Saturday, August 24, 2013

Fuck You, Boston

Fuck You, Boston

This weekend marks the meeting between The Los Angeles Dodgers and the Boston Red Sox. A time when those fucking lawwwwsers in bean town flood into Dodger stadium and you hear those god awful accents. I can't wait to hear the endless questioning about... 
What Aaaarrrrrrrrrr Yaaaaaa!
For those of you who don't speak moron, Bostonians love to ask what ethnic background you come from. They're pretty awful in general. Just look at what the Onion has to say about them;
Boston, large northeastern American city of 650,000 people, each of whom, regardless of class or socioeconomic status, is a humongous asshole. Founded in 1630 by English Puritans fleeing persecution and seeking a place to practice their religion as free assholes, Boston has evolved into a center for education, medicine, and telling one another to shut the fuck up. Common cultural activities include being physically assaulted by the working-class assholes of South Boston, dodging the thousands of college-student assholes as they stumble from the city’s many asshole bars, being looked down upon with withering contempt by the obscenely wealthy blue-blood assholes of Beacon Hill, and talking about their overpaid baseball team of assholes. Despite a tangible racial divide, Boston’s diverse citizenry crosses all color boundaries to form the most irritating and insufferable group of people in the United States. (See Philadelphia)

In any event, what an opening game to the series it was. In fact, it was so much of a game, that it wasn't that long. A simple two hours and seven minutes it took to whoop on some Bean eating Bostonians asses. I'm pretty sure that Carl Crawford was telling the Red Sox about how they couldn't wait to get rid of him. Do youse remembers? And what about how about how the Red Sox got rid of Hanley Ramirez.

It was about a year ago when the Dodgers and the Red Sox made a really big 9 player trade. Adrian Gonzalex, Josh Beckett, Carl Crawford and Nick Punto came to Los Angeles. The Dodgers gave up James Loney, Allen Webster, Rubby De La Rosa, Jerry Sands and Ivan DeJesus.

As of today none of the players that were sent to Boston are still with the team.

But again, this 2-0 shut out was the shortest game the Dodgers have played this season and was the shortest since they kicked some Atlanta Braves ass in a 2-1 victory back in 2008 when it was an easy two hour game time. For baseball that's fucking quick. 

But hey, back to talking shit about Bostonians. If you've ever wondered why they play sweet Caroline at Red Sox games, it's very simple.

It's a song that is played because it's a popular song among drunks. And if there's one thing that Bostonians are, it's fucking drunks. 

Boston drunks who simply can't say anything. You hear things like "Lets read all tha bumpa stikaaz!" and "I lost Mai khakis at dodger stadium"

So yeah, fuck you, Boston. Whaaat Ahhhhhhhhhh yuz?! A buncha bittah soah loozahs?! 

By all means, let's get these hashtags flowing.

In any event, an even better news piece about all this talk about kicking some Bean Town Bunch of idiots at a game is the news that Hall of Fame Announcer Vin Scully, the voice of the Dodgers for the past 64 Dodger seasons, is coming back for another one despite being 85 years old.

He's made it a point to say that as long as he's healthy, he'll be back to be the voice of the Dodgers. That and as long as his wife gives him permission. But that's sealed it for me. I've been dreading that news every year that it would be his last year. 


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