Sunday, March 29, 2009



Since I haven't been in a school for many years now and work for a living, I don't have a clue when spring break actually occurs, but I hear that it is upon us. Maybe I'm just getting old and I don't want to deal with a Mexican drug war in my time off, but you wont find me there. I'm not much for being the "let me see your boobies" type.

Picture is pretty fitting given the next paragraph is about Disney.

I think the only reason why I realized it was spring break around this time is because I was looking at my Disney annual pass black out dates and realize there's a huge black out in the two weeks around Easter. I would gander that it's like the Chick-fi-la effect. It's only on Sundays when I get the craving for that food and now it's when I don't have the ability to go that I want to go.

Let's not kid ourselves, Disney isn't the go-to place during spring break in the age bracket that is most likely reading this blog so let's not talk about that. Spring break is typically the time of year when college kids go crazy. Why wouldn't they? With the idea that once you finish school the job market is going to be total shit, I'd be getting pissed drunk, stripping off my cloths and forgetting all those issues as much as possible.

Only I'm a dude and no one wants to see that shit. They've already saw more wang than they wanted in one sitting of Watchmen. What exactly does spring break mean? Well, it's typically two weeks around Easter when everyone needs a break with spring to stop and enjoy the roses. By roses I mean nudity and beaches. Oh yes, keggers. I'll enjoy my own spring break with massive amounts of beer. Minus the actual time off, of course. I guess people try to meet other people during this time of drunken debauchery.

It is spring after all. Something about the smell of fresh roses and things getting warmer just brings it out. So the idea of new romance is always in mind... ok, let's face it. These are flings at best. I don't know anyone who met that Mr./Ms. Right at a spring break party. But that doesn't mean you can't enjoy it while it last.

"But Javier, where will I get advice on how to land that Spring Fling?" Don't worry kiddies, you have me here to guide you. While I may have very terrible luck with the ladies, if I can be an arm chair critic, I could be a keyboard typing love guru. Especially with the help of the internet. One day when sorting through my spam on hotmail I saw an MSN article and well, it's been magic since then.

Its been a while since I did a paragraph by paragraph assessment of an article. So what the hey, here's an MSN article that deals with dealing with your little spring fling
Lesson #1: It's OK to date more than one person.
There was a time when a date was just a date. One night it was Mona; the next night, Claire, and things weren't considered serious until someone suggested going "steady." Now, we're in the era of the one-cocktail commitment, where dating more than one person is looked down upon. Except on spring break, that is, when you kiss two people in one night while texting a third to meet you at the Tiki bar. But the truth is, those college kids are onto something: If your dating goal is a lifetime relationship or marriage, then you'll have plenty of time for monogamous commitment. Maybe even decades of time. As long as you're truly honest about your actions and intentions with everyone you date, you'll avoid the one break you don't want: the heart one.
Why wouldn't it be ok to date more than one person at a time? I'm not sure I get this mentality in today's society. It should always be ok to date more than one person at a time. That's what dating is. Whatever happened to the days when Peter Parker had the trouble of planning a date with both Mary Jane and Gwen Stacy on the same night.

Everyone should be spinning plates if not in a serious relationship. How the fuck are you going to know what you want and don't want in another person if you don't go out there and date a couple of people and see what you like. Just because I ate at McDonalds for lunch doesn't mean I have to eat there for dinner tonight.

Let's make it clear. It's ok to date more than one person, just not all at the same time!

But I have to say that it's important to be honest and upfront with the other parties. If you're not in a committed relationship, make it known. Too often people think that a couple of dates means that you're already together.

Add in that people fear that if they let it be known that they are dating others at the same time that they'll automatically lose them. Not so, besides are you that scared that you can't find someone who will be interested in you if the current person you're seeing drops out? Remember that humans are competitive as all hell. Being honest about them being one of many that you're dating can actually lead to them trying to win your attention and pull out all the stops in order to come out the victor.

Lesson #2: Don't drink more than your date.
Yes, alcohol can sometimes feel like a nice social lubricant. But before you dose yourself on your next date, take this spring-break lesson with you: It's all fun and games until you make a fool of yourself giving a stranger a lap dance on a public stage and then losing your cookies on someone's bare feet. If you and your date want to tie one on for kicks, go right ahead. Just be sure to do it together, perhaps even in private, lest you get so drunk, you end up in an embarrassing anecdote in a story about bad dates … which is exactly what happened to a guy who went on a date with my friend Jamie. "We went for Japanese food, and he suggested we order some sake," said Jamie. "I said I was good for a glass, but he wanted to get the whole large bottle. When I told him I wouldn't be able to drink that much, he said, 'That's OK, I will.' And he did." Jamie said his drunken behavior was less than attractive, and she couldn't wait to get home.
I suppose this is good advice. I dunno. I mean, it's fucking SPRING BREAK!!!111 WOOOOOO! Pass me the kegger and start it up. WOOOOOOOOOOOooooOOoooo! How else are you going to get someone drunk enough to find you funny and be willing to lower their standards enough to sleep with you?

Well isn't this shot a bit romantic? Or.. just plain creepy. I'm not entirely sure yet which is it.

Drinking actually can lead to a good insight on the person. Depending on what they like to drink and what they wont touch, not to mention the specific stories they'll tell you because of that, it's an excellent way to get to know someone. If they don't touch Tequilla because of one crazy night, you know exactly what there limit is going to be in terms of "crazy nights"

I think the biggest point against this advice of not drinking is how else will you justify that mistake the next day?

Lesson #3: Head to where there are more fish in the sea.
What's one reason all the young things on spring break always seem to find someone? Because there are just so many someones to go around! Give yourself a similar leg up. Instead of hitting the same old local bar full of the same old faces, try traveling a bit out of your comfort zone (and maybe your town), and hit spots where you might meet some new people.
So.. I guess Disney would not be a good place for Spring break? Not unless it's your mother-f'ing Birthday, Yo! Then we'll be dancin' wit Mickey and Pluto all day long, Yo!

I think the real point of this advice is to not be barking up the wrong tree. If you want someone who's going to put out, don't go picking up people at an abortion protest. Which is sound advice if you're actually not shit faced drunk right about now. Which you more than likely are. In which case, stop talking to that telephone pole. It doesn't want to hook up with you nor does it care that your dad owns a car dealership over in Macon, Ga.

Here fishy fishy fishy

Besides, if you go to a place were you normally don't go to find that summer fling, it'll be a whole lot easier to disappear when they start to look for the douche bag who knocked them up. If that's not a reason enough to follow this helpful MSN tip, I don't know what is.

Lesson #4: Order the special on the menu.
One of the best things about short-term, pleasure-seeking trips is that you live every minute like it's your last. If you're on spring break, you see it as a fleeting moment of youth that must be lived to the fullest: You order the special drinks with umbrellas in them, you dance on the beach in your bikini —and you probably take advantage of plenty of other opportunities you might regret the next day. Still, you feel like you're really living. But the fact is, whether you're 20 or 45, you still only live once. So why not make every date special and memorable? On your next date, think spring, and try something daring. Hit the rock-climbing wall at the gym, or order the rosemary cocktail and the sliced beef cooked on the rock. It might be terrible … but it will be memorable. And that's what living is all about.
Wait, what? What special menu? All these years I've been doing this all wrong. I didn't know that there was a secret menu. I guess I knew I could do it "Animal Style". The real test here is if you thought I was referencing Sex or In-N-Out. I'm sure it says a lot about you depending on which one you choose.

I suppose that is something new to try...

I'm still confused by this special menu? I like what I like. Maybe it's because I'm going on 29 but I think I have had enough life under my belt to know what I like, don't like, want and don't want out of someone I'm dating or something I do or eat. Don't get me wrong, I love mixing it up as much as the next guy, I just don't see much of a point in doing so when I'm on vacation. It's time to relax.

Ok, that's silly. I know I'm always up for eating something strange and different but that's my every day me. I know I like red hair, meat medium-rare, my drinks strong and stiff. Nothing new here. I not only encourage everyone to be daring on spring break, I encourage you to be daring every god damn day of your life. This shouldn't be a two week out of the year thing. Go out there and live life always. You never know when it's going to be cut short.

Lesson #5: Make out with someone you'll never see again.
There's one thing partying kids have mastered — the no-strings-attached hookup — that might also be good for you. Why? Because sometimes it's healthy to hook up without thinking about tomorrow for just a minute. That doesn't mean you have to have sex with someone — even consider some sexy kissing in a restaurant parking lot. You may learn a few things about yourself in the process, says Ava Cadell, love coach and author of 12 Steps to Everlasting Love. "Sometimes it's easier to be less inhibited with a stranger than someone you know," says Cadell.

It can also give your self-confidence a good boost by reminding you that you are one good-lookin' person whom plenty of people would be lucky to date. It also provides your brain a nice break from plotting your future together in the first five minutes of meeting. That's true refreshment.

Yeah, I guess making out with someone you randomly know can give you a sense of ego boost. But I have to question the "don't worry about tomorrow" advice. Really? Really?! I may like to throw caution to the wind as much as the next reckless fool but I'm going to at least find out some things about the person I'm going exchange mouth spit with.

For one thing I need to know if they are married or have children. Possibly their social security number and fico score. This is all after a 5 day waiting period because the state mandates this. You can get around this if you go to Mexico for spring break but you'll have to grease the palms of the local police. Best to keep them on your good side, if you know what I mean.

Then you have to clearly do something to extend this ego boost. Show off to your friends. Make out in front of them! No, even better. If you're really a friend you'd make out with them to boost their ego. It's clear that everyone needs ego boosters in this day and age! MAKE OUT WITH EVERYONE! WOOOOOO SPRING BREAKKKK!!!!!

Lesson #6: Go out for guys' or girls' nights out just to have fun together — not to hook up with the opposite sex.
For some reason, those big girls' and guys' nights out often turn into "lonely group sitting in a bar scanning room for potential hookups instead of having fun together." Spring break, on the other hand, is first and foremost, about feeling free and having a blast together — and if that involves licking whipped cream off a stranger's shoulder for laughs, so be it! Mature adults should consider this same approach (well … to a point). So instead of going out with the goal of meeting The One or someone, aim to have a great time with your friends above all else. And what happens from there may surprise you.
Here is my rule of thumb -Never approach someone if they're in a group. You'll be stuck buying everyone at the table a drink or you'll look like a jerk to the one person you're interested in. You're also going to be judged by a panel at that point and like that one out of five dentist that doesn't think colgate kills more cavities, one of those in the group is going to talk shit. Be it because of jealousy or just honesty. It's a losing situation.

So with that said, don't go out in a group hunting tail. It's stupid and ineffective. If you're going out with friends, go out and enjoy yourself and NOT look like you're desperate for such hook ups. Also, a group of guys look intimidating. You want to scare away all the hopefuls? Way to ruin things!

The last thing you want to look like is a big group of losers. That's why I tell my crew to hang back while I'm on spring break. I'm getting away from work/school/whatever, why not take a vacation from them as well? This playa's gotta roll all his own, yo.

Pack mentality is pretty stupid. I have a friend who whenever there was girls around or we went to a bar, he would hit on EVERY GOD DAMN GIRL. It was like he was playing the odds of throwing shit on the wall and seeing if any of it sticks. He was the ultimate cock blocker and it would be annoying as fuck. As soon as he was talking to one and he saw you start talking to a different girl, he would come over and interrupt and ruin the moment. Dick move, ryan! I mean.. wait, yes, this person is unknown. no fuck it. Ryan knows he does this shit all the time. FUCK YOU, RYAN!

Lesson #7: Sunny weather and bathing suits definitely put people in the mood.
If you're looking to amp up the closeness with someone you're seeing (or if the dating you're doing is more like a "date night" with a long-term partner), take a page from kids on spring break: Consider a weekend away in a place that feels like paradise. (Just don't schedule it for the same time the college kids are hitting the same paradise.) "The sun releases more feel-good hormones that flood the brain," says Cadell. And the better you feel, the more fun you'll have and the better your date will go.

Here's another helpful hint. If you don't want to be around a ton of drunk college kids, don't plan on leaving to anywhere in the two weeks around Easter. They will be everywhere. But I agree. There should be more situations where the two of you feel like wearing very little to nothing and enjoy paradise. That should always besomething to keep in mind. So with this one I agree completely.

Less cloths. +1

Lesson #8: Look on the bright side of your date.
On a spring break trip, the goal is to have fun with the people you meet, plain and simple. But in the adult world, dating becomes more like a grocery trip: You pull out your list, push your wonky cart up and down every aisle, and scan the goods. "Do you like spicy food? Good. Been married before? Oh. Have goals for the future? Glad to hear it. Like to travel? Oh, that's a shame ..." Instead of taking your next date so seriously, toss away your stuffy list, and look for the best things about your date. Find out what you do have in common and what you do like about him or her. And as you part ways on the doorstep, don't analyze how you feel about your date too soon. Instead, maybe you want to do what the spring-breakers would do: Go on and kiss 'em! Sometimes that makes all the difference.
I'll extend this to life because I think it's stupid to think that you're only allowed to have fun on Spring break. They say life is really short. Guess what, if you're not enjoying it than it's really really really REALLY long. Make the best of the time you have and you'll be surprised on how much fun the good times can be.

Much like dating. It shouldn't have to be an ordeal to work with. If you find you like someone for whatever reason, go out and have fun. If you find you two don't mesh well or if there's some issues. End it. Life is really long and you don't have to rush into things. Marriage should be something that isn't on your mind.

I have to say it again but you really shouldn't be in a long term relationship till you're at least 25. By then you've more than likely dated a whole mess of people and had fun. Found out who you are and what you want so you don't end up in dead end relationship with complete losers who you're sticking with simply because you're afraid that you wont find someone to love you or that loves you the same way.

Maturity is tossed around a lot but it's seldom actually looked upon in the correct manner. You need to be mature in other ways to be in a good relationship. Most of all, you just need to get some single player action out of life in you before you're ready to go co-op.

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