Happy Krampus Day!

Happy Krampus Day!

Fuck Christmas, it's time to celebrate beating bad children with a birch branches. Yes, that's right - It's Krampus day. My favorite Austrian holiday that focuses on Jolly Ol' Saint Nick's degenerate friend Krampus. He's very similar to Black Peter, in fact Black Peter was probably evolved from Krampus.

In the event that you know nothing more about this Holiday season other than it's when Big Baby Jesus was born, Saint Nicholas goes around rewarding the good boys and girls with toys and what not. This much you know already from childhood lies. But what you may not know is that Jolly Coke-Cola dressed Santa didn't do it alone, he had someone ride shotgun. A ying to his yang.



So since we have the rewards for good children covered by Nicholas, can you take an educated guess at what his partner handled? I'll give you a moment... Yeah, that's right - the punishments.

In Holland in the 15th century they came up with Black Peter. He was the dark aid to Santa and was suppose to represent the Spaniards. Given that during the period Spain's occupation of the Netherlands was prime concerns. The tales would suggest that Black Peter would come around and take the bad children with him to his pirate ship.



It's not terribly uncommon to demonize your enemies. Just look at what we're doing to all the illegal aliens in our country. We practically make them seem like Vampires. Oh wait, that's another modern monster that has its roots from people demonizing others they feel are invading their territory.

but the roots go far deeper. You see, Black Peter was just casting the person to deal out evil to their enemy, but before that, Santa's helper was Krampus. The word itself comes from 'Krampen' and is from Old High German meaning Claw. But unlike mr. Black Face racial slander over there in Black Peter, this one is from the fiery pits of hell. Just look at the following walking of the Krampi.



The Germanic peoples have always understood that you have to scare the piss out of children to keep them in line, and for that they use Krampus. The best part is that he's approved by the jolly fat guy who likes cookies to instill his brand of torture and fear in the hearts of children.

On the night before Christmas, Krampus goes around before Saint Nicholas does and starts to clear off his own list. The list of the naughtiest kids. How else would someone do this than with a switch and a basket. He goes around and takes them, throws 'em in his basket and they go with him to the pits of hell.



I have to say, this legend is completely amazing and if it worked then, why the hell aren't we using it now? I want to see a section of the mall devoted to Krampus like they do for Santa. Kids would go up to him and make their case as to why they shouldn't be beaten with a tree branch and taken to hell with him. Now that would be a better use of the season.

Krampus Night is celebrated, which is tonight. It's done so because Saint Nicholas day is on the 6th of December. So while my dream of malls with a Krampus area for photos may not be a reality, in Austria people dress up as Krampus tonight and go around the streets beating "bad" kids and women for the sake of scaring them. Gotta say, that's some good times to be had.



It's really just a matter of having a pre-christian character be the opposite of Santa to represent the winter season. That while it may bring a lot of good, you can't forget that winter can kill you. A roaming forest demon is an easy explanation for a time when folks didn't realize the elements could be reason enough to kill you.



While I had hoped to go to Austria to join in the celebration this year, that world travel aspect sure hasn't kicked in. But the biggest celebration of this day happens in the town of Schladming in Austria. Where over a thousand Krampus gather around and scare the shit out of anyone standing around. Think of it like Halloween in West Hollywood. While it may be a great day to be a dude dressed in a krampus suit, it's not a great time for the local women, who typically stay in or are the subject of the attention of the drunk Krampi.

Either way, I have to say, this is one of the better Winter festivities that I have come across in my study of cultures and humans. I love the myth of scaring kids into behaving and the whole notion that Christmas has this evil dark side that is not visited upon often is surprisingly entertaining.

So to you fine folks out there, I say Happy Krampusnacht!

Jew-Mas

Jew-Mas

Okay, that was just offensive. I shouldn't be so offensive, I work in the film industry and it's run by Jewish folk. Not to mention that they make up many of my friends and my girlfriend has a little Jewish in her (Hey now!) But hey, Chuanuaka is here and it celebrates the struggle of an oppressed people against imperialism, so perhaps it would appeal to those who don't really favor capitalism.... Now how's that for deep thinking material?

On Wednesday you were suppose to light the first candle of Channukah. And while it sounds like a bunch of hellenistic paganism, it's really not. It really is about an oppressed underdog fighting back against the man. Don't believe me? Let's look at the history of the festive celebration of lights!

Hanukkah (Hebrew: חֲנֻכָּה‎, nowadays usually spelled חנוכה, also romanized as Chanukah), also known as the Festival of Lights, is an eight-day Jewish holiday commemorating the rededication of the Second Temple in Jerusalem at the time of the Maccabean Revolt of the 2nd century BCE.

In the narrative of I Maccabees, after Antiochus issued his decrees forbidding Jewish religious practice, a rural Jewish priest from Modiin, Mattathias the Hasmonean, sparked the revolt against the Seleucid Empire by refusing to worship the Greek gods. Mattathias killed a Hellenistic Jew who stepped forward to offer a sacrifice to an idol in Mattathias' place. He and his five sons fled to the wilderness of Judah. After Mattathias' death about one year later in 166 BCE, his son Judah Maccabee led an army of Jewish dissidents to victory over the Seleucid dynasty in guerrilla warfare, which at first was directed against Hellenizing Jews, of whom there were many. The Maccabees destroyed pagan altars in the villages, circumcised children and forced Jews into outlawry.

After the victory, the Maccabees entered Jerusalem in triumph and ritually cleansed the Temple, reestablishing traditional Jewish worship there and installing Jonathan Maccabee as high priest.

According to Rabbinic tradition, the victorious Maccabees could only find a small jug of oil that had remained uncontaminated by virtue of a seal, and although it only contained enough oil to sustain the Menorah for one day, it miraculously lasted for eight days, by which time further oil could be procured.

Why yes, I too celebrate an excellent bargain when it comes to the oil markets. Maybe I have a bit of connection to this holiday because growing up I was always asked if I was Jewish. It must have been my broken nose or something but here we are.

So you see, don't you believe in miracles?! I know I do! 8 days worth of oil for the price of one? Talk about a bargain! Time to celebrate. At least it's not based on a pagan holiday!



So even though according to American Television shows, Hanuka is not about American jews getting a present every day for eight days straight. This idea has been perpetuated for far too long in a vain attempt to make Jewish people not feel so bad about killing the true son of god. We all know the silly goyim's aren't buying the whole 8 days of worthwhile presents.

I know plenty of Jewish people who never got gifts for Hanuka. And if they did, they were just stupid shit you wouldn't be proud to get like socks, school supplies and other such novelties that you ignore in your typical christian stockings.

Besides, everyone knows American Jews get 8 small shitty, but practical, gifts for Hanukkah and then they get something for Christmas so that they would have something to brag about in keeping up with the Jones.

Let's not forget that Hanukkah is fun. You get to eat potato pancakes. I fucking love potato pancakes. And the brisket. You know, growing up in a Mexican (and former Jewish) neighborhood, I got so sick of tamales during the holiday season.



What I would give for a nicely cooked ham.. or a brisket. Fuck! That sounds so good. The notion of latka's also sounds so pleasing to the pallet right now. Let alone cravings for some Matzah ball soup. Even if it taste like campbells with some large softball in it. It's still very delicious.

Oh man. I love Jewish foods. I would convert on that alone. I think the trick is that good Jewish foods are all based on pickling and preserving stuff in some way or another. Mustards, pickles, Lox, Corned Beef... All good stuff.

I guess the only thing I don't want from that holiday is all the parental wielding of guilt against their mid-20s kids. Other than that, being Jewish seems to have a pretty good advantage to the whole thing. Once you tell other Jews what family you're from they all want to invite you for take out Chinese. And if there actually is a god, you're at least his chosen people!

Though I can't get behind the denial that comes from being Jewish. I know this guy who insists that I admit that I'm a Jew because I know all sorts of things about the religion... and again, my facial features. And when I tell him "No, I'm not Jewish", he always acts like it's some secret that is safe with him. "Oh, you can tell me if you're Jewish, I wont think any less of you."

Like, really? Do people somehow think less of someone because they're Jewish? How does this work and why does that even seem normal? It's not like we're in Germany during Hitler rule, I doubt there's many Jewish that are still paranoid about admitting their lineage. Why is being Jewish something that folks think you need to confess about?

Also what I don't get is the importance of the maternal lineage. I mean, really? Aren't the same folks who are keeping strict guidelines on who is Jewish based on the vagina you came out of being Jewish the same ones who are enjoying a shrimp cocktail or a cheese burger? I can't see how maternal lineage can still be important for Jew-dom. If one of your parents is Jewish, guess what.. you're half Jewish too.



So on this day I say, Happy Third candle, my fellow brothers in the diaspora. In the spirit of the festivities, Israel is currently burning

In an emergency cabinet meeting assembled in Tel Aviv on Friday, Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu thanked the nations sending forces to aid Israel in a large-scale brushfire, which had already cost the lives of 41 people

In his short address, delivered minutes before he was due to travel to the sight of the Carmel fire, Netanyahu thanked Turkish Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdogan for sending fire-fighting aircraft to aid Israel in it's battle against the conflagration.

Turkey's sending of two fire-fighting planes comes as its relations with Israel have deteriorated in recent years and reached a low point last May when nine Turkish citizens were killed as Israeli naval commandos boarded a Gaza-bound aid flotilla.

Perhaps there will be a new miracle of lights and the fire will burn for 8 years. You know, 8 is the number of infinity. So go ahead and enjoy Chuanuaka but just remember that Festivus is just around the corner.

Fuck The Irish!

Fuck The Irish!

Ha. yeah. no. I actually really like the Irish. I've spent plenty of time at bars to know that the best drunks come in the Irish variety. Unlike your typical white frat boy, when he's drunk he's trying to prove something and will gladly start shit over the dumbest things. A typical drunk Irish.. well, they at least have a high tolerance, so they can go toe to toe with my borderline alcoholic habits. But when you've suffered through potato famine after famine, you get a wee bit humbled by said experiences.

Not to mention the ladies. It shouldn't come to a surprise to any of my readers, I really like red hair. I mean, that's my major weakness. That and a bullet or a sword. I mean, really, it could be a sharp stick that you poke me with and I'll suffer. So saying red hair is my weakness is a bit overselling it. But I gravitate towards red hair. It's just my kick, okay? No need to judge now.



So don't let the title fool you, I really am very happy around the Irish. Their accents really are neat-o. But there's one thing that doesn't rub me the right way, it's all the fake Irish that run around on this very day. Oh, what day is it? Why it's St. Paddy's day!

Saint Patrick's Day is a yearly holiday celebrated on 17 March. It is named after Saint Patrick (circa AD 387–461), the most commonly recognized of the patron saints of Ireland. It began as a purely Catholic holiday and became an official feast day in the early 1600s. However, it has gradually become more of a secular celebration of Ireland's culture.

It is a public holiday on the island of Ireland (both Northern Ireland and the Republic of Ireland) and widely celebrated by the Irish diaspora in places such as Great Britain, Canada, the United States, Argentina, Australia, New Zealand, and Montserrat.

A few things you should remember
1. You're not Irish
2. It's "st. Paddy's Day," not "St. Patty's Day"
3. Don't throw up in my favorite bars. I want to go there the rest of the week



Everything is green today and that also means food. Now normally if you see a green bagel at the store you have to question how fresh it actually is. Not today. Well, I guess it should still be questionable. I wonder how many 7-11's pass off really old moldy food off as novelty colored food on St. Patty's day just to unload it.

Just don't be surprised when your shit is green also. Green beer usually leads to that and well, maybe I don't want to freak the fuck out in the morning after nursing a hangover on trying to remember why my shit is green, Okay?!? Now where's my blood pudding and bangers and beans?

Besides, some of us don't need an arbitrary excuse to get drunk all day. I mean, is there really a drinking age in Ireland? Or is it one of those "tall enough to reach the bar" countries. Cause those places are awesome.



Did you know that 204,912,200 barrels of beer were consumed in the united states in 2002. I wonder how many of those were tapped on St. Paddy's day alone. Today has to be the worse possible day to go get yourself a pint of beer. It's filled with people who would normally NOT be at a bar for a drink. I guess I should be thankful for St. Paddy's day. Never has there been a better opportunity to get wasted in the parks all day.

But these new folks at the bar don't know how to tip a bartender, don't know how to get the fuck out of the way of the bar after they get their drinks. Don't know how to handle their booze and are sloshed well before any respectable hour. They give the Irish a bad name because on this day, everyone with 1/64th Irish in them want to be all "I'm so Irish I shit shamrocks!" and what not.



Let's face it, America hasn't always been so kind to the Irish. No need to perpetuate a stereotype in such a fashion. Yes yes, we all know that Irish and drunks are both angry mother fuckers. How many other holidays do you get pinched or punched for not dressing up? Think about that when you see some Trick-or-treaters asking for candy when they don't even have a costume on.

It's bad enough that in the 80's and 90's the IRA bombing campaigns really did put a bit of fear when it comes to thinking about the Irish. Look at our track record for honoring them or even trusting them with high positions. Unlike the Jews, who seem to run everything, the Irish aren't always in charge. Yeah, we did have one Irish-Catholic President, but even then.. he wasn't really liked. I mean, he did get shot after all.


8. He is a secret socialist catholic
9. He has been caught swaying back and to the left

But hey, let's just toss all those stereotypes aside and pour yourself a Guinness and get yourself some Corned Beef and Cabbage as you go out to have some beer with the 1,000,000 other clones just like yourself. Don't forget that red sox cap! I do wonder though, what do the people who DON'T like Guinness drink? And what did Irish people really eat considering Corned Beef would have been really expensive as meat and salt (for curing the meat) were not very attainable by the peasants.

While it may sound great on paper, No one enjoys 4 straight hours of Dropkick Murphy's and Flogging Molly songs being played on a bar's Jukebox. Stop it. Just stop it. And stop singing along with the wrong, slurred words. While we're at it don't try the whole "Kiss me, I'm Irish" line. It comes across more as "Don't kiss me, I'm not Irish but merely an inferior American of only partially Irish descent who is therefore unworthy of celebrating this holiday by wearing a certain color of clothing and getting drunk."



Though you have to admire that clinging of a tradition.. at least for one day as an excuse to drink. Much like this man from The Onion's piece about a Man Who's 1/16th Irish Proud Of His Irish Heritage. But then again, I've seen people who were 1/64 American Indian cling to that, so I guess it's not really something I can complain about, right.

Oh yeah, remember that in December my car was destroyed by a drunk driver. You can imagine that I'm going to make sure my car is not parked on the street today. You know what, if you're going to go out drinking, just don't drive home. Okay? At least real Irish people realize they're far too drunk to drive. Us American amateurs just fool ourselves into thinking that we are okay. No. just no. I'm full in accepting that if you're not puking in a gutter by 9:30, you're doing this holiday wrong. And if you're not back up and drinking 5 minutes later, you're clearly not Irish.



It's still early in the day.... though you probably should already be drunk. Let's fix that, here's a list of all the pubs that you can get green beer from. Let's be honest - You can get green beer from just about any pub today because they're all looking to attract your not-so-average bar goer. Which is another reason why I don't really care for St. Patty's day. The fake drunks.

It's also really a bad day to be on the road. Not because of the drunks but because of the police force out there. Police all across the area will be on full alert for the overly inebriated. So you should be careful on how many of those green beers you're consuming as there will be a lot of police check points. The Santa Monica Police Dept. will be having their own St Paddy's day celebration on the 300 block of Pico Boulevard. At what time? Oddly enough they wouldn't say. They normally do. But I can imagine that since festivities and bars have been open since the morning, that they may have already pitched a tent and will be there till around 2:30 in the morning


Oh yeah, how could I NOT use this blog as an excuse to post a picture of a red head?

So I would advise that you stay safe out there. Don't drink too much and enjoy your left over corned beef tomorrow as hash. Here's an excellent recipe for it.

3 tablespoons unsalted butter
1 cup finely chopped red bell pepper
2 cloves garlic, minced
5 cups leftover Corned Beef and Cabbage, well drained, recipe follows
1/2 teaspoon chopped fresh thyme
1/2 teaspoon chopped fresh oregano
1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

Melt the butter in a 12-inch cast iron skillet set over medium heat. Add the bell pepper and cook until it begins to brown slightly, approximately 5 to 6 minutes. Add the garlic, corned beef and cabbage, thyme, oregano and black pepper to the skillet and stir to combine. Once combined, spread the hash evenly over the pan and firmly press down with a spatula. Place a heavy lid, heatproof plate or second pan directly atop the hash and allow to cook until browned, approximately 10 minutes. After 10 minutes stir mixture, press down again, top with the lid and allow to cook another 5 to 6 minutes, or until browned. Serve immediately.

And with that, I leave you with a classic scene from the Wire. Happy St. Paddy's day!



Now with a traditional way to celebrate St. Paddy's Day

Being The President Must Suck

Being The President Must Suck

When I was little I would hear school mates talk about how they wanted to be the President when they grew up. I knew better. Why the hell would I want the nation under my control? What kind of a control freak do you have to be in order to do that shit? You see how much shit Obama is getting trying to get proper health care off the ground. Hell, you have crazy pastors hoping that someone kills him. What kind of childhood ambitions would I have if I aspired to be the President? Might as well just want to be killed.

The President has it bad. Too many choices to make and in the end, everyone just remembers the bad things you did more than the good things you ever pulled out of your ass with a hope and a prayer. Yeah, sure. You're going to be in a select club that only 44 other people are in and if you want to talk about special days, forget Valentine's Day, in order to really feel celebrated try being a President. The majority of the people in that club are already dead and all of them, in retrospect, were only human.



Much like any human, we have our faults. Me? I like to consume large amounts of beer of mircorbrewery levels and then write blogs about pointless topics that have hints of comedy and perhaps some lesson snuck in there. And just to prove to you that your presidents of the past which you should be honoring today aren't beyond human, here's a list of the presidents and the terrible choices they made while in office.

George Washington:
* Pretty sure he said that stopping the lynching of loyalists would be a violation of the "rights" of the people.
* Signed the Fugitive Slave Act.
* Slave owner.

John Adams:
* Sedition Act.

Thomas Jefferson:
* Hypocritical racist slave owner.



James Madison:
* War of 1812, literally the stupidest war the USA has ever been involved in.

James Monroe:
* Imperialist war to steal Florida
* Missouri Compromise

John Quincy Adams
* Nothing, he owns, tell me something he did bad. I dare you.

Andrew Jackson:
* Trail of Tears
* Gag Rule
* Caused Panic of 1837

Martin Van Buren:
* Panic of 1837
* Trail of Tears

William Harrison:
* Literally ran on his genocide of Native Americans.



John Tyler:
* Brutal imperialist war against the people of Mexico for some slave-owning anglos.

James K. Polk:
* Brutal imperialist war against the people of Mexico for some slave-owning anglos.

Zachary Taylor:
* Slave owner.
* Set stage for Compromise of 1850

Millard Fillmore:
* Responsible for the creation of one of the most brutal empires in history just so the US could continue its endless expansion westward.
* Compromise of 1850

Franklin Pierce:
* Overturned Missouri Compromise, making more slavery.
* When both fanatical slavery and anti-slavery groups moved to the newly encorperated state of Kansas, formed seperate governments, and essentially had a mini civil war, he did nothing because of states right

James Buchanan:
* Saw the Civil War's beginnings, did fuck all.



Abraham Lincoln:
* Drafted civilian populace.
* Suspended Habeas Corpus.
* Shut down over 400 newspapers
* Set up a political prison camp on an island off of new york,
* Issued a warrant to have the chief justice of the supreme court Roger B. Taney arrested
* Had senators arrested on the floor of the senate

Andrew Johnson:
* Vetoed a bunch of civil rights bills.

Ulysses Grant:
* Horrifically corrupt.

Rutherford Hayes:
* First President ever to order US soldiers to murder strikers.
* Ended reconstruction

James Garfield:
* Didn't give Charles J. Guiteau his rightful post.

Chester Arthur:
* Chinese Exclusion Act

Benjamin Harrison:
* Annexation of Hawaii.

Grover Cleveland:
* Pullman Strike

William McKinley:
* Spanish-American War
* Philippine-American War
* Open door policy, formally tied US military imperialism to US economic imperialism.



Theodore Roosevelt:
* Invaded Panama to take control of the canal.
* Revised Monroe doctrine to be a rationale for US imperialism rather than a decrying of European imperialism.

William Taft:
* Invaded Nicaragua
* Got Woodrow Wilson elected.

Woodrow Wilson:
* American police state, brutally suppressed dissent.
* Espionage Act of 1917
* Sedition Act of 1918
* Wilsonian idealism
* Manipulated American public to convince them to enter into World War One
* Assistance to white forces during the Russian Civil War
* Initially opposed to suffrage.

William Harding:
* Pussy on lynching.
* Let his horribly corrupt friends run the government, culminating in the Teapot Dome scandal.

Calvin Coolidge:
* Responsible for the economic policies which lead to the Great Depression.

Herbert Hoover:
* Did fuck all for Americans during the Great Depression.
* Sent troops to stop the Bonus Army.
* Mexican Repatriation



Franklin Roosevelt:
* Firebombed Tokyo and Dresden.
* Purposefully, knowingly engaged in actions that would force Japan to go to war with the USA, but simultaneously failed to adequately protect the US Navy from a (probable) surprise attack.
* Illegally interned US civilians on the basis of ethnicity.
* Mexican Repatriation

Harry Truman:
* Overthrew democratically elected governments of Syria and Greece.
* Nuked Japanese civilian targets, a pointless act done solely as a show of force against the USSR (the Japanese surrendered because the Soviets declared war on them).
* National Security Act of 1947.
* Truman Doctrine
* Supported France retaining its colonial possessions.

Dwight Eisenhower:
* Began US policy of imperialism and neo-colonialism by overthrowing the democratically-elected governments of Iran and Guatemala.
* Started Vietnam
* Started COINTELPRO
* Interstate system
* Fomented revolution in Hungary, which was crushed when the US refused to support the revolutionaries
* Operation Wetback
* Lied about the U-2 spyplane shot down over the USSR, which halted talks to halt nuclear weapons production.
* Korean War.
* Overthrew the government of the Republic of Congo.

John Kennedy:
* Stepped up Vietnam War
* Relocated the Seneca Indians, breaking a treaty and a campaign promise.
* Allowed the FBI to wiretap Martin Luther King on suspicion that he might be a Communist.
* Bay of Pigs
* Executed a coup in Iraq.
* Would have been remembered for more terrible things if he hadn't been killed



Lyndon Johnson:
* Drafted US civilians
* Backed Saddam Hussein's acquisition of power in Iraq.
* Stepped up the Vietnam War
* Suppressed Mississippi Freedom Democratic Party (anti-segregation offshoot of Democratic Party)
* Failed to implement Universal Health Care
* Maintained the embargo against Cuba.
* Backed a coup in Brazil.

Richard Nixon:
* Bombed the shit out of the Cambodian civilian populace, enabling Pol Pot's regime to take power.
* Illegal wiretapping
* Directly involved in the overthrow of Allende, established Pinochet
* Watergate
* Implemented the southern strategy which used racism to bring southern whites into the Republican Party
* Ordered a coup in Chile.
* Failed to implement Universal Health Care
* Started War on Drugs.
* Maintained the embargo against Cuba.



Gerald Ford:
* Pardoned Nixon.
* Brought a whole slough of shitty neocons into the political mainstream
* Failed to implement Universal Health Care
* Gave the OK to President Suharto of Indonesia for the invasion and genocide of East Timor.
* Mayaguez Incident.
* Maintained the embargo against Cuba.

Jimmy Carter:
* Stepped up aid to the Jakarta regime in Indonesia as it committed genocide against the population of East Timor.
* Fed Mujahideen
* Backed a coup in Turkey.
* Failed to implement Universal Health Care
* Refused to return Mohammed Reza Shah Pahlavi to Iran for trial.
* Funded the training of insurgents in Afghanistan and Pakistan in order to combat the USSR's invasion of Afghanistan according to the Carter Doctrine.
* Cracked down on pork spending which in turn got the dems in Congress' panties twisted up in a knot and they sat there like children and crossed their arms and went "LALALALALALA" to everything he said from then on.
* The Malaise speech which did the same thing to all of the US and along with the Iran Hostage Crisis rolled out the red carpet for Reagan.
* Maintained the embargo against Cuba.

Ronald Reagan:
* Bombed Tripoli, Libya and killed a bunch of people.
* Initiated the trend of modern prison privatizations.
* Sold Saddam Hussein biological and chemical weapons during the Iran/Iraq War.
* Created mandatory minimum sentencing.
* Appointed Alan Greenspan as Chairman of the Federal Reserve
* Failed to implement Universal Health Care
* Supported Apartheid
* Surrendered the working man in the USA to capitalist-class interests.
* Fed Mujahideen
* Iran-Contra Affair
* Tried to veto Martin Luther King Day.
* War on Drugs
* Invaded Grenada.
* Ignored HIV/AIDS
* Killed Fairness Doctrine, leading to rise of conservative talk radio.
* Supported various violent warlords in the third world
* Reaganomics.
* Cut the taxes on the wealthy dramatically.
* Set record deficit.
* Sponsored death squads in El Salvador.
* Responsible for Savings and Loan crisis.
* Maintained the embargo against Cuba.
* Military aid to Israel.



George Bush I:
* Gulf War
* Failed to implement Universal Health Care
* Pardoned a bunch of people involved with Iran Contra
* Stepped up the War on Drugs.
* Appointed one of the least experienced judges in history.
* Appointed Alan Greenspan as Chairman of the Federal Reserve
* Set record deficit.
* Maintained the embargo against Cuba.
* Military aid to Israel.

Bill Clinton:
* Seriously expanded extraordinary rendition.
* Iraq Liberation Act.
* Appointed Alan Greenspan as Chairman of the Federal Reserve
* Failed to implement Universal Health Care
* Didn't do anything to stop Rwandan genocide
* Ramped up Drug War
* Hit Iraq with cruise missiles.
* Brought heavy influence from the military with personnel and equipment to the Drug War, often in violation of the Posse Comitatus Act.
* Doubled prison population.
* Bombed Somalia, let the entire country collapse.
* Don't Ask, Don't Tell
* Lied under oath.
* Crime Act of 1994
* "Welfare reforms" of 1996
* NAFTA
* Signed DMCA
* Kept and defended China's most favored nation trading status to "democratize them."
* The Massacre at Waco
* Bombed pharmaceutical plant in Sudan which supplied more than half its medicine and 90% of its most critical medicines, leading to countless civilian deaths from preventable diseases.
* Military aid to Israel.
* Bombed civilian targets in Yugoslavia.
* Defense of Marriage Act
* Maintained the embargo against Cuba.



George Bush II:
* Lied to the public to start idiotic war in Iraq.
* Started idiotic war in Iraq, killing many civilians.
* Appointed Alan Greenspan as Chairman of the Federal Reserve
* Began torturing "suspected" terrorists.
* Paid conservative columnists to push his policies.
* Politicized justice department
* Pushed for the allowance of offshore drilling in the Alaska National Wildlife Refuge
* Illegal wiretapping
* 9/11
* Mishandling of Hurricane Katrina
* War in Afghanistan
* Spent at least part of 1,040 days on vacation.
* No Child Left Behind
* Destroyed the budget
* Medicare drugs act
* Failed to implement Universal Health Care
* Attempted to privatize social security
* Allowed the economy to be destroyed on his watch
* Set record deficit.
* PATRIOT act
* No-bid contracts to corporations
* Secret prisons
* Commuted Scooter Libby's sentence
* Military aid to Israel.
* Politicized global warming reports
* Vetoed SCHIP and stem cell research
* Clear Skies Act
* Tried to amend constitution to ban gay marriage. Twice.
* His tax cuts.
* Established Department of Homeland Security.
* Nominated cronies to important political positions.
* Maintained the embargo against Cuba.



Barack Obama:
* Stepping up war in Afghanistan
* Under his regime, torture rates in Guantanamo have gone up.
* Set record deficit.
* Military aid to Israel.
* Failed to implement Universal Health Care
* Maintained the embargo against Cuba.
* Allowed the Banks to pretty much rape the public
* Still has yet to close Guantanamo
* chooms it up
* is a better campaigner than a better leader



And while we're talking about Presidents of the past - let's talk about a moment that I would consider a precious moment in our nations history. Scary enough, it's dealing with someone I would consider the worst president ever. One who I have constantly made plans to go to his library as well as his grave in Orange County and pissing on. Richard Nixon. From the New York Times

WASHINGTON, May 9 President Nixon left the White House shortly before dawn this morning, drove to the Lincoln Memorial and spent an hour chatting with young people who had come to protest his war policies

I don't have New York Times archives so that's all I can bring up on it now. But doesn't this seem like a remarkable thing for a president to do? For all Nixon's faults, his self-pity and his arrogance, I think it's safe to say that unlike the blissful ignorance of Reagan and Bush, he wrestled with a turbulent conscience. Who can imagine a current President doing this? Having the balls to go down to a Washington memorial at 4.a.m and listen to the concerns of America's young? It's easy to despair over what's happening to the US at the moment, but when I look back at something like this it reminds me that American Democracy means something.

Most of all that no-one is beyond redemption. Yeah, a lot of you are thinking that this was nothing more than a presidential photo op. But then again, what sort of photo op is it without a photograph of the event?



Richard Nixon was evil, let there be no mistake in the history books about that. Richard Nixon was an evil man -- evil in a way that only those who believe in the physical reality of the Devil can understand it. He was utterly without ethics or morals or any bedrock sense of decency. Nobody trusted him -- except maybe the Stalinist Chinese, and honest historians will remember him mainly as a rat who kept scrambling to get back on the ship.

In retrospect, I think I'd rather have Nixon be President-for-Life than have any or all of the ensuing administrations. Hell, if having Nixon in office would have precluded Reagan from being president, that alone is worth it. Nixon hated Reagan and probably would have had him assassinated. That in itself is grounds for me saying that sometimes some evils should be accepted.



I'm not going to try to defend the asshole but he was trying to convince Congress to pass UHC before Watergate. I guess we're just cursed to not have health care for all options anytime. Bill Clinton almost got there, but some head really blew that one and made a mess of that term of office. Nixon was also known for instituting affirmative action, pushing forward desegregation, and setting up OSHA. So there was something to come from that evil.

Just imagine that if watergate never happened Nixon wouldbe in the top 5 of the greatest presidents and he would have won that election anyway. What an error on his part to even have to go through the whole watergate situation to begin with. I guess great power does corrupt. So perhaps that's why it confuses me that we even have this day of celebration of only 44 men who have stepped up to the plate to lead us, the utterly mindless public into a better tomorrow.



Perhaps I just answered my own question there. In a nation that is full of retards and people who don't know any better and try to tell lead them is a job that I don't think any sane person would really want. It's thankless and as you can see by me pointing out all the negative events that happened on their watch, many of which are not their fault, some of which were caused by the previous administration, I guess this day should be used to think about those people in the past that made those difficult choices and had to live with the results.

So enjoy this day and try to think of one president in the history of our nation and realize how difficult their actions and choices must have been. Don't just use this day to buy a mattress or appliance.

Happy Presidents Day

Haggis: Change I Can Believe In

Haggis: Change I Believe In

You know.. I didn't even realize this, but Haggis was actually banned in America since 1989. Well, not really Haggis in any form, just the more traditional Haggis with Sheep throat in it. I mean, when you have a meal made up of the extra body parts of the animal, not having the sheep's stomach or throat really make the difference. But it seems that Haggis is finally going to be un-outlawed in the United States.

The US government said it is planning to relax the ban on imported meats which prevents the sale of haggis.

The Scottish government said it was greatly encouraged by the move, which was also welcomed by haggis producers.

The ban was introduced in 1989 because of concerns about the safety of British meat during the BSE scare.

On the eve of Burns night, the US Department of Agriculture said new regulations were being drafted, in line with international standards.

'Greatly encouraged'

Imports of Scotland's iconic dish were banned by the US 21 years ago because it contains offal ingredients such as sheep lungs.

In the words of Scotland's bard Robert Burns in his Ode to a haggis, the US could be said to have looked down with "sneering, scornful view" on the "great chieftain o' the puddin'-race".

The dish is traditionally served with neeps and tatties on Burns night (25 January).

Scottish Rural Affairs Secretary Richard Lochhead said: "I am greatly encouraged to hear that the US authorities are planning a review of the unfair ban on haggis imports.

"We are in regular contact with the industry on this issue and believe that reversing the ban would deliver a vote of confidence in Scottish producers, and allow American consumers to sample our world renowned national dish.

"An increasing number of people at home and abroad are recognising the fact that the Saltire is a stamp of quality.

"It's time for the US authorities to deliver a Burns Night boost and recognise that Scottish haggis is outstanding quality produce."

Jo MacSween, co-director of Macsween Haggis, said it would come as good news to expats and tourists.

She said: "I'm very excited by this news.

"In my experience when I have encountered American tourists in Scotland they absolutely loved it.

"So they will be delighted that next time they come to visit they can not only take it back but hopefully manufacturers like us will actually start shipping it there too."

Ms MacSween said sales of haggis were no longer confined to the Burns Night season in January.

The company has also diversified into products such as haggis nachos, she said.

Yay! Haggis! I'm sure America is cheering as a sign of progress appears. Renewed hope thanks to the action for something that should have been done almost 20 years ago. And again, I honestly didn't even know that there was a ban on this shit so I never even knew that Haggis was forbidden fruit. If I did, I may have actually made it a long time ago.



It's just another clear sign of our cultural decline. What kind of nation considers itself FREE when you can't legally buy, by U.S. and many state and local laws purchase or take part in the sale or consumption of sheep stomachs and/or brains? Who declared that sheep lungs are dangerous for humans to eat while still maintaining the fact that McDonalds could legally sell "McRibs" ? Answer me that.

I mean, it was only two years ago that the Sc0ts were requesting that America lifted the ban on this.

The Scottish Government is considering asking the United States to rethink its ban on haggis imports.

Imports of Scotland's iconic dish were banned by the US in 1989 in the wake of the BSE scare because it contains offal ingredients such as sheep lungs.

Only an offal-free version of haggis is available in the US.

The move would be backed by renowned haggis maker Macsween, which believes the American market could be a very lucrative one.

I mean.. it's something even Sean Connary could enjoy.. right? Hmm, Guess not. I don't see the big stink over Haggis. I mean even with their ingredients well know, it's not really that bad. How many of you eat Hot Dogs on a daily basis? Yeah, that's what I thought. You should never talk shit about Haggis again unless you make it a point to never touch another pig's anus and meat by-product filled Hot Dog again.

There's certainly a disconnect between what we eat and our knowledge on how it's made. If we were to really know how most of our food was made, we wouldn't be so carefree about it. Hell, half the shit you see at the market is nothing more than a couple of chemicals piled together to sort of taste like what you expect it to taste like. All thanks to lovely chemicals. So the idea that America has this high moral ladder because they don't allow Sheep's throat to be sold seems really comical in retrospect.



How about we just ban Potato pancakes? I mean, that's sort of what this 1989 mandate really did. You see, it's Burns Night.. er day. Yes, Burns Night. Today is actually a Holiday. So when you called in for work telling them you weren't coming in because of some obscure fake holiday, it was actually true.

What do you do on Burns night? Why you have a Burns supper, of course! It's a celebration of the life and poetry of the poet Robert Burns. He was the author of many Scots poems. So you're suppose to have supper on the poet's birthday. This is a common thing in Scotland and Northern Ireland. Since I have this fetish for red hair and that seems to be the mecca of this sort of hair condition, I suppose I know a little bit of Scottish Culture.



This tradition has gone back since the end of the 18th Century by Robert Burns' friends on the anniversary of his death. This supper is suppose to be a little informal and much like our thanksgiving is full of turkey, the Burns tradition is to have Scotch whisky and Haggis. You're also suppose to recite a lot of Burns' poetry.

So yay! I wonder if my local butcher shop will have sheep stomach and throat up for sale today. I want to celebrate Burns Nicht in style! Is there any more outdated and stupid bans we have going for food? Oh yeah.. Foie Gras. Fuck whomever thinks that it's hurting the animal. It's not.



So regardless if you're Scottish or not, it's going to be fun celebrating Burns Nicht. I mean, he was the national poet of Scotland who wrote such classics as Auld Lang Syne and Comin' Thro' the Rey, which if you want to get into facts was the poem that inspired J.D. Salinger's The Catcher in the Rye. And how can he not be a hero of mine in the method that he was a boozer and a womanizer? So much so that by the time he died of the elderly age of 37, he had fathered a total of 9 kids.

So with that folks, Happy Burns Night everyone!