Monday, August 5, 2013

Hot Pockets Getting All Fancy And What Not

Hot Pockets Getting All Fancy And What Not

Yeah, the title to this post could be more witty, but it seems that in an attempt to boost the low sales, Hot Pockets are getting a face lift to their hotter than the sun on the outside, but frozen like ice on the inside terrible meat pies. In fact, it seems that they're going with a more Foodie friendly option.
The new Hot Pockets include ingredients like hickory ham, angus beef, and white-meat chicken inside a variety of seasoned crusts, including “crispy buttery” crust, croissant, and pretzel bread.
Over the past two years, the brand exec’s have been working with chefs and bakers, visiting New York City restaurants, and asking cosumers about the foods they’re into, most notably young adult males, who make up 60% of Hot Pocket consumers.
I don't think that the contents not being snobby enough for my disconcerting taste was the motivation to NOT buy hot pockets. It's just the fact that it's some really gross food that you only eat if you're in a trailer park or your work place has nothing more than that completely grossed out and covered in gunk crappy microwave in the break room. And even then you have to second guess ever turning to the comfort of some awful hot pocket for calorie intake.
Hot Pockets is following a broader trend by going after consumers who are drawn to the appeal of fresher, healthier, higher-quality ingredients. In recent years even fast food restaurants like McDonald’s, Burger King, and Taco Bell have tried to capture this shift in consumer tastes, having been pushed in that direction by so-called fast casual restaurants.
The problem here is that fast food is actually more time consuming, and in many ways is actually more fancy than fucking Hot Pockets. It only takes a couple of minutes to nuke one in the microwave before you're faced with that hotter than lava insides of questionable origins. 

And really, that's the problem with this whole marketing of Hot Pockets. It doesn't address the real issues. That the insides being spun to be this gourmet stuff is like jamming something great into something that looks like road kill or post concert puke. 

It's this silly, that even I, a child of the 80's and 90's, who was a latchkey kid and had to cook his own meals when getting home tried to avoid hot pockets, breakfast pockets or even lean pockets as much as possible. I could never master the art of cooking it without it coming out really burnt, cold on the inside or just flat out wrong on all levels. I'd rather eat the sodium enriched goodness of Ramen.

But hey, it's not like they haven't tried to increase the image of their shitty product by tapping into that hot rapping community to get this motha fucka selling and pocket it like its hot.

I think the problem with this is also, if you're touting the whole Angus beef and white meat chicken... the only people who will care about that shit are those who aren't poor and don't have to depend on hot pockets to provide them some basic survival food. Do you honestly think someone who knows what angus beef taste like and can afford it will buy hot pockets? Ha! Just seems sort of insulting to those who can't afford that in their daily life. May as well make a lobster flavored hot pocket.

Well, with that I'll leave you with the most impressionable commentary on Hot Pockets that could ever exist. 

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