Bathing Suit Season

Bathing Suit Season

We've been in Spring for a whole week now and the only question I have for you is if you're ready for what that means for fashion! Oh yes, bust out those Sundresses!!!!

Okay, I'm getting way too excited for sundresses. Can you blame me? I actually like them a lot. Yes, you'll get a tan while wearing one and for those who have larger than average breast, it may be a little odd to find proper boob support in said sundress, but come on, you have to admit they are rather nice looking?


Click to link you to the store

I'm getting on a tangent here. While yes, I love me some sundresses and I fully support the massive outpouring of wearing them in weather that does get a bit hotter, we're missing the purpose of the blog and my mind slipping into thinking about sundresses should be curbed.. Let's move on to the meat of this message...

It's the first week of spring already and besides sexy.. oh so nice looking sundresses, you should also consider that we're getting into Bathing Suit season! Yes, that's right. All those New Years resolutions towards losing weight to fit into that swim wear is starting to turn its head and wonder if you're ready for it.



Just think of how far Bathing Suits have come since their early days. Isn't that right strange old time news article;

Click for bigger


Just look at the early days of bathing suits. That's not a suit, it's a fucking nightgown. And really, there's nothing less sexy than Pajamas. Well, at least those have a sort of "easy access" going for themselves. It's more of a dress and really, if you're going to get all wet you might as well get all wet in a semi-white-ish dress.

But you can see the beginning stages of progression to a more socially acceptable world that will allow knees to be shown in public. KNEES! I know, how controversial! What next? Will they want to vote and be counted as people as well? Ha! I tell you, it'll be a cold day in hell before their place isn't behind a stove cooking a roast!



I especially think 1930 is pretty hot. I mean, look at that short skirt. But what the hell happened in 1931? It seems like it was two steps forward and then two steps back. What with it looking like a god damn dress. And not even a sundress. Minus points on that one. Not well played, missy!

Let's take a look at some other fashions of the era where people were fighting in wars and rationing cans and other such items for the soldiers fighting over seas in WWI.



1924 is pretty sexy. I mean, maybe I just dig that whole look of clothing tight on the body. Oh man, did I just break the fourth wall of feminism and objectify someone from the 20's? Oh well, I guess I might as well go the full tilt. 1934 is pretty smoking as well, though I do dig strips. Oh how strips make anything look cool.

But what's up with the fashion of 1933? That's some massive camel knuckle going on in that one bathing suit. What line up of women who don't know the meaning of third, let alone first wave feminism..



Looks like 1936 is showing midriff. My, my. how naughty! Though it does sort of look like an older version of the sports bra. 1938 seems to be showing off her ass. My my my! So what's the next wave of pictures going to be? The last wave indeed!



Oh 1940's. Now that's what I'm talking about. It's sort of like a sundress but at the same time she's going to get it all wet! Oh man. If I had a time machine and no girlfriend... I mean, wait, what? No! Some 1940's pin up picture is not seducing me! Not at all! 1942 seems to be going for the "hey look, I have a sort of skirt and my hens bra going on.

Now compare those to the modern day idea of swimwear and you'll be surprised to see that.. well, it doesn't leave much to the imagination.



And while I guess I shouldn't be opposed to that, cause I do like to oogle the human body, I mean it does speak a lot to what can be sexy without having stuff flop out and what not, is all that I'm saying.

Just think, there was a time when someone would be too skinny. It go to a point where they would advertise ways for you to get those curves. Now that's something you really have to wonder. In today's high paced world of HFCS, it's not a problem to get some curves. You just have to watch out that you're getting some diabetes along with it.



How else are you going to get that cleavage that you'll need to be falling out of your suit and those hips that will make those guys turn. I mean, don't get me wrong. I love see some nice skin, don't even dare consider me a prude. I do like all sorts of skin revealing outfits and I know one thing for sure, the people in New Jersey are fucking prudes

Police in the US state of New Jersey have ordered a family to cover up their snow sculpture of the famous nude Venus de Milo after a neighbour complained.

Eliza Gonzalez sculpted the snow-woman with her son and daughter on her front lawn in Rahway following a snowstorm.

Many people praised their creation, but a police officer told them a neighbour had found it too risque, she said.

When given the option of covering the sculpture up or knocking it down, she dressed it in a bikini top and sarong.

"We didn't want to have any problem with the police so we covered it up," Ms Gonzalez told the AFP news agency.

But she now thinks the snowy Venus looks "more objectified and sexualised" than it did before the authorities intervened.

I have to say, my eyes would be gazing at that snow sculpture now more than they would if it was just a nude chunk of ice. You see, you've just objectified it by connecting it to a person instead of a physical form.

So as we approach the beach wear season, perhaps it's time to reflect on what you're going to sporting on the beach, as well as how much of a prude you'll feel like you want to be towards others. Myself? I'm in the stance that you can just wear whatever you want. I mean.. I'm not going to complain. Bazinga!

Bring on the spring outfits and don't skimp on those sundresses!

Hungry Like The Wolf

Hungry Like The Wolf

If there's one thing that Catholic school did to me, it was kill my sense of fashion. I had none. Absolutely none after years of wearing the same god damn thing day after day. But even on my worse days not knowing what to wear, I never sunk as low as to wear a Wolf t-shirt.

If there's one thing that is my saving grace to not knowing fashion is that I knew enough that Wolf or any other animal print shirt was just awful. But being as I'm a nerd and part of the nerd community, I have to at least acknowledge the existence of these god awful things. I present to you, the wolf print shirt:



There it is in all its glory. I'm not sure what exactly one would see in these sort of shirts. I mean, it doesn't scream out cool or anything near that. But then again, don't take my word for it, read these reviews on the subject of Wolf shirts.




Talk about glowing reviews from all these shoppers.




But hey, if you don't want to heed my warnings and you'd like to rock out with a Wolf t-shirt, you can buy them here on Amazon.com Yup, that's right. Amazon.com: Where customers who make fun of walmart shoppers shop.

Then again, not everyone is all for this sort of humor.

By The Mountain (Keene, NH) - See all my reviews
We appreciate humor as much as the next company, but we don't approve of some of the Classist remarks that are being generated here. Since we live in a relatively free society, this sometimes makes it easier to look past our own shortcomings and throw stones in glass houses.

The Mountain is a wholesale company and does not sell shirts on Amazon, so this viral assault went under our radar until the shirt made it into the top 10 in the amazon apparel section.

Some say: "Bad publicity is better than no publicity at all. We however disagree if it's at the expense of others in a Classist, Racist or Prejudice manner.

We are a New Hampshire company and some of the folks you ridicule are our neighbors, our friends and those that make our shirts, that are part of The Mountain family. They are the working class of America. Not everyone can start out at the top and not everyone from our neck of the woods lives in a trailer or cruises Walmart to hook up (though we do shop there for cheap Blue Rays).

We are inspired by our natural surrounding, nature, you can mock it, but please do us a favor and don't visit.

So what's a Wolf shirt buyer to do? Do you trust the sarcastic reviews or the company that makes them? Well, we can always see what the buyers of wolf shirts are buying...



Yup, nothing goes better with a Wolf shirt than some Zebra striped pants.. Totally awesome in every possible way. Oooh yeah.

Where the H*!! is MY bailout?!

Where the H*!! is MY bailout?!



sorry bailouts aren't for big dogs, just fatcats

Hello my non-American friends, Big Dogs are the pinnacle of American screen printing humor. They are like institutions in our society. Angry dog shirts are the failure of humanity condensed into screen printed cotton.

It seemed that everyone had that dog on their shirt in the 5th grade. It's like a blast from the past. You were so edgy. Thankfully I never had one of these. I don't get the appeal really. You typically see these as a psuedo-hardass symbol for suburban dads to wear to feel tough around their kids.



Is it that people feel like they can say things through a dog on a shirt that they can't manage to say in real life? It's not me it's this rascally mutt! Sort of like getting a word tattooed on yourself in Japanese because you'd look like a fag if you had the word "spirit" on your neck in English?

I really shouldn't be surprised that they're keeping up with current events. When I went to one of those outlet shopping centers when I lived in Florida they had a Big Dog store. It was a bit scary but they were always up with the latest film parody. Bark Wars: Attack of the Big Dog, The Barktrix and whatever other film was out at the time.



Even still, the idea that the Big Dog is covering all the economic downturn is a clear sign that we're in a bad position. You know it's the coming of a depression when even Big Dog is heralding it with their shirts.

I think I realize why we're in the mess that we're in right now. Did the Big Dog get a second or third mortgage? What sort of bank would loan money to a dog to begin with? Did he not have a job to keep up with payments. The bank who loaned money to Big Dog not only needs to get no bailout money, but they also need their license pulled at once!


Theres no FRICKIN way I'm gonna be able to make my house payments!

Why is the Big Dog pissed that he hasn't gotten his bailout? Did they go up to congress and ask for one? Come on folks, we need to bailout Big Dog! Without them many fat ass southern people wont have anything witty to wear!



This whole meme (if it's even able to be considered that) was nothing but the initial reaction to a nation getting fatter and fatter. Whereas now it's simply normalized in its pandemic nature, back then it was a shock. So people had to rationalize it as some alternative lifestyle choice and a symbol of their 'attitude' toward life.

The only person I know who wears these shirts is a big-as-a-tank upright Christian dude. He's got no real need or reason to 'feel' tough and he has the personality of a happy puppy. Maybe he wears them ironically? I dunno.


I'm almost certain this shirt's premise is false. A 30 of natty is like 14 bucks and thats like 6-8 gallons of gas so yeah im p sure thats wrong. WAY TO DO YOUR SCIENTIFIC STUDY, BIG DOG INC. Besides, isn't it illegal to give alcohol to animals? I would hope that some animal rights groups were called and warned about this alcohol consuming pup. I'm not even sure I understand what this next one is suppose to mean. Is it about high fuel prices or something?



I have to wonder if they even produce the shirts in sizes under XL. Seeing all these shirts its like I'm walking on the Atlantic city boardwalk. Only without the fear of getting mugged and killed. These shirts are typically all over redneck tourist towns and the scary aspect is that they sell like hot cakes. Even in this down economy people are still showing how much of a Big Dog they are.



Hell yeah! Now I can be a nurse without feeling like a sissy crybaby. Thank you Big Dog industries.

Most of the time these shirts simply point out that the wearer is a deeply unpleasant person. More than likely racist and grew up in the church, so they don't want to do anything that would displease Jesus... but oddly enough have no problems with telling my "spic ass" to "Go back to Mexico!" It just means you have something to warn you ahead of time that they are approaching you. Just remember, IF YOU CAN'T RUN WITH THE BIG DOGS THEN GO BACK TO THE PORCH!

Something Awful poked fun on these a while back. Here's some of my favorites.








If you ever see me wearing a Big Dog shirt just stab me through the head. Any blunt object will do. Just put me out of my misery. Please.

Kenneth Cole

Kenneth Cole

For anyone familiar with the designer Kenneth Cole, or have seen one of his advertisements, he tends to show certain things with a quote containing a contrived pun, ALL IN CAPS, attributed to him that somewhat relates to current events or drinking lattes or some such shit, like this one I got in my mailbox a few days ago



To those shut ins that haven't watched the news, he's not talking about some landing on their feet and others committing suicide by jumping off a bridge into the hudson river. However, I thought these two advertisements were in especially poor taste




He's going to do lots of business in the obnoxious douchebag market now that T-shirt Hell is closing down.


But that playa keep on playin'



You aint gotta front it, yo



Gobias industries was a wrong place to put much stock into..



Truth...



So Chic it hurts.. them poor peasant



Sounds like my kind of shirt! A quick thinking one.



Laugh it up, you conformist!



So there you have it. The day after Valentines day, you're more than likely going to need a new shirt after tossing your old one out the window in a fit of passion. So how about you become a corporate sell out and buy some Kenneth Cole designs?

-Kenneth Cole