnight-12:30 ANIMATION DOMINATION ENCORES

SUNDAY
7:00-8:00 THE OT (NFL post-game)
8:00-8:30 THE SIMPSONS
8:30-9:00 THE CLEVELAND SHOW
9:00-9:30 FAMILY GUY
9:30-10:00 AMERICAN DAD

Here is the Fox 2010 Mid season Schedule:

MONDAY
8:00-9:00 HOUSE
9:00-10:00 24

TUESDAY
8:00-9:00 AMERICAN IDOL Performance Show
9:00-10:00 PAST LIFE

WEDNESDAY
8:00-9:00 AMERICAN IDOL Results Show
9:00-10:00 HUMAN TARGET (January) / GLEE (spring)

THURSDAY
8:00-9:00 BONES
9:00-10:00 FRINGE

FRIDAY
8:00-8:30 BROTHERS
8:30-9:00 ‘TIL DEATH
9:00-10:00 DOLLHOUSE

SATURDAY
8:00-8:30 COPS
8:30-9:00 COPS
9:00-10:00 AMERICA’S MOST WANTED
11:00 -Midnight THE WANDA SYKES SHOW (working title)
Midnight-12:30 ANIMATION DOMINATION ENCORES

SUNDAY
7:00-7:30 ANIMATION DOMINATION ENCORES
7:30-8:00 AMERICAN DAD
8:00-8:30 THE SIMPSONS
8:30-9:00 SONS OF TUCSON
9:00-9:30 FAMILY GUY
9:30-10:00 THE CLEVELAND SHOW

A lot of interesting things to be seen from that. First off, did you see that Saturday night line up? America's Most Wanted is still on the air? WHAT THE FUCK? No, not that, silly. I'm talking about the midnight and later stuff. Looks like they're trying to tap into the Adult Swim crowd. Which is strange because they sell most of their shows to Cartoon Network's Adult Swim program line up.

American Dad is also getting the dredded 7:30 Sunday death slot. While it shows that it's the bottom of the totum pole, King of the hill survived a lot of years there. Still, doesn't show a lot of promise to a healthy future for that show.

Then you have dollhouse. Which is getting two comedies to lead into the Friday night slot. At least with Terminator, which was killed and WB doesn't give a shit about keeping alive somewhere else, it had a Sci-fi/Nerd appeal. Dollhouse also is booked for both parts of the season. Maybe Fox is really hopeful that they'll order more?

My vote for BEST IN SHOW goes to Jimmy Kimmel. Mr. Kimmel then took a verbal swing at his own network, reminding the audience that ABC had attempted to hire away Mr. Leno when his tenure ended at NBC’s “Tonight Show.” But, according Mr. Kimmel, NBC said it would not give up Mr. Leno, “even if we have to destroy our own network to keep him.

Jimmy Kimmel Said

Let's get real here. Let's get Dr. Phil-real here. These new fall shows? We're going to cancel about 90 percent of them. Maybe more.

Every year we lie to you and every year you come back for more. You don't need an upfront. You need therapy. We completely lie to you, and then you pass those lies onto your clients.

Next year on ‘Grey's Anatomy,' your product could kill Dr. Izzie. It just depends on how much you want to pay.

"I think all our shows are going to work this year. I really do. I don't, really."

"The important thing to remember is: who cares, it's not your money."

Kimmel also took a shot at NBC and Jay Leno, whom ABC once courted to possibly replace him when his contract with NBC expired, saying that they're "giving Jay's viewers exactly what they want. An early-bird special."

I'm sure ABC will return the favor once they are up for renewing his show. Still, it's a pretty honest thing to say. Wont change a thing, but honest.

So there you have it. A preview of your fall tivo setting lineup. Hope you enjoyed this boring trip into the actual TV world of a blog by Wierd TV...

Annual Doctor Check Up

Annual Doctor Check Up

Ah yes, it's my date of birth, perhaps I should check in with my doctor for a yearly check up. All in good time. First I need to check in with my other doctor,

Who?

Exactly. Doctor Who. This may sound completely nerdy -but I've already established that I'm a huge nerd. So the fact that I watch a British science fiction show shouldn't surprise anyone. This very long running science fiction show began being aired on the BBC in 1963. Yeah, it's pretty old now. So I suppose anyone attempting to get into it may be a little intimidated by the number of material out for it.



If you do want to get a start on it, the recent seasons starring Christopher Eccleston in 2005 was a good starting point and didn't have that cheesy 70's sci-fi feel to it. So what's the appeal? Well, he's a time traveling alien who jumps into different adventures in time and space from week to week. What's not to like? He doesn't carry around any massive weapons and battles wrong with wit. The last (well, sort of last) of his race and just going around in an old british police box, he does some pretty cool things and goes on really interesting adventures. It's a fun ride.

Well, the last season of it ended last year and this year they only decided to make four hour long specials before the series turns darker next year under a new creator. So why am I writing about this on my birthday? Since WB already gave me a birthday gift in the form of a mural,



It was only fitting that I shoe horn the whole BBC (and by extent Britian into it) gives me a gift as well. The Doctor is coming back for an Easter special called Planet of the dead. What can we expect from this Easter Special?

After following a mysterious jewel-thief on board the 200 to Victoria station, the Doctor and its passengers are suddenly transported to another world. The Doctor discovers that the desert planet is all that is left of a great civilisation that had reached the pinnacle of achievement. Unfortunately the science the original inhabitants of the world had found resulted in their destruction.

The Doctor does not have his TARDIS and has no way of returning to Earth, so he has to find a way to disable whatever is causing the problem, keep the band of bus passengers together and get everyone home, oh and protect everyone from a band of psychopathic aliens who want to use the power as a weapon.

UNIT makes an appearance as well headed by Captain Erisa Magambo (last seen in Turn Left) and she is assisted by Malcolm, a mad professor who somehow has managed to find a way to communicate with the Doctor.

Oh goodie! Easter now is packed with another important event to look forward to! Though the first and more important one isn't anything to do with a silly rabbit and hiding eggs. But the less I speak about that the better the surprise will be.

Easter Special trailer

Planet Of The Dead. Pitch Black meets Monty Python.

In this Easter special he has a new companion. Oh what a playa'. You can't hate him, you gotta hate the game. Of course the game that he just keeps getting new companions. Maybe it's just that they leave for various reasons. Sometimes they even break his heart.....


Perhaps that's what makes his character so easy to relate to. Though I guess the whole idea of traveling around time/space and finding new and different adventures can be the real appeal here. Besides, what's there not to like about his companions? They're very often beautiful and even if that Police box looks cramped, it's gotta have a lot of room inside.


Who wouldn't want to be in a police box with her?

The companion seems to be the average man, or at least the person us viewers are suppose to relate to the most. Being wowed by these new places and sharing some time, and more than often falling for the Doctor. I mean, isn't he dreamy? But I'll take the other view on this situation. The Doctor is more human in character than his fellow actors. He's just looking for some companionship. Someone to travel with and have fun with.

He's living his life through the enjoyment of others. He loves showing them around. He's not looking for love. Well, at least he's not actively looking for it. As can be seen in this scene here. The moments that get me out of this silly BBC series.


I think that's how I viewed "love" and "relationships" for a long time. I generally just wanted someone to have fun adventures with. The idea of a relationship. That was scary stuff. He's a loner that gets as many people around him and yet he tries to keep his distance.

Sometimes it's good to walk alone but what good is it if you have no one there to enjoy it with? I like the Doctor for that specific reason. He's generally doing good or at least making wrongs right. Maybe it's me growing up with super hero comics. Oh yes, you know me, I just want to save the world. That and not be alone, I suppose.



So here's to watching a new adventure of Doctor Who this weekend sometime. While it may hurt to lose people in your life and believe me, I've been in a sort of retrospect on my life so today with the whole getting older thing, I don't regret much of anything. The people in my life and me who shared an adventure shared it and it was fun. I wouldn't change that for anything. Have it be that they moved on, forgotten me or just left me heart broken, I'm going to constantly look towards those new adventures and enjoy the here and now.

A Week Of Goodbyes

A Week Of Goodbyes

This week was one of goodbyes. When I wrote about D-day I didn't think I was asking to be parted with so many things that are meaningful to me. But here I am having to say goodbye to a lot of things. Don't know what I mean? Well then, let's see what we all lost this week.

Gil Grissom


I like to consider myself witty. I also like to blame my diet not working due to my stomach jumping out of my body while I sleep and consuming all of the food in the fridge. Both accusations have no facts to back them up.

Gil Grissom provided us awesome one liners for the opening of the original CSI. Making us laugh at the death of others in a way that DOESN'T get you funny stares. He was the serious face on the show that could often surprise you with something comical. Like your angry grandpa Joe who served one too many tours during WWII and he's seen more than a man should. But every once in a while he'll start cracking up about someone getting kicked the crotch.

We'll miss you Gil. Even though we have endless chances to see you on SPIKE or anywhere else that shows CSI in heavy syndication, not getting new one-liners to laugh about is going to be hard.


Ricardo Montablan


You may have known him from Fantasy Island. I and other nerds knew him as KAAAAHHHHHHHHHHNNNNNN! Yes, that's right. Kahn has past away. I wonder if he was buried in that terrible chest piece that he used in Star Trek 2: Wrath of Kahn. We'll miss you Kahn. I don't think there was anything nerds liked to scream out more than your character's name.


Friday Night Lights


I'm not a football fan. Maybe it has something to do with going to a Raiders game at a young age and seeing a massacre -Not on the field but in the parking lot. Those tailgating Raider nation fans are brutal. I really just shrugged off Football. Give me Baseball or Basketball any day. I didn't care for High School sports either. So why the hell do I even watch a show about this sport?

Even with that apathy for Football I have to say that I love Friday Night Lights. The show, while highlighted with High school football, still is one of the best written dramas on TV. Well.. that was on TV. Ok, it's still on TV, but it's like a new Tupac record, recorded long since being dead.

DirecTV made a deal with NBC to show the entire third season of this show before it started airing on NBC yesterday. So on Wednesday DirecTV aired the final episode of the season and yesterday NBC finally aired the first episode of the season. Ratings are going to be poor as anyone who wanted to see it, has already done so. It'll be a show not to get renewed. After watching the final episode I have to say it's one of the best shows around. It left an opening for season 4 but I'm fully prepared to be happy with it as the series closure. Goodbye great football drama.


Pushing Daisies


ABC... how dare you? HOW DARE YOU! You bring back Scrubs, a show that has lost so much of the fun over the years but you wont keep a critically acclaimed show? While not officially pushing up daisies yet, ABC has pushed the remaining THREE episode back to possibly summer or just doomed to be released like Wonderfalls and Firefly, to be seen only on DVD.

Fuck you ABC. Seriously. I want to see the remaining three episodes. It could provide closure. Well.. no it can't. I'm sure I'll want more like a crack fiend and I should get used to the good shows getting shit-canned. But it doesn't make the pain any less knowing this show is now pushing up daises. Now if only Ned touched the show bringing it back to life.


Prison Break


Fox has decided to not renew this show for next season and to be honest, I don't blame them. It was a guilty pleasure at best but I still liked it. Not because it was terrible Fox television. But because it was terrible Fox television. You see, that's job security for me. If Fox has pure evil programing I know it'll be on for a while. Opposed to GOOD television shows that will get canceled long before their time. As to not piss on my NDA, I'll say that prison break did provide me plenty of cash and job security. Not having another season to latch onto next season, well I'm sure there will be more shows to attach onto for a quick production buck.


Takashi Siato


After Eric Gagne broke my heart and went to a shit ton of different teams I was afraid to love a closer again. Then Takashi Siato came along and played one hell of a game. Pitching out the side and actually replacing the void that was left from the lack of Welcome to the jungle being played at the bottom of the 9th. He was good, damn good. So much that I didn't even throw away the bobble head they gave of him at the gate on that promotion night. If you know me, you'd know that bobbling headed toys give me the creeps... or at least mock me in ways that they otherwise shouldn't.

But then the heart break happened again. He went ahead and left me...er.... I mean Us, the dodger fans. He left us dodger fans and was picked up in deal with with the Boston Red Sox. Which leads me to ask when will the Dodgers sign Manny? With Siato, Penny and Lowell gone the pitching staff is going to be in bad shape. At least we can have some good hitters on the team. Come on Dodgers, get the big guns signed already!


Indie 103.1


For the last five years this Radio station, like Y-107 before it, challenged KROQ for Alternative mundaneness. And like those previous challengers, this one is now dead and buried in its turn to a Spanish language radio station. Welcome El Gato! Sure you're not going to play El Sex Pistoles, but then again, Indie 103.1 has been sort of selling itself out for a while. So this move is simply them tossing in the towel and just sticking to internet only in the pre-sell out format. Going internet only is going to cost them a lot of profit loss, but they'll keep that indie street cred.

As with anything once it dies you look back to the good days. I recall the first days of the station. Without DJ's it was amazing. They had special guest DJ's like Rob Zombie, Henry Rollins and The Crystal Method all running their own shows. It was great. Very few ads and a playlist that wasn't governed by the top 40.

At the very least Indie 103.1 FM went out the way it wanted to. When it's all said and done, not many of us can say they'd go out exactly the way they'd expect to. Many times you end up dying in some way you'd be rolling in your grave (literally!) knowing you went out like that. So for that, I tip my hat. Way to go out Your own way


And finally....

Batman


He's dead. Well, as dead as any comic book character can be. I'm a huge Batman fan and well, it was pretty hard. God damn you Morrison! I think this has been well covered already. So I'll just grab the tissues and cry myself to sleep now. Where did I leave that bottle of Jack Daniels?



The old saying about how when God closes one door, he opens a window to push you out of is true. This week also is the week Battlestar Galactica comes back. Hell.Frakkin.YEAH! Only it's the last season of it. So it's just more proof that everything you love will come to an end. Some things sooner than others. Enjoy them while they last.

And no sooner than this masterpiece of a television show is back am I tempted to go grave digging to pick off the spoils. Like most other grave robbers, I have no ethical scruples with grabbing the loot before the body turns cold as many will go to the big BSG auction in Pasadena this weekend. NBC has embraced the idea of making as much money as possible. If this means selling off meaningless props that will collect dust in the prop room instead of use them for some theme park ride, then by all means they'll do it that way.


Believe you me, I worked for Universal and they'll gladly do whatever they can to save a buck here and there. Now if there's one thing about me, it's that I love props. I usually raid the prop department whenever I can get away with it. Sneaking off with props of canceled shows like a looter in New Orleans... I mean... whaaa?

But as tempted as I am to go piss away money this weekend, I'm not sure if I should. DineLA week is coming up and good food does sound like a better investment than the wall paneling of corridor 5 leading to Commander Adama's room. Besides, I think I have some bad ass props as it is. I mean, check this out. It's prop hero gun used in season 1 when they had all those funky looking unrealistic guns. Not only that, but it's signed by Lee "Apollo" Adama himself.. OOoOOOOoooh yeah! I'm a nerd.


How you frakkin' like me now, yo!

So as bittersweet it is to lose all these things in such a short time span. But there's always something new and exciting in the horizon and I personally can't wait to climb that ridge and take a glance at all that. Exciting new days ahead. A week of goodbyes followed by new Hellos.

Midseason TV coming sooner than you think

Mid-season TV coming sooner than expected


Now that we're done with the two weeks of television nothingness that is Christmas and New Years, we can go back to wondering when new TV is on and not worry about Christmas related programing filler. Not to mention all the End of the year "BEST OF 08" clip shows to grace your television screen. Much like winter this is a very cold and lonely time. Those of you who, like squirrels, saved your nuts for the long winter in the form of TiVo programing are all done with whatever it was that you were taping. Now we wonder where the quality stuff is on tv?

For that very reason I broke it down for you. This is the Mid-season Television break down guide and surprise surprise, it's coming earlier once we roll into 2009

Broadcast television:

Friday Night Lights - NBC, Jan 16, 9 pm

I have nothing to hide here. Season 3 of FNL's is amazingly well written. Forget season 2. Hell, many of you never even heard of this show. Go. Watch it. NOW! But the biggest problem here is that NBC, in a deal to keep it running for a third season, let DirecTV take first run rights and well, before it ever hits NBC's air waves it'll already be shown. So the ratings are going to suck here. Enjoy it while it last since it may very well be canceled come next year.

Kings - NBC, March 26, 10 pm

A modern-day soap loosely based on the story of King David, in which an everyday guy rises to the seat of political power in his small town. The way NBC has gone with most of its new shows... expect this to be dead within 6 episodes.

Flashpoint - CBS, Jan 9, 9 pm

Don't know. Don't care. It's CBS. Unless you're over 60, you shouldn't either.

Scrubs - ABC, Jan 6, 9 pm

Why hey, it's your favorite socially awkward indie film doctor on a new network. At the very least ABC wont let this one die on a bad note like NBC just gave up on it. Not expecting much.

Lost - ABC, Jan 21, 9 pm

Expect five new questions for every answer you get. Or maybe J.J. Abrams is finally bored of driving us in circles and will get on with it.

Castle - ABC, March 9, 10 pm

Captain Tight-pants is back and well, I hope for his sake the curse of getting a show canceled (Firefly, Drive) doesn't follow him.

Meet Richard Castle: he's a successful murder-mystery writer who has just killed off his main character. However, it seems one of his fans liked his books just a bit too much when a copycat murderer starts running around killing people as described in Castle's books.

The weary writer is called in by the NYPD homicide department to help them catch the killer.

Cupid - ABC, March 24, 10 pm

If anyone even remembers this show.. wow. ABC Studios and Sony Television team up with Rob Thomas to bring back his 1998 series about a man who believes he is Cupid, who has been sent to earth by Zeus to help 100 couples get together as punishment for his arrogance-without any magic. Bobby Cannavale takes over the lead role created by Jeremy Piven in the 1998 series. ABC has ordered Cupid to series for mid-season 2008/2009.

24 - Fox, Jan 11, 9 pm

There's 24 hours in a day and within that day includes endless terrorist ass kicking that Jack will unleash. Expect some crazy shit to go down this season and that's all my NDA allows me to say.

Lie to Me - Fox, Jan 21, 9 pm

DR. CAL LIGHTMAN (Tim Roth, "The Incredible Hulk," "Reservoir Dogs") can detect the truth by analyzing a person's face, body, voice and speech. When someone shrugs one shoulder, rotates their hand or raises their lower lip, Lightman knows they're lying. By analyzing facial expressions, he can read feelings - from hidden resentment to sexual attraction to jealousy. But as Lightman well knows, his scientific ability is both a blessing and a curse in his personal life, where family and friends deceive each other as readily as criminals and strangers do. Lightman is the world's leading deception expert, a scientist who studies facial expressions and involuntary body language to discover not only if you are lying but why.

It's a Fox show.. All I'm saying is don't get attached.

Dollhouse - Fox, Feb 13

You have a couple of things weighing against this one. It's on FOX on a FRIDAY NIGHT and it's a show by JOSS WHEDON. Hell, most shows get canceled with only having two of those traits. Put all three of them together and you might as well put down the pre-order for the Dollhouse Complete Series DVD. There's already a SAVE DOLLHOUSE campaign prepared for the moment Fox cancels it. But hey, if you're a sucker for pain and still want to know a bit about this...

ECHO (Dushku) is an "Active," a member of a highly illegal and underground group who have had their personalities wiped clean so they can be imprinted with any number of new personas. Confined to a secret facility known as the "Dollhouse," Echo and the other Actives including SIERRA (Dichen Lachman, "Neighbours") and VICTOR (Enver Gjokaj, "The Unit") carry out engagements assigned by ADELLE (Olivia Williams, "X-Men: The Last Stand," "Rushmore"), one of the Dollhouse leaders. The engagements cater to the wealthy, powerful and connected, and require the Actives to immerse themselves in all manner of scenarios romantic, criminal, uplifting, dangerous, comical and the occasional "pro bono" good deed.

After each scenario, Echo, always under the watchful eye of her handler BOYD (Harry Lennix, "Commander in Chief," 24), returns to the mysterious Dollhouse where her thoughts, feelings and experiences are erased by TOPHER (Fran Kranz, "Welcome to the Captain"), the Dollhouse's genius programmer. Echo enters the next scenario with no memory of before. Or does she? As the series progresses, FBI Agent PAUL SMITH (Tahmoh Penikett, "Battlestar Galactica") pieces together clues that lead him closer to the Dollhouse, while Echo stops forgetting, her memories begin to return and she slowly pieces together her mysterious past. DOLLHOUSE revolves around Echo's blossoming self-awareness and her desire to discover her true identity. But with each new engagement, comes a new memory and increased danger inside and outside the Dollhouse.

And you can also check out a tiny preview here.

Hell's Kitchen - January 29

What's there to say? This show is one of those guilty pleasures. I like seeing terrible chefs get chewed out by the man! That and having the ability to send guest to eat at taping is always fun.

Reaper - CW, March 17

All I needed to know from this is CW. No thank you!

Cable television

Battlestar Galactica - SciFi, Jan 16, 10 pm

It's a nerd show and I'm a nerd. Entering into the series final season, we find our toasters and humans looking for some resolution great enough so that nerds don't riot in the street. I can tell you I'm frakin' ready for this one.

Monk - USA, Jan 9, 9 pm

Another show going into the final season. USA, were characters sort of happen. If you haven't watched it yet.. well, you're not interested in it. move on.

Psych - USA, Jan 9, 10 pm

If you aren't watching this by now then you've never flipped through USA for longer than five minutes. More of the same, but the same is excellent no matter what. Awww yeah.

Burn Notice - USA, Jan 22, 10 pm

Ah Miami, my old stomping grounds. How can I praise this show enough? It's not only because I've had some attachment to this production but it has to do that it's a great formula show. Week in and week out you know what's going to happen. Michael will manage to find a down on his luck client to help while we get a snippet of the large season story arc towards the end when Bruce Campbell comes in with it. Great popcorn action.

Nip/Tuck - FX, Jan 5, 10 pm

Without The Shield, FX only has two shows I love anymore. Nip/Tuck has been a great utility program even though I'm always behind on the season when it starts up.

Damages - FX, Jan 7, 10 pm

Big Love - HBO, Jan 18, 9 pm

Flight of the Conchords - HBO, Jan 18, 10 pm

How can you not love this show? Clearly you have to be a communist or some evil bastard. Watch it.. well, Jan 18, of course.

East Bound & Down - HBO, Feb 15, 10:30 pm

Created by Will Ferrell and Adam McKay, this half-hour comedy follows a former professional baseball player who returns to his hometown in the South to take a job as a substitute gym teacher.

The L Word - Showtime, Jan 18, 9 pm

The United States of Tara - Showtime, Jan 18, 10 pm

I've been seeing ads for this everywhere. But other than that it does look interesting. If you liked LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE, you'll dig it.

Secret Diary of a Call Girl - Showtime, Jan 18, 10:30 pm

The Closer - TNT, Jan 26, 9 pm

Trust Me - TNT, Jan 26, 10 pm

The Beast - A&E, Jan 15, 10 pm

The Beast will be popular because it has the soon to be dead Patrick Swayze in it. It centers on an unorthodox but effective FBI veteran, Charles Barker (Swayze), who takes on a rookie partner, Ellis Dove (Fimmel), to train in his hard-edged and psychologically clever style of agenting. In the premiere episode of "The Beast," the mischievous Barker hazes Dove as they go undercover on their first case to infiltrate a weapons smuggling ring. Barker brilliantly manipulates situations, constantly tests his new partner's abilities and pushes him to delve deeper into the roles of the undercover characters he creates. Although Dove takes a liking to Barker, the new job takes its toll on him. The stress and danger of being an agent quickly makes him realize that he can no longer maintain normal relationships outside of work. Yet that's not the worst of it. The rookie is confronted with a larger challenge: An FBI Internal Affairs team feels Barker may have gone rogue and they try to enlist Dove as a double-agent in the bureau's investigation of his mentor.

Secret Life of the American Teenager - ABC Family, Jan 4, 8 pm

Kyle XY - ABC Family, Jan 12, 9 pm

People actually watch ABC Family? Usually it's just a Harry Potter movie on.

Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! - Adult Swim, Feb 9

Spring: Party Down (State guys get a single camera comedy on Starz), Rescue Me, Breaking Bad (all in March), In Treatment, The Pacific (sequel to Band of Brothers), Curb Your Enthusiasm, The Tudors, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Squidbillie