Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Donating Organs

Donating Organs

Right around this time of year it's all about giving your heart to someone... No, I'm not talking about Valentines day. Though that does sound like a pretty nice thing to do, right? I mean, have a heart.. literally, right? Yeah, I know. I'm sure that you gave in excess during the holidays as well as this whole recent Haiti shake up, I'm pretty sure you're all tapped out on giving, but don't be discouraged. Why don't you just try a bit more and be a little more giving with something more personal.. your organs. How about becoming an organ donor?

I'm telling you to cut out your organs right now. not at all, you need them with all the drinking you must have done during this time of year dealing with your in-laws and what not. But it wouldn't hurt you to put one of those stickers on your drivers license that shows that you'll give someone else your organs if, heaven forbid, something terribly bad happens to you.

Then again, you could always show your family you really care about their financial well being and not donate them, but arrange to have them sold on the black market. And if you plan on being cremated, why add more fuel to the fire? Just have your organs taken out and distributed before you're lit up. Even if that sounds like a really socialist thing to do, it's a nice gesture.

I suppose an even nicer gesture would be allowing people to have sex with your corpse. Wait, what? That was out of left field. But it does bring up a good question. I once had a long conversation with some really strange fella while waiting for the Gold line in downtown about this at a really late hour. Needless to say I was a little creeped out by the whole situation.

It id bring up some good points. Why would I care what some sick fuck did to my corpse. I'm dead, I no longer care what happens to me. Dead is dead. I have to say I don't share the fear of someone having some fun with my body after I'm gone. I would be fine with people fucking my dead body as much as they want as long as they took it out to dinner and a movie first. That would be an interesting sight for everyone else. It'll be like Weekend at Bernie's.

I guess the only problem would be that I'm not sure that people are allowed to have sex with state evidence. I mean, when I go out, I'm going out in style... In all truths the crazy public transportation dude had nothing to fear. You see that having sex with a dead body is not technically a crime in most states, but thanks to our fine government in Sacramento, it is illegal in California.

A little fun fact for you. In Alaska having sex with a dead body is the legal equivalent of a DUI, and probably more common.. But I have to say that's one frigid bitch.. am I right, boys?! Ha.. okay, But still, that's actually more strict than most states which have no laws at all except for the occasional local law from the 1640's that has the same legal weight as a ban on horses wearing diapers to ensure that the street sweeper's guild had something to do.

I keep hearing people not wanting to be an organ donor because they think that if the first responders see that you're an organ donor, they might not be inclined to save your life. They'll consider you a harvesting hot spot for a lot of other people's lives to be saved. I tend to disagree. It's not like they search your wallet first when showing up to the scene of the medical aid. At least I hope not.

So this coming Valentines day, perhaps you will also decide that you want to not only keep the option open of giving your heart to someone you care about.. but also to some total stranger you don't know.

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