Dead Aliens Must Die!

Dead Aliens Must Die!

This passes as news these days. Apparently some brats saw some scary mother fuckin' shit coming at them, and instead of waiting and seeing what it was, they fucked it's shit up with a bunch of rocks...



And hey, the printed press covers this as well. No wonder I decided to not be a journalist.

A mysterious photograph has become the subject of wild internet speculation after a group of teenagers claimed it was a terrifying creature that they beat to death while playing near a cave in Panama.

The rubbery beast was said to have been spotted by a group of teenagers crawling out of a cave as they played in the town of Cerro Azul north of Panama City on Saturday.

To their horror, they claimed it came towards them. Fearing for their safety, they beat it to death with sticks, throwing its body in a pool of water, they told Panama's Telemetro television station.

And this is why we wont have anymore nice aliens come visit us. Thanks Panama. Why must they kill that poor innocent alien? Doesn't everyone enjoy a good 'ol fashioned anal probing every now and then? What is it with the kids of today? Looking at the picture it looks so squishy and lovable. Poor alien was just trying to make friends.



I have to wonder if they took the one ring from it after tossing it in the river. I suppose it would be silly of me not to mention an Eraserhead nod here as it clearly looks like the baby from Eraserhead.

I have to say that the news anchor had to be the worse news anchor I have ever seen, and I worked in some pretty shitty areas that had piss poor local news. She's like a presenter off a university TV Channel. It's presented so badly. REAL NEWS AS IT HAPPENS, CNN! I suppose I can't blame her too much. You try telling the world that some kids killed an alien with rocks and keep a straight face and professional demeanor through it.



If their story is that they'd killed it by throwing rocks at it, they should have also faked some injury markings as well. More than likely just punched a sloth in the face and shaved it, but the internet is going to love this as some cryptozoology bullshit for some time. I love wacky cryptozoological stories like this as it brings out the crazies and also makes the most professional scientist sound like complete whack jobs.

It's estimated that over 50% of the world's living things have yet to be identified. Kinda makes me sad that every single one larger than a small insect will probably be killed out of fear. And that people will automatically scream "ALIENS" and assume it's from another planet. This sounds like it's just some condensed swamp gas collected in a weather balloon that happens to look like a sloth.



All I can really see in this story is 4 possibilities:

-Teens killed a sloth, came back and it looked like this
-Teens killed a bald sloth, came back and took pictures
-Teens found a bald sloth (or threw a dead, hairy sloth into creek, and it went bald), came back and took pictures
-Teens killed a creature that was in fact from another planet and came here to destroy us all. Only it didn't count on our plucky teenagers or our abundance of rocks.

It really fills you with hope for the future that the default response in every story like this is always to first beat the mystery creature to death and then dispose of the body. I feel like some higher power is going to come down and give these children a sort of pep talk.

Many that live deserve death. Some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them, Panamanian children? Do not be too eager to deal out death in judgment.

I bet you're thinking that sloths aren't dangerous at all. These kids must be monsters for killing or fucking around with a dead sloth. I mean, it has to be a sloth. Well, you should watch your mouth. You may think that Sloths aren't anything. Who the fuck is scared of a sloth? They're slow as hell, what can they do?

You'd be speaking like someone who has never pissed off a full-grown Panamanian sloth. That fucker ripped the canvas top off our humvee from front to back, left god damned dents and scratches in the paint. All because jackass, the squad leader decided to "kick it out of the way" when it was crossing the path too slowly for his liking. I didn't know they could growl. We spent the next few nights scared for our lives as it hunted us slowly, following our trail, waiting for us to go to sleep. What those kids did was nothing short of a David and Goliath story.


It was torn apart by buzzards a day later, that's what the remains ended up looking like. For the kids, not for my fictitious sloth story. That never happened. Though I'm sure if it did, or if I was ever in the case of a slow moving alien sloth was coming after me, I'd punch it in the face and scream "WELCOME TO EARF!" But in reality, Sloths are pretty awesome.



I wish I could be even 1/10th as cool as one of those chill sloths. Look at him, completely a ladies man. I suppose the saying slow and steady get all the poontang, right? This act of aggression will not stand.. Though, they're sloths, so it's not like they're going to do anything about it. They're slow as all fuuuuuuck. But still, we shouldn't encourage kids to throw rocks at every single thing as the solution. It clearly isn't the solution to anything. For one dead sloth we should all go out and hug a sloth today. It's the only correct thing to do. Have you've hugged a sloth today?

Goodbye Childhood Nickelodeon

Goodbye Childhood Nickelodeon

Looks like my childhood is now dead. Completely dead. You see Nickelodeon began as The Pinwheel Network in 1977, named after its flagship children's show, Pinwheel.


That show, while I was too young to even watch it, being that I was negative three years old, had an addicting theme song I would later find myself humming. So that I say Fuck you! Then after not being an educational programing channel, it went National in 1979 as Nickelodeon, and it feature this logo in a pinball.



Then in 1984, when I was old enough to not piss myself and actually give a shit about it, the logo changed to the now famous orange splat that we've come to know and love.



Now that the network has moved into a tween territory for some time, it's not really a surprise but Nick changed the logo. You see, in June 2009, the year of the network's 30th anniversary, Nickelodeon's DVD packaging and promotional material began featuring this new logo:


They sure did just slightly edit a well known font.



A part of me just died. Yup, my childhood is officially dead. Which is funny since I never understood why it was called Nickelodeon in the first place. I mean, I don't even know what that word meant. Something about me really dislikes re-branding of networks. It always feels like a vain attempt to stay hip and cool. For example, CNN headline news shortened itself to HLN. Why do you really need to shorthand Head Line News? I suppose in this case it's just a matter that there's no more gack.

I respect Coca-Cola for doing the one thing right and sticking with a single, recognizable logo design that has only slightly been refined over the years. It's still the same basic logo because it was so recognizable. Much like the Nickelodeon logo being pretty damn recognizable as well. It was indelibly imprinted in the minds of a lot of people when they were kids. Nostalgia aside, the "orange scribble/splat with the name" is embedded in pop culture pretty well. I can't think of a good reason to change it.

I suppose the times where a changing. Cartoon Network just changed its logo as well. You can just see it as The C.N. I mean, what the fuck does that even mean besides Cartoon Network. I know I haven't watched Nickelodeon in a long time. I suppose I shouldn't care anymore anyway. I don't see a reason why everything needs to be marketed to 12 year-old girls. Even if they have so much money to piss away, I don't see how it could be all that much of a market.

I guess it's a lot better than them shortening it to something crappy like NickReal so they could show crappy reality shows like Cartoon Network started doing. Nor did they go the SciFi method and just put fuckin' Y's in their name and call it NyCKyLyDyyN.

I suppose a network targeted at uneducated and often illiterate people has held on to a mouthful like "Nickelodeon" for this long. I'd have thought for sure it would have been truncated to NK or something stupid like that by now. But again, they must be learning something from Cartoon Network in that changing a great logo isn't beneficial in the slightest.

But then again, I shouldn't say that it killed my childhood. I'm tired of people claiming that something so abstract as a corporation choice "raped their childhood". Your childhood is in the past. You no longer HAVE a childhood to rape if you are not under 12. You just have memories and nostalgia and it is your choice as to whether they get altered. Your childhood does not get worse because the adult you witnesses something so tediously banal happening.

I remember watching Pete and Pete and if I remember enjoying it now I guess that no matter what logo they used, it wouldn't have changed the quality of the show. So I guess I'll just let it go. Let a logo die the death it was suppose to die.

Good bye old Nick Logo. Goodbye you beautiful bastard

Meet The New Batgirl

Meet The New Batgirl

We're two weeks from Comic con. I'm starting to feel the pinch. On the plus side, there's going to be plenty of gals dressed as Batgirl... And for that, It's like I've died and gone to heaven.

It's no secret to anyone who knows me. I dig Batgirl. Much to the same effect, I've grew up on the Adam West Batman TV show which introduced us to Barbara Gordon. My life would never be the same again. I was in love and she had a cape and flaming red hair. Yup, thanks a lot Batman for shaping my life.



But she wasn't the first female Bat. In the silver age of comics there was both a Batwoman and Bat-girl. They were erased from history though. The only thing that remains is the name in a newer Batwoman. But that's a story for later on.

To catch you up, for 15 years after the TV show, the comics had the librarian redheaded Barbara, daughter of the commissioner dress up in black and blue with red flowing out of her cowl. Then in the 90's Alan Moore, writer of Watchmen, decided that the joker would have the last laugh and shot her leaving her stuck in a wheelchair. She stopped being Batgirl and just became Oracle.



After years of being a character to feel sorry for, she became the back bone of Batman's organization. She was the one who did all the actual detective work for lazy writers. She was the internet at the finger tips. She ran her own Charlie's Angels style team called Birds of Prey. In that time there has been other Batgirls. Wel namely one named Cassandra who is asian and well, knows kung fu. Writers treated her bad and well, I didn't give much of a fuck about her.

So when news broke out that there would be another Batgirl comic coming out and it was unknown who would take the mantel, I was a little surprised and hopeful. Would they put Barbara back in the costume by some miracle cure to her paralysis? They did just do a mini-series that had these terribly sexual covers on them and hinted towards a magical cure for her. Would I be offended? Not at all. Frankly, I look forward to the comic books that do a sort of flash back to when she was back in tights jumping around.



Yeah, that didn't make me sound creepy. But stiff, Barbara was one of those superheroes that didn't put on the cape because mommy and daddy died. She wasn't in it for revenge. The way her character was written seemed that she did it because it was right. Because it was fun. The Batman books seem to lack that a great deal these days. It was nice to see it in there for a change.

Back to the question at hand, who will be the next Batgirl? Well, DC comics has been teasing for a while now showing covers to the first issue and well, it leads one to speculate. The first cover is showing off the Cassandra Cain batgirl outfit (the asian one) without the covered up mouth piece. So we can tell that it may not be her.. or may it?



No way, they treated her terribly. Causing her to get killed, come back to life evil and so forth and so forth. But then another comic cover to the Batgirl comic popped up soon after using the Batgirl costume that I liked the most. The one that Barbara wore and the one that I grew up oogling.

After seeing the other cover I can safely say that I'm still oogling over that. Hey, call it a sick fetish, I dig Batgirl. it shouldn't be a surprise anymore already. Besides, I think the first gal who dresses up like Batgirl for me.. well, I think I may have to just settle down with cause it doesn't get any better, I'd say. And I like the cover too, especially the dainty way she's pulling on her boots. It's a very girly pose.



But from these covers I think it's failry obvious as to what's happening here. It looks like the title is going to feature 3 different Batgrils. Cass, spoiler and mistfit. All three of them have worked with or around Barbara. Spoiler is one of those who came back fromt he dead as well. Misfit is just one of her birds of prey agents.

So more than likely they'll all be working together under the eye of Oracle, ala Tangent Joker/Mystery of the Batwoman. This is probably the best thing most of us could hope for. It's just a shame that they couldn't attach a real writer for this whole thing. It does ring true as a classy idea, the more I think about it, the more I like it.



Misfit, Cass & Spoiler all have very distinct, very strong personalities; so it would make for a fun book (especially with Babs trying to keep them under control). I really, really hope this doesn't just turn into Barbara's Angels. Although I'm pretty fucking sure it is. Look, you've got the sassy blonde, the wacky redhead and the silent asian!



Then with all these Juniors running around you have Batwoman showing up to take some Deduction going on Detective comics. As a sort of homage to the original Batwoman/Batgirl, she's also named Kate and she's making an impact in a big way.



About two weeks ago Detective Comics #854 came out. With Batman dead and buried, they gave the Detective Comics title to both the question and the new Batwoman. Yes, that's right the new one. At first I didn't much care for her. She was introduced in the pages of 52 and was introduced as a lesbian red head. Which I suppose would have peaked my interest a bit. But her character was written pretty generically.

It was only till the Crime Bible came out that I really started digging the character more and more and now I can not recommend the latest issue of Detective comics enough. Not only is she written amazing, but the look of the book itself is beyond belief. During comic con I'm definety going to have to look for some of the original art to this book. It just looks so good.



So seeing the interior works even better. If you don't believe me then look at it yourself. But you'd be a fool to say that this stuff doesn't blow you away. The look just screams out for attention. The story is still very fresh and new so you can jump on this right now and be at the same level as anyone else reading.

So I'll leave you with one of the best comic covers I have ever seen.

The Internets

The Internets

Sometimes it's nice to look back to the simple days. Like looking back at the days when going out on a date meant you were heading over to the drive-in or to get a milk shake. When VD was singular because there was only one out there. In this instance we're looking back to the early days of the internet..



Ah yes. I guess I could be called an "Internet enthusiast"
I have to laugh a little that there's not screens filled with "GO TO HELL!" that and the fact that they made it sound like it was a "growing phenomenon". Some stuff was dead on. Some stuff.. Not so much Like the whole "Not much cursing, not many personal attacks."

So the next time you're carelessly using the internet on whatever portable device looking up movie times or yelping a location to eat for the night, just remember back in the early days on what this toy was used for and what a long way we have come.

The Economy Killed The Radio Star - Blow Me Up, Tom!

The Economy Killed The Radio Star

When I was writing my 2009 dead pool list I would not have put a radio format on it. Not more than two months into this year and I'm already seeing the death of radio. It's bad enough that tonight has the last Late Night with Conan airing. Another piece of my daily life going away, but to lose 97.1 FM so it could be turned into another Top 40's station? Say it aint' so! The Tom Leykis Show has been a daily indulgence that I will no longer have at hand and that's a sad fact.

I can understand Indie 103.1 going under. They were claiming to be indie but that has no market appeal. You have small ratings at best on it. Over in public radio you had the big change in Jason Bentley being the new music director at KCRW was a bit of a change up, but it's business as usual... if you can really call public radio a "business". This format change strikes deep.



When I was young I first heard Tom Leykis on KFI. My mother would have it on in the afternoon after Dr Laura Schlessinger. Back then he was the liberal counter to Rush. He vehemently spoke out against Los Angeles corrupt politicians and leaders and did a fair amount of hell-raising cover a multitude of topics. I think it was because of that exposure that I was more into the news and what was going on around me. I read more than the comic section of the paper to be informed and for fun. KFI eventually laid him off around 1992.

His next gig in Southern California radio was with 97.1FM. He's been around in this current state of the show since 1994 with the big shake up around 1997 transforming the show into what many dislike. For what many consider tasteless, I would consider a breath of fresh air. His material has always been entertaining. A lot of his topics are male targeted and wrongly pegged as some sort of anti-feminist speech. He'd be the first one to tell you that he's all for equality in the sex. He constantly was the voice of reason.


God damn Top 40's format!

Rumors were floating around on Wednesday that the show was flipping format and then franklin avenue broke out with the press release for the upcoming AMP FM station promo.

"97.1 AMP RADIO," A COMPLETELY INTEGRATED ON-AIR, ONLINE, ON-SITE AND MOBILE AUDIO DESTINATION, LAUNCHES ON FRIDAY, FEB. 20

CBS RADIO Diversifies Programming Offerings In Los Angeles With Debut Of Top 40 Radio Station Targeting Young Adults

Amp Radio Experience To Feature Most Popular Current Artists, Interactive Website, Ability to Create Artist Specific Online Radio Stations, Mobile Applications And More

On Friday, Feb. 20 at 5:00PM, PT, Los Angeles listeners, and hundreds of thousands more across the country, will be introduced to CBS RADIO's newest radio station, 97.1 AMP RADIO. Playing "All the Hits," AMP RADIO will combine the power of its on-air position with myriad online and digital applications creating a full 360 degree audio and visual experience for young adults.

The fate of Los Angeles Talk Radio was sealed in that it was now going to be some lame top 40's station targeting the 18-49 Woman demographic. Which is odd since Tom Leykis was number 1 in attracting the 25-55 male demographic for afternoon drive. Number 1! So this isn't a move to put out of misery a dying dog. This show was doing gang busters in getting the demographics. It also was heard around the nation with 22 affiliates across the country.

CBS radio really did a business choice here that I was surprised about. They're basically handing radio over to Clear Channel, and that would be a bigger monopoly than they always preached satellite radio would be. So why change the format? In this tough economic time the cost to run a talk radio station just didn't add up. Especially when you can pretty much fill up an Ipod shuffle worth of music, not hire a DJ, producers, engineers and screeners and let it run with the occasional prerecorded voice over every twenty minutes to keep you grounded. At the end of the day it just comes down that CBS wants to target those female listeners like they did with Jack FM. It's a sad reality, but it's true.



Tom Leykis had something to offer everyone. I don't care if you get offended by him, it's more than likely because it's grounded into some truth. Yes, he was arrogant in saying it. But he had something for everyone. In the last six months or so Tom changed his format up a bit to talk less about how women screw men out of child support and all that and went back to his KFI sort of material. In some weeks the only time he even mentioned anything about sex or relationship sort of "advice" was during the two hours on Thursday during his Leykis 101 class. Leaving the rest of the week to be all about current affair, political and financial advice that was more than welcome.

And when a multi-millionaire who owns two homes, one in the Hollywood Hills and another in Santa Barbara wants to give you financial advice, you listen and you listen well. I don't care if you hated his stance on issues, he is brilliant when it comes to making your money last. He came from a poor home in Brooklyn and he made himself all that money by hard work, sweat and sacrifice. You'd be wise to listen to him when he had something to say on the subject.



As for his much controversial Leykis 101 segment was harsher than it really sounded. All the advice given on that was pretty much common sense and based on logic. If it was brutal in any way, it's just because it was honest.

The purpose of dating is for sex?
Well... duh. As nice as it is to watch a movie or try some new place to eat is, you can do that with friends and not have to spend money for the other person.

Don't spend more than $40 on a date?
It's only logic. If they like you because you spend $100 on them but not when you only spend $20 on them.... well, they're with you for the sole reason of getting monetary value out of you. Not to mention that they'll

Three date rule - No sex by date three and it's done with
Like baseball, it's three strikes and you're out. If there's no sexual chemistry by date three then you really do need to stop dating them because you're just their friend who's buying them outings.


The Professor is in

This was all common sense. He always suggested men stay safe and hell, all this advice was great for women to know what guys are thinking. It's rooted in on common sense. And if that was too much to an extreme his range was one that he would go the complete opposite and talk about how women in abusive relationships should leave at once.

His show also captured a killer. One disgruntled female caller called in and confessed to killer the father of her child because he didn't pay for child support. See, now Tom always says that you should pay whatever you are legally suppose to. But this lady came out and confessed to a murder of over ten years. From Flash Friday to Ask the Atheist to the very talked about ways he took people out (JFK, African Tribal, Lacy Peterson, etc.) there wasn't a moment that wasn't entertaining of the show.



Leykis has also been doing a Wine and Spirits show called The Tasting Room for about two years now. It is all about the good stuff to drink. As an advocate of good wine and good spirits. If you were ever turned off by the sex topics, the tasting room was for you. It was beyond informative and offered many many helpful advice about what to drink, how to get it cheap and how to enjoy the good life. Oddly enough before the tasting room came about I started drinking more and more wine. So the topics on there really helped me in so many ways.

It seems that Tom Leykis has been there every step of me growing up and being who I am. A well informed individual. I often get told that I'm up to date with just about all the current events on what's happening. That I soak information up and I thank The Tom Leykis show in all its different forms has been there shaping me to who I am. 21 years later I'm face with a situation I have been faced before. No more Tom Leykis on the radio.... at least for a short time. I'm positive that he'll still be around. Book potential and all.



My only regret is that I didn't go out to a wine event a couple months back at The Foundry that Tom was hosting. A pairing of wine and meals.. But that's not too bad. I'm fully expecting one trip to the Santa Barbara wine country to run across his path when he's in a local market picking up supplies for his ranch and I'll thank him for all that he has done for me growing up and all that I'm sure he'll continue to do to me as being a major influence on my life. I would say that he's up there in influencial to me as Hunter S. Thompson or Tony Bourdain.

He told the OC Register this:

Tom Leykis reflected Thursday on his role as the last talk voice to be heard on 97.1 FM before it switches at 5 p.m. Friday to AMP Radio, a Top 40 hit music format that has been described as "fun, up-tempo and hip."

"I have no regrets," he said in a phone interview. "I have nothing bad to say. There is no good scandal here."

Leykis, 52, said he started on KLSX Labor Day weekend in 1997. He found out Feb. 12 that Feb. 20 would be his last day there. "I was not surprised. It had been a rumor for some time. CBS has been pretty generous to me. I am financially well off," he said.

"I'm broadcaster. This is what we do. To say you are looking for the next opportunity is like saying you are looking for a relationship. I don't look for relationships. They find me. If you think I am polishing up on my résumé and putting it up on Monster.com, the answer is no.

"I don't owe anybody anything. CBS has been remarkable – way different than Howard Neal and David G. Hall at KFI. KLSX has such a history and has had a great run – they wanted me to be the last voice heard on the station," he said.

I like that. He's not going to look for another gig or put his resume on Monster.com, he'll let them come to him. With the #1 show in males 25-55, it shouldn't be a surprise to see him pop up in some shape or form in the next year or so. It's going to be tough to not have Tom on my daily commute. I have about 20 gigs of his old shows to keep me company on my Ipod though. It'll be the best of whenever I need it.


Say goodbye L.A. Talk Radio...

And with that....... Blow me up Tom!