Calling Your Cable Provider

Calling Your Cable Provider

At the moment there is at least 3 million New Yorkers are without Fox programming because of a dispute with cable company Cablevision and Fox. While normally that would probably be a good thing to not have Fox news, the problem is that Fox News is still on the air there while the network's other stations are not.

This means that baseball playoffs and football games are being missed by those in the area. Which is comedy since the Yankees are currently playing (if you could call it that) and most New Yorkers can't watch the game.

Oh yeah, I guess they're potentially going to miss Glee next week when they do their take on the Rocky Horror Picture Show. And after day 5, things are still at a stalemate with the two as no one wants to do anything but talk.

But in the public space and in Washington, the spat created a storm, with more and more politicians weighing in. Sen. John Kerry (D-Mass.) today sent FCC chairman Julius Genachowski a copy of legislation he is drafting, which would mandate that retrans disputes be taken to a third party arbitrator and would put enough safe guards to prevent network blackouts in such disputes. In turn, Genachowski today issued his most sternly-worded statement on the issue yet, in which he said he called the CEOs of the two companies and urged them to negotiate in good faith and reach a deal, though he stopped short of getting the FCC to intervene as some have asked. "I am deeply troubled that Cablevision and Fox are spending more time attacking each other through ads and lobbyists than sitting down at the negotiating table," Genachowski said. "The time for petty gamesmanship is over."

It was classic that Fox and Cablevision respected Julius Genachowski's position enough to wait a good ten minutes before making statements accusing each other of hypocrisy and flip-flopping on the matter.

So who's at fault here? Fox claims that Cablevision hasn't paid them enough dough. Cablevision claims that Fox is asking for too much money. The Dolan family (who own Cablevision) are well known to be assholes. News Corp, besides providing my pay check, are assholes themselves and have pulled the same move with Dish Network. So in a sense, both companies are to blame and there's not much you can do about it.

It's getting heated though. Anyone who reads Deadline Hollywood's take on the matter will learn that Cablevision broadband subscribers Internet access to Fox programming on Hulu and Fox.com is also being blocked by Cablevision. So they're limiting what your options are and giving Fox the finger here.

Best of all is that in 2 weeks, this same scenario is what is going to happen with Dish subscribers, some of whom have already had a good chunk of programing cut from their package.

But much like in an episode of Battlestar Galactica, all this has happened before, all this will happen again. It did last year between Bright House and Fox. In the end, I believe it was Bright House who caved on the matter, so Fox is just going for the throat on this one and working its way around each of the providers when their renegotiation times comes around.

Eventually I see Fox winning and it's not because that's my bread and butter, but the simple fact is that people have options and they'll more than likely leave a cable company that doesn't provide them with all that they need or want. The provider just pays the amount and raises the subscriber rates to pay for the cost. It's your classic shake down.

So hang in there, New Yorkers. You'll be able to see your precious expensive Yankees lose to the Texas Rangers soon enough.

Back To The Groove Of Things

Back To The Groove Of Things

By now you should not be saying Happy New Year to anyone as it's already reaching the double digits in days, thus it's far into the New Year that you should be more comfortable with it. I would suggest that you NOT have issues writing the correct year on your checks, but that would imply the you still use checks. I mean, we're in the 21st century, people. Why are you still messing with checks?

As a native Angeleno, one understands the ebbs and the flows of the city. You get to enjoy the the city during those times of the year where the streets are a little bit emptier, the stores are a little less packed and and the crowds around you are a little less dense. I challenge you to this little bit of observation. For those of you who did stay in L.A. through the winter festivities, compare it to the foot traffic of this MLK day. You'll be surprised that while both are work holidays, that the crowds are still huge all over the place during MLK compared to the days only two weeks ago.



Why is that? Well, the transplants go away for a short time. Every year during the holidays all those transplants are gone. Let's be honest, they ruin this great city. So while they go back to their families in the Midwest and back to their land of "culture" on the East Coast or perhaps get away from the cold weather entirely by going South, we get to enjoy the city.

It's those same people that hate on Los Angeles so much and call this place fake that have this pre-conceived notion that they came here with about the city that makes it a self fulfilling prophecy. It's actually pretty ironic and it's a stereotype that they perpetuated themselves about the city. These very same people who wouldn't dare venture into Downtown L.A. because they still think it's a giant scary place and skid row will kill you. Where as I just went to Art Walk the other day and enjoyed the night time streets of downtown without fear.



But with these nay sayers going back to where they came from and allowing us Angelenos a quick breath of relief before the new year arrives, it does make me sort of sad that not all national holidays are like that... or for that matter, that we're so cluttered with these shit talkers who don't even like L.A. for the most part. They're the ones messing up the city the moment they arrive.

Now I'm not going to lump them ALL together. There's plenty of people who come to L.A. without this automatic hate for the city and embrace it for all that it is. I welcome those folks with open arms and gladly tell them that not everyone in L.A. is one of those transplant folks who just are self hating.



There's no absolute, even in my broad generalization. It's those good imported folk that bring a lot to the melting pot of L.A. Be it food, culture (something I really hate people assume we have none of) or just whatever they do have to offer. Those good ones deserve our respect, as they put into the city in order to get something back.

It's the same people who are from the East Coast and after a good ten years still call it "Out here" Nothing annoys me more than that. We're not "OUT HERE", We're simply "HERE"! God damn how that East Coast, and mainly New Yorker mentality annoys me. Either we have no culture (when's the last time an average New Yorker went to a museum or theater performance), we have no good food (Fuck you, we have excellent food), we got no public transportation (Car culture and well... proud of it). No good Pizza (sorry, but there's better pizza than in New York elsewhere) and various other complaints launched against this fine city and I'm really bothered that it's talked up so much.



While I never spent Christmas in the North East, I can't say I ever wanted to. Sure, Los Angeles isn't getting snowed on, at least not since 1922 when it did snow in Downtown L.A., but does that really make it Christmas? Maybe not a white Christmas, but then again, that's just strictly an American, New England/Midwest thing because 90% of the populated world doesn't have snow on Christmas. But everyone in L.A who is from elsewhere always gets down on L.A. for having the only indication of the Christmas holidays be the lights on the houses.

What a garish display of secularism. Not to mention that from those who have lights, at least 30-40% of them are Jewish. They certainly don't piss all over you in Rio De Janiero or Montevideo or Fiji for not having snow. Hell, Philly seldom ever gets snow on Christmas. It's just fucking cold and good luck with the snow shovel when it comes time to get anywhere. Besides that, you know what is really great? Going from the Beach to the snow covered mountains in a day and then coming back home to a warm bed at night. Yeah, I didn't think that you could do that as easily on the East Coast. Suck it.. beeeeyatch!



So if you will, take the time on MLK to just realize how you miss the emptiness of the city during the winter break as with Christmas, Valentines day and your birthday, only comes around once a year.

100 Things Tyler Durden Would Do As A Waiter

100 Things Tyler Durden Would Do As A Waiter

I love fight Club. I really do. It was a great film and it's almost going to be 10 years old. Pretty fucking crazy, right? Well then. The New York Times posted a list of the 100 things, that as a boss, you shouldn't let the scum workers do. So here's the 100 things the aristocracy doesn't want the serfs who work front of house to do:

Herewith is a modest list of dos and don’ts for servers at the seafood restaurant I am building. Veteran waiters, moonlighting actresses, libertarians and baristas will no doubt protest some or most of what follows. They will claim it homogenizes them or stifles their true nature. And yet, if 100 different actors play Hamlet, hitting all the same marks, reciting all the same lines, cannot each one bring something unique to that role?

1. Do not let anyone enter the restaurant without a warm greeting.

2. Do not make a singleton feel bad. Do not say, “Are you waiting for someone?” Ask for a reservation. Ask if he or she would like to sit at the bar.

3. Never refuse to seat three guests because a fourth has not yet arrived.

4. If a table is not ready within a reasonable length of time, offer a free drink and/or amuse-bouche. The guests may be tired and hungry and thirsty, and they did everything right.

5. Tables should be level without anyone asking. Fix it before guests are seated.

6. Do not lead the witness with, “Bottled water or just tap?” Both are fine. Remain neutral.

7. Do not announce your name. No jokes, no flirting, no cuteness.

8. Do not interrupt a conversation. For any reason. Especially not to recite specials. Wait for the right moment.

9. Do not recite the specials too fast or robotically or dramatically. It is not a soliloquy. This is not an audition.

10. Do not inject your personal favorites when explaining the specials.

11. Do not hustle the lobsters. That is, do not say, “We only have two lobsters left.” Even if there are only two lobsters left.

12. Do not touch the rim of a water glass. Or any other glass.

13. Handle wine glasses by their stems and silverware by the handles.

14. When you ask, “How’s everything?” or “How was the meal?” listen to the answer and fix whatever is not right.

15. Never say “I don’t know” to any question without following with, “I’ll find out.”

16. If someone requests more sauce or gravy or cheese, bring a side dish of same. No pouring. Let them help themselves.

17. Do not take an empty plate from one guest while others are still eating the same course. Wait, wait, wait.

18. Know before approaching a table who has ordered what. Do not ask, “Who’s having the shrimp?”

19. Offer guests butter and/or olive oil with their bread.

20. Never refuse to substitute one vegetable for another.

21. Never serve anything that looks creepy or runny or wrong.

22. If someone is unsure about a wine choice, help him. That might mean sending someone else to the table or offering a taste or two.

23. If someone likes a wine, steam the label off the bottle and give it to the guest with the bill. It has the year, the vintner, the importer, etc.

24. Never use the same glass for a second drink.

25. Make sure the glasses are clean. Inspect them before placing them on the table.

26. Never assume people want their white wine in an ice bucket. Inquire.

27. For red wine, ask if the guests want to pour their own or prefer the waiter to pour.

28. Do not put your hands all over the spout of a wine bottle while removing the cork.

29. Do not pop a champagne cork. Remove it quietly, gracefully. The less noise the better.

30. Never let the wine bottle touch the glass into which you are pouring. No one wants to drink the dust or dirt from the bottle.

31. Never remove a plate full of food without asking what went wrong. Obviously, something went wrong.

32. Never touch a customer. No excuses. Do not do it. Do not brush them, move them, wipe them or dust them.

33. Do not bang into chairs or tables when passing by.

34. Do not have a personal conversation with another server within earshot of customers.

35. Do not eat or drink in plain view of guests.

36. Never reek from perfume or cigarettes. People want to smell the food and beverage.

37. Do not drink alcohol on the job, even if invited by the guests. “Not when I’m on duty” will suffice.

38.Do not call a guy a “dude.”

39. Do not call a woman “lady.”

40. Never say, “Good choice,” implying that other choices are bad.

41. Saying, “No problem” is a problem. It has a tone of insincerity or sarcasm. “My pleasure” or “You’re welcome” will do.

42. Do not compliment a guest’s attire or hairdo or makeup. You are insulting someone else.

43. Never mention what your favorite dessert is. It’s irrelevant.

44. Do not discuss your own eating habits, be you vegan or lactose intolerant or diabetic.

45. Do not curse, no matter how young or hip the guests.

46. Never acknowledge any one guest over and above any other. All guests are equal.

47. Do not gossip about co-workers or guests within earshot of guests.

48. Do not ask what someone is eating or drinking when they ask for more; remember or consult the order.

49. Never mention the tip, unless asked.

50. Do not turn on the charm when it’s tip time. Be consistent throughout.

51. If there is a service charge, alert your guests when you present the bill. It’s not a secret or a trick.

52. Know your menu inside and out. If you serve Balsam Farm candy-striped beets, know something about Balsam Farm and candy-striped beets.

53. Do not let guests double-order unintentionally; remind the guest who orders ratatouille that zucchini comes with the entree.

54. If there is a prix fixe, let guests know about it. Do not force anyone to ask for the “special” menu.

55. Do not serve an amuse-bouche without detailing the ingredients. Allergies are a serious matter; peanut oil can kill. (This would also be a good time to ask if anyone has any allergies.)

56. Do not ignore a table because it is not your table. Stop, look, listen, lend a hand. (Whether tips are pooled or not.)

57. Bring the pepper mill with the appetizer. Do not make people wait or beg for a condiment.

58. Do not bring judgment with the ketchup. Or mustard. Or hot sauce. Or whatever condiment is requested.

59. Do not leave place settings that are not being used.

60. Bring all the appetizers at the same time, or do not bring the appetizers. Same with entrees and desserts.

61. Do not stand behind someone who is ordering. Make eye contact. Thank him or her.

62. Do not fill the water glass every two minutes, or after each sip. You’ll make people nervous.

62(a). Do not let a glass sit empty for too long.

63. Never blame the chef or the busboy or the hostess or the weather for anything that goes wrong. Just make it right.

64. Specials, spoken and printed, should always have prices.

65. Always remove used silverware and replace it with new.

66. Do not return to the guest anything that falls on the floor — be it napkin, spoon, menu or soy sauce.

67. Never stack the plates on the table. They make a racket. Shhhhhh.

68. Do not reach across one guest to serve another.

69. If a guest is having trouble making a decision, help out. If someone wants to know your life story, keep it short. If someone wants to meet the chef, make an effort.

70. Never deliver a hot plate without warning the guest. And never ask a guest to pass along that hot plate.

71. Do not race around the dining room as if there is a fire in the kitchen or a medical emergency. (Unless there is a fire in the kitchen or a medical emergency.)

72. Do not serve salad on a freezing cold plate; it usually advertises the fact that it has not been freshly prepared.

73. Do not bring soup without a spoon. Few things are more frustrating than a bowl of hot soup with no spoon.

74. Let the guests know the restaurant is out of something before the guests read the menu and order the missing dish.

75. Do not ask if someone is finished when others are still eating that course.

76. Do not ask if a guest is finished the very second the guest is finished. Let guests digest, savor, reflect.

77. Do not disappear.

78. Do not ask, “Are you still working on that?” Dining is not work — until questions like this are asked.

79. When someone orders a drink “straight up,” determine if he wants it “neat” — right out of the bottle — or chilled. Up is up, but “straight up” is debatable.

80. Never insist that a guest settle up at the bar before sitting down; transfer the tab.

81. Know what the bar has in stock before each meal.

82. If you drip or spill something, clean it up, replace it, offer to pay for whatever damage you may have caused. Refrain from touching the wet spots on the guest.

83. Ask if your guest wants his coffee with dessert or after. Same with an after-dinner drink.

84. Do not refill a coffee cup compulsively. Ask if the guest desires a refill.

84(a). Do not let an empty coffee cup sit too long before asking if a refill is desired.

85. Never bring a check until someone asks for it. Then give it to the person who asked for it.

86. If a few people signal for the check, find a neutral place on the table to leave it.

87. Do not stop your excellent service after the check is presented or paid.

88. Do not ask if a guest needs change. Just bring the change.

89. Never patronize a guest who has a complaint or suggestion; listen, take it seriously, address it.

90. If someone is getting agitated or effusive on a cellphone, politely suggest he keep it down or move away from other guests.

91. If someone complains about the music, do something about it, without upsetting the ambiance. (The music is not for the staff — it’s for the customers.)

92. Never play a radio station with commercials or news or talking of any kind.

93. Do not play brass — no brassy Broadway songs, brass bands, marching bands, or big bands that feature brass, except a muted flugelhorn.

94. Do not play an entire CD of any artist. If someone doesn’t like Frightened Rabbit or Michael Bublé, you have just ruined a meal.

95. Never hover long enough to make people feel they are being watched or hurried, especially when they are figuring out the tip or signing for the check.

96. Do not say anything after a tip — be it good, bad, indifferent — except, “Thank you very much.”

97. If a guest goes gaga over a particular dish, get the recipe for him or her.

98. Do not wear too much makeup or jewelry. You know you have too much jewelry when it jingles and/or draws comments.

99. Do not show frustration. Your only mission is to serve. Be patient. It is not easy.

100. Guests, like servers, come in all packages. Show a “good table” your appreciation with a free glass of port, a plate of biscotti or something else management approves.

Bonus Track: As Bill Gates has said, “Your most unhappy customers are your greatest source of learning.” (Of course, Microsoft is one of the most litigious companies in history, so one can take Mr. Gates’s counsel with a grain of salt. Gray sea salt is a nice addition to any table.)

I might have missed it but I didn't notice anything about not peeing in the soup. I do like the whole "don't ever tell anyone your name" thing. It's good. It helps create an even playing field where all worker drones are identical.

Oh. I'm a comedy website. I suppose you were expecting me to rip into the suggestions with my witty remarks. In truth, it's good advice. It's just very douchy in how the list is carried out. Thought it was an interesting, if not comical read of what the waiters are expected to do in places like New York. The land of culture.

Besides, maybe this will give you a better insight on why those wait staff deserve that 18-20% tip that you're so fucking scourge about in giving.

It's 9/11, Did You Forget?

It's 9/11, Did You Forget?

Today is 9/11, I hope you didn't forget. It would be really awkward if you actually forgot. I know everyone keeps telling you to Nevar Forget, but sometimes stuff slips your mind, you know. Like that one time when I was at the market and I totally forgot the ice cream and only picked up the Old Rasputin beer. Only when I got home and realized I didn't get the ice cream that I realized I couldn't actually make those bitchin' beer floats that I really wanted. Fuck man. That sucked.

But seriously, you shouldn't forget this date. And really, I wonder how long it will take before people start to really be able to honestly say they forgot what day it is. Perhaps 15 years? I dunno. It's just really going to be so awkward when I'm old and can't remember much sitting in the retirement home, while the social worker is cleaning up my drool she ask me if I remember what day it is and I can't remember. I'm going to feel like such a jack ass.



Oh wait, what am I talking about, I'll be dead long before I go into a retirement home. Ha! Besides, there's not going to be any social security to cover the cost of me living. Everyone knows that Obama's death panels will kill me off. Anyhow, where was I, I forgot. Oh yeah, 9/11. Now I remember what happed on that date-

September 11, 1973 - A CIA backed coup in Chile headed by General Augusto Pinochet topples the democratically elected President Salvador Allende. Pinochet remains in power for almost 17 years. Oh wait.. not that 9/11? Hmm, let me think. Oh yeah. 9/11... It's the day Sorority Row gets released. This is going tobe worst 9/11 EVER!

Can't forget 9/11/85: Pete Rose breaks Ty Cobb's base hit record.



How dare I not take this as serious as Gleen Beck or Bill O'Reily suggest you take it. This literally is the greatest, most traumatizing tragedy face by people ever in history. Especially those people in the states hundreds or thousands of miles away from ground zero.

The holocaust, Darfur, Rewanda, Nanking, Trail of tears? All these and more are as insignificant as a peanut compared to how America lost its innocence on 9/11. Republic of Cong? Apartheid? What about those? NOTHING! Not a god damn thing next to NINE ELEVEN!



Shock and Awe: 6,000 casualties.
9/11: 3,000 casualties.
Winner: 9/11

I'm never forgetting so hard that every day is 9/11. Sign me up for the armed services, yo. Cause I wanna say "Let's roll" and be a true American. You didn't join the armed services the moment the towers fell? What the fuck kind of pussy are you? Don't worry, it's all good, homie. We can chill and roast 9/11 marshmallows some time.



I'm going to recognize 9/11 by leaving the TV on, so I can soak in all the various non-stop montages of footage of the towers falling and people crying and where-are-they-now interviews where MSNBC asks people whose family/friends died to try their very hardest to remember how they were feeling on the day because that kind of devotion to remembering that a terrorist attack happened is exactly why terrorist attack things in the first place.



I don't know about you, but it's barely 9am and I'm already tired of the news asking us the same question year after year. "WHAT HAVE WE LEARNED ON THIS HISTORIC DAY, ONLY 8 YEARS AFTER TERRORISTS FLEW PLANES INTO THE WORLD TRADE CENTER, IN THIS POST 9/11 WORLD!!"

Seriously, the question is old and boring. What did I learn? America is a pretty fucked up country and we'll gladly piss on another nation with the defense that "The End Justifies The Means". And I guarantee you that by mid-day, conservatives will be up in arms that Obama isn't being reverent enough. Even if he spends the entirety of the 24 hours in silent prayer contemplating the lives lost, they'll claim that since he was praying to Allah it didn't count.



Is it not weird that people remember the exact date of the WTC attacks but not any other historical event? It's only been 8 years, but can we just get this to be a national holiday already? Yeah, it's a little bit too close to Labor day, but this way we could just have back to back three day weekends. I mean, it's only fitting to have the end of summer be at the same time that we had the end of our freedom.

Oh no! That is horribly insensitive of me, isn't it? What about the families of the people who died, huh? HUH!? I must say that I feel terribly sorry for anyone who lost anyone they cared about on 9/11. I wont lie about that. It was really a tragic day in the history of our nation. There's no mistaking that. I'll be honest with you, I mock the way we handle 9/11 as a reaction to how the far right used the tragedy of the day to push their agenda.



If you're disgusted by the pictures I post in this blog and aren't disgusted by the way that the Bush administration used the "loss of our Innocence" as a nation to send us to war with a country that didn't have anything to do with the terror attack, then well, I can't help you. If you can say you're ok with the rights an excess of power that we gave up, all in the name of safety, but are angered by the use of a silly photoshop image here? Well then what the hell is wrong with you?

Are we better off today than we were before 9/11? That's the question asked by the media all the time. What is life like in this Post-9/11 world? Well, we're losing soldiers in a war that was not needed. So far here's the count.

9/11 casualties: 2,974
Iraq War causalities: 1,339,711

Seems like a lot of energy and life wasted on a place that didn't send men to our country, get them enrolled in our flght schools and then carried out acts of terrorism... and did it successfully. Wouldn't the best way to deal with the act of terrorism to not let tme be successful be not letting their acts be disruptive to your daily life?



Not letting their actions change the laws allowing less freedom and more government control/hand in your business. Not tarnishing your ability to get on a plane. Hell, I was put on a terrorist watch list simply because my name is Javier. Way to not look at race, creed or sex in your equality cause. Yup. Had to go through the extra long security because my name sounded non-white.

All in the name of keeping us safe did we sacrifice just about everything that we were built on as a nation. And what was the first thing that our glorious leader at the time said that we should do after the attacks? Go shopping. Yes, because I want to go get a new Ikea sofa at a time like this. How about some duct tape.. You know, that magical security device that will keep me safe from a terror attack of the gas type. Might as well get under a desk during a nuclear war.



How about all the songs we couldn't hear after 9/11? It seems that the first American right that we saw go was the ability to hear music on the radio. Did you forget about that? Awwww, awwwkward. Here's a list of all the songs that were deemed inappropriate for air play on 9/12 and for a while after. HUGE ASS LIST CLICK HERE!

Again, the list is huge and just goes to show you how much of a pussy nation we are if some of these songs offend our sensibilities enough that we had to have clear channel ban them from being played.

Van Halen - Jump
Simon & Garfunkel - Bridge over troubled water
Santana - Evil Ways
R.E.M. - It's the end of the world as we know it
RHCP - Aeroplane, Under the bridge
Queen- Another one bites the dust
Queen- killer queen
ALL RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE SONGS. Pink Floyd - Mother. NIN - Head like a hole. Nena - 99 Luftballons.
Frank Sinatra - New York, New York

What.The.Fuck. How can you not allow New York, New York to be played? I know we were just attacked at the time, but to deny New Yorkers the ability to hear Frank Sinatra should be a war crime in itself. But the one that sticks out the most. The one that I can tell that the terrorist really won is that Clear Channel had this song remove from air play during those tough times

Louis Armstrong "What a Wonderful World"

You have got to kidding me about that. If there was a song that ever should be played during the tough times when people are still looking for missing loved ones, when our nation is looking around to see who exactly attacked us and find answers, it's that one.



I don't hate America. I didn't approve of the attacks. What I do hate is the way we handled this whole situation. The way that we just otherwise jumped to the conclusion that everything we are doing is actually the correct course of action. This stubborn idea just causes me to be confused on if there's any sort of logic or reason going on behind our actions.

Look at the news piece of this very morning

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- The U.S. Coast Guard tried Friday to prevent a boat from entering a security zone on the Potomac River not far from the Pentagon, where President Obama was at an event commemorating the September 11 attacks.

There were reports on police scanners that the Coast Guard fired 10 rounds of ammunition, but those reports could not immediately be confirmed. It was not immediately clear from the reports whether they referred to warning shots.

It ended up being some sort of training exercise. Now tell me this, who the hell would schedule a training exercise with live fire on the morning of 9/11 near the area of a place that was attacked and would have a lot of media coverage? I know this whole blog post has been about not stopping the world because of 9/11, but still, you don't need to recreate the entire scenario picture for picture in order to get an idea on how to combat it.



Remember how much shit was caused when they flew that Obama plane pretty close to the skyline of New York for pictures? Ha. That caused a lot of uproar. Not the same uproar that the Moonanites caused Boston, but still, similar to that style of chaos.

If one did want to look at the glass half full, they could easily look at the fact that today is the best day of the year to go into a tall building or fly on an airplane. For the most part, any building is going to be pretty empty. They feel like lightning strikes in the same place twice for odd reasons. And let me tell you, airplane tickets are rock bottom cheap cheap cheap! So there's those silver linings to all this mass hysteria behind this day.



When it all comes down to it, that's the only reason why I try to find humor in this. Because if I didn't laugh, I don't think I could face how far we have fallen as a nation and as human beings. How much of a drastic turn we took in how we act towards others and our place in the world. Literally, our place as a super power really did change and I believe that we abused the hell out of that power crying fowl over being attacked and we spat venom at just about any and everyone that was in our way.

The worse part is I can't keep straight the fucking justification for going to war after 9/11. At first it was because we were attacked and assumed it was Saddam. I can still remember Rush Limbaugh jumping on the radio on 9/11 blaming Saddam Hussein. The whole reason why the Americans still buy into that bullshit about Iraq having anything to do with it, is because of the spin factor that was presented. The tons and tons of misinformation.



Its a good thing twitter didn't exist in 2001. I wouldn't want to see the updates involved with that. I would assume it would otherwise destroy the internet altogether. I'm also sure it would still not be making any money even if it was created eight years ago. I suppose the final point I will try to make will be made by someone else. Someone with more gravitas..

David Cross said the following:

I don't think Osama bin Laden sent those planes to attack us because he hated our freedom. I think he did it because of our support for Israel, our ties with the Saudi family and our military bases in Saudi Arabia. You know why I think that? Because that's what he fucking said! Are we a nation of 6-year-olds? Answer: yes.

God damn, that Analrapist made a lot of sense. I suppose I can't even say "Happy 9/11 day" because we all know that we must all act brooding and sad on this day of eternal sadness. So.. have a day to remember the attacks that put us here in this position eight years later. But don't linger on it too long as that's the point of terrorism, to disrupt your daily life.

Pepsi Sucks - New Yorker Culture

Pepsi Sucks - New Yorker Culture

Whenever I meet someone from New York I always get the same thing. Us "Out Here" in Los Angeles have no culture. I always have to question why there's so much hate from New Yorkers about the west, and yet so many show up to the shores HERE. I don't know many folks from New York who've been to any of the many cultural spots in New York. Have season tickets to the opera? Nope. Been to a broadway show? Nope. Hell, been to a freak'n museum? Nah!

Ol' Vinny and Greedo would much rather go to Yankee stadium or down to Citi field for a Mets game. Careful about the weather, wouldn't want to have a tarp be put over the field to protect it from the rain. In actuality, there's very little amount of people enjoying that culture in a sea full of culture. Whenever I'm in need of reminding of this little fun fact all I have to do is turn on the news.

You see, Pepsi promised 250 Yankees tickets along with a chance to meet hall of famer, Goose Gossage on opening day for a historic opening game at the new Yankee Stadium.

Strike one, the location of the giveaway event was moved three blocks down causing a dangerous mad dash across Time Square.

Strike two, only 100 tickets were given out and they were for a game in June.
Strike three, the chance to get loose with the Goose was nothing more than a wave from the legendary Yankee relief pitcher from his limo!

So the fans went nuts.

Pepsi aint got no culture!

Yup.

I also like how the person they interview said pepsi just did this to promote their product. Oh wow really? You don't say. I wouldn't have guessed that as this is a PROMOTION. It's not like Pepsi hasn't had bad promotions in the past. Anyone remember the harrier fiasco from 15 years back? At least they made a more reasonable claim this time and offered a good amount of tickets.


But I wanna HANG LOOSE WITH DAH GOOSE

This brings a new question to mind, So what do they serve at the new stadium? Coke or Pepsi? Oh yes. It's Pepsi. Whoooops! Guess you'll just have to load up on beer when you're in the stadium. No worries there, right?

As a Dodger fan, who once called New York their home, I'm glad that Pepsi is screwing with New Yorkers. It's another reason to buy their sodas. Not that I drink much soda any way. But shit, if they're pissing off Yankee fans, then they're good in my book.

Shit. Even for a city that brags about their culture, did you know that when the Dodgers first moved to Los Angeles, their first game here drew in a larger crowd than they were getting in their entire last season in New York. Yeah, and New Yorkers claim that it was the last great game when they were in Brooklyn. Riiiiiiiiiight.

I'm sure it's partially because they are all sports fans in the video, but I'm always surprised how many stupid douchebags they've managed to cram into New York City. Next time realize that all the culture in the world can't change the fact that the place is still a urine soaked hell hole. Great to visit but you wont see me living there. Not even all the lox and bagels can get me to stay for more than two weeks.

Here's to Pepsi. May you screw over more Yankee fans regularly please.

A Picture That Needs 1000 Words: V Tea Baggers

A Picture That Needs 1000 Words: V - Tea Baggers

We're about two weeks after taxes were due. I hope that you're not still in line at the post office or even worse, taking off your shoes to count how much you owe the state. Believe you me, they're going to try to get it. As for giving the returns back... Yeah, the check's in the mail, so to speak. But for all you folks who went teabagging, here's a single picture speaking a 1000 words.



Oh wait, the only thing that picture is putting in your face is that people don't like taxes. In fact, some even want zero taxes. I guess that's pretty normal. Who likes paying for services that you may not partake in. But, much like an onion, this has layers and layers in it. The simple picture is worth 1000 words simply because it tells you a lot about it. This picture needs 1000 words that aren't written on poster board size paper.

Let's see where your taxes actually go to and how ironic this picture is to be protesting them in this context.



All those things around them are bought and paid for by the tax dollars you put in. It's sort of ironic, much like wearing a Che t-shirt to protest capitalism. That is unless you got the shirt for free or something.

I have a libertarian friend that will complain about taxes in the same sentence as complaining about how the roads need to be fixed. Maybe someone just handed them those signs as well but they all appear to be literate. A big thank you to the government for the publicly funded school systems.

Another one the picture fails to get across is that there is no poisonous food pointing in everyone's stomach. Thanks to the tax paid health inspectors and food standard boards. Nor any mention of the Medicare/Medicaid that has invariably kept everyone in that picture alive and healthy to some degree.

To add to another level of irony in all this, I can tell from the street sign of "no right on red" and the type of stoplight in traffic lights that this picture was taken on a NY state maintained road. Even funnier when you consider that NYC basically pays the bills for upstate NY as far as taxes-to-spending goes.