Tuesday, December 25, 2012

X-mas Music

X-mas Music

So here I am on Christmas day and the only thing that can come to my mind is the joy of not having to deal with Christmas music after the day is done. It really should be a capital offense to play Christmas music over speakers in the public areas. It really just makes me want to rip my ears off and put in plenty of tinsel in its place so I don't have to hear any more of it. Who wouldn't want to do that to get away from hearing timeless classics dealing with birds and the poors as well as literal date rape.

I'm pretty sure that they play Christmas carols 24/7/365 at Gitmo. Soldiers guarding the prisoners are each issued a set of noise canceling headphones and an iPod full of Slayer to avoid succumbing into the madness and torture that the inmates have to endure. But let me tell you, if I have to hear one more rendition of have yourself a merry little Christmas, I'm going to blow red, white and green chunks all over the place.

The worse is if you've ever worked retail. Working retail during Christmas is a simple road to madness. I'm thankful that I haven't had to work retail for almost a decade because, my god, that shit is just piping into the sales floor so it's never a matter of escaping that shit.

I mean, seriously, can somebody get this little fucking bastard his two front teeth so he'll stop singing about them?!

Though it's really hard to pick the single most horrendous Christmas song in the bunch, but that Grandma got run over by a reindeer is pretty awful. See, I told you I would come back to that god awful song. It's bad in every way possible. It is completely empty of anything remotely close to catchiness and is completely unfunny on all regards. But hey, at least it has actual music. "Christmas Wrapping" by the waitresses has no musicality whatsoever and yet will get stuck in my head at least five times before the new year. And for that I hate you with a passion, stupid song.

 Maybe I would appreciate Christmas music a lot more if I had a to hear it because David Bowie just dropped by my house to... well, to do whatever he was doing there or something.

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