Leaving Some Children Behind

Leaving Some Children Behind

Wasn't it just a day or two ago that I already touched the subject of schools and how they're failing and why public education sucks ass? Well.. here's an older article.. Hell, this whole piece is pretty much an older piece that I had sitting in my draft section for a while now. Considering I already wrote something about No Child Left Behind and Race To The Top, some of it is sort of repeating, but then again, a lot of it is fleshing out new information that you could use to be more informed about the education of this generations youth. Then just since this is a subject that has a lot of material to cover, there's going to be some even more fucked up stuff in here.

First something old. Remember when Unions were criticizing Obama for what amounts to Bush level polices on No Child Left Behind?

To the surprise of many educators who campaigned last year for change in the White House, the Obama administration's first recipe for school reform relies heavily on Bush-era ingredients and adds others that make unions gag.

Standardized testing, school accountability, performance pay, charter schools -- all are integral to President Obama's $4.35 billion "Race to the Top" grant competition to spur innovation. None is a typical Democratic crowd-pleaser.

Labor leaders, parsing the Education Department's fine print, call the proposal little more than a dressed-up version of the No Child Left Behind law enacted seven years ago under Obama's Republican predecessor.

"It looks like the only strategies they have are charter schools and measurement," said Randi Weingarten, president of the American Federation of Teachers. "That's Bush III." Weingarten, who praises Obama for massive federal aid to help schools through the recession, said her 1.4 million-member union is engaged in "a constructive but tart dialogue" with the administration about reform.

How exactly was he simultaneously getting called a socialist AND pulling retarded backwards shit like that? The article goes on to say that No Child Left Behind esque requirements will determine which schools are transformed into charter schools. Ha, now that's comedy considering how shitty NCLB is.

I've said it before, I'll say it again. If I was raising a child right now here is no way in hell I would want to send him or her to a public school. Not even busing them to the rich community schools like my parents did for me. What I'm saying with that is I wouldn't even send them to a charter public school even if it was full of rich white people, Indians, Chinese and Jews.



A lot of education policy people say the biggest problem with No Child Left Behind was not its core concepts but the fact that it was underfunded from the start. The theory goes: if you actually have enough money to get good teachers and small class sizes, you won't have to teach-toward-the-test as much, but you still have some way to measure performance.

As for charter schools, fuck them. Charter schools are extremely shitty. Also, small class size doesn't necessarily mean better education. You can have a 10-1 student-teacher ratio, but if it means you have to hire 2 shitty teachers for every good teacher, then you'd be better off with a 30-1 student-teacher ratio.



That whole problem could be avoided by removing standardized testing entirely and replacing it with basic milestones for kids to achieve before moving on. Stuff like you must be able to read competently by the end of the 6th grade. You can't? There's a class for that. The only downfall in that is it punishes failing schools by taking away money. So if your school was terrible, it continued being terrible until they shut it down.

The typical time line went along these lines: A school fails to meet NCLB standards, the school gets taken over by the government, extracurricular activities get cut, AP classes egt cut, electives get cut, "school choice" get shopped to parents, everyone with the economic means pulls their children out of the school which leads to further failure to meet standards, opponents of public education point to another example of a failed public school.



In college I had a Russian professor that used to talk about a colleague he had had, who was dutch. The fella uprooted his family, gave up his teaching/research job here, and moved back home across the ocean to Europe because he felt it would be neglectful to his kids to cripple them by allowing them to endure an education in US schools.

How bad is the school system here? When Mercedes Benz built their first car factory in the US, they had a contract with the university to build a "German supplementary school." Basically, any executives they sent over from Germany who had kids, required that there be another additional school built so that when they moved back home their kids wouldn't be retards. I think they still went to public schools, this was just where they went to actually learn anything.



My sister is a school teacher for a school that has a majority of Spanish only speaking parents and that doesn't get all that much funding. I've often seen one glass of wine at dinner turn into a bottle of wine with "oh my god, fuck everyone I work with and the whole goddamn establishment I just want to help these kids" comments scattered throughout. I guess this is all just preparation since I have a girlfriend who is shooting to be an educator. Thankfully she's smart enough to shoot for working in a better school system.

So why would people choose the thankless, low paying and high accountability job like this? I suppose job security. It's there and even though schools were the last to offer a pension and benefits plan, they do still have them. But in my opinion, being a teacher these days in a lot of public schools is not worth sticking it out because of the stress and political bullshit.



They pull the funding, so the state/district closes the school for X amount of time. They re-open it later on with a different name and only allow a portion o the students that are in the area or attended it before into the "new" school, and/or it's a charter-style school. Not sure why they have to change the name of the school unless that's some idiotic bureaucracy thing. Existing students get bussed to other area schools. Which only means those kids spend more time on the bus which takes away from time you're able to spend on schoolwork or at home.

The cancer that caused the last school to fail gets spread to other schools and that means the new school gets a hit with lower test scores and potentially get funding taken away from them. Maybe they'll even get shut down because of the lower test scores themselves.. displacing even more children. This gets parents to pull out their kids from said schools because they don't want them to be taught alongside kids from certain backgrounds.



In most cases the schools being shut down are in poor neighborhoods which means the parents may not have an easy time getting to the schools their kids are being bussed to now as public transit sucks in many American cities. It may not seem like a big deal in the suburbs to hop in your care and spend 10-15 minutes driving to a school that's slightly further than the one that was down the street, but if you're poor and rely on public transit that 15 minute car drive turns into 45 minute bus ride and walk. Many people can't afford to just take off an extra hour or two just to go see the kid's teachers

I remember people getting into the conspiracy shit and saying that this was a way to kill off public schools and cripple education in poor areas. I blew that off as tinfoil sort of stuff, but that sure as hell seems to be what's happening. They are simply moving the kids around to other schools rather than address the real issues as to why the kids originally scored low in the first place.

It's stories like this one in Utah that just annoy me to no end

A Utah lawmaker has proposed a cost-cutting measure to keep high school students from slacking off in their senior year -- eliminate 12th grade.

Republican State Senator Chris Buttars earlier this month proposed ditching a fourth year of high school statewide, calling 12th grade a time for "nothing but playing around."

Addressing the Utah State Senate's Public Education Appropriations Subcommittee meeting, Buttars said cutting high school back to three years would save the strapped state $102 million annually. "You're spending a whole lot of money for a whole bunch of kids who aren't getting anything out of that grade," Buttars said. "It comes down to the best use of money." Buttars' has since diluted his proposal, saying that eliminating 12th grade should be an option available to students.

Whether off the wall shit like this passes or not, it's pretty clear to see that American schools are fucked. I'm really glad I graduated a good 12 years ago. Besides, what is the point of school in general when these kids could be using their time wisely learning the ropes for the service industry.. or joining the military.



Maybe it is easier to get all your education into 11 grades. At least it may be when you have 240 school days in a year of what we have now 180. Besides that, how useful is it learning for a test when most of that wont be absorbed. It's just sacrificing knowledge to increase arbitrary test scores. If 12th grade is nothing but playing around (and that's a big "if") then eliminating it will make 11th grade the grade for playing around... and so on and so on... until you've completely done away with public education. It's really a brilliant idea. How about we just go with milestones rather than testing and address individually rather than laying waste to an entire school (neighborhood) by closing the school down.

If we just replace all this nonsensical crap of standard testing, "increased teacher accountability" (which it isn't), and charter schools with a simple fucking milestone system then things could potentially get better. There is no downside. If a kid blows through his milestones in a few years and wants to do something hard then let him take AP physics when he's 14. Who gives a shit. Why do people force their kids into some artificial rubric like they're nothing more than stats on a spreadsheet that determines if some random teacher in Hicktown, North Wyoming gets to keep his/her job?

So.. How About That School System?

So.. How About That School System?

Perhaps this may sound like I'm in the position as a teacher here because this is generally stuff anyone how doesn't work in the school system doesn't really give a fuck about. Well, they'll say "Teachers get a bad rap" or "We should support our teachers", and yet still live in a society that really doesn't care.

If you've spent any time in or around public school since the original No Child Left Behind Law was enacted back in 2002, you've probably heard teachers complain that: "It makes them teach to a test" and "it punishes low preforming schools by giving them even less funding". Well no more! President Obama's secretary of education Arne Duncan is here to end this nonsense by making sure those low preforming schools can't even tell how much money they're going to get because that's entitlement. And entitlement is wrong.



Public education funding has been falling off a cliff in probably every state in the country. In California, my great land that I call my home, they finally seized that much sought after price of lowest per capita public education funding for K-12 education! YES, WE CAN! This has gone hand in hand with the promotion of charter schools and "merit pay" both locally, state wide, and nationally with Obama's "Race to the Top" where states who end barriers to charter school creation and merit pay can compete for a pool of 4 billion in federal education funding for this year.

The main goal of this push is the weakening and destruction of the teachers unions, one of the last strong public sector unions in the country, and the privatization of K-12 eduction, to allow companies to finally squeeze some profit out of a largely untapped market. I'd have to say I doubt Bush could have gotten away with proposing anything like this. There's barely any room to the right of this politically, outside of pure voucher programs.



I know this all sounds pretty boring to you, the parents and future parents of this shitty public education attending children. But if anyone of you is interested, here's an article on why Charter Schools are complete and utter shit. Why Charter Schools Suck Dick

For those who don't want to click, the short version is this; They are better funded (for now) and can discriminate on who they admit, allowing them to artificially select for higher test scores and non-special needs children. Here's an article basically saying that the school systems are about as racially integrated now as before Brown v. Board of Education, and with the recent rise of charter schools, seem to be trending farther downward. JUST CLICK HERE TO READ IT...

If you can't afford to pay for a private school you have no business living in America to begin with nor are you properly able to bring up a child. So please don't try to do so. Charter schools are so fucking bad. They're barely better than homeschooling. I went to a charter school before private school and I got a really piss poor education as well being fucked up socially. That sort of shit happens when you have to wake up dawn to catch a bus to get across town. I'm not saying Private school is so much better.. but as shitty as my private school was when they pimped out their stupid religious message, they still taught a whole lot better than when I was going to a charter school.



Charter schools have also been statistically shown to not be any better academically so it's basically all they're good for is fucking up your kids. Much like throwing a sea water fish you get at the beach into a fish tank and hoping it survives a couple of days.

I have to say that reading about the failure of education makes me more depressed then reading about the failure of Health care. It does make you feel like if public education was the nation's #1 priority and had the same kind of funding our military does, with only absolutely brilliant people teaching K-12, we'd be well on our way to a utopia in a couple of decades. But as it currently stands, I can't decide if this is more or less depressing then the fact that southern schools are basically turning into christian indoctrination camps.



Now you'll probably ask how one would be able to measure what students learn in school in the absence o standardized testing. Maybe we can easily judge it by all sorts of metrics like literacy rates. Plus measuring achievement or whatever is okay, we just shouldn't tie in funding into it.

We also shouldn't close down low-performing schools and move the kids to other low-performing/borderline schools, increasing the amount of time they spend on the bus (decreasing the amount of time they have for schoolwork, etc.) and increasing the chances that their parents won't be able to meet with the teachers as often, since those low performing schools are usually in poor neighborhoods where car ownership is not as high as the suburbs.

It's a very simple way to kill off public education. Sure, closing the school they transferred from removes that school's scores from the district, but all they are doing is movng the problem around and creating a cascading effect, since those kids are going to eventually drag down the schools they are transferred to. They need to address the problems in the original school.



I'm actually really surprised by all this. I would think Republicans would not those schools closed as some of those kids could end up in the same schools with their kids and possibly drag their kids' schools down in the scores... Ha ha ha ha. Just kidding. Everyone knows those rich families sent their kids to a private school that actually cares about the level of education they give.. unless it's catholic. Then it's just bible camp.

In all this the district has been looking at bonuses for experienced teachers to go into low-performing schools, but they aren't going to have time to help raise the scores, because the state/feds can exert so much fucking pressure on them by hanging a huge pay check over their heads slightly above their reach. Instead the vicious cycle of deliberately underfunding/fucking over public schools and then using that as an excuse to underfund/dismantle public schools has always infuriated me.



You see, once a school fails to meet the minimum requirements for the standardized testing, they are in trouble. Even if they make changes and start bringing the scores back up, if they don't meet the acceptable ratings pretty fast, the school is closed by the state and the school staff is reassigned to other schools, and the students are bused to other schools.

Sure, they can re-open the school under a new name (what the fuck does changing the name does for test scores, I do not know) such as making it a magnet school and with only a fraction of the former students (I don't know why either). Some of it's suppose to change with some new legislation going into effect this year - there is suppose to be more time for schools to get back up, but it's still a lot of pressure - without the bonuses, they get paid the same as teachers at a good school and if the school doesn't come up fast enough, they can get reassigned elsewhere.



There was a debate over the district being pro-active and closing low-performing schools before the state got the chance to and then allowing them to re-open as charter schools run by private companies. It really fucks over low-income neighborhoods, which is where most of these schools are. The way it's been done in Texas, it's literally a great way to fuck over minorities and non-English speakers.

So yeah.. That's my long winded opinion on the state of our public schools. How can we fix it? Well, Waldorf schooling does seem like a good option. But ultimately I would be talking out of my ass if I even suggested I knew how to fix the problem here. All I can tell you is that the solutions that have come up so far are not going to improve on the situation.


I'm sure this has something to do with Waldorf schooling... HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR

I'm Going To Complain About The Bible

I'm Going To Complain About The Bible

Just a heads up, I'm going to complain about the bible. I mean, what's there not to complain about this terribly written piece of shit book. I'm sure in 1,000 years people will be treating The Secret like a gospel. Then again, if my sister is any indication, they already do.

So why this hate for the bible all of the sudden? Well, it's never out of season for me to hate organize religion. But perhaps this hate comes from the fact that Texas is about to make teaching the bible law.

WHITEHOUSE, TX (KLTV) - The school year is almost here, and if literature of the Bible is not already offered in your child's school, it will be this fall.

Books are a common sight in classrooms around the nation, but the Bible is one book that is not. Come this fall, a Texas law says all public schools must offer information relating to the Bible in their curriculum.

School officials said schools have not enforced the law because of confusion over the bill's wording and lack of state funding.

For now, each school district must find a way to fill the requirement before the seats are filled with students.

How long until the Supreme Court strikes this down in a 5-4 decision? I mean, I'll go ahead and dish it on how the bible breaks down.

The Bible. The Pentateuch (first half) is written about Moses and his bloodthirsty murderous jealous immoral god. It's clearly written hundreds of years after Moses' death, by cavemen who had no understanding of the cosmos.

The new testament is about an insane man who claims to be god and/or the son of god. The gospels are conflicting and contradictory, written hundreds of years after the supposed non-events.

So I have to wonder why poison children's minds about stories of walking on water and bringing back the dead? Teaching religion is unconstitutional and immoral. Wondering why? It's called the establishment clause in the constitution (Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion). When you start establishing laws that teach a specific religion (in this case Christianity) its clearly going against the constitution

Many people say that the bible is probably the best book to lead your life by. I say you're full of fucking shit if you think that. Either that or you clearly haven't actually read the bible. It's fucking boring and pointless as shit. They claim that you have to sit down with it or an annotated version that cuts out the most pointless bits. But even then, it's still very much boring as hell.

If anything, I doubt they'll be teaching what's actually in the bible. Check out some of the following things you can find in this wonderful book:

Jesus Christ said:

Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
...
He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.

Yup, Jesus is big brother here.

Jesus Christ said:

Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit [homosexuality] are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.

The New Testament is just as horrific as old testament. At least the new testament doesn't have god ordering the israelites to commit genocide. The old testament is full of these sorts of things. All of which are done in hilariously over the top Michael Bay type manner.

"Then the Philistines came up and encamped in Judah, and made a raid on Lehi. The men of Judah said, “Why have you come up against us?” They said, “We have come up to bind Samson, to do to him as he did to us.” Then three thousand men of Judah went down to the cleft of the rock of Etam, and they said to Samson, “Do you not know that the Philistines are rulers over us? What then have you done to us?” He replied, “As they did to me, so I have done to them.” They said to him, “We have come down to bind you, so that we may give you into the hands of the Philistines.” Samson answered them, “Swear to me that you yourselves will not attack me.” They said to him, “No, we will only bind you and give you into their hands; we will not kill you.” So they bound him with two new ropes, and brought him up from the rock. When he came to Lehi, the Philistines came shouting to meet him; and the spirit of the Lord rushed on him, and the ropes that were on his arms became like flax that has caught fire, and his bonds melted off his hands. Then he found a fresh jawbone of a donkey, reached down and took it, and with it he killed a thousand men. And Samson said, “With the jawbone of a donkey, heaps upon heaps, with the jawbone of a donkey I have slain a thousand men.” When he had finished speaking, he threw away the jawbone; and that place was called Ramath-lehi."

And god said unto thy, kill people as if thy were Jack Bauer. And for you folks at home looking for when Jesus did some gay bashing. He didn't. He never said anything about gays. It was 100% Paul on that factor. The closes that Jesus did was talk about marriage.

"He who made man from the beginning, made them male and female. And he said: For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife, and they two shall be in one flesh. Therefore now they are not two, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let no man put asunder" (Matthew 19:4-6, emphasis mine)
"Whoever shall put away his wife and marry another, committeth adultery against her. And if the wife shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery" (Mark 10:11, 12 -- Cf. Matthew 19:9; Luke 16:18)

So I guess he just talked about the marriage structure... Though I still stand by my statement that if they really want to get all technical on this shit, there's a lot worse restrictions that everyone should be going through in order to get married.

Most of all, if we're talking about slippery slopes here, how about the one where Jesus is talking about the true nature of sexual relations as is reflected of the love Jesus has for a his bride, the church. I'm sure after gays marry, the next thing you know people will want to marry their church!

I suppose the bible is good for bigotry, hatred and making stupid rules to try to follow. Back to Samson, he was pretty much the best part of the bible. I mean, his death scene alone just screams for some big screen treatment.

"23Now the lords of the Philistines gathered to offer a great sacrifice to their god Dagon, and to rejoice; for they said, “Our god has given Samson our enemy into our hand.” 24When the people saw him, they praised their god; for they said, “Our god has given our enemy into our hand, the ravager of our country, who has killed many of us.” 25And when their hearts were merry, they said, “Call Samson, and let him entertain us.” So they called Samson out of the prison, and he performed for them. They made him stand between the pillars; 26and Samson said to the attendant who held him by the hand, “Let me feel the pillars on which the house rests, so that I may lean against them.” 27Now the house was full of men and women; all the lords of the Philistines were there, and on the roof there were about three thousand men and women, who looked on while Samson performed. 28Then Samson called to the Lord and said, “Lord God, remember me and strengthen me only this once, O God, so that with this one act of revenge I may pay back the Philistines for my two eyes.” 29And Samson grasped the two middle pillars on which the house rested, and he leaned his weight against them, his right hand on the one and his left hand on the other. 30Then Samson said, “Let me die with the Philistines.” He strained with all his might; and the house fell on the lords and all the people who were in it. So those he killed at his death were more than those he had killed during his life."

But again, none of this will be taught as what it really is. Moral stories written hundreds of years after the said fake event occurred. It's like trying to teach the Odyessy as if it's actual history. No one should read the bible as a history book. Not unless you want to really uncover how shitty humanity really is.

Especially considering how poor our school systems are doing these days and how cut back teachers are, I really hope this shit gets knocked the fuck out. I meet enough ignorant texas in my day, I don't need to meet more of them. Especially when I look forward to doing an American Southwest road trip next year.

In closing.... FUCK THE BIBLE.

SPRING BREAK WOOOOO!

SPRING BREAK, WOOOOO!

Since I haven't been in a school for many years now and work for a living, I don't have a clue when spring break actually occurs, but I hear that it is upon us. Maybe I'm just getting old and I don't want to deal with a Mexican drug war in my time off, but you wont find me there. I'm not much for being the "let me see your boobies" type.


Picture is pretty fitting given the next paragraph is about Disney.

I think the only reason why I realized it was spring break around this time is because I was looking at my Disney annual pass black out dates and realize there's a huge black out in the two weeks around Easter. I would gander that it's like the Chick-fi-la effect. It's only on Sundays when I get the craving for that food and now it's when I don't have the ability to go that I want to go.

Let's not kid ourselves, Disney isn't the go-to place during spring break in the age bracket that is most likely reading this blog so let's not talk about that. Spring break is typically the time of year when college kids go crazy. Why wouldn't they? With the idea that once you finish school the job market is going to be total shit, I'd be getting pissed drunk, stripping off my cloths and forgetting all those issues as much as possible.



Only I'm a dude and no one wants to see that shit. They've already saw more wang than they wanted in one sitting of Watchmen. What exactly does spring break mean? Well, it's typically two weeks around Easter when everyone needs a break with spring to stop and enjoy the roses. By roses I mean nudity and beaches. Oh yes, keggers. I'll enjoy my own spring break with massive amounts of beer. Minus the actual time off, of course. I guess people try to meet other people during this time of drunken debauchery.

It is spring after all. Something about the smell of fresh roses and things getting warmer just brings it out. So the idea of new romance is always in mind... ok, let's face it. These are flings at best. I don't know anyone who met that Mr./Ms. Right at a spring break party. But that doesn't mean you can't enjoy it while it last.



"But Javier, where will I get advice on how to land that Spring Fling?" Don't worry kiddies, you have me here to guide you. While I may have very terrible luck with the ladies, if I can be an arm chair critic, I could be a keyboard typing love guru. Especially with the help of the internet. One day when sorting through my spam on hotmail I saw an MSN article and well, it's been magic since then.

Its been a while since I did a paragraph by paragraph assessment of an article. So what the hey, here's an MSN article that deals with dealing with your little spring fling

Lesson #1: It's OK to date more than one person.
There was a time when a date was just a date. One night it was Mona; the next night, Claire, and things weren't considered serious until someone suggested going "steady." Now, we're in the era of the one-cocktail commitment, where dating more than one person is looked down upon. Except on spring break, that is, when you kiss two people in one night while texting a third to meet you at the Tiki bar. But the truth is, those college kids are onto something: If your dating goal is a lifetime relationship or marriage, then you'll have plenty of time for monogamous commitment. Maybe even decades of time. As long as you're truly honest about your actions and intentions with everyone you date, you'll avoid the one break you don't want: the heart one.

Why wouldn't it be ok to date more than one person at a time? I'm not sure I get this mentality in today's society. It should always be ok to date more than one person at a time. That's what dating is. Whatever happened to the days when Peter Parker had the trouble of planning a date with both Mary Jane and Gwen Stacy on the same night.

Everyone should be spinning plates if not in a serious relationship. How the fuck are you going to know what you want and don't want in another person if you don't go out there and date a couple of people and see what you like. Just because I ate at McDonalds for lunch doesn't mean I have to eat there for dinner tonight.

Let's make it clear. It's ok to date more than one person, just not all at the same time!

But I have to say that it's important to be honest and upfront with the other parties. If you're not in a committed relationship, make it known. Too often people think that a couple of dates means that you're already together.

Add in that people fear that if they let it be known that they are dating others at the same time that they'll automatically lose them. Not so, besides are you that scared that you can't find someone who will be interested in you if the current person you're seeing drops out? Remember that humans are competitive as all hell. Being honest about them being one of many that you're dating can actually lead to them trying to win your attention and pull out all the stops in order to come out the victor.

Lesson #2: Don't drink more than your date.
Yes, alcohol can sometimes feel like a nice social lubricant. But before you dose yourself on your next date, take this spring-break lesson with you: It's all fun and games until you make a fool of yourself giving a stranger a lap dance on a public stage and then losing your cookies on someone's bare feet. If you and your date want to tie one on for kicks, go right ahead. Just be sure to do it together, perhaps even in private, lest you get so drunk, you end up in an embarrassing anecdote in a story about bad dates … which is exactly what happened to a guy who went on a date with my friend Jamie. "We went for Japanese food, and he suggested we order some sake," said Jamie. "I said I was good for a glass, but he wanted to get the whole large bottle. When I told him I wouldn't be able to drink that much, he said, 'That's OK, I will.' And he did." Jamie said his drunken behavior was less than attractive, and she couldn't wait to get home.

I suppose this is good advice. I dunno. I mean, it's fucking SPRING BREAK!!!111 WOOOOOO! Pass me the kegger and start it up. WOOOOOOOOOOOooooOOoooo! How else are you going to get someone drunk enough to find you funny and be willing to lower their standards enough to sleep with you?



Well isn't this shot a bit romantic? Or.. just plain creepy. I'm not entirely sure yet which is it.

Drinking actually can lead to a good insight on the person. Depending on what they like to drink and what they wont touch, not to mention the specific stories they'll tell you because of that, it's an excellent way to get to know someone. If they don't touch Tequilla because of one crazy night, you know exactly what there limit is going to be in terms of "crazy nights"

I think the biggest point against this advice of not drinking is how else will you justify that mistake the next day?

Lesson #3: Head to where there are more fish in the sea.
What's one reason all the young things on spring break always seem to find someone? Because there are just so many someones to go around! Give yourself a similar leg up. Instead of hitting the same old local bar full of the same old faces, try traveling a bit out of your comfort zone (and maybe your town), and hit spots where you might meet some new people.

So.. I guess Disney would not be a good place for Spring break? Not unless it's your mother-f'ing Birthday, Yo! Then we'll be dancin' wit Mickey and Pluto all day long, Yo!

I think the real point of this advice is to not be barking up the wrong tree. If you want someone who's going to put out, don't go picking up people at an abortion protest. Which is sound advice if you're actually not shit faced drunk right about now. Which you more than likely are. In which case, stop talking to that telephone pole. It doesn't want to hook up with you nor does it care that your dad owns a car dealership over in Macon, Ga.


Here fishy fishy fishy

Besides, if you go to a place were you normally don't go to find that summer fling, it'll be a whole lot easier to disappear when they start to look for the douche bag who knocked them up. If that's not a reason enough to follow this helpful MSN tip, I don't know what is.

Lesson #4: Order the special on the menu.
One of the best things about short-term, pleasure-seeking trips is that you live every minute like it's your last. If you're on spring break, you see it as a fleeting moment of youth that must be lived to the fullest: You order the special drinks with umbrellas in them, you dance on the beach in your bikini —and you probably take advantage of plenty of other opportunities you might regret the next day. Still, you feel like you're really living. But the fact is, whether you're 20 or 45, you still only live once. So why not make every date special and memorable? On your next date, think spring, and try something daring. Hit the rock-climbing wall at the gym, or order the rosemary cocktail and the sliced beef cooked on the rock. It might be terrible … but it will be memorable. And that's what living is all about.

Wait, what? What special menu? All these years I've been doing this all wrong. I didn't know that there was a secret menu. I guess I knew I could do it "Animal Style". The real test here is if you thought I was referencing Sex or In-N-Out. I'm sure it says a lot about you depending on which one you choose.


I suppose that is something new to try...

I'm still confused by this special menu? I like what I like. Maybe it's because I'm going on 29 but I think I have had enough life under my belt to know what I like, don't like, want and don't want out of someone I'm dating or something I do or eat. Don't get me wrong, I love mixing it up as much as the next guy, I just don't see much of a point in doing so when I'm on vacation. It's time to relax.

Ok, that's silly. I know I'm always up for eating something strange and different but that's my every day me. I know I like red hair, meat medium-rare, my drinks strong and stiff. Nothing new here. I not only encourage everyone to be daring on spring break, I encourage you to be daring every god damn day of your life. This shouldn't be a two week out of the year thing. Go out there and live life always. You never know when it's going to be cut short.

Lesson #5: Make out with someone you'll never see again.
There's one thing partying kids have mastered — the no-strings-attached hookup — that might also be good for you. Why? Because sometimes it's healthy to hook up without thinking about tomorrow for just a minute. That doesn't mean you have to have sex with someone — even consider some sexy kissing in a restaurant parking lot. You may learn a few things about yourself in the process, says Ava Cadell, love coach and author of 12 Steps to Everlasting Love. "Sometimes it's easier to be less inhibited with a stranger than someone you know," says Cadell.

It can also give your self-confidence a good boost by reminding you that you are one good-lookin' person whom plenty of people would be lucky to date. It also provides your brain a nice break from plotting your future together in the first five minutes of meeting. That's true refreshment.

Yeah, I guess making out with someone you randomly know can give you a sense of ego boost. But I have to question the "don't worry about tomorrow" advice. Really? Really?! I may like to throw caution to the wind as much as the next reckless fool but I'm going to at least find out some things about the person I'm going exchange mouth spit with.

For one thing I need to know if they are married or have children. Possibly their social security number and fico score. This is all after a 5 day waiting period because the state mandates this. You can get around this if you go to Mexico for spring break but you'll have to grease the palms of the local police. Best to keep them on your good side, if you know what I mean.

Then you have to clearly do something to extend this ego boost. Show off to your friends. Make out in front of them! No, even better. If you're really a friend you'd make out with them to boost their ego. It's clear that everyone needs ego boosters in this day and age! MAKE OUT WITH EVERYONE! WOOOOOO SPRING BREAKKKK!!!!!

Lesson #6: Go out for guys' or girls' nights out just to have fun together — not to hook up with the opposite sex.
For some reason, those big girls' and guys' nights out often turn into "lonely group sitting in a bar scanning room for potential hookups instead of having fun together." Spring break, on the other hand, is first and foremost, about feeling free and having a blast together — and if that involves licking whipped cream off a stranger's shoulder for laughs, so be it! Mature adults should consider this same approach (well … to a point). So instead of going out with the goal of meeting The One or someone, aim to have a great time with your friends above all else. And what happens from there may surprise you.

Here is my rule of thumb -Never approach someone if they're in a group. You'll be stuck buying everyone at the table a drink or you'll look like a jerk to the one person you're interested in. You're also going to be judged by a panel at that point and like that one out of five dentist that doesn't think colgate kills more cavities, one of those in the group is going to talk shit. Be it because of jealousy or just honesty. It's a losing situation.

So with that said, don't go out in a group hunting tail. It's stupid and ineffective. If you're going out with friends, go out and enjoy yourself and NOT look like you're desperate for such hook ups. Also, a group of guys look intimidating. You want to scare away all the hopefuls? Way to ruin things!

The last thing you want to look like is a big group of losers. That's why I tell my crew to hang back while I'm on spring break. I'm getting away from work/school/whatever, why not take a vacation from them as well? This playa's gotta roll all his own, yo.

Pack mentality is pretty stupid. I have a friend who whenever there was girls around or we went to a bar, he would hit on EVERY GOD DAMN GIRL. It was like he was playing the odds of throwing shit on the wall and seeing if any of it sticks. He was the ultimate cock blocker and it would be annoying as fuck. As soon as he was talking to one and he saw you start talking to a different girl, he would come over and interrupt and ruin the moment. Dick move, ryan! I mean.. wait, yes, this person is unknown. no fuck it. Ryan knows he does this shit all the time. FUCK YOU, RYAN!

Lesson #7: Sunny weather and bathing suits definitely put people in the mood.
If you're looking to amp up the closeness with someone you're seeing (or if the dating you're doing is more like a "date night" with a long-term partner), take a page from kids on spring break: Consider a weekend away in a place that feels like paradise. (Just don't schedule it for the same time the college kids are hitting the same paradise.) "The sun releases more feel-good hormones that flood the brain," says Cadell. And the better you feel, the more fun you'll have and the better your date will go.

Here's another helpful hint. If you don't want to be around a ton of drunk college kids, don't plan on leaving to anywhere in the two weeks around Easter. They will be everywhere. But I agree. There should be more situations where the two of you feel like wearing very little to nothing and enjoy paradise. That should always besomething to keep in mind. So with this one I agree completely.

Less cloths. +1

Lesson #8: Look on the bright side of your date.
On a spring break trip, the goal is to have fun with the people you meet, plain and simple. But in the adult world, dating becomes more like a grocery trip: You pull out your list, push your wonky cart up and down every aisle, and scan the goods. "Do you like spicy food? Good. Been married before? Oh. Have goals for the future? Glad to hear it. Like to travel? Oh, that's a shame ..." Instead of taking your next date so seriously, toss away your stuffy list, and look for the best things about your date. Find out what you do have in common and what you do like about him or her. And as you part ways on the doorstep, don't analyze how you feel about your date too soon. Instead, maybe you want to do what the spring-breakers would do: Go on and kiss 'em! Sometimes that makes all the difference.

I'll extend this to life because I think it's stupid to think that you're only allowed to have fun on Spring break. They say life is really short. Guess what, if you're not enjoying it than it's really really really REALLY long. Make the best of the time you have and you'll be surprised on how much fun the good times can be.

Much like dating. It shouldn't have to be an ordeal to work with. If you find you like someone for whatever reason, go out and have fun. If you find you two don't mesh well or if there's some issues. End it. Life is really long and you don't have to rush into things. Marriage should be something that isn't on your mind.



I have to say it again but you really shouldn't be in a long term relationship till you're at least 25. By then you've more than likely dated a whole mess of people and had fun. Found out who you are and what you want so you don't end up in dead end relationship with complete losers who you're sticking with simply because you're afraid that you wont find someone to love you or that loves you the same way.

Maturity is tossed around a lot but it's seldom actually looked upon in the correct manner. You need to be mature in other ways to be in a good relationship. Most of all, you just need to get some single player action out of life in you before you're ready to go co-op.

Turning Movie Posters Into Teenage Advisories II

Turning Movie Posters Into Teenage Advisories II

Another day, another filler blog. But hey, it's comedy and really, isn't that what counts in the end? It looks like those first wave of teenage advisory board posters had no effect. Kids are still sending naughty pictures to one another on the internet. So let's do another wave of these teenage advisory posters.


Straight up.. FUCK YOU FRANK MILLER!

Truer words have never been spoken.


Again, FUCK YOU FRANK MILLER


First rule of High school posters... You do not talk about high school posters




This could have helped me before my face was ripped off...






NO MEANS NO!


The more you learn, the more you grow...