Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Occupy The North Pole - Merry Christmas

Occupy The North Pole - Merry Christmas

First off let's just get it out of the way, there's very little CHRIST in Christmas. The whole notion is beyond stupid and the church complaining that Xmas is being hijacked by other traditions fails to see he fact that Christmas in itself was the Church's attempt to hijack pagan festivals.

In any case, there's a war on Christmas, which is ironic that Americans are battling so hard for a socialized holiday. Because in some sense Santa Claus could just be considered a huge communist. And I don't think it's just that he makes toys for good little boys and girls and gives them out, thus equal redistribution. But think about it, his workshop has to be like a co-op. He doesn't actually run it. He just goes out and delivers the presents.

Then I think the harsh reality sets in. The elves are slaves. In fact, the more I think about it, the more sinister this whole Santa thing becomes. The elves are his slaves and Santa gets fat off Christmas cookies while the elves toil and starve in a frozen wasteland.

And what about Rudolph? I mean, nobody liked him until they actually needed him. What the hell is the deal with that? I mean, it's basically how people behave, I guess. But it's all sorts of messed up to have that in a story and nobody bats an eye in seeing what's wrong with that message?

If I may make a stretch here, but perhaps they don't like him because he has a red nose. Just let me repeat that Hollywood blacklisting bullshit once more. No one likes him because he has a RED nose. Yeah, makes you think.

In short - Santa clearly represents total commodity fetishism and Rudolph is just typical communism hating.

It makes you wonder why we even keep this commie-red story alive? Typically when the topic comes up as to why we keep pushing this notion of lying to children about Santa Claus, it's some bullshit about keeping the magic of Christmas alive. As if the only possible magic associated with receiving gifts of an unknown nature is where they're coming from.  I once got a train set when I was 9, after learning the truth about Santa, and the magic was not harmed. In fact, I would not have cared if my parents told me elves made them, or if she told me that she found it in a sewer.

One of my first reactions when I found out the truth was to feel bad for my parents and parents all around. It must feel really unfair to have your kids give the credit for the nice things you're giving them to somebody else. They explained it that Santa Claus was just a marketing tool invented by Coca-Cola. It turns out they're not that wrong on that one.

You see, little buddy, Santa Claus is what we call a social construct. Which seems like the best explanation for the whole thing anyway. I tell myself that I wouldn't lie to my kids about it, but I'm sure by then the war on Christmas is going to be so dug in deep that Jesus will be delivering via UPS.

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