Donating Organs

Donating Organs

Right around this time of year it's all about giving your heart to someone... No, I'm not talking about Valentines day. Though that does sound like a pretty nice thing to do, right? I mean, have a heart.. literally, right? Yeah, I know. I'm sure that you gave in excess during the holidays as well as this whole recent Haiti shake up, I'm pretty sure you're all tapped out on giving, but don't be discouraged. Why don't you just try a bit more and be a little more giving with something more personal.. your organs. How about becoming an organ donor?

I'm telling you to cut out your organs right now. not at all, you need them with all the drinking you must have done during this time of year dealing with your in-laws and what not. But it wouldn't hurt you to put one of those stickers on your drivers license that shows that you'll give someone else your organs if, heaven forbid, something terribly bad happens to you.



Then again, you could always show your family you really care about their financial well being and not donate them, but arrange to have them sold on the black market. And if you plan on being cremated, why add more fuel to the fire? Just have your organs taken out and distributed before you're lit up. Even if that sounds like a really socialist thing to do, it's a nice gesture.

I suppose an even nicer gesture would be allowing people to have sex with your corpse. Wait, what? That was out of left field. But it does bring up a good question. I once had a long conversation with some really strange fella while waiting for the Gold line in downtown about this at a really late hour. Needless to say I was a little creeped out by the whole situation.



It id bring up some good points. Why would I care what some sick fuck did to my corpse. I'm dead, I no longer care what happens to me. Dead is dead. I have to say I don't share the fear of someone having some fun with my body after I'm gone. I would be fine with people fucking my dead body as much as they want as long as they took it out to dinner and a movie first. That would be an interesting sight for everyone else. It'll be like Weekend at Bernie's.

I guess the only problem would be that I'm not sure that people are allowed to have sex with state evidence. I mean, when I go out, I'm going out in style... In all truths the crazy public transportation dude had nothing to fear. You see that having sex with a dead body is not technically a crime in most states, but thanks to our fine government in Sacramento, it is illegal in California.



A little fun fact for you. In Alaska having sex with a dead body is the legal equivalent of a DUI, and probably more common.. But I have to say that's one frigid bitch.. am I right, boys?! Ha.. okay, But still, that's actually more strict than most states which have no laws at all except for the occasional local law from the 1640's that has the same legal weight as a ban on horses wearing diapers to ensure that the street sweeper's guild had something to do.

I keep hearing people not wanting to be an organ donor because they think that if the first responders see that you're an organ donor, they might not be inclined to save your life. They'll consider you a harvesting hot spot for a lot of other people's lives to be saved. I tend to disagree. It's not like they search your wallet first when showing up to the scene of the medical aid. At least I hope not.



So this coming Valentines day, perhaps you will also decide that you want to not only keep the option open of giving your heart to someone you care about.. but also to some total stranger you don't know.

You Know Who Gets My Goat?

You Know Who Gets My Goat?

Last year I took the time to give.. and give I did. In the form of unleashing bees on the poor souls of some backwards ass country that was highlighted on 24. It was my way to say FUCK YOU to poverty and to stamp out hunger... in the form giving unleashing the wrath of bees on the less fortunate through the Heifer International foundation. You buy an animal and they send it to the family so that they can support themselves on what it provides. Pick yourself up by your own bootstraps type of program.

I looked at it this way, I was paying $30 to help a family increase their crop yields and earn extra income through the magic of pollination. In reality I was paying $30 to prank the fuck out of some poor people by foisting a swarm of angry bees on them. It was a win/win situation if I ever saw one. To think, for only 0.08 cents a day, I was able to instill the fear of bees onto a child who already had enough to worry about.



I made the donation and slept a little easier that night. Mainly because I didn't have a box full of bees coming my way. Over the past year I received monthly magazines of WORLD ARK constantly hoping to hear that my bees unleashed uncountable amounts of horrors on their new owners. No luck.

Here we are again in the middle of the Christmas season and much like the idea of recycling is appealing in April, the idea of being charitable is on everyones mind. Namely Heifer International as I received an order form as to what sort of animal I want dump on a family this year.



The thought process was long and took some time. Last year I gave them bees. I can't give that again. Not only was it ineffective in instilling the fear of whatever coke bottle they call God, but you can't follow up bees with more bees. One must follow proper gift giving manners. Let's take a look at the other options as to what to give.

Llama - Llame. Whens the last time a llama even made the news.
Water Buffalo - This would only lead them to cutting off their wings and really, Africa is not ready for a Hooters any time soon.
Cow - After seeing how hamburgers create fatties here, I'd say it's a charity case to NOT give them one.
Flock of chicks - If it was a flock of seagulls, I'd gladly pay to send them to Africa.
Flock of ducks -Again, not seagulls.
Flock of geese - Since foire gras will be illegal in California, send them here before it's outlawed!
Trio of rabbits - I have this thing with rabbits. It's not Easter, it's Christmas. No rabbits!
Trees - Wait.. what? A tree as charity? Come on. I'm trying to give someone something that will help them. A tree seems so generic.
pig - It just doesn't seem like a good gift. It's like giving someone a meat log from the mall... only much less cooked.



So that rules out a lot of choices but leaves me wondering what exactly am I going to get these poor Africans. Then it hits me, if I can't unleash swarms of bees on people, I can at least play it off for a laugh and there we get the Goat. At the very least I can laugh with the witty remark that they're getting my goat.

Add in that Goats are wacky animals. They eat all kinds of shit that is just left around. Put anything in front of a goat and turn around for a minute. Bet you that when you look again that goat will be chewing on it. I once saw a goat eat a soda can only later to be milked. I'm not sure about you, but I don't want any added iron in my frosted flakes, thank you kindly.



In all truths, it's nice to help out some random strangers around the world who are willing to work for themselves but just need a little push. Bees may sound like a scary thing to you or I, but to them it could provide a quality of life that is not only filled with bee stings, but is now one where they can exchange and sell Honey. Goats, while eating everything in sight, can help maintain a field and provide milk and cheese products that can be sold at the market. In a world where most charities have very little of the money actually going towards the cause, it's nice to know that your money is being used wisely... in this case, used to actually get a family your donation.

On a final note, the charity mentioned in Mondays blog that put people in the torture position of playing Desert Bus gets some attention from one of the creators of the damned unreleased game as Penn speaks out on the matter.
CLICK HERE FOR VIDEO
Enjoy that extra insight on it.